Self Preservation (11 page)

Davis felt a stirring between his legs as Alex pulled away slightly, looking into Davis's eyes. Alex smiled and gave him another soft kiss, lightly brushing his lips over Davis's. He reached down and gave Davis's ass a little squeeze before pulling away and sitting back down in his bar stool. Davis stood motionless for several seconds as Deseree looked up at him smiling.

“All right, now,” Deseree said, slamming her hand onto the bar. “That's what I'm talkin' about.”

“Why did you do that?” Davis asked, clearing his throat and trying to compose himself.

“I thought it might help,” Alex said, shrugging, obviously pleased with himself, as he took a sip from his glass.

“Help who, you perv?” Davis asked, trying to sound indignant.

“I think it did,” Deseree said as Jack came up behind Davis.

“Davis,” Jack said as Davis whipped around. “Could I speak to you for a minute?”

“Yeah, what's up?”

Jack looked over at Alex. “Alone?”

“Oh, um…sure.” Davis turned back to look at Alex. “Don't run away. I'll be right back.”

“I'll keep an eye on him for you,” Deseree said as Davis followed Jack several feet away. “That was some kiss,” she added, looking back at Alex with a smile.

“Well,” Alex said with a half smile, “it wasn't exactly the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Deseree raised an eyebrow at him.

“Are you having a good time?” Jack asked, smiling at Davis.

“Yeah, actually,” Davis answered. “A really good time.”

“Good, good, that's…good,” Jack said as Davis turned back around to face him. “'Cause I was a little worried, you know, you coming here not knowing anyone.”

“Oh, well yeah, but please don't worry about me,” Davis said, glancing back around to smile and wave at Alex. “I'm not having any trouble making new friends.”

Jack looked at Alex as Davis turned back around to face Jack. “I was thinking…since we haven't really had a chance to spend any time alone together since you got here, maybe you and I could have lunch tomorrow.”

Davis smiled as he reached out, lightly resting his fingertips on Jack's chest. “I'd like that, if you have the time.”

“Great.” Jack saw Tadd signaling him to come back. “I should get back over there. I…I'll see you and Deseree back at the apartment?”

“Of course.”

Jack smiled at him before turning to head back over to Tadd. Davis smiled as he returned to Deseree and Alex.

“Well,” Deseree asked exuberantly, “what happened?'

“He wants to have lunch tomorrow,” Davis said. “Just the two of us.”

“That sounds fun,” Tadd said to Jack. “What time do we meet him?”

“I was thinking it would just be him and me,” Jack said, smiling.

“Right.” Tadd patted Jack's arm. “Of course, how silly of me.”

“It's just…”

“No,” Tadd said, smiling and glancing over toward Davis as he squeezed Jack's arm. “You don't need to explain anything to me.”

“Thanks, baby. You're the greatest.”

Tadd smiled at Jack and glanced back over at Davis. He put an arm around Jack's waist and turned his attention back to the friends around him.

Davis looked at Alex. “You are brilliant. I could kiss you right now, I'm so happy.”

“I have absolutely no problem with that,” Alex said, getting up off his bar stool.

Davis threw his arms around his waist and squeezed Alex, pressing his face into his chest.

A little stunned, Alex smiled and rested his chin on top of Davis's head as he hugged him back. Davis pulled away and Alex stared down at him. “I, um…I'll be around, if I can be of any further assistance.”

“You're the best,” Davis said, smiling and placing his hands on his stomach. “Jesus, I gotta pee.” Davis spun around and headed off into the crowd.

“Amazing…truly,” Alex said, taking his seat as he watched Davis walk away.

“What?” Deseree asked.

“He's attempting to do something right beastly,” Alex answered, rubbing his chin, “and I find myself wanting to protect him from it all somehow.”

“Davis has that quality about him,” Deseree said with a grin. “Those big blue eyes…”

“Like a bloody Disney cartoon character come to life. It's intoxicating.”

“It's difficult to resist the urge,” Deseree said, smiling as she watched Alex.

“I can't quite suss it out,” Alex said, taking a drink. “It's most unsettling.”

“You seem surprised.”

“I'm not the protective type,” Alex said, setting his glass back down on the bar. “And I'm a damn good judge of character. It's a rare occasion that I'm wrong.”

* * *

Alex placed Davis and Deseree in the backseat of a cab and waved good-bye as he shut the door. As the car pulled away from the curb, Davis was beaming.

Deseree sat in deep thought as she leaned closer to Davis. “Okay, what kind of scandalous rumor can we leak to the tabloids about Toad?”

“Huh?” Davis asked, shaking his head. “I don't know. That just seems a little too nasty.”

“We found a weak link in his armor. We need to use it. It doesn't have to be true.”

“It doesn't feel right,” he said, looking at her squeamishly. “Besides, I don't think it's necessary. That display with Alex really got some results.”

“But this is good stuff,” she said, grabbing his knee and shaking it. “We need to act on it.”

“Can't we just hold off for a bit? We can always use it later if we have to.”

“We have one full day left. We may not get the chance later.”

“I'm sorry, but I'm willing to risk it if it means not having to sink that low.” He frowned at her.

“You're too damn nice, Davis.”

“Just promise me you won't act on this,” he said.

“Okay, but I'm going on record that it's a mistake.”

“Fine.”

Deseree shook her head. “Fine.”

Davis sulked. He hated feeling like he was disappointing her, and he hated that she made him feel as though he didn't have the balls to do whatever it took to win. He let out a sigh and his warm breath fogged the window of the cab. He wished he wasn't even in this position. He shouldn't be, damn it.

Davis yawned, stepping out of the guest room into the hallway. He ran a hand over his stomach and reached under the waistband of his pajama bottoms to scratch his hip. Candace's apartment was quiet as he made his way through the living room to the kitchen. He went through the swinging door and found Candace sitting at the small table.

She glanced up from her newspaper and smiled, taking a sip from her cup of coffee. “Somebody had quite the busy night.”

Davis went over to the counter, smiling as he took a coffee cup out of the cabinet. He rubbed his eyes, picking up the old white Corningware cornflower blue coffee pot off the stove. He looked at the small blue flower on the side, remembering how Candace had told him she'd had the thing for thirty years. They'd stopped making them, and she lived in constant fear it would break. She'd bought it with green stamps just before Jack was born. Jack's father had left her about a month before, leaving her broke and seven months pregnant. Davis filled the cup with the steaming liquid, breathing in the heavenly scent.

“What do you mean?” he asked, turning to face Candace.

“The mouth-to-mouth resuscitation with that man, what else?”

Davis smiled as his face flushed a little. “You saw that, huh? Just a harmless little bit of flirting, dancing queen.” He came up to the table and took a seat across from her.

“Ha…touché,” she said, tapping her nail on the handle of her cup. “It was a kiss like that that led to my being pregnant at the ripe old age of twenty.”

“It was just a little kiss,” Davis said, giggling.

“Looked more like Cinemax After Dark if you ask me,” she said, eyeing him. “Do you know who he is?”

Davis shook his head, unable to believe he couldn't remember. “Alex…something?”

“Parker,” Candace said, raising an eyebrow.

“You know him?”

“Yes, I do. A bit of a playboy from what I understand. He's always got a different guy on his arm and comes from a wealthy family. Other than spending his parents' money, he has no profession to speak of.”

“Well,” Davis said, taking a sip of coffee, “he didn't exactly strike me as an altogether serious individual.”

“No, but he sure is handsome,” she said with a smile, closely examining Davis's face.

“There is that,” Davis said, trying to hold on to his poker face.

“And what did you think of Tadd?”

I hate him. How could you let him anywhere near Jack?
“I don't think I know him well enough to form an opinion.”

“I see. Then just your first impression.”

This it isn't going to be as easy as I thought, prying his toady feet off Jack
. “I don't know. I mean, if Jack likes him, then he must be okay.”

“Very diplomatic,” Candace said with a cunning smile. “It's funny.”

“What?”

“You don't know Tadd well enough to form an opinion, yet you lock lips with a man whose last name you didn't even catch.”

“That is funny.” Davis felt the heat rush to his face as he took a drink from his cup. “What do you think of Tadd?”

“I think he's very successful.” She drained the last of the coffee in her cup.

“Well, that's not really an answer.”

Candace got up out of her seat and went over to the sink, then placed her cup in it. She turned and walked to the kitchen door and stopped. Spinning back around, she added, “Honey, when you're ready to answer my question, I'll answer yours.” She pushed the door open and disappeared into the living room.

“Well, fuck me,” Davis said under his breath, looking down at his coffee cup.

* * *

Davis decided not to wear the clothes Deseree had picked out for him for his lunch with Jack. He opted instead for a pair of old jeans that felt like a second skin to him. He pulled on a clean white T-shirt and threw on a gray V-neck wool sweater that Candace had bought him for Christmas many years back. He slipped on his old, brown, beat-up penny loafers, and as he examined his reflection in the mirror, he saw
himself
looking back for the first time since he'd arrived in Chicago.

Jack seemed to like what he saw as well, grinning like a little kid as they left the apartment and walked down the sidewalk. There was almost a look of relief that came over his face, as if he was happy to see the man he used to know better than he even knew himself. The early fall wind whipped through the streets as they made their way a few blocks to the restaurant.

Davis followed Jack into the diner and to a booth in the back.

Davis slid into the booth to sit across from Jack. “This place reminds me of Kirby's.”

“How many nights did we spend in that place during college?”

“It was practically a second home,” Davis said, pushing his silverware out of the way and turning over his coffee cup, then setting it back down on the saucer.

“After we broke up,” Jack said, his smile fading a bit, “I'd come here whenever I was in town. It always made me feel close to you somehow.”

Davis reached across the table and placed his hand on Jack's, squeezing it. His chest swelled as they locked eyes. The waitress came to the table and pushed the coffee pot in her hands across the table, breaking their gaze. Davis could feel Jack's hand slide away as she filled his coffee cup. He cleared his throat as Jack gave her his order. Davis ordered the same thing. She scurried off, leaving them alone again.

“It's amazing,” Jack said, tearing open a sugar packet and dumping it into his coffee. “I look at you and…it's like no time has passed. I instantly feel like a twenty-four-year-old kid again.”

“I really liked that twenty-four-year-old kid.”

“You always take me back,” Jack said with a sigh. “Hard to believe we fucked it all up, huh?”

“Yeah,” Davis said, looking into his coffee cup. “I sometimes wondered if you ever thought about us.”

“Of course,” Jack said, surprised. “You're not exactly the type of guy one is able to forget.”

“I could say the same thing about you,” Davis said with a half smile as he looked over Jack's face. “Why didn't you ever come to visit me in Springfield?”

“You never asked me to.” He took a drink.

“Oh,” Davis said, looking down as he played with the spoon sitting on the paper place mat. He wanted to cry. Jack was right. He never had asked. How stupid was that? Jack always called, and he'd even asked Davis to visit several times right after they first split, but Davis never went. His heart still hurt so bad at the time, and his nerves were so raw that he couldn't bring himself to go.

“I used to wish you'd just call and tell me you still loved me,” Jack said, looking into Davis's eyes. “That's what you should do if you love someone, you know. Just say it, so they know.”

Davis glanced up at Jack. He smiled but was dying to run away so he could go off by himself and cry.
I do love you, Jack
. The tears welled up in his eyes. Jack stared back, not taking his eyes off Davis. Davis opened his mouth as the waitress set two plates of hamburgers and fries down on the table. Jack shook his head as she tore off a ticket and laid it on the table.

“Can I get you two anything else?” she asked, smacking her gum.

“Maybe just a coffee refill,” Jack answered, turning his attention to the plate in front of him.

The waitress left and Jack began to drown his fries in ketchup. Davis grinned as the waitress topped off their cups and left again.

“That still reminds me of road kill,” Davis said as he took the ketchup and dumped some onto the side of his plate. Jack had always been a drowner while Davis was a dipper.

They both laughed as Jack picked up a fry and held it across the table for Davis. Davis leaned in, opening his mouth as Jack smacked him in the cheek with the sopping fry before yanking it back and shoving it in his mouth.

Davis smirked as he wiped his face with a paper napkin. “Bastard.”

“So gullible.”

“I can't believe I fell for that, how many years later?”

Jack let out a low rumble of a laugh as he shoved another fry into his mouth. Davis dipped a fry in his ketchup and ate it as Jack winked at him. Davis shook his head.

Tell him you love him. Tell him you'll die without him. Tell him you're a fool, and you'll do anything to get him back.

Davis fiddled with a fry, unable to look at Jack. “I'm sorry I never asked you to visit.”

Jack let out a long sigh and took a sip of coffee. “I wish you had, but to be completely honest, I was afraid to do it. I even bought a ticket once. I actually still have it.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Of getting swallowed up by us and not being able to leave should you still not want to come back to New York with me,” Jack said, taking a deep breath. “If you knew how long it took me to be able to sleep through the night without you.”

“God, Jack,” Davis said, feeling a new low that he hadn't thought possible.

Jack shrugged. “I don't know; maybe I was also trying to punish you.”

“We sure are a fucked-up pair.” Davis looked at his food, but his appetite had fled.

“Do you ever think about how different our lives would be if you…?”

“Every day. I just didn't understand it, Jack. Not why it had to be New York, but why it had to be right then, no discussion, no compromise.”

Jack let out a frustrated laugh. “Here we are…six years later and still blaming one another for fucking everything up.”

Davis stared at his plate. “I don't blame you, Jack, at least not anymore. I was stupid and too frightened to make a wrong move.”

“That's who you are, Davis.” Jack leaned back in his seat. “You're not a caution-to-the-wind kind of guy. I wasn't exactly ignorant of that fact.”

“Well, I'm not that guy anymore, Jack. I've changed.”

“Really? What's the last crazy thing you've done?”

If you only knew
. “This isn't about the past. I could pick up and move tomorrow without a second thought.” Davis realized it was actually true. He hadn't really considered it before, but it was true. Something had shifted in him the past few days, and he knew he was capable of doing anything at this point.

“Well, you still look like the same guy, today at least.”

Davis laughed lightly. “Well, I'm not.”

“I don't know,” Jack said, squinting as he scanned Davis's face. “Something tells me deep down you're not all that different from the guy I made love to that first night all those years ago.”

“Jack, I…” Davis began to say, trying to summon the strength to say it.

“I've missed you too, monkey face.”

* * *

Jack and Davis walked along the sidewalk. Occasionally they looked at one another and smiled. Jack reached over and took Davis by the hand. Davis smiled as he watched other people walking by, wondering if they were as happy as he was in that moment.

They came upon the window of one of the clothing stores Davis and Deseree had been in a few days earlier. Jack stopped to look at the clothes. Davis froze as a clerk came by the window inside and noticed Davis. She smiled and waved. She pointed at Jack and gave two thumbs up. Davis smiled back at her weakly and waved.

“Do you know her?”

“Never seen her before in my life,” Davis said, pulling him away from the window.

“That's odd,” Jack said, laughing. “Wait, I want to go in.”

Davis continued to yank on Jack's arm. “She's probably just really friendly…no time to go shopping.”

“Taskmaster,” Jack said, frowning as he noticed a newsstand. “Oh, hang on a minute,
Entertainment Weekly's
supposed to be profiling a play one of my good friends is in.”

Davis busied himself looking around the street as Jack went over to the newsstand and bought the magazine.