See How She Runs (28 page)

“Thanks, but he is right. I almost choked
him back in Kennan’s room. It might not be safe," I said, afraid I
would find the same fear in Molly’s eyes.

“Yeah, like I can’t just jump in your head
and yell at you. Come on, we are fine. Plus, it is ridiculously
boring in here on my own," Molly said, pulling me further into the
room.

We spent the rest of the night talking. I
told her all that had transpired between Kennan and me. It was nice
to have a girl to talk about all of my mushy feelings with. It was
also nice to escape the darkness that seemed to be lingering around
my periphery. I could not shake it. I told her the events that had
led me to being booted from the recovery room. She shook her head
and promised I was fine.

After a while we both started to yawn and we
made our way to our beds. The room was set up like a hotel with two
full sized beds. I went and laid down on the one she was not using
and stared blankly at the ceiling. I felt a sense of panic wash
over me. I had thought that once I left the lab things would be
fine. But I had just had another dream. What if for the rest of my
life, every time I closed my eyes I would be tortured.

I fell into a dreamless sleep with the
prayer of peace on my lips.

**********

TWENTY EIGHT

The next few weeks passed in a flurry.
Kennan was healing rapidly and I knew that the doctors must have
been using some of their special healer juju on him. I went and saw
him everyday, spending as much time as they would allow. We talked
about everything that was going on outside of his recovery room.
Every time I would leave him for the evening, he would get a look
of concern in his eyes.

I knew it was written all over my face that
I was not doing well. I had tried to hide it the first few days.
After a week of no sleep, there was no disguising the bluish purple
tint that had taken up residence under my eyes. I had dropped ten
pounds and felt like I was losing myself. All I could think was
that I needed to be strong for Kennan. So I never told him that I
was still being tortured every time I closed my eyes.

Molly had tried to convince me to block
myself from the dreaming, but I refused to cower. I did not want to
cut myself off from such a huge part of who I was. Instead I went
to sleep every night, and battled whatever demons were thrown my
way. I was not sure if I was doing it to myself or if it was still
the Corporation pulling the strings. I was more afraid that it was
someone here at the Council.

I took to sifting through people’s memories
when they weren’t expecting it. It got to the point that everyone
but Ian, Molly, and Kennan avoided me. They all thought I was
completely insane. I supposed that was not as far from the truth as
I would have liked it to be. In retrospect, the forced therapy
should not have come as such a shock. I was resentful
nonetheless.

“So, you have to go talk to the shrink
today, huh?" Kennan asked. His voice had mended mostly, but there
was still a slight rattle that had not been there before.

“Yep, I have to go and get my head shrunk.
They keep spouting terms like PTSD and survivor’s guilt. I just
want them to stop wasting their time. I am not sure I am even
fixable," I sighed. In the last month I felt like the darkness had
completely enveloped me.

“I have some good news," Kennan said as he
looked down at me with a gleam in his eyes.

“Yeah?" I asked hopefully. I was in need of
something good.

“I get sprung today and I instructed them to
move your stuff into my room," he said with a hint of heat in his
eyes.

“Aren’t they worried I will shank you in
your sleep or something," I said skeptically.

“I didn’t really give them another option,
Izzy. I need you near me. I need to help you fix this. I see you
slipping away and I have not been able to do a damned thing sitting
in this hospital bed. I can’t stand being away from you for another
second. In fact, I am coming with you to the therapy session,"
Kennan said as he stood, pulling me up beside him.

“I don’t know if they will let you in. Dr.
McQuack is kind of a pretentious asshat. I think he would complain
that you were ruining his feng shui or some other nonsense," I
sighed.

“Well, he can just suck it. I am coming. You
are my Seer and I am finally able to perform as a Guardian again.
So now I am doing my job. I am getting you back. I told you, I
would come for you always. Even if that means saving you from
yourself, Red," Kennan said, pulling me up for a quick kiss.

There in that kiss, I felt the last shred of
goodness that had been keeping me afloat. He was all that kept me
from drowning. I sincerely hoped that he would be able to save me
from myself. I gathered up my sweater and followed Kennan from the
room.

The doctors gave Kennan curious looks to
which he responded with a dark glower. I swallowed. I knew that he
had no idea about the way people looked at me. He was probably
going to get a whole lot angrier. It did not bother me anymore. I
was numb to everything it seemed. Or perhaps I was just too tired
to notice.

As we made our way to the shrink’s office, I
felt Kennan growing more and more irritated. With every wayward
glance in my direction, I was pulled in closer. There was no
discernible space left between our bodies by the time we made it to
the office.

We arrived to find the head shrinker closing
up shop.

“Oh, my dear, did no one tell you?" he asked
confused.

“Well obviously not, I am standing here.
What was I not told?" I asked.

“There is a Council meeting, dear thing. We
are to start reviewing the information found at the lab now that
everyone is recovered," he said, sparing a look at Kennan.

“So?" I asked, still unsure of what was
coming.

“So, we must hurry or we will be late.
Someone really should have passed on this information," he mumbled
as he motioned for us to follow him.

We ended up in an out building that was
large enough to seat at least two hundred people. Along the front
there was a long row of chairs. The setup reminded me of the
Supreme Court. As soon as we entered, Kennan and I were ushered to
two seats down in the front. We took our seats and I found a
disgruntled Molly sitting next to me.

“When we are allowed to leave I am so losing
him. He is driving me insane," she stage whispered with a heated
look in Ian’s direction.

I snickered. The past month had not been
kind to poor Molly. She was constantly shocked by Ian’s fashion
choices and hated that she had zero privacy. I could tell she was
counting down the days until freedom. Little did she know, there
would be no shaking him.

“Everyone rise for the honorable Council!" a
voice shouted from the corner.

Everyone present stood as five people walked
in. They varied in age and gender. There were two Guardians and
three Seers on the Council, it would seem. The two Guardians looked
to be in their early sixties as did two of the Seers on the
Council. I wondered if they were paired. Then there was what must
have been the head honcho. She walked in with a grace I had only
ever dreamed of. There was something about her that seemed as
though she had lived a thousand years in her lifespan. There was no
denying her right to lead.

“Be seated," the woman said with more
strength than her body seemed possible of producing.

“We are here to review the happenings of the
day the lab was infiltrated. These proceedings must go on
uninterrupted. If there are any problems, or you must leave for any
reason please do so quietly. Some of the things we will be seeing
today might be disturbing, and for that I do apologize. It is,
however, necessary. We must have all of the information," she said,
looking directly at me.

I shivered, unsure of what was to come. The
next few hours proved to be a lesson in patience and slow torture.
They had brought in a screen to play back the security footage
retrieved from the lab. I had to relive every horrifying moment of
my time in the lab. The last of the tapes was brought in, and the
old crone removed herself from her chair and made her way toward
me.

She bent over and looked me directly in the
eyes. I felt as though she were tearing back layers of my soul. I
stared back, afraid to avert my eyes or show any sort of
weakness.

“This next bit will not be easy for you.
However, you must stay. You need to see the truth," she said
pointedly before motioning for the video to be started back up.

She retreated back up to her seat and left
me wondering why she had singled me out. The moment the video
started, I understood. There I was on the screen screaming and
fighting against Xavier and his men as they dragged me to the
table. They hooked me up to more tubes than I could count, and all
the while I thrashed against my confines. I watched myself as I
fought for freedom that I knew would be denied.

Then the worst started. They hooked me up to
the machine and left me. The time stamp passed more quickly showing
my body violently thrashing. I would rip the tubes from my arms
only to have them replaced. It was a horrifying parade of every
nightmare played on my mind. My body felt weary watching it all. I
was still suffering this same torture. I knew that every night I
still screamed out. I knew every night I still thrashed.

The time stamp slowed and I saw that a week
had passed. So, I had been tortured for an entire week. Why had no
one told me? I watched in horror as I saw what was about to play
out. I saw Kennan rush in only to be knocked unconscious by Xavier.
I saw myself pull out of the dreaming. I was terrified with what I
saw.

I looked cold and calculating, as though
every ounce of good had been stripped away. I wondered if I still
looked that way. The tears started to flow as I watched myself end
Xavier. It all played out so quickly and then it was over. I did
nothing to stem the flow of tears. There was no point. They came of
their own accord in response to things I had been repressing for
far too long.

I watched as the time stamp skipped ahead,
and I thought that I saw Xavier move. It couldn’t have been though,
because I had severed his jugular. I had watched him bleed out.
Then the time stamp skipped again and the room was empty. I looked
back up to the Council head and saw her watching me. She nodded
almost imperceptibly. Something had happened and I was not sure
what. Somehow the video had been altered, but I was not sure if
that meant Xavier was still alive, or if someone just wanted us to
think that.

The meeting was drawn to an end with
testimonies from all of the Guardians sent in to retrieve us. It
was exhausting and by the end all I wanted to do was fall into bed
with Kennan. I prayed for at least one night’s sleep.

**********

TWENTY NINE

The meeting came to an end and we were all
ushered out. We were informed that there would be more Council
meetings to discuss the goings on at the lab, but that we would
most likely not be required to attend. I was not sure I would be
able to make it through another one of those meetings. I was
exhausted. I felt like an empty shell of my former self.

Kennan grabbed my hand and dragged me behind
him out of the door. He headed up to the living quarters and pulled
me in his wake. He did not slow down when we reached the stairs,
nor did he slow when we got to our floor. He kept pulling until we
were inside the room he had been assigned. He closed the door
behind me. He stood there for a second before turning me pinning me
against the wall in the process.

He pushed me up the wall and kissed me
fiercely. Fire rose in my belly and brought forth the first violent
emotions I had felt in days. I surrendered to the frenzy and
allowed the fire to consume me and warm the darkest parts of my
soul. I clung to Kennan and poured all of my unspoken fears and
desires into the kiss. I wrapped myself around him and threw myself
over to the base needs of my body.

He pulled me away from the wall and moved me
to the bed, all the while kissing me like I would fade away at any
moment. He lowered himself on top of me and slowed the kiss. He
pulled back and rested his forehead against my own. He tried to
calm his breathing as I tried to get myself back under control.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Izzy? Is it still
that bad?" he asked with desperation.

“You almost died. I didn’t want to add that
on top of it," I whispered.

“You didn’t answer me, is it still that
bad?" he growled.

“Yes," I choked out as the tears came
unbidden.

“Fuck, I am blocking you, do you understand.
You can’t go through that every night," he said as he stood and
started pacing the room.

“I don’t want to be blocked. I have to
figure out how to stop it. But, it just feels real still. I don’t
know if they are just remnants of my time there or if it is still
happening. I can’t be blocked off if I ever want to find out."

“It will eventually kill you, Izzy. I mean
look at you. I am coming into the dreaming with you tonight."

“You don’t want to see what happens there,"
I said, not wanting him to suffer through my own personal hell.

“I am coming, end of conversation. We are
going to put an end to this. I am getting you back, Izzy. Do you
understand me? I will not let them strip away your goodness until
all that is left of you is an empty shell."

I choked back a sob as it threatened to
escape. I did not know what I was supposed to do to fight any
harder. I was doing the best I could. I feared Kennan no longer
wanted me. I would not want me. He was right. I was a husk of my
former self.

He lowered himself in front of me as I sat
on the edge of the bed. He looked up into my eyes and I saw pain
written there. He hurt for me the way I hurt for him. I couldn’t
hold back the sob any longer.