Secrets of My Hollywood Life (23 page)

"Kaitlin Burke," Austin's sister Hayley murmurs in awe when she opens the screen door.

"Hi, Hayley." Suddenly I feel shy. I remain standing on the doorstep. "I was wondering if I could see your brother."

Her turquoise eyes are wide. "I'm not sure. He's still pretty upset," she whispers, fidgeting with a buckle on her jeans. "Personally I think he should be flattered that a celebrity wanted to hang out with him."

"Well, I, I...," I stutter, embarrassed. Hayley's eyes are glued to me, as if she can't believe I'm really here.

"Hayley, did you borrow my white Lacoste shirt again?" I hear Austin yell. Hayley freezes as Austin appears in the doorway wearing baggy jeans and a white undershirt. His surprised face is every bit as handsome as I remembered.

My breath catches in my throat. "Hi," I mumble.

A smile flashes across his face, causing my heart to soar. But within seconds it's gone. He stares at me and does a double take. Now he's serious.

"Oh, it's you," he says, flustered. He runs his fingers through his blond hair. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you." I look down at the brick steps, my heart pounding. Why is it that I can do a live interview beamed out to millions of viewers, but the sight of Austin still makes me jittery?

Austin turns to his sister. "Hayley, this will just take a minute."

Hayley smiles at me shyly. "Maybe we'll get to talk about
Family Affair
sometime," she suggests.

"I'd like that," I tell her.

Austin and I stare at each other silently while Hayley slowly walks away. Even though I can see he's mad at me, I can't tear my eyes away from him. What if it's the last time I see his face?

"What are you doing here?" he asks me again, kicking one of his bare feet against the floor.

"You wouldn't take any of my calls," I answer, my voice barely a whisper.

"That's because I wasn't sure who I'd be talking to." Something like anger flashes in his beautiful eyes, and my heart breaks all over again. "Who are you playing today, Rachel or Kaitlin?"

The words are like a slap in the face, even if I do deserve them. "I'm truly sorry." I hang my head.

"It's too late for that." Austin shrugs his broad shoulders. "You made me look like an idiot."

"I would never ...," I start to protest, trying to find the words that will make everything okay again. I just want to go back to that day at the library, when everything was perfect and all that mattered was finding a way to go to the dance with him. I should have told him the truth back then.

"I don't want to hear this," Austin interrupts me, putting his hand on the screen door. "You got to know me, but I don't know you. I never knew you."

"Yes, you did," I say urgently. "That was me you spent all that time with. I really do like
Star Wars
and math, and I stink at history. I'm the same person."

"I liked Rachel," Austin answers, running his hands through his hair again. "But she doesn't exist. And Kaitlin Burke is a movie star. You don't need to hang with a regular high school guy like me."

I interject quickly, "You're actually the coolest guy --"

"I'm sorry, Kaitlin," he says, cutting me off again. "I can't do this." He slowly pulls the front door closed, shutting me out of his life forever.

"Did you really expect him to forgive you?" Nadine asks as I recount the sad story to everyone over hot chocolate at the twelve-foot-long cherry wood kitchen table.

"I hoped so," I admit, stirring mini marshmallows in my R2-D2 mug.

"I'll try to talk to him, Kates," Liz suggests.

"Thanks, but we should leave him alone," I say glumly. "I have to accept the fact that I hurt Austin so badly that he'll never forgive me."

"I'm sure there's a cute boy in your new movie," Dad offers.

"I read in
Variety
this morning that they cast Drew Thomas as your costar," Mom swoons. "He's a big up-and-comer, Kaitlin."

"I don't think I'll be interested in opening my heart to anybody again for quite a while," I sigh. "Especially not Drew." I think of those horrendous few dates last year.

"You really had it bad for Austin, didn't you?" Nadine comments.

"I did," I whisper, staring into the rich brown depths of my cocoa.

"Well, I know one thing that will cheer you up," Dad says. "I spoke to Steve Mendes this morning. We're taking you and Liz to Cabo this weekend before you start shooting the Adams movie." Liz looks at me and grins.

"Are you serious?" I stare at them in surprise. Dad nods. "Thank you!" I exclaim, jumping up and giving him a hug. I run over to Mom and throw my arms around her as well.

"You really held your own in that Robins interview," Mom tells me. "We were so proud of you. I guess that downtime at school really helped."

"I can't believe Kaitlin's got you thinking of school as downtime." Matt shakes his head.

"Since the school thing is out of the question now, I guess we'll have to let you rev up the vacation plans." Dad puts his arm around my shoulders.

"As long as you work them around Laney's press schedule," Mom adds, dabbing a paper towel on the cream-colored PB&J Couture hoodie she splashed cocoa on.

I bite my lip and chuckle to myself, then walk over to the hulking stainless steel Viking stove to pour another cup of steaming hot chocolate. "Everything in my life is finally falling into place," I think aloud. "Hutch Adams,
FA,
Sky, Cabo. The only thing missing is a guy to share it with."

"Maybe not for long," Liz squeaks. I turn around. Rodney is leading Austin into my kitchen.

"What are you ...?" I'm so startled, I can't get a sentence out. I look into Austin's nervous face, searching for answers.

"I found him down by the front gate," Rodney explains.

"I was hoping we could talk," Austin says. His voice is so quiet I can barely hear him.

"I guess we should leave you two alone." Nadine motions to the rest of the group.

"I want to see what happens," Matt protests.

"Come on, Matty." Liz tugs him by the arm. "I'll let you wait with me in Kaitlin's room and you can look through her phone book."

"Okay," he agrees gleefully, and follows her out. Dad puts his arm around Mom's shoulder and leads her away. She keeps looking back, though, and smiling. The room grows quiet.

"How'd you know where I lived?" I ask Austin.

"Beth," he says. "My mom dropped me off at the gate, but I didn't know how to get inside. That big dude happened to be leaving, and he saw me and drove me up the driveway. Your house is huge," he adds, sounding awestruck.

My heart is racing.

Austin walks towards me. "Can I sit down?" He grabs a wrought-iron stool near the island.

"Sure." I blush. I grab the seat next to him and, without asking, pour him a cup of hot chocolate. My hands are shaking as I add marshmallows. We sit there, just looking at each other for a few minutes.

"I don't know what I'm doing here." Austin finally breaks the ice. He runs his hand through his shiny blond hair, the way he always does when he's thinking about something. "I just knew I had to come."

"I'm so sorry," I begin again.

"Let me say this before I change my mind," Austin interrupts firmly. He takes a deep breath. "After you left, I watched your Jaime Robins interview. Hayley TiVo'd it. You were really good."

"Thanks," I say shyly. "That apology I made was for you, you know."

"I was wondering about that." He looks into my eyes intently, then looks away. "I heard what you said about Clark Hall being your chance to experience a normal life. I thought about what you said on my doorstep too, about how all that time I spent with Rachel, I was really spending with you. And I realized I had to ask you one important question."

"Anything," I promise. I feel my cheeks burning, and take a swig of hot chocolate.

"I wanted to know," he says slowly, "if you actually liked me, or if it was part of your act."

I look into Austin's eyes. "I really like you," I answer honestly. Suddenly I feel dizzy. I swish the remaining chocolate in my mug. "You're different from the guys I know. The ones I'm around just want to talk about their dream of winning an Oscar."

Austin chuckles.

"At your house, you said that you didn't understand how a movie star could fall for a regular guy. But being a movie star is just my job. The real me, the girl you met, wants to have a life like everybody else."

He shakes his head, wide-eyed. "I'm still having a hard time getting past the fact that you're Kaitlin Burke," he admits.

"I'm the same girl you knew before," I say softly. "I just look different."

"That's for sure." He grins crookedly.

"Why don't we start over?" I slip off my stool and extend my hand. "Hi, I'm Kaitlin."

He stares at my hand for a moment, then slowly extends his to meet mine and shakes it. "Je m'appelle Austin," he responds.

I groan. "Please, don't start that."

"Okay," he laughs, "but this is weird."

"It's not," I promise. "Ask Liz. I'm really just like everybody else."

"No, that's not what I meant," he says, sliding off his stool and stepping closer to me. I swear I can feel the heat of his body. "What's weird is what I'm about to do."

"What's that?"

"I'm going to kiss Kaitlin Burke," he whispers. Then he cups my head in his hands and pulls me towards him.

The kiss is better than any kiss Sam ever got from Ryan on
FA,
and I know why. Because this kiss is real. And at this moment, when Austin's soft lips are pressed against mine, I discover a new secret. HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER NINETEEN is short, but the most important one I've learned so far.

It's simply this: To be a happy and successful actor, you've got to have two lives -- one in front of the camera, and one behind it. And I finally have both.

Acknowledgments:

Many thanks to my eyes and ears, Cindy Eagan, Phoebe Spanier and Laura Dail, who worship Kaitlin as much as I do. I'd also like to thank Angela Burt-Murray for giving me a gentle push in the right direction, Gloria Wong, my "first" editor, and my mother, Lynn Calonita, and mother-in-law, Gail Smith, who keep Ty happily busy so I can write. Finally, I'd like to thank my grandfather, Nicholas Calonita, who has always wanted to see the family name in lights.