Authors: Jaden Wilkes,Lily White
“Hey, Ma, I’m heading out now. Sarah’s been fed and changed, she should be good until I get home. If she does fuss, just pick her up and put her over your shoulder, she’s been really gassy lately.”
“I know how to handle a baby,” her mother replied, her words already slurring, “I didn’t kill you, did I?”
Patty didn’t respond, there was no point bringing up the past and reminding her mother of the many times she was taken by the state because her mother had come damn close to actually killing her.
“Yeah, you did a good job, Ma.”
“Bigfoot, where ya headed?” John, he mother’s latest boyfriend demanded as he came out of the bathroom. A moist shit smell trailed behind him and he waved his magazine around behind him. “Damn, I gotta lay off those burritos.”
Her mom laughed like it was the god damned funniest thing anyone had ever said. “Spray something, John,” she said.
“Then it will smell like shit covered roses,” John replied and sat his bulk down in his favorite chair. Every boyfriend her mom had ever brought him took over that chair. Men were simple minded in their needs.
“I’m going out for a bit. I’ll be back before midnight.” He called her Bigfoot after some fake bigfoot picture or something that everybody called Patty. He fancied himself a hunter of sorts, but odds were he’d catch a heart attack long before he caught a fucking hairy ape.
“Don’t have too much fun,” he said and sat his large frame on the couch next to her mom. They’d probably kick back a case of beer and watch Pawn Stars until she got home.
“I never do,” she replied and grabbed her coat. It was chilly tonight, it had been raining and the pavement hadn’t had time to warm up.
She caught the number seventy-five bus to the MAX. That was the worst part about living in St. Johns, no easy access to the city. She finally got the train and headed downtown and met up with Jason and his crew at some taco joint Chico was managing now. It was his uncle’s or stepdads, whoever it was; they were stupid for letting Chico run the place.
She didn’t like Chico, he supplied Jason with weed, and a couple of times Jason had owed him, Patty had been forced to suck his dick to pay off the debt.
She hated his wiry pubes, his semi flaccid cock that tasted of sweat and piss, and she hated that Jason was okay with passing her around.
It was just her bad luck that they were all pretty high by the time she got there. Jason was always harder to handle when he was running on meth. He’d need more money too, if he had already gone through his stash.
“Hey babe,” he said and pulled her towards him when she walked up. He draped his arm around her possessively and she warmed towards him. He wasn’t that bad when he was tender, he could be downright loving at times.
“Hey you,” she said and tucked herself under his arm, enjoying the contact.
“I’m gonna need you to work your pretty little ass off tonight,” he said. She noticed his eyes were glassy when she looked up at him. “I owe Chico here, and he don’t want no cock sucking in return for the shit I bought today. So…get out there and hustle.”
She bristled at his order and decided to walk away now. “Jason, I’m leaving. I have to do it for Sarah and me. I need to get back to school.”
It took a minute for it to register, and his face went black the moment it sunk into his meth-addled brain.
“Bitch, you ain’t goin nowhere!” he roared and shoved her hard. She fell back against a parking lot divider and landed on her ass. She felt her jeans rip and tears spring to her eyes.
“I can’t do this again,” she started bawling, right there on the street in ripped jeans and in front of Jason and all his awful friends. “You have to stop hitting me!”
“Don’t tell me what to do, cunt,” he spat out and kicked her in the ribs. He was wearing heavy boots and she felt something pop. It hurt to breathe.
She gave up; she went limp and prepared herself for the beating. This seemed to be the only strategy that ever got her out of his rages alive, so she fell back on it again.
“Man, bitch ain’t worth it,” Chico said and pulled him back, “wait ‘til your alone with her, teach her a lesson, but not out here in front of people and cameras.”
“Shit, you’re right bro,” Jason said, “but she’d better work tonight, I’m not in the mood for this feminism shit when there’s money to be made.”
Chico looked down at her and smiled, an oily smile full of terrible thoughts and even more terrible deeds.
She took it though, and gave him a shy little grin when he let go of her hand. She brushed herself off, checked her jeans and was happy to note it was just a tear along the seam on the side. She’d spent a hundred and fifty bucks on these and would die if they were ruined.
She wondered if Forever Twenty One took jeans back for reasons like, ‘beaten by pimp.’
“You’re working Eighty-Second and Washington tonight,” Jason told her, “ but off the main drag. Don’t go too close to Eighty-Second, or Tennille will kick your ass. Although that might be epic to watch, hey Chico?” He elbowed his friend and they guffawed.
“I want to go home,” Patty said, and sniffled. Her hip really hurt and she wanted to get back to Sarah with an urgency she’d never felt before. She had an overwhelming premonition that something bad would happen tonight.
“Get in the car or I’ll fucking beat you down, bitch,” Jason said and glanced at Chico, “I’ll be back after I drop her off.”
“Sounds good to me, bro,” Chico replied and the two exchanged the sideways handshake, the one that indicated their gang affiliation. Three years with Jason, and Patty still couldn’t follow the pumping and bumping that went along with it. Chico gave her a dangerous look, she knew if she didn’t obey Jason, Chico would step in and help him put her in line.
She could handle Jason on his own, but if the two of them were on meth and got going, it would take her weeks to heal.
She went against her better judgment and slid into the front passenger seat of Jason’s ride. His pride and joy, a nineteen eighty-nine black Mustang GT five liter, whatever the fuck that meant. She thought it was kind of a shit box, but he claimed it was a classic. It always seemed to be in a state of restoration, sometimes not even starting.
She prayed right now that it wouldn’t start, that she could get back on the bus and go home, start school in the morning and begin her new life.
It fired up the minute he turned the key in the ignition. Her shitty luck again.
It didn’t take her long to realize that Jason was driving her someplace else.
“Where are we going?” she asked, daring to interrupt his rambling complaint about the welfare system fucking him over somehow. She didn’t know how she had ever thought him charming. She supposed she’d been stupid back then, and he’d seemed so much older and sophisticated.
“You’re getting too uppity, after you had that brat,” he muttered and gripped the wheel. She wished they’d brought the pipe so she could load it with crystal and help him focus. He was such a fucking psycho when he was a couple hours into his night. Meth made him angry, but it made him less aggressive. “You shoulda gotten rid of it, like I told you.”
He turned onto the I-84 and headed towards to Willamette. She was starting to get nervous. He would generally make her work along the strip of hourly hotels and back alleys, then drive her home sometime in the early morning.
She didn’t know what he had in mind, so she kept quiet.
He turned off the I-84 towards the river, cruised the back streets slowly, as if looking for a spot to park.
Finally he found a dead end street that ended at the water. There were no houses around, and the few industrial buildings were dark and looked abandoned.
“Jason,” she said, “you’re scaring me.”
“Good,” he replied and cut the engine. He hit the steering wheel a couple times with an open fist. “Why you gotta do me like this? In front of Chico? You make me look like a fool, bitch. I treat you good, why you playing me?”
“I’m not playing you,” she said, hating the pleading whine that crept into her voice, “I love you, but I love baby Sarah. I want to make her a good life. I can’t keep doing this.”
She felt tears sting her eyes and knew shit would get hard if she cried. He hated crybabies.
“I just try to do the best for you,” he said and opened his door, “now let’s take a little walk, I want to show you something.”
She wanted to lock the doors and stay in the car until his dangerous urges had passed.
Jason was the most psychotic man she’d ever met, and her terrified her when he got like this. She almost did lock the doors, but thought against it. She shouldn’t provoke him.
She got out and he was there in a flash, grabbed her hair and smashed her face against the side of his car. She started to sob and could feel blood flowing from her nose.
“Why?” she asked and blubbered like a little bitch.
“Because you want to leave,” he replied, his voice a little too calm. “You can’t leave me.”
Her stupid little heart did a flip-flop when he said it, thinking perhaps he meant he cared for her, he loved her.
“Why not?” she asked.
“You make too much, with your tight little cunt and your hot little ass. I ain’t got no other girls like you, none make as much as you do and you know I’ve got needs.”
“Drugs you mean, you need me so you can afford drugs,” she said, her tears slowing and her snot thickening in her nose. She sounded stuffed up, like she had a cold.
“Shit, you know what I like,” he said and stepped back. He slapped her thigh and added, “Now let’s get this slab of meat back behind the counter.” He laughed at his own joke and moved around the car.
Something came over her and she bolted. She ran along the river, between a couple industrial buildings and crouched behind a dumpster.
“Patty,” he bellowed after her, “come back! I need you girl, don’t be like this!”
He called for her a few more times, then swore and got back in the car. It barely started and she heard the engine’s irregular rumble as he moved back and forth down the streets looking for her.
She didn’t know how much time had passed, but her legs cramped and her back itched from the sweat running down her spine.
When she hadn’t heard him for a while, she stood up and stretched. She pulled out her phone, two hours since she’d found them at Chico’s taco place.
Her stomach grumbled and her head hurt.
She found her location on Google maps on her phone and breathed out. She was miles from anything, and it would take her hours to get home. She decided to start walking.
Sarah would probably be waking up for a feeding around now. She ached to hold her, tip the bottle up and watch her little perfect lips latch on.
She decided things could have been worse, her luck could have been really bad, and she was unscathed considering everything.
Tomorrow was a new day, a new start for her and her baby. She whistled a little tune as she walked, a lullaby she realized, as she headed home to her little girl.
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
(Untitled)
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Serial, Volume Two
Chapter One