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Accompanying song:
“Dream Is Collapsing” by Hans Zimmer

Unknown -
January 29
th
, 2013

In his arms, I collapse. I can’t take this anymore. They’ve stripped me of everything. Not just of my clothes, but of my humanity. I’m nothing; a soulless, vapid shell of the fiery redhead I used to be. My muscles refuse to listen to my commands; they’ve lost the will to function. I’ve lost the will to walk. To talk. To live. There is no point anymore. They broke me.

“Stay with me.”

I hear his voice—it feels so far away, even though I know he’s nearby. I can hear his heart beat inside his chest, the rhythmic pumps so soothing, so controlled. Not even one bit faster than before.

His warm hands cradle me as I hang lifeless in his arms, my head leaning against his shoulder. I take in a whiff of air. His musky scent calms down my heart, which was beating so fast I felt like it was going to burst from my chest.

He holds me close to him, like a precious gem he doesn’t want to lose. He pets my hair in long, soft strokes. His voice is low, steadfast, concerned. His words are strained with guilt.

If only I knew why.

“Lillith,” he says.

I can barely hear him now. My eyes keep closing, tired of the world.

“Lillith, look at me.” His authoritative voice brings me back in the here and now. Raising my head, I look at him, and suddenly, I notice all the blood spatters on his face. His eyes are filled with tears of remorse.

Carefully, he sets me down on a chair. I don’t know where I am, nor do I care. I’m drifting in and out of consciousness, struggling to stay awake for him. Only he keeps me from drowning in the darkest nightmare. He pulled me out of pure insanity.

“Open your mouth.”

Something cold pushes against my mouth, and I gasp for air, but instead the fluid runs down my throat.

“Drink. Swallow,” he says. It’s a bottle of water. I’m suddenly aware that I’m dying of thirst, and gulp in the water like there’s no tomorrow. My throat aches from pain.

He exchanges the bottle with something sweet, which tastes like honey, cereal, and fruit.

“Eat.”

One bite is all it takes. That one time I swallow. Images of Ashley flash through my head. The men and what they did to her. How they forced me to witness it. It’s like the horror never ends.

Do you like seeing your friend like this, Miss Carrigan? Enjoy the show while you can.

The moment I hear their voices in my head again, I want to scream, but his hands push my shoulders down and steady me. He goes to his knees and looks me straight in the eye.

“Don’t listen to them. Don’t look. Forget. Forget it all. Just focus on my voice,” he says. “Forget everything you’ve seen and witnessed.”

People walk past us, making me even more nervous than I already was. All of them are monsters in my eyes. No one can be trusted. No one except him.

He grabs my hand and pulls me up from the chair.

“Lillith. Come with me.” I follow him blindly to another room, stumbling on the way. He supports me as we enter an empty, noiseless room with a bed and a chair. Immediately, I sit down in the chair. I don’t have the energy to stand. All I can think about is …

In my seat I tremble, my fingers shaking, the tips feeling numb. Tears drip from my eyes while his hands move down my arms and squeeze my flesh, bringing me back to reality.

“What do you remember?”

I can’t speak. My mind is going numb from the pain. I want to block it all out. I must.

“Listen to me, what do you remember?” His questioning scares me. Not because of his aggressiveness, but because I truly can’t remember. The longer I dig inside my mind, the more it slips away from me. The memories aren’t in my grasp anymore. I’ve lost them; I’ve lost it all.

“Nothing,” I answer with a long, drawn-out sigh.

His eyes study me for a moment, and then they travel down to the floor. He looks defeated and relieved at the same time. I don’t understand. Is he glad for me? Or is he afraid I’ve even forgotten about him?

“I remember you,” I say.

His head tilts up again, his eyes widened. “What?”

“You told me your name. Sebastian. Sebastian Brand.”

He swallows, squinting. For a moment, there is silence. It feels like an eternity before he opens his mouth again. “Is that all you remember? Me?”

“Yes …”

He lets go of me and stands up. From down here, he looks taller than I remember. “How much?”

The longer I think about it, the less I know about him. I don’t even know why he knows my name. However, it doesn’t matter. He made the bad memories go away. He took me out of that miserable place and put me here with drinks and food. I found comfort in his arms. He saved me. He’s the only one I can trust.

Speaking the truth to him is my way of saying that he can trust me, too. I need his trust. I need his presence. I need everything about him, and so I’ll do anything to keep him near me. Anything.

“Your name. And that you saved me. You’re my hero.”

He looks down upon me with contempt in his eyes, his lips pointing downward. “Don’t call me that. Ever again.” He cups my chin with his index finger and thumb, caressing my cheek softly. “I am
not
a hero.” A smile builds up on his face—not one of happiness, but of disappointment. “If only you knew what a monster I can be.”

With his finger, he wipes away the tear running down my cheek and presses it to his lips, kissing it off. I smile at the sight. He’s so sweet and kind to me. I don’t care if he says he’s not a hero; he’ll be my hero forever.

His lips part and he pauses only just a second. “You should’ve listened when I told you not to pick up the phone.”

The words reverberate in my ears. He was the one who warned me. The man at the beach. Holy shit.

Before I have a chance to respond and ask him how much he knows of what happened to me, he’s walked out the room, leaving me here alone with my spinning thoughts. It’s not long after that a lady opens the door again.

“Miss Carrigan?”

I look up, still fazed as to what happened. “Yes?”

“Who were you talking to?”

“Sebastian.”

She makes a face. “Who?”

“He just walked out the door.” I point behind her.

She looks outside but shakes her head. “No one’s there.”

My jaw drops, and I get up from the chair and walk over to her. When I stare out the door, I don’t see him. I turn my head to the other side and notice a man in a suit walking away.

“There he is.” I point at him with one hand while keeping the other firmly on the doorpost, trying not to fall over. I’m still too shaken to stand on my own.

I look at her again, but when she turns her face, all she does is raise an eyebrow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She shrugs. “No wonder they sent you here. C’mon.”

She grabs my arm and pulls me through the door.

My gaze lingers on the hallway through which the man in suit disappeared.

He’s gone.

Accompanying song:
“Once Upon a Dream” by Lana Del Rey

Providence, Rhode Island – April 20
th
, 2013

From behind a tree, I gaze at his house, cowering in my shoes. It’s a huge tower close to Burnside Park and the Providence River. Glimmering white and red, the building looks chic, certainly above any payroll I could ever achieve.

I wonder if this is really where he lives. Then again, the street sign does match what I found; 22 St. Paul’s Street. 613 must be very high up.

Tentatively, I walk inside; afraid I might be kicked out for just showing up here. I feel uneasy being in here, as if it’s against the rules. There is a guard sitting in front of a desk with a phone right in front of him. I don’t see any buttons on the wall, so I guess I’ll have to go to him to visit Sebastian. Except, I’m too afraid to even talk to him. Sweat trickles down my forehead as fear settles in my core. I hate this feeling like anything could go wrong at any minute. Before I was in the hospital, I never used to feel this way, but now I feel in danger at every corner. As if someone could snag me up, gag me, put a bag over my head, and drag me into a van any second.

Absurd.

And yet, it still crosses my mind.

In a moment of weakness, I turn my back on the guard who was staring at me, waiting for me to make a move. Instead, I hurry out of the building and walk to the alley on the other side. There, I break down in tears. Stop being so weak, Lillith. I repeat this mantra over and over in my head until I’m calm enough to think of a plan.

When I look up, I notice this alley isn’t exactly an alley. There’s a wall, but there’s also a window. Curiously gazing inside, I discover it’s a gym. There are people lifting weights, drinking water, working out.

There’s someone running on the treadmill facing me. His blond hair is tucked back into an elastic band, his forehead glistening, his lips parted, and sweat dripping down his chin. His jaw tightens, and his light blue eyes widen as he spots me. The machine comes to a stop. When our eyes meet, my world falls apart.

Sebastian is real.

And he’s seen me.

Whatever happens now will bring me either peace or pain. I’ll accept it all. For him.

I walk toward the glass and place my hand on it, gazing at him, waiting for him to make a move. Even from afar, I can tell his sculpted body is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. When he throws his towel over his shoulder and steps off the device my eyes are glued to his half-naked body. His sweatpants hang loosely on his hips as he walks toward the dressing room and glances one last time at me. That one last time makes me shiver. His eyes aren’t sweet or gentle at all. They’re volatile; like he could murder someone. It’s a look I can’t ignore.

After a while, he comes outside. I’m already waiting in front of the door, longing to see him, longing to talk to him, longing to feel him.

He walks down the steps of the building in a hurry.

“Sebastian …” I whisper, the words coming out without much control.

Making a fist, he stops in his tracks right in front of me. My heart begins to pound.

When he opens his mouth, I lose what remains of my sanity.

“Who are you?”

Sebastian and Lillith’s story continues in the full-length novel
SNARE
, which comes out on November 25
th
.

Click here to preorder SNARE
, Book 1 in the Delirious Series!

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will be out around November 25
th
. For the new cover as well as updates, please visit my website,
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