Security (24 page)

“Claire,” Rick said as he reached for her hands.

“I don’t want you to go, Daddy. Please,” she begged
, “don’t leave me again.”

Chapter Forty-One

She didn’t know how long he’d held her. He’d moved around the table and knelt beside her and cradled her against his body, rocking her slowly as she sobbed. But then, when her crying had subsided, he had kissed her, and then he’d left. She would never see him again.

She was exhausted, wrung out, and emotionally drained. She just wanted to lie down somewhere, go to sleep, then when she woke up, she wanted all that had happened to be nothing more than a terrible dream.

How long were they going to keep her here? She’d been debriefed now. After her father had left, she’d told the woman in the Audrey Dupont skirt everything she knew about what had happened. The names of the terrorists, what they looked like—at least what she could remember before the hood went on—what had happened, how she’d been treated, what they’d said, how they had beaten Nathan. No one had said his name. No one apart from her father had acknowledged what had happened to him. It was like he hadn’t existed, that he had been some figment of her imagination.

The door opened again, and she moved in her chair until she felt the back of it firm against her shoulder blades. She raised her eyes to see who it was. Her mother.

Autumn dropped her eyes again and clasped her hands together, counting each finger in turn.

Alison put a file on the table then sat in the chair next to her, the chair Rick had brought round to sit in and comfort her. It was too close. Unnaturally close for her mother.

“I won’t ask any stupid questions,” she said. “I expect you’ve had enough of those from that Priya girl. I have no idea how she got a job here. Actually
, no, I take that back. Given her glossy black hair and figure, I know exactly how she got a job here.” She adjusted her skirt and crossed her legs.

Autumn raised her eyes to meet her mother’s. She had no energy left to feel anything for her. She felt paralyzed.

“You should come and live with me. I was thinking about altering the second bedroom anyway. It’s been over a year since it was last decorated. We can have a look at some designs together. I was thinking of taupe, but maybe you have another idea.” Alison played nervously with her hands in an action that almost mirrored Autumn.

“Live with you?” The words came out in a hoarse voice, only just audible.

“Yes, well, I know all about what that awful PA did to you, and that terrible boyfriend of yours, DJ Doggy, or whatever he was called. Cheating on you, plotting to kidnap you for money. They’re being held by the police, being charged with organizing your record producer’s murder.”

A glimmer of gladness washed over her brain, just enough to make her care slightly more about what her mother was talking about. “Have they caught the man that shot him?” Autumn whispered.

“Not yet, but it’s only a matter of time before your ex-friends start giving up names. They are going to be doing some time in prison. There’s no doubt about that.”

Autumn managed a nod then let out a chesty cough. When was her last drink? She had turned down coffee earlier, and the bottle of water on the table was empty. Suddenly, her throat felt as dry as sandpaper.

“Shall I get you a drink? Have you eaten? I tell you, the service in this place has gone downhill. And you’re not even a suspect! I expect the suspects are on their third martini by now,” Alison continued.

“I saw Dad,” Autumn said, tears welling up in her eyes.

“I know, I saw him, too.”

Alison took hold of her hands and held them in hers.

“We won’t see him again, will we?” Autumn asked.

“No. Not unless there’s another ‘situation’, and I hope there won’t be.”

Autumn could see she was holding in her feelings like the consummate professional politician, but the sentiment was there all the same, bubbling up inside her, threatening to expose her as a human being.

“It must have been hard for you,” Autumn said.

With those words hanging in the air, Alison burst. Down went the hardened exterior, followed by an outpouring of grief that Autumn hadn’t been prepared for. Her mother sobbed, her mouth open, her eyes gushing with tears, her arms curled around her stomach as if she was holding herself together.

Autumn reached out to hold her shoulders. “Oh, Mother.”

Alison shook her head and tried to restore some of her composure, searching the pockets of her jacket for a tissue. Autumn put her hand out. In it was her father’s handkerchief. She pressed the cotton fabric into Alison’s hand.

“I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you,” Autumn said. “The things I said before were mean and cruel. I was just thinking about myself because I thought everyone knew and I didn’t. But you’ve lived seventeen years without a husband.”

Alison only managed a nod and dabbed at her eyes with the handkerchief.

“Why did you push me away?” Autumn asked.

“I shouldn’t have, but I didn’t know what else to do. When I found out your father had to go, I felt as if someone had cut my heart out. He was the only man I ever loved. He
is
the only man I’ll ever love. You were so young. I’d imagined raising you—perhaps another child, too—together as a family. I knew what he did, knew the risks if things went too far, but I just didn’t expect it. Suddenly, I was left on my own, and I also had to keep a huge secret from you and the rest of the world. I know what a terrible job I did, I held you at arm’s length because I was grieving for your father. I should have drawn you closer, protected you, not shut you out.”

Autumn shook her head. “I pushed you away, too, because I wanted him back. You couldn’t be him, so I didn’t want you. That was my child psychology, and I just continued it into adulthood.”

“What he does, Autumn, is so valuable. That’s why I fell in love with him. He fights for what’s right. He fights against terrorism, for truth and honesty. He fights for people who can’t fight for themselves. He takes risks, and he goes into hiding because he’s the best at his job. He’s saved thousands of lives. He’ll continue to save thousands of lives, but he has to do that away from us, to protect us. That was why I didn’t want you pursuing a career in the music business to begin with. It was best if you grew up out of any spotlight. Despite faking his death, it was also important to avoid people ever knowing who your father really was.”

“But I pushed and pushed, didn’t I? Flunked out of everything
, and concentrated on driving you crazy writing music, sending CDs off, joining those singing groups, auditioning for musicals.”

“We’d changed our names. I couldn’t order you not to choose the life you’d set your heart on. And, Autumn,” Alison said, “you are so talented, so very, very talented.”

Her mother continued to hold her hands, stroking her thumbs across the back of them.

“You never told me what you thought of my music,” Autumn said.

“I know.”

“I never knew if you were proud of me. I thought all the awards were just publicity for you. You never really seemed interested in
me
.”

“I am interested, Autumn. I just…lost sight of what was important. And, because I knew what it was like to lose someone so precious, I felt
, if I got too close, I might lose you, too. I know how that sounds, but sometimes, we do very foolish things for self-preservation. I think I thought you were better off without my interference.”

“I was so lonely,” Autumn admitted.

“Oh, Autumn,” Alison said, reaching forward and pulling her daughter into her arms.

Autumn closed her eyes and sucked in the scent of her mother. It was a shot of expensive perfume and a wave of hair conditioning product, but it was the essence of her, and she had not been in such close quarters with it since before her father had left. A lone tear escaped and slithered down her cheek.

Alison drew herself away, dabbing at her eyes with the handkerchief. She sniffed and tried to recompose herself, then reached onto the table for the file she’d brought in.

“I really shouldn’t be doing this, Autumn,” Alison started. She smoothed her hands over the thick wad of paper bound by a thin cardboard covering.

Autumn didn’t say anything. She had no clue what her mother was about to do, but she had had no idea her mother was going to behave like a normal person when she entered the room. Anything could happen.

“I could lose my job if anyone finds out about this…but I thought it would be important to you.” Alison hesitated for a moment, holding onto the file, then she passed it to Autumn.

The weight of the document sent her hands to her lap, and she struggled to contain all the papers within it.

“I know I didn’t believe you, but there was so much going on, I suppose I didn’t have time to think about it. I was concerned for your safety. I couldn’t see anything else,” Alison said.

Autumn opened the file and swallowed down a boulder of sentiment as she encountered a photo of Nathan. It was a head shot, and he was dressed in his Army uniform, a cap on his head. He looked no different, maybe a few years younger, but apart from that, she was looking into the eyes of the man she loved. She touched the photo with the tips of her fingers, traced the line down the side of his face, stopping at his chin.

“Everything you need to know about Scott Pemberton is in that file. I thought it might help somehow,” Alison told her.

Autumn raised her head to regard her mother.

“Scott,” she whispered.

“Yes, that was his real name.”

Autumn nodded, her fingers not leaving the photo.

“I’ve had the cameras turned off in here, so you take as long as you like with the file. When you’re done, just press that button under the desk and call for me.” Alison got to her feet.

Autumn looked back to the photo, drinking in everything about his face. The hazel eyes flecked with more gold than blue, the firm jaw, the full lips. They had such little time together, but the intensity of her feelings for him had not just taken her by surprise, they had overwhelmed her.

Autumn looked up into her mother’s eyes. “I loved him, Mother.”

Alison’s lips trembled at her daughter’s admission, and she nodded her head.

“Have a think about the spare bedroom,” Alison said. “We could get a piano. I think there would be space.”

Autumn
pored over the file, reading every report, every article, every attendance note or notarized telephone conversation, every memo. Reading about him reminded her that he had been real. He’d been exceedingly brave in his career, and if he hadn’t gone against the grain and earned himself the reputation of someone who would break the rules, it was likely he would have been highly decorated.

He’d fought in all four corners of the globe and taken on assignments no one else was willing to entertain. He’d spent time in anger management—that she wasn’t surprised about
, and she was sure it hadn’t worked—time under psychiatric care after the death of his wife and child—she wasn’t sure that had worked either—and he’d also been a bodyguard for an Austrian princess. She didn’t like the idea of that.

She knew she couldn’t take the file with her, but she was sure one photo wouldn’t be missed, and she didn’t have any of her own. She needed something to refer to, because no matter what people said, memories did fade. There was one that said it was taken in Mexico. Nathan had been part of a team sent in to extract a billionaire UK business man after he was taken hostage. In the photo, he was half-smiling, wearing combat gear and camouflage paint, but it was his eyes that made her want that picture. They were staring out of the photo as if they were looking straight at her. She wanted to keep that image
, and hold it in her heart forever.

Chapter Forty-Two

“Now, how about some eggs? I’ve got some salmon we could have with it.”

She wasn’t sure she liked the new mother who had come into her life. She had installed Autumn in the spare room of her luxury house in Mayfair, and had hardly left her side. She knew she should be grateful for finally receiving the love and attention she had craved, but it was already starting to suffocate her.

“Mother, I don’t like fish,” Autumn reminded her.

“But, Autumn, you hardly ate a thing last night. You need to keep your strength up if you’re going to travel to the US tomorrow.”

That trip was another bone of contention between them. It was less than a week since her kidnapping, but she had decided to travel back to America to take part in the IMAs.

She had done three solid days of sitting in the spare room at her mother’s house, looking at the gilded wallpaper and counting the number of flecks in each strip. She couldn’t think about anything else but Nathan. The photo she sometimes kept on the nightstand—but mainly in her hand—was the only thing she looked at apart from the wallpaper. She’d picked at meals her mother had brought in, meals Alison had no doubt paid a fortune for to be delivered, as there was no way they were home-cooked. Then, as soon as her mother was out of the room and out of earshot, she had sloped off to the en-suite and thrown up what little she had eaten. On the third day, Nathan’s eyes told her she was wasting away, not through lack of nourishment, but through lack of will. Her will had left her, and she didn’t know what to do. Long term, she still didn’t know what to do, but she didn’t want to be holed up in her mother’s house. It was almost as bad as being held prisoner in a warehouse. The only difference was filtered water on tap and Egyptian cotton sheets.

She needed something else to think about. She needed a distraction, and the IMAs were her distraction of choice. The sooner she got back into the world, the quicker those photos of her after the kidnapping, after the death of her boyfriend, after the Rockweiler/Janey debacle, after Blu-Daddy, had been published, the sooner she could move on. Where she was going, she didn’t know, but she had to get this done before she made any real decisions about the future.

“I
am
going. You won’t change my mind,” Autumn said, picking up a cup of coffee.

“I know.”

“And I don’t want you to come with me. I’ll have the usual team of…security.”

She’d hesitated slightly before she’d said the word. It didn’t feel right. Nothing felt quite right. It was like the past couple of weeks of her life had meant more than the rest of her life put together, and now she was at a loss.

“I’ve hired someone to go with you, a new PA. You can’t go without someone to manage your schedule. If you win those awards, Autumn, there will be meetings and television interviews. You can’t coordinate that yourself, and the last person from the record company was utterly useless,” Alison said, breaking eggs into a bowl and getting yolk on the sleeve of her blouse.

“Mother! You can’t just hire someone without asking me! Look what happened the last time you did that.”

She tried not to cry, but the tears were at her eyes so easily these days. Two sprang forth and fell down her face. She grabbed a linen napkin from the table and swiped at them.

“It will get easier, Autumn. It might never go away
, but it will get easier,” Alison said, her tone soft.

Autumn put her coff
ee cup down with a shaky hand. “I don’t want it to go away. I never want to forget him.”

The intercom heralded a caller, and Alison moved into the hallway to answer it. Autumn let out a heavy sigh and picked up a piece of toast. She wasn’t hungry, but Alison was right about America. She didn’t want to turn up there frail and ready for nothing but collapse. Nathan had fought his whole life, and that’s what she had to do. She had to honor his life. She had to win those awards for him. And when she did, she would stand on that stage and tell the world how much she loved him.

Alison returned to the kitchen. “Autumn, the new PA is on her way up. Will you let
her
cook you some eggs?” she asked.

“You mean, she cooks as well as handling my schedule? What else does she do?”

“People say I am quite good at braiding hair, child.”

Autumn choked on a mouth full of air as Tawanda entered the room, her hands in the pockets of her denim pinafore dress.

Autumn leaped from the table and ran to the woman, throwing her arms around her and squeezing tight. Tawanda held her close, and Autumn let herself weaken. She reveled in being held by someone she cared so deeply about. Someone who understood, someone who had known Nathan.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Autumn looked at her friend, held onto her hands. “I wasn’t sure I’d get to see you again.”

“Your mother found my number, said you were looking for a new personal assistant. I told her I already had the job,” Tawanda said, her eyes moving to Alison.

“We needed someone you could really trust this time, not just someone who looks the part,” Alison remarked.

“What are you saying, Foreign Secretary Raine? That I don’t look the part?” Tawanda asked, acting affronted and lifting up one high-top sneaker.

Autumn let out a laugh
, then hugged Tawanda close again. She wanted to keep her with her in case she disappeared.

“You have lost more weight. This is not good. I will make you eggs
, and you will eat them,” Tawanda ordered.

“I remember how good they were,” Autumn whispered, a faint smile on her mouth.

“I usually burn mine anyway, but look,” Alison said, indicating her sleeve, “I ruined a good blouse in the attempt.”

“It isn’t ruined, Mother, that will come out with a bit of pre-wash and a forty degree cycle,” Autumn stated.

Tawanda grinned at her. “My, my, child! You really did listen to Tawanda. I’m impressed.”

“I should have listened a lot more,” Autumn admitted.

“Ah, well, you listen right now, and I’ll teach you how to cook the best scrambled eggs, Jamaican style.”

She’d eaten at least four eggs made into scramble and a whole bowl of fresh fruit salad. She was full to bursting, and at the moment, she had no urge to go and lose it all down the toilet. The scene at the breakfast table was bizarre, but, strangely, it worked. There was her mother sipping at an herbal tea from a proper cup and saucer and reading the paper, and there was Tawanda, one of her big hands closed around a mug of coffee, a pen in the other hand, marking at the crossword. She wondered what Nathan would have thought of it.

After the kidnapping, and the death and destruction that had been brought into her life, it was like everything had suddenly stilled. There was quiet here, even with her mother’s constant fussing. There was time to think, time to recollect her feelings and memories. She liked the calm.

With that sentimental thought, Alison caught sight of the wall clock and leaped out of her chair.

“I have to go. I have a meeting in half an hour, and I can’t be late.” She slipped her jacket over the fresh blouse she had put on before they’d sat down to breakfast.

Autumn was about to let out a sigh of relief, but she held it in. She was glad her mother was going out, but she didn’t want her to think that she didn’t appreciate her care. She did appreciate it, more than she was ever going to confess to.

“You’ll be okay?” Alison asked, putting her purse over her shoulder.

“Yes, of course,” Autumn answered.

“You’ll take care of her?” Alison directed the question to Tawanda.

Tawanda looked up from her puzzle. “That’s the most important part of being a personal assistant, as far as I am concerned.”

“Right, well I’m leaving then. If you need me, for anything, just call. You’ve charged the new iPhone I got you?”

“Yes, Mother,” Autumn replied, this time letting the sigh come out.

“See you later then. I shouldn’t be later than six. Perhaps we could go to dinner, if you feel up to it.”

“Perhaps.”

As soon as she heard the front door close, Autumn let out a breath that drifted on and on. It felt as if she had been holding onto a lungful of air for days. She took hold of her coffee mug and drank the black liquid down quickly. She coughed as some of it went down the wrong way then grabbed at her napkin to wipe her mouth.

“You will end up with indigestion if you aren’t careful,” Tawanda said. She poured water from a jug on the table into a glass. “Here, have some water.”

“Sorry,” she apologized, seizing the glass and taking a sip.

“You have nothing to apologize for, child.”

“God, Tawanda, I don’t know what to do! I’ve been here for days, but it seems like years. She’s treating me like a baby, and I know I should make the most of it, but, to be honest, it’s driving me mad.”

“She is a very complex woman, and she has dealt with a lot in her life. I think you should make a few allowances for how she behaves now. She has shared her deepest secret with you…about your father.
She told me in case you wanted to talk. I’ve kept more secrets than I’ve made chicken dinners. Child, she wants to make up for all those wasted years when you didn’t understand each other.”

Autumn put the glass of water down and got up from the table. “I need to go out, will you come with me? We’ll go shopping. I need to choose something to wear to the IMAs.”

“Shopping isn’t one of my great loves, child.”

Autumn smiled. “I bet you’ve never done it with a platinum credit card.”