Sex and Crime: Oliver's Strange Journey (63 page)

But some addicts do get better. So there is
hope. The Harvard Medical School did a study, and asked a whole
bunch of people, who really truly got clean, how they did it. 80%
of them answered that they did not do it with the AA program, but
on their own, at home, by staying away from other addicts, with the
love and support of their loved ones. And I think that is the key:
don't hang out with other addicts. Not even at meetings. Not even
when they're in recovery, because virtually all of them will
relapse sooner or later. So stay as far away from other addicts as
possible. Surround yourself with truly sober people who love
you.

As I mentioned earlier, I believe drug
addiction is a substitute for love. So it seems only logical to me
that love is what can help an addict overcome their drug addiction.
And there are rehab programs out there that are not based on the
12-step program, but on actual medical science, and on building
strong, loving relationships.

Anyway, let's get back to Nicole:

The guy she met at an AA meeting relapsed,
and she followed soon after. At first she used just a little bit,
occasionally. She lied to herself and pretended that she could do
drugs recreationally, here and there, without letting it get out of
hand. But slowly it got worse. It always does. Eventually she and
Johnny couldn't afford the amount of drugs they required, so Johnny
tried to talk her into stripping, and then wanted her to escort on
Backpage.

Take my word for it: if a guy is ok with you
stripping or escorting, he doesn't really love you. He cares more
about money or drugs, than about you. He's not your friend, and
he's not your lover. He's using you as his meal ticket. He's
pimping you out, even if he manages to make you think it's your
idea. A real man would rather go scrub toilets to earn a living,
than watch his girl degrade herself in a strip club or as a
whore.

One day Nicole told me she needed money, and
asked me if there was anything she could do for me to earn some
quick cash. I told her she could clean my house, if she wanted to.
I figured $40 for 4 hours of cleaning would be fair. But she was
only there for about an hour and a half, and she was texting all
the time. The only people I knew, who text with such hectic urgency
and frequency, are drug addicts. So my instincts told me she was
using drugs again, even if she was still at a stage where her
addiction seemed manageable.

A few weeks went by. Lucy had been in and
out of jail a few times. Now she was back in, and she told me that
I was the only person on her visitation list. She told me she loved
me and that she wasn't talking to any other guys anymore. I was the
only one. But then Wigger warned me not to trust her, and I found
out she was playing me and a bunch of other guys. She had scheduled
a viso with her pimp G-Force and her sugar daddy Cho.

I felt really hurt and betrayed, because
this was the same kind of grimey shit that Veronica had done to me
so many times, and Lucy had promised never to hurt me like that.
And then she did it anyway. So I was done with her. I wanted
nothing to do with her anymore. I told Nicole that Lucy did nothing
but lie and cheat, just like Veronica, and I was sick of it. Nicole
replied that I was right not to put up with Lucy's games. She said
I deserved to be treated better than that.

A few weeks later, Nicole messaged me on
Facebook and told me that she was going to start dancing as a
stripper at Lookers. She asked me if I would come see her. I told
her I don't like strip clubs. She offered to come to my house and
strip for me there. I told her that probably wasn't a good idea,
because I would get turned on, and then I'd probably want to have
sex with her. She replied that that was the whole point of taking
her clothes off in front me. Wow. So after Veronica's mother had
hit on me, and Lola's mother told me it was ok to fuck her daughter
right in front of her, now Lucy's aunt told me I could fuck her if
I wanted to.

Nicole was a gorgeous 30 year old natural
blonde, with steel blue eyes and large breasts. In prison, the
other inmates had called her Barbarian Barbie, because she was
beautiful and athletic.

Lucy obviously didn't give a shit about me.
By now I had found out that she not only had been talking to a
bunch of guys besides me, but she was doing exactly the same thing
that Veronica always did: Lucy was writing love letters to a bunch
of different people. I was by no means the only one in her life,
like she claimed. She had even written a letter to Veronica, asking
her to have herself moved from dorm 4 to dorm 1, where Lucy was, so
they could fuck.

But at this point Veronica wanted nothing to
do with Lucy anymore, because Lucy had told me that Veronica was
dating Wendy behind my back. So Veronica ended up sending me the
letter Lucy wrote her, to show me that I couldn't trust Lucy and
she was just playing me. Veronica trash-talked Lucy all the time
and said things like: "Lucy got really fat in jail. And did you
ever notice her head is too big for her body? I'm so much hotter
than her."

Lucy had also written a letter to her sugar
daddy Cho, that said she loved him and wanted to be with him. He
ended up texting me a photo of her letter, to rub it in my face,
and he told me that he had also intercepted one of her love letters
to some other guy.

She was writing several different dope boys
on the outside, male inmates in other parts of the jail, and female
inmates, including Snickers. She was throwing herself at a dozen
different people at once, telling each of them the same thing. Just
like Veronica. It was bizarre. It was like Lucy was a slightly
younger clone of Veronica.

Lucy was just as desperate to feel loved,
and she thought she would accomplish that by casting the widest
possible net, instead of putting all her eggs in one basket with
just one person. She was just as selfish as Veronica, and didn't
consider my feelings even for one second while she was doing all
that stuff. I didn't exist while she chased after all these other
people.

Fuck her, I thought. Karma is a bitch.

I told Nicole that I was in New York, but
that I would like to watch her strip for me, once I get back to
Fort Myers. She told me to hurry back.

I arrived in Fort Myers in early November,
2013. One day before Lucy was about to be released again. So I
could have picked her up from jail, like she asked me to two weeks
earlier. But then she decided to go smoke crack with Cho and fuck
him instead. The thought of that guy, or any other guy, touching
her made me sick.

She obviously had no loyalty to me
whatsoever, even though she always told me she loved me oh so much.
So why should I have any loyatly to her? Why should I consider her
feelings for even a second while I pursue other people?

I picked up Nicole at Lucy's grandfather's
house. We went back to my place. She was really nervous. I told her
she didn't really have to strip if she didn't want to, and that I'd
be perfectly happy just having sex with her. She was relieved. She
told me she couldn't bring herself to strip at Lookers, because she
was way too shy. It hadn't been her idea anyway. It was
Johnny's.

He had also tried to force her to trick on
Backpage, but she said she couldn't bring herself to have sex with
all these random guys. She had a full blown panic attack, when
Johnny drove her to some guy's house to fuck him. That's why she
had messaged me on Facebook a few days ago, hoping I'd like what I
see once she stripped for me, and maybe we'd click, and then I'd
agree to see her every day, and take care of her, the way I used to
take care of Lucy's stepmom Hussy.

Inbetween the day she had messaged me, and
the day I returned to Fort Myers and picked her up, Johnny had
gotten arrested. Nicole had tried to break up with him. He got
violent and started beating her at the Hess gas station on Palm
Beach Boulevard. He threw her on the ground. Other people stopped
him, to help her get away from him. But she had to get her
belongings out of his pickup truck first. He ran over her foot with
the truck. She hobbled away, into the gas station.

He rammed the glass front and tried to drive
the truck through the store to run her over. The cops arrested him
and he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, among other
things. He was still on probation. Now he was going to head back to
prison for a long time. Good. I fucking hate lowlives like him.

It's never ok to hit a girl. Never. Not even
if she cheats on you. A girl is not your property. She's a human
being. She is just as important as you. She is your equal. And her
wishes and feelings are just as valid as yours. All you can do is
treat her nice, and hope she wants to be with you. If she chooses
to be with you, great! If not, or if she chooses to leave you at
some point, you have to let her go. You have no right to stop her.
You don't own her, and you don't have the right to tell her what to
do. She's your partner. Not your servant, not your sex slave, and
not your punching bag.

But you're not her punching bag either. You
don't have to let her hurt you. If she treats you like garbage, if
she shows you nothing but disrespect, then walk away from her. Find
someone who treats you better. Nobody has the right to abuse you,
as my friend George always said.

Anyway, Nicole and I went into the bedroom,
and she took her clothes off. She was really shy. She thought she
wasn't as pretty as the girls I was used to, and she didn't measure
up. She apologized for the scars on her leg. I hadn't even noticed
them. She was beautiful. Once she was naked, she covered her
breasts and pussy with her hands and giggled nervously. Then she
jumped under the covers next to me. I knew this was really scary
and stressful for her. I gently asked her, if she still wanted to
go through with this. She said yes, with a timid smile.

I asked her to suck me, and she did. I felt
like I didn't have sex in months. She made me feel really good, and
I would have cum in her mouth soon, but I wasn't sure if that was
ok, and I didn't want to gross her out. And I really wanted to know
what her pussy felt like, so I asked her to lie down. I got on top
of her, and we kissed while I slowly pushed myself inside of her. I
concentrated on how I felt while being inside of her. I felt really
content and happy. I could have stayed like this with her forever.
She was so warm and soft. We didn't just have sex. We cuddled,
while I was inside of her.

Haley had been in jail for almost a year
already. And Veronica and Lucy had been in jail for months at this
point. Nicole was the first girl with whom I felt a real, emotional
connection in a long time. We had been chatting for months, and we
liked each other. And now, finally, we had sex. After I came inside
of her, she smiled. I handed her a towel so she wouldn't leak all
over the bed.

"Are you still nervous?" I asked.

"No," she said and smiled. "I'm glad we
finally did it."

We cuddled up next to each other and talked
for a while. Of course Lucy came up.

"What are we gonna tell her?" I asked.

"I think it's better if we don't tell her
anything right now," Nicole replied.

"Yeah, you're right. And I'm not even
talking to her anymore anyway. I was done with her, after I found
out she was fucking around with all these other guys, while she
told me I was the only one. I'm so sick of this two-faced shit. And
she really has no right to be upset. It's not like she cared how I
felt when she was messing around with all these other guys. She's
fucking God only knows how many people on Backpage. And a bunch of
dope boys. And Ziggy, G-Force, Cho and who knows who else. So if I
like having sex with you, what's the big deal? It's not like she
really cares about me anyway. She hasn't been faithful to me, so
why would I be faithful to her?"

I was trying to make myself feel better,
because deep down I did feel really guilty. I knew that Lucy would
be hurt if she found out, because despite all her grimey shit, and
although she was throwing herself at dozens of people, telling all
of them that she loved them or wanted to be with them, or she had
sex with them, I believed that some part of her really did love me.
But it didn't matter, because she and I weren't together. We
weren't even talking to each other. Lucy was with someone else. I
didn't know who, because it was someone else every day. All that
mattered was that it wasn't me.

After we got dressed, I took Nicole to my
new favorite little restaurant: Cheng's on 41. It's nothing fancy.
Just a little Chinese restaurant with a large buffet. It's almost
like Golden Corral, but much closer to my condo. We ate, talked and
laughed. I really liked her a lot, and I think Nicole felt the same
way. She looked so happy. She had the biggest smile on her face. I
took a picture of her and posted it on Facebook. Her friends
commented that this was the happiest she had looked in forever.

Nicole and I met up a lot after that first
time, and she started sleeping over at my place. I loved falling
asleep with her next to me, because she was the most affectionate
person I had ever met. She always felt the need to touch me
somehow. While we slept, either her head was on my chest, or her
arms or legs where intertwined with mine in some way. Her touch
felt so comforting.

Many times Lucy texted or called her, and
Nicole had to pretend to be somewhere else, so Lucy wouldn't know
that we were seeing each other.