Secrets (7 page)

             
“A cardiologist.”

             
“Wow.”

             
“Yeah, heart problems run in my family so I decided that was what I wanted to do when I was like eleven.”

             
I laughed a little to myself.  “You don’t usually see eleven year olds aspiring to be heart specialists.”

             
Terrell’s smile faded and he lowered his gaze to the ground.  “My pops had congestive heart failure and died when I was ten.  My mom bailed like two years before that, so my baby sister and I had to go live with my grandma.”  He was lost in thought for a few seconds as we continued to walk.  The smile returned as he began to speak.  “I don’t even know why I just told you all that.  I think its ‘cause you remind me so much of Danielle.”

             
The look of confusion on my face prompted him to explain.  “Danielle’s my little sister.  You’re the same complexion, your hairs just like hers, you have the same snotty attitude, and you’re even short like her.”

             
“Whatever, five-five is not that short.  Thank you very much,” I replied jokingly, not denying his accusation in regards to my
‘snotty attitude’
.

             
“Just playin’, but you
do
look a lot like her.  I think that’s why I bug you so much.  You make me feel like she’s here with me.” 

And there was my explanation for why he’d been clinging to me; now it made sense. 
I started to feel bad for jumping to conclusions.  He wasn’t drawn to me because he wanted to get with me; I made him feel like he had a little piece of home here with him.  There was no harm in that.  Plus he proved pretty useful to have around the other night at the store.

             
He walked me up to the door of the Hanson Building and stood there on the steps for a second.  “What time is your class over?  Eleven?”  He asked.

             
“Yeah, I think so.”

             
“Mine too.  I’ll meet you here and we can go get something to eat.”

             
While I was no longer suspicious of his motives, I still wasn’t sure that us hanging out alone was such a good idea.  He raised his eyebrows while he waited for me to respond.

             
“I know you’re not asking me out
like that
, but I have a boyfriend and I don’t think I…...”

             
“AJ, right?  Your dad mentioned his name like twenty times that day I helped you move in.”  He laughed a little as he remembered Daddy’s behavior.  “It’s up to you.  I’ll be here either way.”  Without another word, he turned and walked back down the stairs.

             
Maybe it wouldn’t be that big of a deal if I went.  After all, we’d be in public and I’d definitely tell AJ about it as soon as I got back to my room.  On second thought, maybe I’d tell him before.
I glanced down at the time and quickly realized that it would have to wait.  I was already five minutes late thanks to Terrell slowing me down. 

             
Although my high school had nearly 2000 thousand students, there were still no more than thirty to a class.  So imagine my surprise when I entered the lecture hall packed with close to two hundred.  My instructor didn’t seem to notice me as I eased into an empty seat in the back row.  He was going over the parallelism between Shakespeare’s
King Lear
and Jane Smiley’s
A Thousand Acres. 
I’d read both books my sophomore year of high school, so I found the lecture to be pretty boring. My thoughts drifted and I thought back to a couple nights ago when I’d seen Antonio at the store.  AJ still had yet to find out that Antonio was in fact living nearby.  I could only imagine how he’d feel about it.  As long as Antonio kept his distance, there wouldn’t be a problem.  But if I know Antonio, it’d only be a matter of time before he’d make his presence known. 

             
Thank God Terrell was with Deanna and me that night.  Antonio definitely would have noticed us otherwise and I wasn’t ready for that.  I wondered what he could have possibly expected to come of all this.  Did he really think that he’d swoop in and steal me back from AJ?  Maybe he didn’t know like I knew that it was an impossible task.  If it weren’t for the fact that he was really starting to get under my skin, I’d probably feel bad for him.  After all, I ended things with him at the height of our relationship, so it was easy to understand why he didn’t have closure.  Our break up was really hard on him became it came as such a surprise.  Then again, if someone had told
me
a week before I actually fell for AJ that I was going to leave Antonio, I wouldn’t have believed it either.

             
My mind shifted to wondering what AJ was doing at that moment.  His classes started the day before mine and he didn’t have to go again until 4:00 pm today. So, my guess was that he’d probably be out running – which he usually did with his shirt off.  That thought made me instantly anxious.  I was more secure in our relationship than I was during the spring, but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t still worry a little about girls trying to persuade him.  No one knew better than I did the power that he could have over a woman without even trying.  It wasn’t hard to fall under his spell. 

A few months ago,
I would have immediately jumped to conclusions about his strange behavior in New York; that was still one mystery that I hadn’t solved.  He was on edge the whole time and I got the impression that he was watching his back.  But that didn’t make sense, so I dismissed the thought quickly.  All I knew of the situation was that his father was at the epicenter.  Something that he’d done had knocked AJ off his square, so I knew that it had to be something big. 

             
Class let out at a quarter to eleven, so I sat on the steps and tried to call AJ to tell him that I was going to breakfast with Terrell, but he didn’t answer.  I went back and forth between knowing that it was completely innocent for me to go, and being concerned that AJ would be really pissed off.  The second theory made me uneasy; nothing was worth messing things up with him.  With that realization, I stood to my feet and started walking back to my dorm just as AJ was calling back.

             
“Hey,” I answered.

             
“Hey.  Sorry I didn’t get to the phone right away.  I was just getting in from my run.  How was class?”  He asked.

             
“Fine.  A little boring.”

             
“What time’s your next one start?”  He asked.

             
“I don’t have Calculus until 1:30.”

             
“That’s good.  You have time to chill in between.  What’re you gonna do while you wait?”  He asked. 

             
I choked on my statement as I wrestled with whether or not I should tell him that I was thinking about joining Terrell.  “Well…..I think I’m just gonna hang out at the dorm.  Maybe sit outside for a bit.”  I couldn’t even say the words; it wasn’t worth it.

             
“Yeah, I think I might go to the gym and shoot around for a while before I have to shower and stuff for class.”

             
“Oh, well don’t let me stop you.  I’ll call you later.”

             
“Alright,” he replied. 

             
When we hung up, I saw Terrell coming my way with a pretty, brown-skinned girl about my height with braids in her hair, hanging on his arm.  She smiled up at him adoringly as she laughed at something he said.  He stopped where I stood and the girl stared at me suspiciously. 

             
“Maisha, this is Sam.”  The icy glare was fixed on her face as she continued to stare.  “She’s like my lil’ sis.  I appointed myself to watch out for her here.”  Terrell smiled at me warmly and the girl seemed to ease up just a little once she heard him refer to me as his sister. 

             
I waved and smiled reassuringly, wanting her to understand that I wasn’t a threat to her.  “Nice to meet you,” I stated.

             
“You too,” she replied.

             
“So, what’s up with breakfast?  You going or not?”  Terrell asked as I realized I’d been invited as a third wheel.  Maisha continued to stare at me and I tried to decipher what the look meant. 
Maybe she just didn’t want me to tag along
.  Lucky for her, I’d already decided not to go.

             
“You know, I think I’ll sit this one out,” I replied.

             
Terrell sighed.  “Fine, but I’ll bring you something back.”

             
“No, I’m cool.  I’ll find something.”

             
“Whatever.  You like pancakes?  Of course you do.  Who doesn’t like pancakes?  I’ll bring you some,” he insisted.  As they walked away, Maisha looked back at me from over her shoulder a few times before they disappeared down the walkway.  I went back to the dorm and sat by the fountain in the courtyard and rolled my eyes when I saw Jen and Bianca coming my way.  A couple of their friends were following behind them.  One looked familiar and I realized that I’d just seen her in class.

             
“Hey!  How was your trip?”  Jen asked.

             
“Fun,” I replied, hoping that she’d guess I wasn’t in the mood for conversation.  But of course she didn’t.

             
“Cool.  You went to New York right?”

             
“Yep.”

             
“I’ve never been, maybe one day, though,” she added.

             
I stood there silently staring at her. 

“So…..how was class?”  She asked.

              “Fine.  Boring.”

             
When I didn’t give her anymore conversation than that, she introduced me to her friends.  “Um, well this is Nina and Andrea.  They stay in our building too, just down a floor.”

             
“Hi, I’m Andrea.  I just saw you over at Hanson, right?”  The first girl said.  She reminded me a lot of Leslie, but I tried not to hold that against her.

             
“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you,” I replied.

             
The second girl waved as she spoke.  “And I’m Nina.”  Her Puerto Rican accent was heavy as she rushed through her introduction.  I waved and smiled, but secretly wished that I could have some space to think.

             
Jen looked around nervously and I realized that AJ’s observation of who I’d become was right; I
was
starting to close myself off.  It made me feel a little guilty for making Jen so uncomfortable. 

“So, what are you guys doing tonight?” I asked, suddenly stricken with a new idea to make peace between
her and me.

             
She turned to look at Bianca and the others. “Nothing, I don’t think.”

             
“Why don’t you guys come to me and Deanna’s room to watch movies or something?”

Jen smiled and seemed like she was really excited that I
was inviting her into my space.  “Sure.  We’ll be there.  What time?”

             
“Uh, like eight or something,” I replied.

             
“Cool!  I’ll pay for pizza,” Jen offered just as she and Bianca turned to walk away.  I watched them disappear inside the dorm and I hoped that I wouldn’t regret what I’d just done.  It wasn’t my mission to be mean to her or anyone else, but life had taught me a valuable lesson over the past year.  I’d learned that people can do a number of things to shock and disappoint you.  That led me to believe that the fewer people I had in my inner circle, the fewer the possibilities there were for me to get hurt.

             
Class ended at 3:30 and I rushed home to take a nap.  Deanna came in at around six and the sound of the door creaking open woke me.

             
“Sorry, I didn’t realize you’d be asleep,” Deanna said.

             
“It’s fine.”  I stretched and yawned before sitting up on the side of the bed.  Deanna was busy making her bed from the morning.  “Got a sec?”  I asked.

             
“Sure, what’s up?” 

             
I was hesitant about telling her I’d invited them over, but there wasn’t any sense in prolonging it.  She stopped what she was doing and turned to look at me.  “I sort of invited Jen and Bianca and a couple of their friends over here later to watch movies.”

             
She looked at me strangely, like she didn’t think I was talking about the Jen and Bianca
she
was thinking of.  “What brought
that
on?”  She asked.

             
“Well, I’m just trying to be more open.  I just thought that maybe I didn’t give Jen a fair shot when I met her.”