See You on the Backlot (5 page)

All I heard was yelling and people running around. I guess it was the crowd leaving while the performers gathered around me. Murphy was the first one to get to me, and then I could hear Charlie next to me. He was yelling orders to other people and calling to me. He sounded almost crazy. Can you believe that? My own pops yelling at me for catching on fire?

It took a while for things to calm down enough. Charlie still hasn’t really talked to me since then. Murphy told me Big Mike sprung for the fancy doctor they sent in. Thank goodness they didn’t send an ambulance or anything. Murphy also told me to take it easy for a few days. But he wouldn’t say anything else. None of the people from the show have come to talk to me but you, greenie. Guess they’re all pretty sore that I messed up.

But I’ll be back. You’ll see.

So you found me, eh?

Well, you’re here. Might as well sit down and make yourself comfortable. On top of the Light Plant isn’t the most comfortable place to be hiding – but it sure beats hiding under one of the rigs. That’s the thing about carnies – most of them never look up.

But you knew where to find me, didn’t you, gilly? Maybe you’re not such a gazoonie after all…

No, no. I’ll come down in a bit. ‘Turn myself in’, or whatever it is they want to call it. I know most of the lot doesn’t know
why I did what I did. But you do, don’t you, greenie? Do me a favour though, will you? Don’t tell anyone. I won’t have anyone thinking less of Delilah, or looking at me with any kind of sympathy, like they would some punk. It’s bad enough I end up hobbling around this lot the past week. Can’t do a show. Can’t bring in any money. Doctor coming around and bothering me when all I really need to do is get back on the boards.

No – I did what I had to do, and I’m not sorry for it. Not even a little bit.

Ever since the accident it just hasn’t been that easy. You know, Murphy has been taking care of me quite a bit. Charlie hasn’t done much more than stick his head in my bunk every once in a while to look at me. He’s hardly even said much more than to ask how I was doing. I can hear him and Murphy talking quietly in the main room of the trailer sometimes. Then I hear him leaving, and Murphy sticks in his head to say, ‘Hey, kid. How you holding up?’

One night – pretty late, because there wasn’t a peep from the shows or carnival – I heard something in my room. Guess I wasn’t too fast asleep or anything, because I didn’t jump up. Just opened my eyes a little bit to peek through and see what it was. Charlie was in my room, leaning against the doorway from our trailer’s main room. He didn’t say anything, or try to wake me up. I just lay there looking at him for – oh, I don’t know… it seemed like forever. I started wondering if he was wishing I wasn’t along on this show.

Then I watched him take a deep draw from the bottle he had in his hand, before he turned around and shuffled out. Quiet as death he was, coming in and out of my room in the pitch black. I was lying there kind of scared, wondering what he might do – and thinking about how many times he might have snuck into my room to stand and watch me with that look on his face.

It’s been years since Charlie laid a hand on me – did you know that, greenie? It was one of the first times he started on the
bottle, right after I lost my mum. He went on a tear – there seemed to be empty bottles and cans as far as the eye could see – and he was throwing things, yelling, cursing. I was pretty scared at the time. I had run up to him to try to put the brakes on him and he just… Well, I’m not really sure what happened after that, actually. He sort of grabbed, twisted and threw me all at the same time. We were on a cart or something high up, and I went flying off it onto the ground. I don’t remember much after that, but suddenly Murphy had me in his arms, and my da, he was yelling and crying and trying to get to me. But Murphy wouldn’t let him.

I haven’t thought about it in a while. Almost like I can’t remember it – but that’s what happened. I don’t remember seeing Charlie drink much after that. I mean – I know that he does it. Drink, I mean. Everyone knows that Charlie drinks as much as he can. But since that day he seems to go to a lot more trouble to hide what he is doing.

That’s why I was scared watching him that night. I haven’t actually seen him take a snort from a bottle in years. If he’s been doing that, will he come after me, again? Especially if he’s angry with me or doesn’t want me around.

It’s those thoughts that I hate, greenie. I’m not one to worry, I told you before – but thoughts like that have a tendency to nag at you, not letting you go about your day like you should. Between the thought that Charlie might want to get rid of me, and worrying about Delilah, I haven’t felt quite right.

So then I’m out reading the midway a bit later in the afternoon, looking for stray stuff on the ground, and Murphy falls into step beside me. I ignore him for as long as I can, but then he starts talking to me.

‘How you doing there, kid?’ he asks, all nonchalant. ‘Getting some exercise?’

‘Don’t be dumb,’ I said to him. ‘I’m a carny. Exercising is for suckers with too much time on their hands. I work for a living.’

‘So, you’re looking for anything the chumps may have left behind.’ He laughed a bit. ‘Just like I taught you, kid. Remember that?’

Of course I do, but I can’t really tell him that, can I? Murphy is the only person I’ve ever let call me kid. Not even Charlie gets to do that. But I’m being tough, right? I need to harden myself up for what he’s going to say, so I just keep on walking. And he keeps right up with me.

‘Look, kid,’ he starts in, again, ‘I need to talk to you about the show.’

‘Talk to Charlie,’ I tell him, ‘he’s the one in charge, isn’t he?’

Murphy stops me, forcing me to look up at him. And when I look into his eyes, I see real concern there. I never expected that.

‘Tony,’ Murphy said, ‘as much as I want you to be, you’re not just some punk kid. You’ve seen the receipts. You know the take. You know what our nut is.’ He stopped a
moment, glancing up and down the lot. Then kind of motioned for us to keep moving, like he didn’t want us standing still. And this is the first time I can think of that he’s called me by my name. Must be something big – so I go with him.

‘The show isn’t doing well,’ Murphy says, flat out. ‘Big Mike has always done right by us – maybe even when he shouldn’t have – but even he can’t overlook how often the show’s been late getting to a lot. We keep losing the prime spots, which means our take isn’t as good as it used to be. The working acts are good – but the rubes aren’t as interested in them these days. Then we lose Sam. Then we almost lose you.

‘Now I know that wasn’t your fault,’ he said, motioning me to calm down before I can get a word out. Guess he knows the score about how I feel. ‘Everyone knows it. But it’s something of a jinx, isn’t it? We all depend on you, Tony, you know that. And now this guy Frank is starting to get everyone riled up, isn’t he?’

‘What do you mean?’ I asked him. I haven’t thought about Frank much, but suddenly I remember the conversation I overheard him and Charlie having. But I don’t tell Murphy about it. Not now. I can hear anger in Murphy’s voice as he continues.

‘That guy ain’t no townie, kid. And he knows more than a thing or two about this show. He knows the crowds ain’t what they’re supposed to be, and he knows we’re struggling to get everyone paid. And he’s telling the others.’

‘He can say whatever he wants to the rest of the show,’ I told him. ‘They know us. They know we’ll come through. We’ve never let them down.’

Murphy shrugged, ‘He’s not just saying it to the people in our show, kid. He’s been saying it all over the lot. That starts rumours. Rumours tend to spread in a place like this. And after a while rumours start to take on a ring of truth. And that ring of truth gets back to management. And when
Big Mike gets a real wind of what’s going around, he’s going to act on it.’

I was mad now. ‘Why would anyone believe what
he
says? Why should they listen to anything from him? They
know
us!’

‘That’s the thing, kid,’ Murphy looked at me, hard. ‘They know him, too. And they believe him, because some of what he is saying is true. The show really is in trouble!’

‘We’ll pull it out,’ I told him, but he wasn’t going for it.

‘We can pull it out or not,’ he said to me. ‘But this guy is also saying other stuff. When told with the truth, even false things can
seem
real. And that is all it takes to make people believe
everything
he says. Once they start doing that, the show can fall apart.’

Murphy stopped a moment. We were in a quiet part of the lot. The sun was beating
down on us and the dust was scratching the back of my throat.

‘What do you want me to do?’ I asked Murphy, meeting his eyes.

Murphy looked away from me again, staring off at the horizon like he was thinking. But I knew he didn’t really have an answer. He had something else on his mind.

‘I want you to think long and hard about what I said,’ Murphy told me. ‘I want you to consider it with what’s coming. You never wanted to be a kid, Tony. And now, there’s no turning back. You’re an adult. You have responsibility for what’s going to happen. Man to man, I am telling you this. I want you to be ready.’

He looked at me pretty sombre-like, then reached out and shook my hand. That’s when I knew he was serious. About everything.

Murphy walked off then, not reading the midway any more, but with his head high
and his eyes toward the horizon, like he was watching for an upcoming storm. Me? I didn’t know what to do really. I continued to walk around the lot, thinking about what Murphy had told me, and what I’d seen and heard.

Anyway, after wandering around for a while, I looked up and found myself near Delilah’s joint. You know, where the
six-legged
cow is. I didn’t plan it or anything, I just happened to find myself there. So I forced myself to walk right up to it.

Of
course
I was hoping she would be there, greenie! I’ve been thinking about what I’d heard when I sat beneath the window of her trailer ever since it happened. I practically can’t think of anything else. And, as I was thinking about what Murphy had said to me, I realised that if I was going to be a man, then I needed to tell her what I thought. I just had it in my head that if I could talk to her – let her know that I knew what was going on, I mean – she might come with me. I could protect her from whoever it was tossing her around. By which I mean her father, right?

But as I walked up to their tent, I heard something. Maybe I should have walked away right then. Gone to get someone else. Found Murphy, maybe. I should have done anything but walk into that top. Because right on the inside, huddled against the stall where they keep the cow, Delilah was crying. And not just crying, she was bawling, and she looked beaten up, I guess. I was just… well, shocked, greenie. So that I didn’t know what to do for a moment.

All I could do was listen to her sobbing. Watch her shaking as she held on to the bars of that stupid cow’s stall while tears ran down her cheeks. It’s crazy the things you remember when a moment like that hits you. I’ll never forget the look on her face when she saw me. She tried to pull her jacket up over her arms and shoulders – I guess to cover up the bruises.

I was only there for a moment, but in that moment something cracked. I mean, something broke inside me, right then. All I could think about was that I hadn’t said
anything that night at her trailer; that I’d run, instead, you know?

So as soon as I saw her, I ran again. Only this time, I ran right for the cook shack.

Oh, yeah, I didn’t stop for anything, son. I ran as fast as I could right to where I knew her father would be. I was pretty sure I’d got the whole picture. I was going to make sure he never put his hands on her again.

I didn’t slow down until I got there. Normally I’d go in careful, because everyone is there. The cook shack is the main place for everyone to socialise whenever they can, talk about the next jump, the red dates or the blue ones. It’s usually a safe place,
off-limits
for any beefs, you know. But whatever – I was out for his blood.

I thought that when I went for him it would be something like in one of those old westerns I used to watch with Charlie, back when we had stopovers at the hotels. I would walk in the door, and then people would clear-off when I told him to come
outside with me. Then once I had him outside I’d work him over a bit. He’d surrender to me because I’m the good guy, and he’s the bad guy. But, it didn’t work out that way.

Don’t know what it was. There must have been some look on my face, because as soon as I walked in the place, I saw some people scramble for the door. Then almost right off I saw him, standing near where the coffee is. That’s when I snapped.

A kind of red haze settled over my eyes, and the next thing I know I’m jumping over the table between me and him, tackling him to the ground. I guess calm and cool went out the window, huh? So I get him to the ground and I’m just swinging on him with all I got. I don’t know. There are fights like you see in the movies, then there’s the real thing. I’ve even seen a few real scraps. A clem or two. But it’s different to be in the middle of one.

I guess I was just thinking that right was on my side – and I guess I thought
he’d give up and take it. But he didn’t. He was grabbing at me, trying to get me off him while I swung my fists at his face and stuff. Then he grabbed one of my hands and started twisting it, keeping his face out of the way of my other fist. It hurt. It hurt a lot. But I kept at him, yelling at him, too. You know, stuff like, ‘You don’t touch her!’ – that kind of thing.

Then I started feeling other hands on me. People trying to pull us apart. I could hear Murphy yelling at me to stop. Travis was there, yelling at Delilah’s father, and some of the other people too. I kept feeling someone hitting me from behind. Trust a carny to kick you when you’re down, I suppose. But I just tucked up my shoulders – trying to keep from getting hurt too bad – and not letting go of him. Kept trying to kick him if I could.

Finally, I got pulled off him by Murphy and Travis. As soon as they had me off him, I shook off Travis and ran for it. For a moment, I thought Murphy would chase me. But he didn’t. Neither did anyone else.
I guess they all know the truth, don’t they, greenie? When you’re a carny, there ain’t no place you can run.