Secrets (11 page)

What's so special about this is that it's a new Mel Wechsler series, and he's casting. I want to submit a few tapes of Sorrows for him to see, if you'll let me.

Is this daytime? For a minute, she sounded hopeful.

Prime time. He was proud of it and she almost hung up on him.

God damn it, Lou. I told you, I can't do that.

Just read the script for chrissake, and we can fight about it later. He didn't tell her he had already sent a series of tapes to Wechsler's office, but he did call the next morning to tell her that Wechsler had called him.

Why? She didn't understand. She had read the script the night before, after Jack went to bed, and it knocked her right out of her seat, but she also knew she couldn't touch it. Not on prime time TV.

Why? He called me because he liked the tapes of you on Sorrows, that's why. Did you read the script?

Yes.

And? It was like pulling teeth.

I loved it, but that doesn't make any difference. I still can't do it and you know it.

Bullshit. If you get a part on that show, it will be the biggest break of your career you'll ever get, and I will kill you if you don't take it.

He's not offering me a part anyway.

He wants to meet you.

She felt her heart skip a beat. When?

Tomorrow. At eleven. He didn't ask her if she could do it. She had to.

Can I wear a wig? Maybe she should go, just for the hell of it, just so she could tell Lou she'd done it. What harm was there in that anyway? Jack would never know' .

I don't care if you wear all your wigs and a hat, just do it, Janie. For me ' please God '

All right, all right. But I can't take a part on the show, just so you know that. She knew there was no danger of his offering her one anyway, but she was dying to meet Mel Wechsler. And when Jack came home that night, horny and a little drunk, she didn't care how disagreeable he was, how much he complained or how often he wanted to make love, all she could think about was Mel Wechsler, and her meeting with him the following morning. And when Jack finally fell asleep, she got up and read the script again. It was the best thing she'd ever read, and she hid it in her closet before going to bed and she lay there awake, thinking of what it would be like, just being at a studio again, even for a visit.

The next morning Jack got up, as always, at five o'clock and left for his office at six. Jane made coffee for him, and she had an hour to herself before making breakfast for the girls. And by eight o'clock she was alone again, and had two hours to get ready for her big meeting with Mel Wechsler. She did her makeup carefully and selected a pretty beige dress she'd bought only the week before. It wasn't glamorous but it looked expensive and she didn't bother fixing her hair, because she was going to put on the wig on the way into L.A. She had chosen one of the shorter curly ones, and she planned to put it on in the ladies' room of a gas station on her way to the meeting.

She was so nervous driving in that she almost forgot to stop, but she finally did, at a gas station off the Pasadena Freeway, and when she looked at herself, she almost decided not to go. She looked tired, there were tiny new lines next to her eyes, and the black hair suddenly didn't look right. She even toyed with the idea of not wearing the wig, but she didn't dare go with her own bright red hair. She completely forgot the voluptuous body poured into the beige cashmere dress, the sensational legs in high-heeled pumps, or her basic talent as an actress. She'd been good on Sorrows for almost eleven years. They hadn't kept her because she wasn't sleeping with anyone. She had stayed on the show for as long as she had because her performances were good, and sometimes they were even terrific. And viewer response to her had always been excellent. She got dozens of letters every week telling her how much she meant to them. But that seemed different to her. Mel Wechsler's shows were in another league, and she was so terrified her mouth was dry when she reached the gate. But the security guard smiled appreciatively at her. She was a pretty girl, except for the harsh black hair, and Mel noticed it too as she sat down across from him, crossing and uncrossing her legs, and clutching her purse as though it were a shield that would protect her from him. He was touched by how frightened she was. There was something so vulnerable about her, so innocent despite her age. It made you want to put an arm around her and tell her everything was going to be all right. But he also knew that it was exactly what the viewers were going to do. They were going to want to protect her from Eloise, and they were going to root for her. Jane Adams was exactly the counterpoint he wanted for Sabina Quarles. She was exactly what he'd had in mind, except for the black hair ' he kept staring at her as they talked and then it suddenly came to him, and he smiled to himself as he leaned toward her with a gentle smile.

May I ask you something very rude, Jane?

What's that? Oh God, she thought to herself, even more terrified, he's going to ask me to take off my clothes, he's going to do something to me ' he's ' she blanched as he went on.

Is that your own hair?

She had forgotten about the wig. This? She looked blank and then reached up to touch the stiff black curls. Oh. She blushed beet red. She was just like the girl next door, only a little older. No, it's not. I always work in ' that is, on Sorrows, I' How could she explain it to him as tears stung her eyes? That her husband had forbidden her to work years ago and she had had to have two identities so he wouldn't find out' .

Would you mind terribly taking it off? He wondered if there was something wrong with her own hair, but he was startled as slowly she took off the wig, and sat in front of him, her own hair uncombed but beautiful, in what he could see was a beautiful and surprisingly natural red. Is that your own color, Jane?

She grinned at him. Yes, it is. I always hated it when I was a kid. She shrugged, looking fourteen instead of thirty-nine and he wanted to whoop with joy. He had found his Jessica. She was perfect. Sabina, the sensual, powerful blonde, and Jane the sweet redhead everybody would love. The women would identify with her, because there was nothing threatening about this girl, despite her incredible figure and bright red hair, and the men would all want to go to bed with her, even the kids would fall in love with her, she was so damn likable. And he knew she could act, he had seen that on her reel. He had seen twelve of her shows in all, and she was good ' she was better than that' . He was beaming at her, and she was smiling at him. He wasn't what she had expected at all. He wasn't tough or rude or mean to her, she wasn't even frightened of him now. She could imagine being friends with him. She could imagine a lot of things. She could even imagine being in love with him ' if it weren't for Jack, of course ' he looked as though he would have been great with kids ' she thought of a lot of things as she sat looking at him, and he sat back in his chair, admiring her hair.

You know, you're absolutely beautiful, Jane. He was admiring her professionally, seeing what they could make of her on the show. There was nothing personal about the remark but she blushed anyway.

I've always thought of myself as plain. And she was, in a way. She had a clean, all-Americanbeauty face with beautiful even teeth, and big blue eyes, and a pale stardust of freckles that even her makeup didn't hide. And on her they didn't look incongruous, they looked nice. That was the thing about Jane Adams, she looked nice, and sexy, and as though you wanted to be her friend, but she looked as though she could have been fiery too. He was going to bring that out in her. He was going to do a lot of things with Jane. Including have her dressed beautifully. Fran+oois Brac would know just what to do with her, and although her wardrobe wasn't going to be as extensive as the one they'd planned for Eloise, Fran+oois was committed to dressing the other women too, and Jane would look fabulous in his clothes ' in a fur ' in an evening dress ' Mel was squinting as he looked at her.

How did you feel about the script, Jane? He smiled at her again. He had no real qualms about that, but he wanted to hear what she thought of it. She was a pro in the world of soap opera, and daytime was not so totally different from night, except for a little more melodrama perhaps.

I fell in love with it.

Zack Taylor is going to be the male lead. He saw the look in her eyes, and knew every woman in America was going to look just like that, as though she would fall out of her chair at the sight of him. We settled it last night. And Sabina Quarles has agreed to play Eloise. A private look came to his eyes that Jane didn't recognize. We have a young actor, Bill Warwick, lined up as Sabina's son, he's very good. His eyes questioned her, and this time she paled. And what about you, Jane? How would you feel about playing Jessica?

She couldn't tell him ' but she had to ' but then he would want to know why she had come. And why had she? He would think she was playing games with him and he'd be furious. That kind look in his eyes would disappear, and the very thought terrified her. I ' I don't know ' I ' I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

It's not very different from what you've done, and I think you are ready, Jane. So does Lou. We had a long talk this morning before you came in to see me.

Lou was pushing her. The bastard. And he knew she couldn't take the part. Why had Lou let it go this far? I'll have to think about it.

We want you very much, Jane. Very much. He quoted the figure he had mentioned to Lou and she got so pale her freckles stood out. Half a million bucks ' my God ' what she could do with that ' and Jack crying all the time that they spent every dime he made' .

I ' I'm very flattered, Mel.

Don't be. You're worth every penny of it. Oh God. Her name would be mud when she turned him down. Now, you give it some thought, and I'll expect to hear from you. He smiled at her and stood up, and walked out of his office with her, his arm around her shoulders, feeling brotherly, warm. He was amazed at the effect the woman had on him. He wanted to tell her to go home and he would take care of everything. I'll give Lou another call. And when he did, he added another two hundred thousand. But Jane didn't even care. She was so blinded by the experience of meeting Mel and all he had said to her that she hit a parked car on her way out of the studio and crumpled her front fender. She left a note on the windshield of the other car with trembling hands and drove home, grateful that no one was there when she got in. She wasn't even thinking about the car. She was just thinking about Mel and the series she couldn't do. She hated answering the phone when it rang, she knew who it was going to be and she was right. It was her agent.

He was crazy about you. He even upped the price.

She was near tears as she sat down, her black wig in her hand. She had almost forgotten it on the seat of the car. I can't do it, Lou. But it was wonderful.

Screw wonderful. It's the biggest offer you'll ever get, the biggest show anyone's ever going to do. He didn't remind her that she was thirty-nine years old and this was a hell of a break for her.

You've got to do it, Jane.

I can't .

God damn it, why not? But he knew. And he was sick of hearing it. I know, I know, because of Jack. Christ, tell him about the money, no man can resist that, no matter how he feels about Hollywood.

He won't care. Although for once she wasn't entirely sure. Seven hundred thousand dollars was a hell of a lot of money to turn down, for anyone, and he didn't make anywhere near that in his father's brokerage house. He made a hundred thousand every year, and he thought that was a lot. But her old salary had been easier to conceal, she had explained it as investments she made on her own. But this was impossible. No one could make that much on investments. Not even Jack.

I won't let you give this up. Lou was firm.

There were tears in her eyes when she spoke again. I don't have any choice.

If you turn this down, you're out of your mind. Now I want you to talk to him. Tell him you want to do this ' tell him I'll kill you if you don't ' tell him anything, and then call me tomorrow. I told Wechsler we'd get back to him by the end of the week.

She knew there was no point arguing with him, and she was dying for the part, but she couldn't imagine explaining it to Jack. She could imagine it even less when he came home that night and yelled at her for what she'd done to the car. He'd had too much to drink and he was furious. He even threatened to take the car away and make her drive the Volvo wagon they had for the kids.

Christ, you can't even do that right, can you, Jane? He was always belittling her, but lately he did it in front of the kids, which made it even worse. And they joined in the attacks these days, as though it was all right to yell at her, because their father did, but she could never convince him of that. She had tried explaining to him that it destroyed the girls' respect for her when he treated her like that in front of them. And Alexandra was proving it now looking at her with eyes of ice, and then she turned to her dad. Can I have Mom's car?

That's not a bad idea. He was always spoiling her, and making a fool of Jane, as though she weren't as bright as her own kids. She hadn't noticed it as much when she was doing Sorrows every day. She got so much satisfaction out of that that somehow the rest of her life didn't matter as much, the problems anyway. But now everything stood out in sharper relief. You drive better than your mom any day, Alex. He smiled at their youngest child then. And Alyssa does too.