See How She Falls (5 page)

“That
is a true-fact.” I curled myself back into his chest. “How are we going to
survive this, Kennan?”

“The
same way we do everything. Together. You need to spend some time talking to
Aberto. We have to find out what is happening with you. For now, you need to
sleep.”

The
thought of Kennan resigning himself to the fact that Aberto had to be involved
was huge. I still hadn’t told him about Aberto’s confession, and then there was
the dream that I’d just had. I wasn’t ready to look too close at that. As a
thousand thoughts passed through my mind, Kennan began to utter the words that
would send me off into a dreamless sleep. Only, it wasn’t a restful sleep that
awaited me, it was something far worse than memories.

A
parade of images passed through my mind, calling forth memories long forgotten.
It was as though I were sifting through my own past, searching for answers. At
every turn he was there. I was in the dreaming, I was a child playing with my
friend the Old One. I was a teenager, freshly struck with the grief of losing
my parents. I was in the fog, seeking out Aberto, but not knowing what I was
seeking.

It
seemed like at the end of each memory, there was a ghost of an image, a whisper
that erased the time that I’d passed in the dreaming. Yet, the more I came
there, the less afraid I was. I’d been wondering since all this had begun, how
I could possibly have adjusted to the dreaming aspect of this world so easily.
Now I knew, it was because I’d been there so many times before. I just couldn’t
remember. I felt a wave of anger wash over me at all of the memories that had
been stripped from my mind by Aberto. What right did he have to take them from
me? My anger melted away as my memories brought me to a part of the dreaming I
hoped never to experience again.

I
was back at the lab, being tortured by Xavier. Yet, in these memories, as I was
being ripped to shreds by the wolves, resigning myself to death, there was
Aberto. But this time, he didn’t intercede. He stood on the outskirts of the
vision, as if to observe what I may do. I watched myself go through each of the
torturous scenarios all over again, each time seeking out Aberto only to find
him watching, waiting. Why hadn’t he helped me?

By
the time the endless parade of memories began to fade, I was furious. He’d left
me there to suffer when he could’ve saved me. He said that he cared for me, but
how could anyone that cared for me ever stand idly by while my world was torn
apart? Then the last memory of him surfaced, a memory of my last nightmare at
the farmhouse. He’d told me that it was time, he’d nudged me into action, into
this mess I was in now. Why hadn’t he protected me?

Chapter
Six

The
fitful sleep finally released its hold on me as the sun began to retreat. Darkness
was falling and I was left with a thousand questions, and only one person that
could answer them. Well, not even a person. Whatever he was, he’d made my
“people that I’d like to throat punch” list.   In fact, he had moved
right up into first place on the list. Sitting up, I stretched my arms high
overhead attempting to shake off some of the dreams, memories, whatever they
were. I looked across the room to find Kennan sleeping in a chair rested
against the door.

“Hey,
handsome.”  My voice came out like sandpaper. I’d startled Kennan from him
dreams causing him to almost fall out of his chair. His arms flailed like some
deranged cartoon character as he tried to steady himself.

“Um,
hey yourself. What time is it?”  Kennan rubbed his hand down his face, a
sure sign he was worn.

“I’m
not sure, but there is someone I need to talk to, and I need you to be cool
about me doing it alone.”

“Again?
Already?”  Kennan stood, trying to stretch out his stiff muscles and
effectively rerouting my focus. “Izzy?”  Kennan’s raised brow brought me
back to the present.

“Unfortunately.
I’m going to head down to the office. If you want to go grab some food, I can
get Conall to come stand outside of the office. I know it isn’t exactly
pleasant for you to have to stand out there while he is in there with me.”

“I’m
fine, although, I am a bit hungry. Maybe you’re right, it might make things
easier if I’m not there every time he shows up.”

“Are
you sure?”

“I
trust you, Izzy. Nothing will ever change that.”  Kennan pulled me close to
him, kissing the top of my head.

“Alright,
well, let’s get to it then. I want to get this over with. I just hope his
Oldness doesn’t try and play keep-away with the answers again. I’m awfully
close to throat punching him right now, so he’d better watch himself.” 

“You’re
terribly scary, you know that right?”

“Oh,
don’t you start with me, mister. I have lightning bolt fingers now. I could
totally zap you when make me mad.”

“I
am truly terrified.” Kennan did his best to look afraid, although, I wasn’t buying
it for a second.

“You
better watch yourself. I’ll zap you when you least expect it.”  I raised
my brows up and down like some sort of deranged scientist, all while drumming
my fingers together. I thought I looked truly frightening. Or insane, but who’s
counting?

“Okay,
fine, you are a fearfully and wonderfully made Seer of limitless talents. Happy
now?”  Kennan smirked.

“For
now," I preened as I walked down the hall toward my office, where Conall
just happened to be waiting. Convenient, that.

“Did
someone tell you to be here?” I was curious how he’d gotten here so quickly.

“Aberto
said that you might be in need of my assistance this evening. He is waiting on
you in your office," Conall said with a deep bow.

“Oh
that son of a biscuit eating, Old, secret-keeping asshat. I’m seriously going
to zap him. He deserves it. The eavesdropping bastard.” I started to storm into
the office as Kennan pulled me to a stop.

“Breathe,
Izzy. You know that half of what he does, he doesn’t realize is completely
messed up.”  Kennan becoming the voice of reason was seriously throwing my
world off of its axis.

“Um,
when did you get on team Aberto? Aren’t you supposed to be as pissed off that
he was thought-intruding again? Aren’t you supposed to be righteously angry
about the whole Aberto intruding in our lives bit?”

“I
know that we need his help if we are going to make it through this. It doesn’t
mean I like it, it doesn’t mean I like him, it just means that I don’t want
this to be something that causes more of a rift between us. I need us to be
okay, and I know that he has to be a part of our lives now. So, take a deep
breath, and go in there with a calm and level head.”

Calm
and level head, my arse. I wanted to give Aberto the what for, but instead I
did as Kennan asked and inhaled slowly, trying to erase the anger. In with the
good air, out with the anger, or some nonsense.

“Fine,
I’m calm now," I mumbled through gritted teeth.

“Yeah,
that’s completely believable.” Conall’s disbelief did nothing to help contain
my fury. I eyed him evilly as I slowly opened the door.

“You,
I will see in a bit.” I eyed Kennan steadily as I slipped through the door.

“Get
me when you’re done," Kennan answered before turning to talk to Conall.

I
entered the office, shutting the door just to lean against it. I glanced across
the office to where Aberto stood gazing into the fire. Emotions bombarded me as
the memories all scrambled to the surface once more. Joy and anger warred with
one another as I looked that the man standing before me.

“Why?”
I whispered as tears brimmed in my eyes. The last of the memories surfaced,
bringing with them the sting of betrayal. In the lab, he’d done nothing to help
me. It was unforgiveable.

 Aberto
moved towards me more quickly than any human could. He stopped just short of me
and raised a hand to brush my cheek, something he’d been doing since I was a
child. I pulled away from him, using that same speed to put myself across the
room. Well, that was new. Awesome. Just call me Speedy Gonzales.

“Don’t.” 
I choked back more tears as they threatened to pull me under. I needed to keep
myself together. I needed to know. “You owe me answers, and not just some
bullshit this time, Aberto. What in the hell is going on? Why am I remembering
you from when I was a child? How in the heck did I get into the dreaming as a
kid in the first place? And isn’t all of this stuff you think that I should’ve
known? Would you have ever told me if I hadn’t started to remember?” I paused
looking at the man in front of me. His beauty, even masked by years of loss and
sadness, made the betrayal feel all the more fresh. “Why didn’t you help me?
You were there.” 

“Because
you wouldn’t let me!” Aberto yelled, as he rushed forward, crowding me, backing
me against the wall. He lifted his hand to my face and everything came rushing
back. Every last nightmarish scene played out in my mind as the truth came,
sweeping me back into the dreaming to witness them all over again.

The
house was burning around me. The flames licked up my legs slowly melting my
skin away and as I looked over I saw him standing there, shouting.

“Izzy,
let me in,"  Aberto pleaded from just outside the nightmare.

“I
don’t know you. You aren’t real,"  I shouted back. “Leave me alone.
You’re just another form of torture. A promise of help that will never come.”

“No,
Izzy. You can stop this. You are in control, even here. Be strong.”

“GO
AWAY!”  I shouted, as the flames fully engulfed me. As the vision faded I saw
Aberto fall to his knees, pleading with me to let him in.

When
I finally came back to the present, I was on my knees struggling to catch my
breath. The smell of my charred skin still dusted my nostrils, causing the
contents of my stomach to roil. Aberto lowered himself to squat in front of me.
He reached up to brush my tangled hair from my face.

“I
don’t understand.” I hoped that for once, Aberto might be able to tell me some
answers.

“Izzy,”
his voice came out part promise, part plea, “you are more powerful than you
could possibly know. Even before you began changing, you had the ability to
block people out. Just as you blocked your Guardian from the dreaming, you were
able to shield yourself from me. I would have gone through hell to drag you out
of that torture. There is nothing on heaven or earth that would keep me from
protecting you, except you, yourself. Only you have the power to stop me, Izzy.
So please, don’t believe that I would ever let you suffer if I could end it. I
would have taken that burden from you and protected you, my directive be
damned. I was under the impression that you understood, where you are
concerned, nothing is off-limits.” 

I
stared up into his face, the impossibly tall figure that he was, and I realized
that he was right. He would move the heavens for me, and he had. He had changed
my fate and turned me into something, something that has never been before or
will be again. Tears streamed down my cheeks as the charred smell finally
dissipated.

“But
what about before, why did you make me forget? How was I there, Aberto? I don’t
understand any of this. Why would you want me to forget, why not tell me the
truth when I first saw you at the ceremony?”  I paused, trying to gain my
bearings before asking the question that had been on my mind the most. “Would
you’ve ever told me had I not remembered?”

Aberto
sighed, dropping his hand to his side and raising to his feet. He turned away
from me and paused. “Because you are the prophesied one, you can do impossible
things. You’ve had a presence in the dreaming your entire life, Izzy. But, that
knowledge, those experiences, they are not meant for one so young. You would
have gone mad had I not interceded on your behalf. Would I have told you? No. I
wouldn’t have told you, because there was no reason for you to know. What good,
what knowledge, and what progress would be gained by you knowing? Nothing.
Nothing could be gained from those memories, they were mere chances that we met
in the dreaming.”

“I
would’ve known to trust you from the start. That’s not ‘nothing’, Aberto.” I
rose to my feet and moved the two steps that divided us, what seemed a gaping
chasm. “That matters. You’ve been there my whole life, protecting me, even when
I didn’t know it. So, don’t brush that off. Those memories, they were mine. I
feel like there is this whole part of my life that has been stolen from me, and
now it has all come rushing back in. The flood gates are opened. You had to
know that at some point these memories may return, what of the madness that
they could bring now? Did you have a plan to protect me from that? Or did you
just expect to make me forget again?” The more I talked, the more I became
agitated all over again. I had started by trying to reassure him and moved
right back into being royally pissed.

Aberto
turned to look down at me, his face as still as a statue. “I would do whatever
it took to protect you, even if that meant betraying your trust, even if that
meant taking memories from you. You can hate me, Izzy. You can be angry with me
for taking things from you. I will do it again, and I won’t, for one moment,
regret it, if it means that you will be safe from the world and yourself. Don’t
believe that I am like your Guardian, willing to let you put yourself at risk
just to make you happy. I will allow you to fulfill your calling, I will do
whatever it takes to ensure you can bring the darkness to a halt, but do not
get confused, I will not ever allow you to be hurt.”