Serial (10 page)

I always kept the office locked, for that purpose, from her and the housekeeper. I told them both it was because of confidential business matters and neither had asked beyond that.

“I’m sore,” she said and blushed. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I can’t believe you found me like that, with him…” Her voice trailed off and she poured herself a cup of coffee. “I can’t believe it was you…I mean, I’ve been thinking about…” She trailed off again and blushed a furious shade of red. She sipped her coffee and I decided I’d let it slide.

“Don’t be embarrassed about Billy, I’ve known a lot of strong, intelligent women who got caught up with the wrong kind of man.”

“Then what chance do I have, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not strong or intelligent…or anything really.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, I find you…” It was time for my own voice to trail off. What did I find her? I didn’t know her; I only knew that she was somehow linked to my future, my sanity. I wanted to know her, but I was frightened. Sometimes the fantasy world I created in my head turned out to be infinitely more satisfying than reality. If that were the case in this situation, I would’ve been devastated.

And I knew what I would have to do, to her.

Still, that red hot part of me that was nestled in the back of my brain felt an electric jolt when I thought about her blood pouring from her body, my cock tracing a trail through it over her perfect, white skin. Blood and semen mixing, a beautiful abstract expression of my lust and consuming need.

“What?” she asked, breaking my train of thought.

“I find you quite charming,” I said, took a bite of toast to prevent myself from saying more, and washed it down with deep, rich coffee.

She smiled at that and nibbled her own toast. She barely ate anything; she needed to eat more. “Hey,” she said.

“Hey what?”

“What’s your name? I don’t think you’ve ever told me.”

“No, I never have,” I said mysteriously and smiled as her brows knit together.

“Well, can you tell me?”

“I suppose I could.”

She sighed, took another bite of toast and chewed slowly. She swallowed, contemplated her next words and said, “Please, might you share your name with me?”

I laughed and she grinned. I liked how she was so happy to please me. “My name is Jude,” I told her and waited for her reply.

“Jude,” she said as if rolling it around on her tongue, “Jude. I like it. I really like it.”

“Because of Jude Law?”

“Who?”

“You know, actor type. Women love him.”

“Ohhhh, ok, I think I’ve heard of him. But no, I just like the name. It suits you somehow. Unlike Ronnie, right?”

I couldn’t lie, I didn’t like her name, but that was not going to be an issue after today. “It doesn’t suit you.”

“Why not?”

“It’s crass.”

“Maybe I’m crass,” she said, her lower jaw jutted out defiantly.

“It doesn’t matter anyways,” I told her. I looked her directly in the eye and maintained contact until she looked away.

“Why not?” she finally asked.

“I will call you Pet. That is all you will be known as from today forward.”

She laughed, a mocking bark that brought me back to reality. Gone were the fuzzy edges of my fantasy, she was a real live human girl who needed to be broken in and taught her place in my life. Lucky for her, that place just happened to be at my side. “Pet? Why pet? I’m not a dog.”

“No, but you will live here and I will care for you. I do not like your name, Ronnie or Veronica, so you will answer to Pet.”

“So I don’t have a say in this?”

“Not here, you don’t. You need to trust me in this.”

She was silent. I could tell she wanted to protest, to question why, to demand an answer. She was a good girl though, well broken in already, and understood how this was even if she couldn’t put it to words.

“So what should we do today?” she asked, ending the uncomfortable silence and taking my empty plate. She put hers and mine in the sink and started looking for the dish soap. I couldn’t even assist her; I didn’t know where it was. I usually just loaded the dishwasher and let the housekeeper handle the rest.

She found it and ran hot water, soaked the dishes and started to wash them. I watched her; it was so surreal, having her here doing something as quaint as the washing up. My heart sped up a little at this small glimpse of our life to come.

“You need to attend to your injuries,” I finally said, “and we need to go over some rules.”

She placed the plates and cutlery in the drying rack and turned to me. “Rules?” she asked, “like the house rules?”

I stood and walked to her, took her hand and said, “No, like
my
rules.”

She looked frightened and intrigued, this side of my personality appealed to her on some level. I supposed after being shit kicked by Billy for so many years, she probably wouldn’t know what to do with a nice guy if he fell on her lap.

We might be perfect for each other after all.

I lead her back to her bedroom and she didn’t resist, in fact she curled her fingers in mine like teenage lovers, walking hand in hand. Her skin was warm and smooth and a little damp from washing the dishes.

We reached her door and I stopped, turned and looked at her. Her throat had fingermark bruises around it and I so desperately wanted to wrap my hands around, to line them up and squeeze. I almost gnashed my teeth but maintained my calm exterior and said, “This is your room. When I am at home, you may ask permission to come out. When I am gone, I will keep it locked and you must stay inside. Do you understand?”

She nodded but asked, “What if you don’t come back?”

“I will always come back, don’t you worry about that. Now as for my privacy, you will never enter any of the side doors you see here in the hallway. You will not enter my bedroom unless ordered or asked, and you will never enter my office.” I gestured to the locked door at the end of the hall containing my most secret of possessions.

She nodded again; her eyes went as wide as they could given their bruised state. “Can I watch TV?”

“I will allow it if you behave. There is one in your room but you mustn’t turn it on until I tell you it’s okay. You must never ask anything twice, if you have to ask twice you will anger me,” I said and paused, looked at her face, scanning it for her reaction. “And Pet?” I said and she nodded in response. I grabbed her arm, not the swollen one, I wasn’t a fucking lowlife after all, and said, “You do
not
want to see me angry.”

She backed up but found herself against the door; she looked sideways as if searching for a way out. I hated that I had to do this to her, made her tremble in fear, but she needed to know the kind of man I was. She would come to know both sides of me eventually, but for her sake and for the sake of our future together, she needed to understand the danger she was in from day one.

I wanted to settle her down; this kind of anxiety after the terrible attack was probably not good for her health. And I needed her to be healthy so I could slowly immerse her in my world and open her eyes to the singular truth that bound us together…she was mine now, and mine alone.

“I’m doing this to protect you, Pet,” I said and stroked her shoulder, ran my hand down her arm and entwined her fingers in mine once again.

“Ok,” she replied, “and thank you for this, for everything. Can I lie down now? I’m feeling a little woozy.”

“Oh damn, I’m sorry, I keep forgetting you must feel like shit. Come, let’s get you back to bed.”

She was shaky as I helped her settle down. I didn’t know if it was the fear that made adrenaline course through her body or she was genuinely ill.

“Can I get you something for the pain?” I asked and brushed a stray hair off her cheek.

She smiled and says, “Yes, please, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not, I’ll be right back.”

I went to my room, carefully to locked the door behind me, and shuffled through my medicine cabinet. I had prescription pills of all kinds along with a few illegal ones just for shits and giggles.

I selected an Oxycodone, something that would make her feel good and potentially drift off. I fingered the little blue pill and wondered if thirty milligrams was too much for her. Any less and she might not pass out.

I needed her to pass out so I could retreat and plan my next move. I took the pill and found her almost asleep already; her eyelids were growing heavy with exhaustion.

I handed her the pill and a glass of water, helped her sit up and rubbed her back as she swallowed.

I felt so tender towards her; I didn’t know where this came from. I could usually fake it long enough that nobody noticed that I just didn’t care, but this felt authentic.

What had this girl from the wrong side of town, from her shitty job and shittier life, what had she done to me? What had she awakened in me?

And would I be able to contain it?

I moved to stand and she placed her hand on my knee. “Stay,” she said. A simple demand in a pleading voice.

I couldn’t say no, I wanted to stay although I knew it could be the wrong decision. I needed more distance from her to collect my thoughts and process the last twenty-four hours.

But I stayed.

“I’ll be here,” I said, “right here.”

“I want you to hold me,” she said and turned her back to me. “Like last night.”

That small gesture ripped my heart in two, cracked it open and tore the hesitation from my hands. I couldn’t say no to that.

I laid down behind her and curled my arms around her. I was large and muscular to her tiny little frame. She felt bony and fragile, but she possessed gentle swells in all the right spots.

We just fit together.

“I used to think about you,” she said and laughs, a tiny little sound in the warm light of the single lamp lighting the room.

“Why?” I asked and wanted to crush her in my arms, tighten them until she could not breathe, she could not say my name. I was almost afraid of her response; it made this all so
real
.

“It’s silly now, to think about it,” she replied. Her voice was thickening as the Oxy kicked in. She must have been floating by then, sleepy but not quite ready to sleep. I should have known this; I shouldn’t have been so careless. Being here with her was dangerous, her vulnerability brought the red heat back, it was throbbing against my head in dull waves.

“You can tell me,” I said with the voice of a wolf coaxing his prey. I needed to get away from her, but I couldn’t.

“Ok, but don’t laugh, promise?”

“I promise.”

She twisted in my arms and was facing me. My heart stopped dead for a beat and the throbbing rush in my head grew redder and hotter.

“I used to imagine you coming to rescue me, to take me away from everything that was terrible about my life. I used to fantasize that you would notice me and save me. I knew you never would,” she told me in a rushed, breathy voice that made my cock ache with need. “I mean, you’re so fucking hot and rich and I’m nothing.”

“You beautiful, silly girl,” I said and somehow against the odds managed to keep my voice light, “you don’t know how damned attractive you are, do you?”

She looked up at me, her eyes widened with surprise this time, not knowing how to respond to that.

I kissed her, I didn’t mean to but I did. I kissed her and my heart fluttered in my chest and I could taste a sweetness on her breath that I’d never tasted before. Her essence, her purity in spite of the circumstances through which she came into the world, her beauty in every cell of her body.

She leaned into me, wrapped her thin arms around me and made me feel like the most powerful man in the world.

What had this fragile little thing done to me?

She was starting to drift off; the pill was kicking in at last.

My cock pressed against her hip and she exhaled a soft noise of acceptance.

I could have fucked her then, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk it.

I remained there for a few moments until her breathing was steady and I knew she’s deep in sleep.

I had to kill again. I’d never done it this quickly in succession before, but I had to. If I didn’t I would destroy her and I didn’t know if I could’ve forgiven myself.

She was my one chance to become human, to be normal and fulfill the destiny my parents chose for me before I was born.

I extricated myself from her arms and rolled off the bed slowly. I pulled the blanket over her and tucked her in with the care I imagined a parent had for a child.

I left, locked the door and made it to my truck before making a sound. Once inside, I punched the steering wheel repeatedly and yelled, “Fuck” over again until I had some modicum of relief from the need surging through my body.

I cruised slowly, carefully, looking for the perfect match. A small and beautiful woman who would willingly offer her life in exchange for Pet’s.

I found just the one in Vancouver, in the shittier end of town. She was at a bus stop, as if there was a bus that time of the night.

I pulled up alongside of her and she stood up with a smile. She was blonde and lithe and had bigger breasts than Pet, but she was very beautiful.

“You need a ride?” I asked as she approached.

“Sure thing, you got cash?”

“I do, get in.”

“You got a place we can go?”

“I do, it’s just over the bridge.”

“Back in Portland?”

“Yeah.”

“That’ll cost you more, you ok with that?”

“Sure thing, sweetheart.”

She got in and put her seatbelt on. Safety first.

Closer up I saw she was older than I’d first thought, but still retained most of her original looks. She had just started to fade, but hadn’t quite spoiled.

We drove and she chattered the entire way about her favourite television shows. I didn’t understand how most of these women I picked up lived their entire lives through a few vapid two-dimensional characters on so called reality TV.

Near the storage unit I gave the same excuse about needing to drop something off and took her inside with me. I still had the tarp from yesterday in the cab of the truck, so it seemed legitimate.