Seven Days (22 page)

The sun had long been set by the time we finally made it back to where we began seven days ago. As we approached the diner, I started to feel unsettled. I couldn’t explain it, but I knew that something was irrevocably different about our homecoming. I wanted to make promises and figure out a way to grow our connection. I still had reservations, though.

We’d spent the afternoon exploring the other two lakes that were formed by the damming of the Salt River. I wasn’t kidding about how much water we’d spent the week near in a state known for its desert climate. It was like we flocked to it for some reason. Maybe it was like Ryan had said that we were both looking for absolution. Once we hit Globe, deciding to circle around on that part of the famous Apache Trail was easy. I just mentioned Roosevelt and Canyon Lakes and we were off.

Even though we were trying to prolong the day, it still managed to pass in what felt like the blink of an eye. The diner loomed large in front of us as we parked his truck in an empty spot as far from the door as possible. Silence pulsed through the cab as we both seemed to focus on the glass doors that would be the first sign of the end of the week. Neither of us moved.

“I don’t want to leave this truck,” he finally said, breaking the quiet hum of white noise. “I’m trying really hard to talk myself out of backing out of this spot and taking you to my house. I can’t believe how strong the urge is to lock you in my bedroom and never let you leave.”

“You have a house?” I asked, bewildered as to why that was what I’d taken out of his proclamation. I guess I’d just pictured him in one of the crappy little apartments the town had, rather than in an actual home. “A real house or a trailer?” I wanted to clarify, since most of the dwelling structures in the city were manufactured homes. Having a site built home meant that it was less than fifteen years old, since housing developments were still a pretty new addition.

“A house, it’s in one of the newer developments in East Mesa, just over the town line,” he told me, confusion evident on his face. I knew he couldn’t possibly understand why that news mattered to me.

“Rent?”

“I bought,” he divulged. “I’m here for two years, at least, and the market is just now on the upswing from the housing bust. Plus, the mortgage on my house is less than half the cost of rent on the apartment I left in Boston.”

“I can’t believe we spent a whole week together and this never came up,” I whispered, more to myself than to him, trying to calm the panic rising in my throat at yet another glaring example of why we couldn’t work. Now that we were back, I couldn’t just bury my head in the sand at our differences.

“It’s because it doesn’t matter,” he cast aside. “Let’s go in, have some pie and talk?” he suggested. “Otherwise, I’m going to give into my baser desires.”

“Okay,” I nodded, trying to numb myself to everything that was happening. Giving me an answering nod, he pushed open his door and hopped out. I expected him to round the truck to open the door for me, but instead, he stood in the doorway and turned back to me with a gleam in his eye. Before I could ask what he was thinking, his hand closed around my wrist and I was being pulled across the bench seat, my legs sliding under the steering wheel, and into his arms. Holding me in a bridal carry, he pushed the drivers’ side door closed with his back and started for the diner.

“What are you doing?” I laughed, finally able to find my voice. I was glad that it was after the dinner rush, so the parking lot was almost empty, meaning no one was around to witness his silliness.

“I’m trying to show you that I’m more than capable of helping you carry the weight,” he looked at me, longing and something more shone from those butterscotch eyes that held so much pain. “Both literally and metaphorically, of course,” he whispered, stopping for a second to adjust me in his arms so that his lips could connect with mine.

“I never doubted that you couldn’t,” I whispered back, my eyes still closed from our kiss. The weight of what he was trying to show me settled deep inside me. He wanted a future with me, a real one, not just fun and games, not just sex. “You see children, don’t you?” I asked in a moment of extreme bravery.

“Don’t you?” he threw back, softly, bidding me to look at him again. He was right. I did. I saw all of it: the proper Catholic wedding, the long flowing off-white dress with a three foot train, the honeymoon in the mountains, and a life full of love and children. I’d never considered it a possibility before him. I never thought love existed until this very moment.

“I—” I started, tears filling my eyes, my nose stinging. “I’m not sure if what I see is even possible.”

“Shh,” he soothed, touching his forehead to mine as he set me back on my feet in front of the door to the diner. “Let’s have some pie and worry about the picket fence later, okay?” he suggested, helping me push my mounting emotions back down into my stomach where the butterflies had gone on a rampage.

“Okay,” I agreed, letting him lace his fingers in mine to lead us to the empty hostess stand. Using my training as a diner employee, I grabbed two rolls of silverware and checked the seating before marking us into a table in the back section where we’d met just eight days ago. “Right this way, sir,” I directed, escorting him back to his corner booth and sliding inside so that I was facing the window. Without a word, he sat down beside me, refusing to drop my hand from his. The warmth of it was meant as a reminder that he was real and that my decision would affect more than my own future. It would affect his, too.

I wasn’t sure if I was ready to become a footnote in the story of his life. I didn’t even know if a chapter would be sufficient. I was pretty sure I wanted to be on the dedication page, with every line filled with who we would become together. I gasped as I tried to come to grips with what I wanted and how I could get it.

“Well, look who finally decided to come back,” Kara, one of the night servers said as she approached our table. “This week has been hell on wheels without you! Just promise me right now that you’ll never leave again,” her blue eyes looked as pleading as the way she clasped her hands together in prayer at her words.

“Have you met Ryan?” I deflected, indicating the beautiful man beside me. “Ryan, this is Kara,” I introduced.

“Nice to meet you,” he nodded.

“You, too,” she frowned, recognizing that I wasn’t going to answer her plea. “Is this where you’ve been all week?”

“Yeah, we’ve just been travelling around the state, taking in all the sights,” I shrugged as if the trip we’d just completed hadn’t changed my life irrevocably. “Ryan starts a new job tomorrow and wanted see the desert plus a few other places.”

“That’s cool,” she grinned. “What can I get you two?”

“How about a cookies and cream shake and some onion rings?” I asked Ryan, since we’d yet to discuss our order.

“Sounds good,” he said after clearing his throat and sitting up straighter in the booth. The rigidness in his posture told me something I’d said had bothered him. “I know we had pie after lunch, so a shake and fatty deep fried onions sounds great,” he smiled at Kara as she wrote down our order and left us at the table with glasses of water. “I’ll be right back,” he said, tersely, and headed toward the men’s room.

All I could do was stare after him, wondering what I’d done. Replaying my conversation with Kara in my head, I couldn’t pin point what I could’ve done that had upset him like that. Was it that I hadn’t declared right away that I would never leave Kara again? That I’d deflected the decision he was waiting for?

After a few minutes, Ryan came back to our table and took the seat across from me this time. The shake sat between us in its old fashioned glass, the overflow stainless steel mixing cup beside it. A few minutes after that, Kara added a heaping plate of onion rings with my favorite side of ranch dressing to the table, telling us to enjoy before retreating again.

I grabbed a ring while he grabbed a spoon, neither one of us said anything as we took our first bites. Unraveling the paper from around the silverware roll, I put my napkin in my lap before placing a small spoonful of cookies and cream shake on the chewed tip of my onion ring and taking a bite. I smiled softly at the way Ryan’s nose wrinkled as he watched me.

Finally, after what felt like forever, he put his spoon down and looked at me, “They don’t know you aren’t coming back,” he stated with an edge to his words.

“No,” I confirmed, putting my spoon on the appetizer plate Kara had brought to our table with the food.

“You were just going to take off like a fucking thief in the night,” he shook his head with his eyes closed like that realization physically pained him. “You’ve worked here how many years and you aren’t even going to tell them?” his voice started to rise as he continued. “If you weren’t going to tell them, what chance do I have after a fucking week?” he asked, finally getting to the crux of his reaction.

“It’s not the same,” I stressed.

“You’re damn right it’s not!” he huffed. “You’ve had years to cultivate a relationship with these people. Hell, you trusted them to look after your sister this week. They’re like family—”

“They aren’t family,” I denied, leaning across the table and whispering harshly. “Britton is my only family. They are co-workers and friends. I may trust them with her, but I know they would try to convince me to stay. They don’t know me half as well as you already do,” I pushed out through my teeth.

“
Really?”
he asked. “Then, tell me, Carrie. Why are you having Britton meet us here to pick you up? Why not just have me drive you home? Why were you so freaked out about Britton being at home by herself this week? What is it you don’t want me to know?”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” I tried to get even closer to him with the table and our food between us. “There are things that you understand about me. I like these people well enough but I l—” I cut myself off and my eyes widened in response to what I had been about to blurt out during a heated discussion. Clearing my throat, I leaned away from the table, settling my back against the booth. “I love that you let me escape who I am for a while,” I finished, even though I knew I’d fucked up.

“Please, Carrie,” he bowed his head, his palms on the table, like he was bracing himself.

“I don’t want you to change how you see me,” tears flooded my eyes and I struggled to push them back again. I knew they’d break eventually tonight, but I wanted to get through this without them. “Once you learn these things about me, Ryan. The things I’ve done, allowed to happen, you’ll leave.”

“Lying is the only way out, remember?” he reminded me. “I know you’ve done things you aren’t proud of when you weren’t old enough to really know better, Carrie. I know you feel stuck.”

“I do,” I nodded. “But,” the word escaped my lips before I had a chance to hold it back.

“But,” his head shot up and he was suddenly on my side of the booth again. The hope shining in his eyes was almost heartbreaking.

“But,” I repeated, meeting his gaze with my own serious green stare, “I’m going to talk to Britton. If she doesn’t want to leave, I’ll figure out a way to stay,” I confessed and I felt the air leave my lungs in a rush as I found myself crushed against Ryan’s chest.

“Thank you,” he choked out, his hand fisting in my hair as he held me. “I can accept that. Thank you for giving me a chance.”

“I didn’t say I was staying,” I mumbled, hoping my words didn’t get lost in his tight embrace.

“I know, but it’s better than a flat out no,” he whispered in my ear before pulling back slightly and fitting his lips against mine. This time, I felt his relief at my decision flow through me and I couldn’t help the twinge of elation that filled me at the possibilities that were now in front of us.

A clearing of a throat brought us back to where we were and we jumped away from each other, sheepishly, looking at Kara grinning like a loon with her arms crossed over her chest. I think she was trying to play the role of den mother, but the over the top smile betrayed her. My cheeks flushed as I peered at her over Ryan’s shoulder, embarrassed to have been caught making out at my place of employment.

“It’s good to see you happy, Carrie,” was all she said as she slipped the ticket for our food under our melting ice cream and walked away.

“It’s good to see you happy, Carrie,” Ryan echoed, tracing his fingertips against my cheek and smiling at me.

“Let’s finish this food and I’ll text Britton,” I frowned with an eye roll. “She said she’d leave the car here for me, but it wasn’t in the lot when we got here. Maybe she decided to wait after all. I really hope so.”

“Hey!” Allie greeted as we made our way to the front of the diner later. “I didn’t know you were here.”

Ryan and I were still all smiles and small touches. I couldn’t believe that I’d decided to give this a chance and that I’d agreed to talk to Britton about staying. Ryan wanted to show me his house, and then I was going to text Britton to let her know I was home. I knew I was pushing it, but I wanted to soak up every last second I had with him, just in case. “Yeah, we were sitting in the back,” I nodded toward my usually dreaded section. “You weren’t up here when we arrived, so I just sat us.”