Secrets From the Past (40 page)

‘I know. It was wrong. I was so heartless. I don’t know how I could behave that way towards you of all people. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, Serena. I really mean that. You must know I adore you.’

When I still said nothing, he pulled his chair closer to mine, and reached for my hand. ‘Please, please forgive me, Pidge.
Please
. I can’t live without you. There’s nothing in this world for me without you.’ His voice broke, much to my astonishment, and he jumped up and strode to the window.

I realized then how sincere he was being; he meant every word. And he was chastened, contrite, and obviously he had a conscience. He was fully aware how mean he had been, and it troubled him. Because deep down inside, he was a decent man, a good human being. Rising, I walked across the room and stood next to him. He didn’t speak, and neither did I. And then I became aware he was crying. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.

Staring straight ahead, looking out of the window at the piazza, not wanting him to know I’d noticed his tears, I put one hand on his arm. Very softly, I said, ‘I accept your apology, Zac.’

‘But do you forgive me?’ he asked, in a low voice, without looking at me either.

‘I want to, I’ll try. The problem is that you more or less said I’d killed our child, and you blamed me. You said it was my fault that I’d had the miscarriage. And it wasn’t. I’d been so careful, and a woman can have a miscarriage without doing anything extreme or careless. It just happens. Mom always told me that. And it’s true.’

‘I was so wrong. And I’m truly sorry. I think I’m going to live to regret everything I said to you for the rest of my life, which will be meaningless without you.’

‘Can I explain something, Zac?’

He nodded, did not speak, and I knew why. He couldn’t. The tears were still trickling out of his eyes.

‘When I discovered I was pregnant, it was literally just before we were leaving for Tripoli,’ I confided. ‘I did wonder if I should tell you. And I almost did. I wanted to share my happiness with you, hoped you’d be happy. But—’

‘I would have been thrilled,’ he interrupted swiftly. ‘I want a child with you.’

‘I believed you would be happy, Zac. Then I knew how disappointed you’d be if we decided I couldn’t – or rather shouldn’t – go to Tripoli. I guess I wanted to please you, and that’s why I never told you about the baby. I took care of myself in Libya. I didn’t do anything rash. Nor did I jump about as I normally do, off trucks and jeeps. It was a fluke that I lost the baby, I guess. And I’m sorry, too. I really wanted that baby of ours.’ I realized my voice had softened, and it had quavered with emotion as well.

He wiped his cheeks with his hands, and turned to look at me at last. ‘Sorry about that, getting so emotional. But I love you. I can’t imagine being without you for the rest of my life.’

When I didn’t respond, but stood there, looking up at him, he said, ‘Don’t you love me any more?’

‘Of course, I love you, and with all my heart!’ I cried, before I could stop myself.

He reached for me, pulled me into his arms, and began to kiss me, carefully at first, on my cheeks and neck, and then his mouth found mine. I clung to him, returning those kisses, and I understood that I was lost.

As it had months ago, something shifted inside me, and I knew this was the only man I could be truly happy with. To be with anyone else would be ridiculous.

When we stood apart, he gently stroked my face. ‘Let’s start again … you know we’re meant to be together.’

I took hold of Zac’s hand and led him back to the chairs, where we sat down. ‘I forgive you,’ I said sotto voce. ‘And I want us to be together. And to get married as we planned. However, I need to say something, and you might not like it.’

‘You’re going to give me conditions. I’ll agree to whatever you want, Pidge,’ he cried, his face brightening, his eyes suddenly sparkling.

‘I want you to limit your drinking. Especially hard liquor. I want you to get medical attention for your post-traumatic stress disorder. And I absolutely insist you must never go to a war zone again.’

‘I agree. To everything. I’d like to be in Nice, because I think Doctor Biron is the best there is for my problems. Is that all right?’

I smiled, and then I started to laugh, shaking my head.

‘What is it?’ he asked. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘I think Harry knew this was going to happen. I realize now that he went out of the bolthole looking rather happy, not worried at all.’

‘I only have eyes for you,’ Zac assured me. ‘Are we going to get married in Nice, next spring as we planned?’

I simply gave him a beatific smile.

He suddenly said, ‘Oh, I want to apologize for something else. Not helping more to find Val Clifford.’

‘That’s all right.’

‘I always had a strange feeling you thought she was your mother, and that you had a need to find her, to meet her.’

‘I happen to have all the answers now. She wasn’t my mother, Zac, but she did give birth to me. Elizabeth Vasson Stone was my mother. She took me into her arms when I was just a day old, and she loved me, nurtured me, cherished me for twenty-six years, until the day she died.’

‘Yes, Mom was your mom, I know that. The beautiful Elizabeth adored you. How did you find out that Val was your biological mother?’

‘She contacted Harry, who was an old friend. She wanted a favour. She asked him to be the executor of her will.’ I stood up. ‘Back in a minute.’

When I returned to the living room, I was holding the letter from Val. I handed it to him silently.

Zac sat reading it, and when he had finished he looked at me, his face sad. ‘How very moving,’ he said. ‘And so sincere.’

I told him everything I had learned from Harry, and when I’d finished he said slowly, ‘Isn’t it odd, though, that you always thought there was some sort of secret? After you found those pregnant pictures.’

‘It was seeing my name on Dad’s captions that alerted me.’

‘I loved your father. He was the very best person I’ve ever known.’ Zac gave me an odd little smile. ‘Whatever happened, ever so briefly with Val, he was nevertheless a one-woman man, you know.’

I looked into Zac’s eyes, and nodded my head rather vehemently. ‘Remember, I grew up with them, and he sure was a one-woman man. I can testify to that!’

‘And so am I,’ Zac responded. ‘I’m
your
one-woman man.’

‘For the rest of your life,’ I murmured.

‘And even afterwards,’ he added, and stood up, pulling me to my feet. He led me to the window, where we stood looking out at Venice. He put his arms around me, held me tight, and when he released me finally, he looked deeply into my eyes. ‘I can’t believe you’re going to be my wife, Pidge,’ a sense of wonder in his voice, and anticipation.

‘I am,’ I answered, feeling his love surrounding me.

‘Then let’s go and tell Harry.’

And we did.

I
t was Friday 14 October. Jessica and Cara were thirty-nine years old, and we were celebrating with a small dinner party at the house.

Jessica, who always did the cooking, had been forbidden to enter the kitchen by Adeline. She and her sister Magali would prepare the special birthday supper, both of them insisting that Jessica could not slave over a stove on her birthday.

It had been a gorgeous Indian-summer day, but the weather had changed abruptly, had turned cool; as I walked into the peach sitting room I decided we needed a fire. After lighting it, and the small votive candles scattered about, I glanced around. Cara had placed some of her exotic orchids on various tables, and the room looked warm and welcoming.

I went over to the French doors, opened them and stepped onto the terrace. I glanced up at the sky. It was dark but clear, littered with bright stars, and there was a huge full moon. It was a beautiful Mediterranean night, but really chilly. Swiftly, I went back inside and hurried over to the fireplace.

I felt relaxed, at ease, as I stood with my back to the fire blazing up the chimney. There was something uniquely peaceful about Jardin des Fleurs. I smiled to myself. Mom had always known that. It had been her safe haven. And it was mine.

Zac and I had been here for a few weeks. The tranquillity had done wonders for me, and although my miscarriage had been a shattering blow, my sadness had begun to recede. Zac was loving, understanding and considerate, which had helped me to mend, and continued to give me comfort.

Jessica and Allen Lambert had just become engaged, and he was now considered a member of the family. Even Cara had come to realize they were perfectly suited, made a great couple. I was thrilled to see Jessica so happy and radiant, and so was her twin.

I glanced at my watch. My sisters would be joining me any moment now. I had suggested we have a quiet drink together before the men arrived. Allen, of course, would be driving over from Nice, but Harry and Geoff were at the house, having arrived from London last night. I had told Zac not to bring them down for another half-hour.

A moment later Jessica and Cara came walking in together, as glamorous as usual, true to Stone tradition. They had chosen silk dresses, as had I. Mine was red, Jessica wore royal blue, and Cara was in emerald green. We were a colourful trio.

I noticed at once that they were wearing their birthday gifts. Harry, Zac and I had given them gold earrings, of a different design to suit their individual taste. Allen’s gift to Jessica had been a string of pearls, and he had given Cara a smart evening bag. Geoff’s present to Cara was a gold locket on a chain, and I smiled to myself, remembering the one I had bought for Jessica when I first started working, because, as Mom had said, she had a ‘heart of gold’. Geoff’s gift for Jessica was a beautiful blue silk shawl, perfect for her because it was her favourite colour.

Cara came to join me near the fireplace, and Jessica went to open the bottle of champagne in the ice bucket. A moment later I was toasting them.

After my first sip, I said, ‘I’ve made a decision about the studio in Venice. I’m going to sell it.’

My sisters were obviously taken aback. I could see that from the expressions on their faces.

Before I could continue, Jessica asked, ‘But why? You’d decided it would be the ideal place for you and Zac to live for the next year, while you finish your book about Dad, and he writes his memoir.’

‘I want to sell the studio to contribute to the cost of the repairs to the house. A whole new red-tile roof, for God’s sake! And what about all those floors and walls that have been damaged by water? And Mom’s octagonal room partially ruined. The bills are staggering already.’

They stared at me, both of them speechless. Then Cara said, ‘You don’t have to contribute to the repairs, Serena. We can manage it between us.’

‘But I—’

‘Now, Pidge, be quiet!’ Jessica exclaimed in a firm tone. ‘Mr Converse finally bought Mom’s pearl-and-diamond necklace for his wife. In fact he bought the whole set, and I got a good price. And there’s the auction of Mom’s other stuff coming up next year. That will bring in good money. We’ll be fine.’

‘Is it because the studio was Val’s? Is something troubling you about that?’ Cara asked.

‘Don’t be silly!’ I replied. ‘I was never angry about Val, or upset by what I found out.’

‘And neither were we,’ Jessica volunteered. ‘I can’t even remember Val. But what I do remember is coming home from boarding school with Cara for the summer vacation, and finding Mom confined to her bed, waiting for your arrival.’

‘We knew she was expecting our baby sister, and we were thrilled to have you at last,’ Cara said.

‘Let’s get back to the studio,’ Jessica interjected. ‘Zac told me he would be glad to settle in Venice for a while, not roaming the world covering wars.’

Before I could answer, Cara cried, ‘Oh what the hell, Serena! Do what you want. It’s yours, it belongs to you. So it’s your decision, not ours.’

‘Yes, it is, Pidge,’ Jessica agreed. ‘Let’s leave it at that.’

I looked from one to the other. ‘If you don’t need the money to help with the repairs, then I guess I might as well keep the studio. A year in Venice
will
be good for me and Zac.’

‘It will indeed.’ Jessica beamed at me, adding, ‘And you know how happy and relieved we are that you have both left the front.’

‘Zac and I are too, and so is Harry.’ I grinned at them. ‘Especially Harry. Oh look, here he is now.’

‘Good evening, ladies,’ Harry said, adopting a tone of mock formality, coming to stand by the fireplace. ‘And you all look beautiful tonight, as usual.’ An affectionate smile played around his mouth as he said this. ‘I’d love a drop of that champagne.’

‘I’ll get it for you,’ Jessica responded, and went over to the ice bucket, poured a flute of Veuve Clicquot for him.

Before I had a chance to start a conversation with Harry, Geoff arrived with Zac, who both came over to join us. After hugging me, Geoff went to Cara, enclosed her in his arms, kissed her cheek. She smiled up at him, her dark eyes shining; he looked down at her adoringly.

Being in love, I thought, it’s all about being in love. That’s what makes the world go round. How strange life is … I thought of the way Geoff and Cara had met here in this house, her home. How they had immediately ‘glommed onto each other’, as Cara had put it to me, and I had retorted, ‘No kidding!’ wondering at the time how she thought anyone could have missed their reaction to each other. It had been mesmerizing for a few seconds.

I glanced towards the hall, and there was Allen Lambert heading towards the peach sitting room. Jessica saw him the moment I did, had no doubt been watching for him. She rushed across the room, hurrying out to meet him. It was so obvious they were in love. He swept her into his arms, and off her feet, holding her tightly to him. Jessica had a dreamy look on her face. As for Allen, he was beaming, staring at her as if he was enchanted. A happy man. But then we were all happy tonight.

I knew it was going to be one of those lovely occasions when everyone was at ease with one another. No dramas on the horizon, I thought.