Secrets (5 page)

“Love you
, too.  I’ll call you before we leave out tomorrow,” I replied.

She moved to hug
AJ goodbye. “Take care of her.  I know if I can count on anyone to look out for her, it’s you.”  AJ smiled before we parted ways with Angel.  We hopped into the cab parked on the side of the street and AJ gave the driver the address to the Metropolitan Museum of Art on Fifth Avenue just as the man pulled out into traffic.

As we passed by some of the city’s landmarks, I smiled to myself.  There was so much diversity that prejudice seemed to be obsolete.  Interracial couples were at every turn and no one seemed to give any of it a second thought.  It was nothing like where we were from where our relationship had b
een ridiculed since day one. 

We pulled up to the museum and
AJ came around to open my door.  Excitement shot through me at the mere thought of seeing some of my favorite art pieces on display, close enough to touch.  We held hands and walked through the front doors.  Again, I took note that no one seemed to even notice that AJ and I were different.  I gripped his hand tighter and smiled to myself.

The
first piece that we came to was my favorite,
Birth of Venus. 
I was overwhelmed by its beauty as soon as I laid eyes on it.  The colors were much more brilliant than I’d imagined and no picture in a book or cheap replica that I’d seen of the painting had done the real thing any justice. 

“It’s beautiful,” I said in a voice almost low enough to qualify as a whisper. 
AJ stood beside me, finally beginning to understand why this painting had always spoken to me.

“W
hat’s the name of the artist who painted this again?”  He asked.

“
Sandro Botticelli.  He was actually the Medici family’s artist.”

“
Annnnd who the heck are they?”  He asked as he laughed to himself.

“How did you graduate fro
m high school with a near-perfect GPA and not know who the Medici family is?”  I joked. “They were a really powerful Italian family who basically owned a lot of land and had a lot of money.  Kind of like
your
family,” I stated.  AJ just continued to stare at the painting, but didn’t respond.  “Come on.  There’s another one of his over here.”  I pulled him along by his forearm to the next painting –
Primavera. 

“
This man was an artistic genius.  I’d love to be able to move people the way he does,” I gushed.

My eyes shifted to
AJ briefly and I was glad to see that he really seemed to be as engrossed as I was.  “Do you like this one?”  I asked.

“Yeah, I’m just trying to figure out what it means on my own.”  I smiled and turned back to face the
painting.  After a couple minutes he blurted, “I give.”

“
You
would
miss the easy one,” I joked.  “It’s his interpretation of spring.  There’s some mythology insinuated, too, but the gist of it is that he’s describing the onset of the season.”

AJ nodded knowingly, pretending to already have all the answers. 
“That’s what I thought, but you seem to have so much fun explaining this stuff to me.”  I smacked him on his back and he laughed quietly.

We walked around a little more and
came to a piece by da Vinci.  Something caught AJ’s attention and he stopped abruptly.  “What’s wrong?”  I asked.  He didn’t answer right away.

“Nothing,
” he replied dismissively.  He started walking again, but continued to check over his shoulder a couple times before refocusing his attention on the exhibit.  I looked around and tried to spot something amiss, but saw nothing, so I had to let it go.

We
viewed each piece in the time span of about two hours and headed toward the exit.  “What do you wanna do next?  It can be anything, my treat ‘cause it’s your birthday,” I offered.

AJ
smiled and replied, “All I want is to spend some time alone with you before we have to leave out tomorrow.”

Ugh…w
hy’d he have to remind me about tomorrow?
I quickly fixed my expression and forced a smile.  “Cool…I think I can afford that,” I replied as we climbed into a cab.

*****

Back at the hotel I decided to pack my things up before I got too comfortable.  AJ lay on the bed watching me move about the room collecting my belongings.

“Would you just come lay down
with me?”  He asked.  “You can do that in the morning.”

He had a point, so I stuffed the shirt that I was holding back into the drawer and joined him on the bed. 
The man from the hallway earlier popped back into my mind, but I didn’t want to bring it back up.  I wanted to keep the remainder of our trip as lighthearted as possible.  So instead of voicing my suspicions, I decided to let AJ know how much I appreciated what he’d done for me.

“Thanks,”
I stated.

“For what?”

“Everything; the trip, the exhibit, all of it.”

“Whatever
.  Don’t thank me,” he replied casually.  When he finished speaking, he turned and met my gaze.  I felt weak for him – weaker than usual, too weak to turn away before I got trapped by his stare.  My eyes shifted to his mouth as I subconsciously counted each breath that he took.  I couldn’t help but to press my lips to his, savoring the familiar taste.  We’d been doing a pretty good job of avoiding physical contact since we’d been here; I even slid a pillow between us after he finally dozed the night before just as an extra precaution.  However, I couldn’t help myself this time.  I wanted and
needed
to be close to him.

As we
kissed, I sighed through my nose at the sense of relief that I got from touching him like this.  He moaned low and deep as if having the same sensation that I did.  AJ moved in closer, pressing his pelvis flush up against mine in a slow, grinding motion that set my body ablaze while flooding my mind with images of us tangled up in these sheets, naked and sweaty.  I only had the strength to resist for a few seconds when he pulled me on top of him, covering his body with mine.  It was hard to even breathe as I tried to hold back the emotions that I’d successfully bottled up for so many months.  Giving in to my flesh had gotten me into a world of trouble in the recent past, but somehow this still felt right. Weakening me a little more, AJ slid one hand up through the back of my hair and the other in the opposite direction down my back as he smashed me into him even more. I was at war with myself and it was still too early to tell which side would win.

AJ
was more eager than usual, sensing that my guard was down for a change.  The raw lust between us ricocheted off the walls as my thighs instinctively clenched against him.  His hands slipped underneath the back of my shirt and held me like a vice, making sure that I didn’t try to get away, moving his hips upward between my thighs at the same time.  Things got hot and heavy quickly as we panted and pulled desperately at each other’s clothes, acknowledging the fact that they were only getting in the way. 

While I was lost in him, AJ
kept one hand fastened to my head with my hair interlocked in his fingers.  The other slipped between our bodies stealthily and he somehow managed to unbutton my jean-shorts to get inside them.  At first, he just caressed the outside of my panties, but the kiss slowed and deepened as we both anticipated how his next maneuver would feel.  My tongue swirled around his in a fluid motion that made him groan loudly this time, unable to keep quiet like he had before.  His fingers traveled up a few inches just to push the band of my underwear down and out of his way, and then the kiss ceased completely when a jolt of electricity shot through me.  My eyes slammed shut at the feel of
any
part of him inside me.  I dropped my forehead to his shoulder and tried to breathe steadily, but it just came out as short, choppy bursts that matched his rhythm.  The hand that once had a death-grip on my hair eased up and AJ’s thumb now gently caressed the skin at the nape of my neck.  The sound of me moaning while he touched me made his breathing just as uneven and ragged as mine.

When his fingers left me, I fought back a feeling of disappointment.  In a dizzy haze, I stared down on AJ as he pushed against my shoulders so that I was now upright on top of him, making it easier to push my shirt up the length of my torso and off over my head.  For a moment, he paused to stare at me, biting down on his lip, telling me exactly what was on his mind without ever opening his mouth.  I undid his belt and the top button of his jeans with
want causing my eyelids to hang low. I watched impatiently as he snatched his shirt over his head and tossed it somewhere beside the bed.  As soon as I rested my weight on top of him again and our lips connected, a knock at the door halted us both. 

AJ
lifted me off of him with enough force that it felt more like being thrown.  In the time that it took me to get my bearings, he had already refastened his pants, slipped back into his shirt, and was on his way to the door as the visitor knocked again.  I noted the panicked look on his face.

“Housekeeping,” sang a jovial voice on the opposite side of the door. 

The moment was ruined, so I grabbed my shirt off the lampshade and pulled it back on.  With a sigh, I collapsed back on the bed.

“Sorry to disturb you,” the
woman apologized when AJ opened the door.  “Your sign wasn’t hanging on the knob, so I just assumed that it was ok to come in and tidy up.”

“Don’t worry about it,” AJ replied politely.  “
We don’t need the room straightened at the moment.  Thanks.”  I imagined him flashing her that smile of his as he gently shut the door in her face – probably trying to hurry back to bed before I changed my mind. 
Too late
.  He returned and stood at the foot of the bed, staring at me where I lay sprawled out, wondering why I was clothed again.

“But…..I thought…..”

I blew the air from my lungs, but didn’t say a word.

His footsteps were heavy as he stalked to his side of the bed and plopped down.  He fell back into his pillow, folding
his arms over his chest. 

“You mad?”  I asked softly
, hoping that he wouldn’t be upset that I’d come to my senses.  We stopped having sex for a reason, and those reasons hadn’t changed.  Between us getting caught and my mother making me promise to do better, and our pregnancy slip-up, I wasn’t even sure I was
ready
to be intimate again – despite the fact that I’d been faithfully taking the pill just in case.  Physically?  Of course I was all for it.  But emotionally?

AJ sighed heavily and continued to stare at the ceiling when he replied,
“No.  It’s fine.”  He wasn’t mad, but he wasn’t exactly happy either.  ‘Fine’ was just the most fitting word that he could come up with. 

I reached across his chest and unfolded his arms, making him hold me.  Eventually, he was receptive and began to stroke my arm with his fingertips. 

“I mean……does
everything
have to be off limits, though?”  His tone was steady, but I still picked up on the air of desperation.

With a smile, I hugged him closer.  “
It’s not like we’ll
never
do it again…..I just need a little time.”   In my head, I again listed the reasons I thought it best that we stop, reminding myself of how difficult this year had been for us both.

AJ studied my expression for a moment and then kissed my forehead. 
“Okay…..when you’re ready.”

I smiled and rested against
him.  “Let’s talk about something else.”

He thought for a moment
.  “Ok, let’s talk about the future; more specifically,
our
future together.”

The thought of us always being together brought a content smile to my face. 
“What about it?”  I asked unenthusiastically.

“Well
, like how do you envision it?  Where do you wanna live?  How many kids?  Stuff like that.”

I sighed again and tried to focus on the stream of questions he’d just asked.  “I do want kids, but I’m not sure how many yet.  I’ll make that decision after I have the first one.”

He laughed.  “Boy or girl first?”

“Boy.
  Lil’ AJ,” I chuckled.

“
He can have the name Anthony, but maybe we’ll come up with something else for his middle name,” he replied.

“Anthony Jun Hahn II
,” I said in an accent that was supposed to be Japanese, but came out more like a cross between Australian and Creole.  I made an awkward face at how ridiculous it sounded and AJ laughed again.

“I just never lik
ed it.  My father insisted on Jun because my grandfather passed away a couple years before I was born and he wanted to honor him.”

“
Don’t you want your child to carry on the name too?”

AJ
seemed to zone out for a second, so I stopped pressing the issue and changed the subject.  “What if we have a girl, what would you want her name to be?”

“
Maybe we’ll name her after my mother if we can’t think of anything else.”