Self Destruct (5 page)

Rebecca

The wedding was held outside by the pier.  It was romantic, beautiful, and I’m sure perfect for everyone that knew the couple.  Everything a wedding was supposed to be.  Since I didn't know them, I was bored.  Like, I felt the need to check for my own pulse bored. 

Jake seemed to like showing me off.  He placed my
hand on the crook of his elbow, as if he was from Victorian England, and introduced me to his friends.  Each time he introduced me as his “friend from college”.  I couldn’t even muster up disappointment. 

He excused himself when a tall blonde approached us and they went off alone to talk.  I wandered around the pier for a while, but after twenty minutes he
still hadn’t come back.  I returned to the table where I had left my bag, and pulled out my phone. 

Me:
Is this day ever going to end?  Would it be rude if I called a cab and just left?

Aiden:  I would love it if you just left.  What would what’s his face think?

Me:  Ugh, I doubt he would notice.  He went off with some blonde about a half hour ago to “talk”.

Aiden:  What a dick.

Me:  I know right?  I’m sick of waiting for him to get back.  I think I’m bordering on pathetic sitting here alone waiting on some guy.

Aiden:  You aren’t pathetic.  He’s a douche.  Do you have money to call a cab?

Me:  Yeah, I have a 20.  We are pretty close to the hotel, so it shouldn’t cost much.  Do you think it’s too late for me to drive back? 

Aiden:  Nah, it’s only 5.  If you hurry you could be back here by 9:30.

Me:  I’ll call when I’m leaving.

It was unusually easy to get a cab, and very fast.  I didn't see Jake the entire time I waited for it to arrive.  I changed quickly, placed my dress in the garment bag, and shoved everything else into my duffle. 

I don’t know why, but I felt the need to leave quickly.  I hadn’t g
otten a call or text from Jake.  He must not have noticed I left, or maybe he just didn't care.  I scribbled a note telling him I went home and left it at the front desk along with the key cards.

I called Aiden and Toni and hit the road.  I was glad to get away from Jake and all of his mixed messages.  I wondered how he would react when/if he returned to the wedding and realized I was gone.  That would be his problem. Funny what
could happen in a week. 

Aiden

“What is wrong with you?” Nick demanded. 
"You trying to get into Becca's pants," I seethed.  "It wouldn't be the first time you went after a girl I was interested in," Nick muttered.  "What?" I asked confused. 

"Nothing important.  Go call Vanessa and leave the rest of the girls to us single guys," Nick muttered.  "I broke up with Vanessa," I stated flatly. 

Nick choked on the beer he was drinking.  "What the hell for?  You have been twisted up with her for seven years.  God Aiden, after everything now you break up with her?  What kind of dick are you?" 

"Staying with her isn't going to change anything.  I think it's time I stopped tormenting myself," I retorted.  "You couldn't have come to this decision years ago?" Nick practically shouted. 

"What the hell is your problem man?" I asked in a strained voice.  Nick scowled at me, and shook his head.  I was obviously missing something.  "Nothing man.  Not a damn thing."

I couldn't think about what was going on with Nick right now. 
I was worried about what I was going to say to Becca.  Maybe I was reading too much into her feelings for me.  Was she going to believe I could have feelings for her so quickly?  Would she still like me now that I had completely turned into a chick?

A lot had happened in the days before she left for Port Orchard. 
She kept trying to avoid me, but I managed to “accidentally” bump into her when she was alone several times. 

We went for walks, talked about everything from school to our friends.  We avoided talking about our families.  I wasn’t ready to disclose everything to her yet.  She never asked, and I got the sense she didn’t want to talk about her family either. 

After a couple of days of casual run-ins the perfect opportunity fell into my lap.  Nick decided he wanted to throw a party that Wednesday.  Considering the fact that his face wouldn't survive another attempt at seducing Becca, I started planning. 

I told her I didn’t want
to be around a bunch of drunks. I asked if she would stay at Toni's place with me and rent a movie.  I knew how much she hated parties, and I used it to get her alone.

“What do you feel like watching?” I asked surfing through Amazon Instant Video.  I was prepared to watch some sappy romance, or cheesy sparkly vampire shit.  I mean that is what girls like right? 

“Mmm, how about a comedy?” she suggested.  I would love to watch a comedy, but I wanted an excuse to have her snuggle up to me.  “How about a horror?”

She looked confused for a moment, and then started to giggle.  “I thought we were going to be friends?  It sounds like you are trying to get
me close.”  I smiled at her.  She caught me. 

“I said I would
try
and keep my hands off of you.”  She laughed.  “You really are naughty.”  “Oh, Red, you have no idea how naughty I can be.” 

I managed to talk her into watching a psychological thriller.  She shook her head and chuckled at my obvious ploy.  It worked though. 

The first scary element of the movie, and she touched my shoulder.  As the tension increased she moved closer, until I had her tucked into my side with her face buried in my neck.  I laced my fingers through her silky red brown hair.  It was the perfect color, red without being orange.  The strands felt like silk, and they even smelled red, like roses.

I felt her breathing increase against my neck.  I responded by rubbing my hand on her thigh below her shorts.  I felt her lips timidly brush across the skin below my ear.  I sucked in a breath, and maneuvered her leg until she was straddling my lap. 

I looked deep into her green eyes, to see if she wanted me to stop.  I could tell she was surprised, and a little tense. But her eyes stared unfocused.   She wanted me too.

I
pulled her closer.  At first I kissed her softly, and then everything turned frantic.  Our tongues tangled.  She fisted her hands in my hair holding me to her.  She began to rock against me, and I released a moan in her mouth. 

I moved one hand from her hair, and slipped it up her shirt.  I cupped her breast.  I knew she had a great body, but touching her proved that her clothes only hinted at its glory.  I needed to stop. 

I wouldn’t take her like this, not without promises and us really being together.  It felt like I was going to die if I could never have her.  For the first time I had motivation to end things with Vanessa, and not turn back.  I never felt this hot before in my life.  I was determined to feel this again, and more. 

She gained control of herself before I did, and shoved herself off of me.  "Friends.  You said we could be friends."  "I know, I'm really sorry.  It won't happen again."  Damn, I hated to promise her that, but she deserved more.

Jeremy started chuckling, and I remembered where I was.  I was still upset with him for making out with Becca a few days ago, but nowhere near as upset as I was with Nick. They were both staring at me, silently demanding an explanation. 

“I broke up with Vanessa this afternoon,” I shrugged.
I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell them about the semi-erotic flashback that had my mind churning. Nick flopped down onto one of the patio chairs. I had already been through this with him, and he still seemed irrationally pissed off at me.  Jeremy looked concerned, even though he knew how miserable I'd been.  Not to mention the fact he thought Vanessa was a raging bitch.

“I’m not upset about breaking up with her.  She reminded me of our past and said I owed it to her to stay with her.  That was even after she admitted to cheating on me the entire time she has been in New York.  That’s like five years.” 

“You haven’t exactly been Joe Fidelity, Aiden,” Nick criticized.  “I made out with a few girls two years ago when I first found out about her cheating.  I confronted her about it and she acted like it was no big deal.  If it weren’t for all of the guilt trips she sends me on I would have broken up with her a long time ago,” I admitted.

“What about Becca?” Nick asked.  “What about her?” I retorted.  “You had your tongue pretty far down her throat last week.  Don’t f
orget your date last Wednesday," sneered Nick. 

“Tread carefully Nick.  She is a nice girl and I like
her.”  “Of course you do.  She's a hot piece of ass, and you are on a constant dry spell.  But do you really think the blushing virgin is going to stick around when you unload your sordid history with Vanessa?” 

The muscles in my jaw danced back and forth as I ground my molars together.  I clenched my fists, and tried to fight the urge to feel Nick’s nose crunch underneath my knuckles. 

Jeremy, always the peacemaker, intervened.  “Since you only see women as sex objects, Nick, you may have overlooked the fact that Becca is a kick-ass girl.  Aiden, I think you should tell her about your history with Vanessa.  Give her the choice if she can handle it. That way you'll protect yourself and know if she can handle it before you get serious about her.”

“See that's the thing.
I’m already serious about her.  I wanted to beat your ass for kissing her Jeremy, and I know you don’t actually
want
her.  But, I couldn’t help that my inner caveman wanted to beat you with a club and drag her away by her hair.  You think she is going to find that attractive?” 

Jeremy fanned himself.
“God I would.”  I burst out laughing.  Jeremy was just being Jeremy.  He was the same guy I had been friends with since we both thought girls were gross at the beginning of Kindergarten.  The only thing that changed was I started liking them by sixth grade and he still thought they were gross.

I looked at Jeremy.  “Do you think she’ll be able to handle
it?”  Jeremy smiled confidently. “I can’t promise a hundred percent or anything, but I really think she’ll stick around Aiden.  She isn’t Vanessa.” 

“Have you both forgotten she is on a date with another guy?  At a wedding?  He has probably used the atmosphere to get her into bed by now,” Nick
said with a smirk. 

I forgot I hadn’t told him about the texts,
or that she was on her way back.  I didn’t want him anywhere near her.  Needless to say I hadn't told Nick I was waiting outside on the porch because I wanted to see when she pulled in, which should be any minute.

Toni
came out side and walked towards us.  “Mmm mm mm, you three are looking fine as always.  Jeremy honey, when do I get some sugar.  I hear you have some mad skills.” Toni waggled her eyebrows at him. 

Jeremy held his arms out for her.  She sauntered up and stood next to him.  “Toni if I ever wake up wit
h an interest in girls I’m heading right for you.  I’ll lock us in a room together and make you chant my name.  How does that sound?” Jeremy teased.  “You’re a cruel, cruel, sexy beast of a man, Jer,” she said laughing. 

“As much fun as
it is watching this odd asexual flirting thing you two have going on, have you heard from Becca yet?” I asked growing anxious. 

“No, but that’s
only ‘cause she won’t use her phone while she’s driving.  I figure she’ll be here soon.  And, since she has already told you more about that wedding than me I think she might head straight here.”  Toni glared at me, her dark eyes sparking with an unasked question.

“Calm
down mama bear.  I can see you're dying to tell me something, but I think I might be able to help you out a bit.”  I hoped she would relax and listen.

She took a seat on Jeremy’s lap, and waited for me to
explain.  I found that an odd choice, but I continued to speak.  “I broke up with my girlfriend today.  I have a few things I want to talk to Becca about, and I’m hoping she won’t hold my past against me.  If she can handle it, I want to ask her out, take things slow.  Is that ok?”

“Really Aiden,
you don’t need my permission, but I’m glad you fixed this roadblock.  Just don’t push her too fast ok?  Her life has been far from perfect, and she’s a little skittish sometimes.” 

“What does that mean?” I asked confused.  “It's an observation.  I don't know if she'll tell you anything.  I've known her for three years and I've only gotten bits and pieces from her,
” Toni said evasively.

Rebecca

I should never have gone to the wedding with Jake.  I knew before I even left I wasn’t interested in him anymore.  Aiden and I got really hot and heavy on Wednesday night.  He lit me on fire, and it scared the shit out of me.  It felt so right, but was so very wrong. 

I’m not that girl.
The other woman. Yet that was exactly what I’d become.  We still flirted on Thursday. But when he made no mention about breaking up with his girlfriend, I knew I had to force myself to move on.

I had feelings for Jake once. 
They weren't panty-melting feelings, but I was attracted to him.  I thought it would be easy to feel that way for him again. I just needed to spend time with him. 

When I saw him I waited for the attraction to hit me, but it never came. 
When he ran off with the blonde during the reception, I couldn’t muster a feeling stronger than irritation. 

I
felt old urges rising up in me.  It hurt not being with Aiden.  Knowing he wanted me, but not enough to be with only me, hurt.  But, I didn't blame him. 

Why would he want to be with me?  I was damaged and disgusting.  How could I blame him for not wanting to give up his girlfriend for me? 

It was tiring carrying around all of that baggage.  I doubted anyone would notice if I allowed myself to stop trying.  I hated that I allowed my feelings for a guy to bring back the darkness, but I was weak.

I hated being weak.  The weak were taken advantage of, became victims.  I wanted to be strong, but I also wanted to forget.  I wanted to sleep for days.  I con
sidered getting roaring drunk, anything to stop feeling. 

I mentally slapped myself.  I wasn’t a push over.  I wasn’t a helpless teenager anymore either.  I could handle this.  I wa
s falling in love with Aiden, or at least I thought I was.  I knew for sure I had never felt like this before. 

It didn’t matter though.
I wouldn’t continue this “friendship” as long as he had a girlfriend.  I had to have some standards.  I worked too hard to pull myself out of my self-destructive spiral to fall back into it over a guy. 

I turned down the road toward Toni's cabin.  Aiden would be there, and after our texting, he might even be waiting for me.  I wanted to run to him, and run from him at the same time. 

I had to avoid him.  I might have enough strength to have a relationship with him, if he were free, but not enough to continue to fall for a guy that would never be mine.  According to Nick, Aiden was as good as married.  Why would he throw away a seven-year relationship for me?

He wouldn't, he won't.  I wish we could be friends, but my feelings for Aiden had grown beyond friendship.  If I continued down this path it wouldn't be long before I was back to partying and random make-out sessions to bury the pain inside me.