Secrets (31 page)

“
We have to tell him?
He has to have seen Angie at school, how could he not make sure Angie was okay? How could he ignore that he did this? I will kill him.”

“No. You’re going to have him come over here.”

“And you’re going to kill him?”

Scott smiled at her fierce tone. “No. Nobody’s going to kill him. We do, however, need to talk to them. Be the adults for them. I don’t suppose your parents would come?”

“My dad would.”

“Then I think we should do that.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“I know.”

“It’s kind of creepy my brother had sex with your niece and now we are. At least we’re twenty-six, not fifteen. Sean was a freshman. I mean what the hell is he doing that for? Obviously, he shouldn’t be.”

“No, they shouldn’t be. But it’s reality. Face it, make him learn something, like put a condom on.”

“What was Vanessa’s reaction?”

“Well, you can imagine. But remember she was pissed off at the entire situation in general.”

“How did you guess all this?”

He glanced her way. “I tend to pick up on things you don’t.”

She sighed. “What does that make me? Self-centered? Too narcissistic to notice?”

“No. Just don’t become a detective.”

She laughed, but it was a sad, hollow sound. She looked around, feeling completely lost. What was she supposed to feel about learning her little brother was a soon-to-be-father? It was disconcerting. Sarah glanced around at the car uncovered in the driveway. “What is it you do out here? You spend hours out here.”

“Do you want a detailed description? Or the general answer, restoring an old car.”

“You should quit your job and start your own business doing that. Lord knows you do it enough, why not get paid for it?”

“Thinking big for me again?” he asked mildly, his gaze brushing over her face.

“Thinking you’re very talented in a number of areas which you could profit off doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong. You don’t enjoy working at Stillers. I can’t help it. I always see things in terms of what they can do for you.”

“And you? Why don’t you design for money or hell, start a company organizing parties or what’s it called, events coordinating. You have knack for noticing those kinds of details.”

“Just not the important ones of life.”

“You’re getting better at it.”

“No. You tell me. And I don’t need to switch jobs, because I love mine. But you don’t, so you should.”

“Am I one of your projects now?”

“No. I just want you to be happy.”

Sarah started to get up, in need of privacy suddenly, to sort out this devastating news. It was shocking her brother was old enough for any kind of life, let alone to have made life-changing blunders already. She felt a heavy disappointment fill her chest, which she had already felt for Angie, but hearing it about her own brother, somehow felt worse. She started to turn and leave Scott to his car building, or whatever it was he did out there. She stopped when his hand wrapped around her elbow.

“I know you think you want to be alone right now. But you don’t.”

“Yes, actually I do. I’m not like you, I need time to myself. I need—”

“I know. I know you need to make sure no one sees you lose control of your feelings. So let’s just try this new thing of sharing it with me.” He pulled her into his arms in a comforting embrace. She pushed back at first but finally, when he did no more than hold her harder, she quit struggling and fell against him.

She pushed back from him when they heard the door slam and Vanessa came by them. Scott stiffened against her. Sarah wanted to step on his toe. Why did Vanessa have such an effect on him, and therefore them? Scott looked toward Vanessa as Vanessa walked toward her car.

“You want to deal with things together? Why? Am I your girlfriend? Am I? Am I even equal to what Vanessa is with you?” She glared up at him. He didn’t say anything. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Why do you keep pulling me toward you, get me there, then freeze up and push me away? You’ve run so hot and cold I don’t see why I should trust you with my feelings. It’s not easy for me to do in the first place, but you’re never consistent enough to trust. I’ll call my dad and my brother to come over here, we’ll meet with them, but further than that, I’m done discussing it.”

There was an excruciating meeting that evening. Sarah’s father had little reaction, as usual, over the surprising news his son was a father. Sean hung his head in misery, barely looking up to say three or four words. Angie sat as far from Sean as possible, her posture slouched, her hair falling over her face in her mode of protection. Vanessa was in her usual mood. Scott and Sarah avoided touching or looking at each other as they tried to talk. Sean shrugged about the whole thing as if they were discussing nothing more than a grade on a test. He admitted he had known the baby was probably his. At that Angie had looked up with daggers in her eyes. Sarah squeezed Angie’s hand.

Sean didn’t even have the gumption to care what the fate of the baby was.
Sure, adoption, whatever
. Sarah nearly bit her tongue off in frustration. What was wrong with Sean? Didn’t he care what he’d done to this girl? Made this girl go through? Deal with? But Sean seemed about as contrite as he’d be for breaking their window, not impregnating their daughter and niece.

Sarah’s father was a disappointment. He looked mildly surprised at Sean and Angie. He quickly agreed adoption was the best route, and that they wanted nothing to do with the baby. Sarah’s eyes had rounded in horror. Nothing to do with the baby? Their own flesh and blood, her parents were now grandparents. She was now an aunt. If she’d known sooner, maybe she’d be the one adopting Angie’s baby, not the Tylers. Sarah felt hurt and disappointed with her family on a level she hadn’t known was possible.

“What are you doing here?” her father asked her. She hadn’t given a thought how at home she seemed there now. How her coat hung on the coat rack, her shoes and purse by the front door, and her sketch book on the coffee table.

“I live here,” she said crisply. No further explanation, perhaps trying to shock him out of his apathy toward her, toward Sean, toward the Delanos. Scott shifted his eyes to her, probably trying to bore a hole through her head. She was sure Vanessa and Angie were more than confused. How could she explain the dynamics of her family? A family who went through random violence, and then never talked about it again? How did you explain a family whose mother and wife was slowly wasting away before their eyes, and who hadn’t left the house in nearly sixteen years? And they all, Sarah, Sean, her father enabled this to be so. Her dad had never been a talker, never much been interested in the daily goings on of his children, and Sarah suspected, he was far worse with Sean, because of the circumstances of Sean’s birth.

“Well, if you’re not at the apartment, why don’t you rent it out for extra income?”

Sarah froze. No, her dad hadn’t asked if she was serious about Scott. How and when she had moved. Nothing. He knew nothing, and wanted to know even less. He really wouldn’t want to know that Sarah was being stalked. He’d care as much as he didn’t care Sean had gotten a barely sixteen-year-old Angie pregnant. Denny Langston’s only comment was about how Sarah could make more money by renting out her apartment. Was it any wonder she was so good at business? Her family was nearly cold blooded.

“I don’t think I’ll be renting it out just yet.”

Her dad shrugged, and turned toward Scott. “Well, I guess we have this squared away for now. When you get the paperwork for the adoption, we’ll make sure it gets signed.”

Her dad turned to leave and Sean followed, hunching his slim, bony shoulders. He stood tall and lean, almost painfully skinny. Sean glanced at Angie, and Sarah saw a look of something, finally, something more than indifference. Kind of a sad, unsure look. Like two teens seeing each other across a crowd and too shy to engage each other. Only these two were parents together. It made Sarah feel nearly dizzy with the wrongness of it all.

Then they were gone, leaving the room in silence. Sarah stood at the door watching her dad’s tan Volvo pull out of the driveway. Her heart felt heavy. Sad and heavy.

She turned back toward the room. Vanessa was quiet for once. Angie looked once again embarrassed and withdrawn into herself.
Yeah, thanks family
. Scott was, well she wasn’t sure what he was. He was looking at her, but she couldn’t read his expression.

“And I thought you were a cold fish. Jesus, you spawned from snakes, didn’t you? You dodged a bullet with that one. Angie, you don’t want an ass like that in your life anyways.”

Sarah blinked. Was that Vanessa’s take on empathy for her daughter?

“Angie, are you okay? I’m sorry about Sean.”

Angie looked up at Sarah. “How come you’re not on his side? Why didn’t you go with him?”

“Do you want me to?” Sarah glanced at Scott, was that the consensus in the room? She should leave with her heartless family?

“No.”

“I’m sorry about my brother. He’s just as much to blame for this, and should have had to suffer as you have. I hope you know, most guys aren’t like this. Sean, well, Sean has kind of had it rough, and it’s left him not really knowing how to cope and be nice.”

“You mean because of your mom?” Angie asked.

Sarah faltered. “You know about my mom?”

“Yeah. He told me, you know, before. We were friends for a while, and then after we had sex he wouldn’t talk to me anymore. He thinks he isn’t really your dad’s. He knows that he’s a result of that awful stuff that happened to your mom.”

Sarah sat down heavily on the chair opposite the couch. Her knees suddenly felt rubbery.

“What stuff?” Vanessa asked, looking between Angie and Sarah.

“Sarah’s mom was that lady who disappeared and was raped, to be returned three days later to the parking lot, you know, like sixteen years ago. Remember that story? It’s the only one like it around here.”

Vanessa’s gaze widened and sharpened on Sarah. “I didn’t know.”

“And Sean thinks he was a result of that.”

Sarah sighed. “Sean’s most likely right. I didn’t know he had any idea.”

“Your family should try talking,” Vanessa said snidely. “You think I’m brash but at least my family knows where we stand about everything. No secrets. No lies. No fake bullshit for us.”

“I’m thinking we should try that,” Sarah mumbled. “Look, Angie, if you’re not comfortable with me anymore we can figure something else out.”

“I’m okay with you. I know you’re not like that. You’re always really cool to me. I suppose you’ve figured out I first tried to steal from you because of Sean.”

“Yes.”

Scott was uncharacteristically quiet. Sarah felt his lack of input, of opinion, of response to all this disturbing. What was he thinking? Where did he weigh in on all of this? Did he see her in her father and brother? Was he thinking about how to get her out of his house?

Sarah sat up straighter. Get her out? She should want to get out. They were not supposed to be living together, and her leaving wasn’t Scott kicking her out, but both of them getting back to their real lives.

If things had gone along normal lines, like she and Scott had dated for no other reason than they wanted to, with no stalker and no Angie involved, even then, three months into knowing each other she wouldn’t be this involved. She wouldn’t be feeling this much. She didn’t fall in love easily, and she absolutely did not fall in love fast. So this, whatever she felt, couldn’t be real. It couldn’t mean much.

Except for it did. And it scared her. Scott wanting her to leave, Scott going back to sleeping with other women made Sarah quiver inside with anger and disappointment.

Scott got up, addressing Vanessa about something with the water heater. He put a hand on Angie’s shoulder and kissed her cheek as he left the room. Sarah watched his back retreat. What was this? Earlier he was all about holding her and comforting her and not letting her go back to her solitary way of dealing with things. Yet now, when it had gotten so much worse, he had nothing to say? Not even a glance at her? A touch of her hand? Nothing.

Sarah went upstairs and flopped on the bed. Her head spun. How could her brother be so cold and distant? But then again, how could she expect Sean to be anything but that? Not after having been raised by her parents and knowing how he came to be. How much had that screwed with her brother’s head and emotions? Especially in a family where you’re not allowed to talk about anything? It’s not like Sean could go
Hey, Mom, Dad, do you love me even though I was the result of the worst day of your lives? Does that make me a monster too?

She needed to talk to her brother about what happened with Angie. Even if the baby was adopted, Sean had to acknowledge the baby was part of him.

Sarah turned on her side, suddenly terribly sad, and suddenly pretty sure her way of dealing with life, alone and quiet, and hiding her feelings was just how one ended up being her parents. Something she vowed not to be.

****

Sarah fell asleep. She woke up later and the room was dark. Scott was beside her spooned against her, his arm heavy around her, his body warm to her cool front. They were on the covers, both completely dressed. She had no idea what time it was, when Scott had come in, or how long they’d been cuddled like this.

“Your dad’s an ass, Sarah,” Scott spoke after a long moment. He must have sensed her waking up. She hadn’t been sure until then he was awake.

“I know. What he was like to Angie was horrible. She’s had so much lately, and then Sean and my dad just added another shovel of shit over her head.”

“Well, that too. But I meant to you.”

“Oh. Well, yes. He usually is. No, that’s not right. He’s just usually very abstract toward me. Like if we’re in the same room, I might be talking and he won’t look up from the paper or TV to listen to me.”

“No. What I witnessed was a father being completely uninterested in his daughter. He was an ass to you. You announce you’re living here, and he has no questions? No opinions? No, honey are you sure? What an ass. Most dads would have been in my face. He should have been.”