Selling Out (37 page)

“Subtle.”

“When someone’s as thickheaded as you…”

“Yes, all right. I’m working on it. See, I’m not denying
there’s a possibility for me and Luke. We could be together. Stranger things
have happened.” I grinned. “Though I can’t think of any at the moment.”

“Not strange,” Allie said. “You’re not Shelly’s past and
Luke’s job. You’re just a man and a woman in love. Love is the great
equalizer.”

I was quiet for a moment. “That was deep. Oprah?”

She shrugged. “Saw it stitched on a throw pillow.”

Allie left the room, and a few minutes later, a waif dressed
in black lurked outside the door. Finally, Claire slunk inside. She looked nice
in jeans and a loose sweater. Her hair had been cut so it didn’t fall into her
eyes, though she tried to reproduce the effect by hanging her head. I admitted
to myself that Allie had been a better caretaker for her even if I hadn’t
wanted to involve her. Claire wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“Do I look that bad?”

“No,” she said quickly. “You look great. Really good. I
mean, I’m so glad that you look so good and—”

“You mad at me?”

“No, not at all.”

“You’re doing it again.”

She fidgeted with the hem of her sweater sleeve. “I made a
little mistake. But the thing is, I couldn’t have known it would lead to all
that.”

“Spill.”

She told me that she had kept the gemstones I had given her
in a stash with her other things. Except she winced a little when she used the
possessive term. Stolen things, she meant.

“I took a pen. I just wanted to, you know, write with it or
something. I had no idea it was a special pen or that it cost so much. Who pays
a thousand dollars for a pen? So then he comes into my room and is looking all
around, and I’m pretending not to know what he’s talking about. And then he
finds the whole stash, and he starts going through it and saying everything is
his. Which it kind of was. But I told him the rocks were mine and that I was
keeping them. Then he says he remembers them being part of some little statue
thing in the library, and we had a fight.”

“Lord,” I said.

“Right? Anyway, he takes them, and apparently there are
serial numbers on the diamonds. Can you believe it? He says he’ll prove that
they were purchased by him through a broker or whatever, and I’m like fine,
because I know they’re yours and even if you stole them, you didn’t steal them
from
him
.”

“Appreciate the vote of confidence.”

“So it turns out the diamonds were sold twenty years ago to
some guy who Philip knows and hates. So then he thinks I was sent there to spy
on him, like the stones were a payoff. He was mad.”

Mad was an understatement. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“No, but he called Colin to come get me. And he wouldn’t
give the stones back to me.”

“Probably for the best. Everyone knows diamonds are blood
money anyway.”

Her mouth dropped open. “You mean you’re not going to get
them back?”

“We’ll consider it payment for room and board and security.
I know you were very concerned about inconveniencing him.”

She looked mutinous, but she’d get over it. Eventually. “The
important thing now is to get back your old life. Get back to living.”

Her forehead creased. “I know it was scary, what with the
threat of death and all that. But in some ways, it was easier like that. Just
in limbo, no one expecting things from me. I’m not sure how to go back.”

“I know, sweetheart.” But we’d both have to figure it out.

Luke found me in my hospital room and didn’t leave my side.
When they discharged me, he took me straight to the cabin in the country. He
seemed to know that I could breathe there, heal there. But I was restless too.

Allie had come to see me here. Even Jenny had been to the
cabin for a short visit, which was awkward. Major had brought her. They had
escaped from the men who’d held them, and not knowing where to look for me, had
holed up in the woods until the cops arrived. Rico had slunk away that night,
not wanting to be questioned by the cops—apparently he hadn’t exactly left the
gang.

But there was one unanswered question that refused to let me
rest. I asked Luke to drive me back into town. It was time to understand what
had happened, time to pick up all the pieces so I could finally let them go.

The car bounced along the potholes in the parking lot, and I
winced. When the car rolled to a halt, I sighed in relief.

“I’ll get you,” Luke said, coming around the car.

He opened the door and held out his hand. Gingerly, I
stepped from the cab, careful not to jostle my leg. In an annoying twist of
fate, the cut caused more complications and more pain than my old gunshot wound
had.

“You wait here.” I could see from his face that he was about
to refuse. “I have to do this alone. She won’t talk to me otherwise. Claire
deserves to know, and so do I.”

“Damn it, Shelly. You can’t trust her.”

“She’s the only one in there. And you’re right out here.
I’ll be fine. She was never the type to use force anyway.”

“This is not comforting.”

“Trust me,” I said and won the argument. Trust was a slow
climb for us both, but we had our eye on the peak.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll be right out here. If anything goes
wrong…”

I kissed him. “Love you.”

He still looked startled when I did that, which was probably
the best incentive to keep doing it. It touched my heart that he understood
what a big step this was for me. It broke my heart that some part of him believed
himself unworthy. I wanted to see the surprise fade, turn to acceptance.

“Hurry back,” he said. His voice had taken on that slightly
hoarse edge that meant arousal and approval. It wouldn’t be long before he took
matters into his own hands, finding us a quiet moment, a private space, an
intimate touch.

I climbed the steps, glancing at the darkened window. The
THAI MASSAGE sign was off, the waiting room empty and eerily silent.

Jade wore her customary loose-fitting clothes that seemed to
hang on her rail-thin frame more than ever. I sat down in the chair while she
got me a small glass of flat soda. Rituals were important.

Sitting across from me, she stared sightlessly at the
calendar on the wall. It had a picture of a laughing family and a logo of some
home insurance agent on the corner.

“I must thank you for telling me about the raid. I don’t
know why you did.”

I had warned her beforehand. Most of the brothels in the
area had been raided, but her house had been empty. Luke told me about the
raids in advance, with a look that said he knew that I’d pass the information
along. It had been a compulsion, one I would probably always have to some
degree.

“I don’t know why either,” I admitted. But now that I had
done it, I wasn’t above taking full advantage. “Maybe now you’ll tell me. Tell
me the truth about Claire. I know you can.”

“Yes. You deserve to know, after all this.”

It took her several minutes to begin. I wondered if she had
ever told this to anyone before and guessed that she hadn’t. She wasn’t the type
to unburden herself to others. How lonely it was in that place of secrets and
smoke. No one could hurt her there; no one could help.

“We have more in common than you think, you and I,” she
said. “When I was a girl, my parents sold me to Henri. I had six brothers and
sisters. I sacrificed for them, like you sacrifice for your friend.”

It didn’t surprise me that she had got her start as a
prostitute, working her way up to madam. It didn’t even surprise me that she
had been with Henri. It explained why she had so much hatred for him…while at
the same time she couldn’t help but obey him. He had that effect on people, and
years of that abuse would make anyone a little crazy.

There was one big difference between us, though. She had
forced other girls to whore themselves. I had been faced with the same choice
once, and I had chosen to protect Claire instead. The thought didn’t fill me
with triumph or superiority, because I remembered how hard it had been. I knew
well the trouble it had caused me to protect Claire instead of use her.

I spoke quietly, respect still lingering despite everything.
“Somewhere along the way, it changed. You stopped sacrificing and started
forcing others to sacrifice for you.”

“Yes. I did that. They need to sacrifice for me when I give so
much. One day, you will do same thing.”

No, I wouldn’t, but she wouldn’t believe me. “Tell me why
you really called me.”

“I lived with Henri for years. I was his girl.” Her lips
pinched together. “You know what that is like.”

I knew. The scars I bore from those experiences weren’t on
my skin. Much deeper, in the darkness of my soul. I wouldn’t have wished that
on anyone. “I’m sorry.”

“Then I got pregnant.”

A small gasp escaped me. Henri had always used protection
with me. He was actually a stickler for it. Other pimps would push their girls
to go bareback because it brought in so much more money, but not him.

“He actually wanted the child,” Jade said. “I wanted to get
an abortion, but he wouldn’t let me. I ran away, but by then it was too late. I
tried everything to get it out of me. I almost died trying, but someone found
me and brought me to a hospital. They kept me there until the baby was born,
and finally I could get rid of it.”

My eyebrows rose. She killed it?

“Adoption,” she said. “Then I started my own brothel. I knew
how to run it from being with Henri. For years, we were like that. I knew
better than to poach from him, and he left me alone. But I knew he always
looked for the girl. He felt that I stole her from him.”

“Claire,” I breathed.

“She did it herself,” Jade said accusingly. “I gave her good
family. Normal family. If she had stayed there like she should, he would never
have found her. How could he? But she came to his place of business, getting a
fake ID. Then going to his club. How could he ignore that?”

“He couldn’t,” I said, just stating a fact. He wouldn’t
have.

“I didn’t want her. She was Henri’s child. I know you think
I’m a monster now after helping him, for what I did, but at least I kept her
from him.”

And it was the only reason Ella was still alive and
relatively sane today. A child under Henri’s control? Jesus. No one knew better
than I the cruelty that could pass from father to daughter. Pimping her out had
been the kindest thing he could do.

“She’s safe now,” I said softly. I didn’t believe that Jade
didn’t care at all. She had involved herself in this, had tried to help Ella in
her own way, by helping me. “I’ll keep her safe.”

“I do not know this girl. I don’t want to know her. She is
tainted by Henri, always.” Jade looked down at her hands as they lay limp and
open in her lap. “You stay safe. That’s what I want.”

Some secrets weren’t meant to be spoken. Like fire, they
would burn anyone who touched them, the speaker and the receiver. Those were my
secrets, and I kept them locked away in the box I had built, the emanating heat
a melancholy reminder of what had been. Jade’s secrets were different, because
they had scorched us all. Like wildfire they had torn her down, leaving only a
hollow bark where a strong, tender woman could have been.

I would always harbor some resentment for the fact that she
helped Henri, but it hadn’t been entirely unexpected. In many ways, they were
birds of a feather. Both feared and successful pimps, both past their prime,
struggling to hold on to the old power. Both had failed. They were irrelevant
now, history in the Chicago flesh trade. It would be for other men and women to
carry on the industry, for surely it would not end with two people dead and a
handful of brothels shut down. It was the darkest side of man, and the most
natural. To trade, to fuck. It was the oldest profession and the most enduring.

I turned to leave, kneeling at the small table to give
tithe. It didn’t matter whether I liked the information, whether I liked
her
. She had told me the truth, and for
that I would pay. But as I reached for the folded bills in my pocket, she came
and stayed my hand with hers.

She held out her hand in a fist, facing down.

Cautiously, I held out my hand underneath, catching the
familiar jade necklace that no longer hung at her neck.

“For her,” she said softly. “It’s the only thing I have to
give. This and the truth.”

I closed my fingers around the thin gold and jade, still
warm from her body.

In the car, I showed Luke the necklace and told him what
Jade had said.

He whistled. “Are you going to tell Claire?”

“I don’t think it will help her to know. But…I just don’t
know. Do you think I should?”

“I’m not really the person to ask. I guess I’d want to know,
if it were me.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” But still, I wasn’t sure. How
could I hurt her that way? For nothing. She would gain nothing.

Her adoptive parents’ house was a large colonial in an old
neighborhood. Old money. Jade hadn’t been kidding about setting her up with a
good family. We parked in the circular drive, and I didn’t argue when Luke
escorted me to the door. A middle-aged woman cried when she saw me on the front
step and grappled me for a fierce hug, which showed no signs of abating until I
sent Luke a look of distress. He smoothly intercepted their thanks, assuring
them that helping Claire had been no trouble at all. I didn’t laugh at that,
which I considered a major coup. She showed us upstairs to Claire’s room, where
Luke opted to wait in the hall.

The decor was very modern, with light wood paneling and
ochre fabrics. There weren’t any posters on the wall, any knickknacks on the
desk, and I wondered if the sterility was related to her penchant for stealing.

Claire herself looked good. Young, especially against the
backdrop of a teenage bedroom. She stood awkwardly, hands in her jeans pockets.
I looked at her critically, thinking maybe I could see Henri’s eyes or Jade’s
sleek, straight hair, but that was just the suggestion talking. For all I knew,
Henri had made a mistake. Maybe it wasn’t her. I found it didn’t really matter.