Sex, Marriage and Family in World Religions (80 page)

Dongguo Yan said, “Man and wife must be of different surnames. But you, my lord, are descended from Duke Ding of Qi, and I am descended from Duke Huan. It is out of the question!”

Cui Shu divined by the milfoil stalks and arrived at the hexagram
kun
or “adversity,” which changed into the hexagram
daguo
or “excess.”

The historians who conducted the divination all declared the response to be auspicious. But when Cui Shu showed the results to the Qi minister Chen Wenzi, he said, “Husband gives way to wind, wind blows the wife away. Such a match will never do! Moreover, the interpretation reads: ‘Troubled by rocks, thorns and briers to rest on, the man enters his house but does not see his wife—misfortune!’ ‘Troubled by rocks’ means he cannot cross over. ‘Thorns and briers to rest on’ means that what he leans on injures him. ‘He enters his house but does not see his wife—misfortune!’ means he has no place to turn to.”

Cui Shu said, “She’s a widow, so what does all that matter? Her former husband has already suffered the misfortune!” Thus in the end he married Lady Jiang.

Duke Zhuang of Qi carried on an adulterous affair with Lady Jiang, paying frequent visits to Cui Shu’s house. At one time he took Cui Shu’s hat and presented it to someone else. His attendant said, “That will not do!” But the duke replied, “Is Cui the only person who deserves a hat?”

For these reasons, Cui came to hate the duke. Also, when Duke Zhuang took advantage of the trouble in Jin to launch an attack on that state, Cui said, “Jin is certain to pay us back for this!”‘ He therefore resolved to assassinate the duke in order to ingratiate himself with Jin, but could find no opportunity to do so. However, the duke thrashed one of his attendants named Jia Ju and then later allowed the man to wait on him again. This man spied on the duke for Cui Shu.

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In the summer, the fifth month, the ruler of the state of Ju came to pay a court visit to Qi because of the military action carried out by Ju at Juyu.

On the day
jiaxu
a banquet was held for the ruler of Ju at the northern outer wall of the capital. Cui Shu, pleading illness, played no part in the affair.

On the day
yihai
Duke Zhuang went to Cui Shu’s house to inquire how he was. While there, he sought out Cui Shu’s wife, Lady Jiang. She led him into a chamber, but then she and Cui Shu slipped out by a side door. The duke began rapping on a pillar and singing.

Meanwhile, the duke’s attendant Jia Ju instructed the party of men who had accompanied the duke to remain outside while he went in the house. Then he shut the gate on them. At that point Cui Shu’s soldiers made their appearance.

The duke clambered up to the upper terrace, where he begged to be allowed
to go free. His request was refused. He begged to be allowed to conclude an
alliance with Cui Shu, but his request was refused. He begged to be allowed to
take his own life in the ancestral temple, but his request was refused.

The soldiers all said, “The ruler’s minister Cui Shu is sick and cannot inquire of the ruler’s orders. Since this house is close to the ducal palace, we retainers of the Cui family have been assigned to patrol the area at night. If there are trespassers, the only orders we have are to attack!”

The duke tried to climb over the wall, whereupon someone shot at him with
an arrow and hit him in the thigh. He fell backward from the wall, and in this
way was finally assassinated.

Jia Ju, Zhou Chuo, Bing Shi, the ducal son Ao, Feng Ju, Duo Fu, Xiang Yi, and Lu¨ Yin all died in the fighting.

[From
The Tso Chuan: Selections from China’s Oldest Narrative History,
trans.

Burton Watson, modified (New York: Columbia University Press, 1989), pp. 13–14, 21–22, 143–145]

RECORD OF RITUAL

The
Li ji,
translated in the nineteenth century by James Legge as
Record of
Ritual,
was compiled in the second or first century bce from earlier texts. From early times it was early considered one of the Confucian Classics, and it became the authoritative source for issues relating to family, marriage, and such key family rituals as funerals and ancestral rites. The text is quite long, and because it was created by collecting independent texts, there is much repetition from one section to another. The passages selected here come from several different sections, and were chosen to illustrate both specific ideas about family rituals and more general attitudes toward the moral basis of family relations.

In this translation the Master refers to Confucius. Legge’s numbering of paragraphs has been retained, for the convenience of those who want to read the entire chapter.

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Document 6–8

3. Sons’ wives should serve their parents-in-law as they served their own. At the first crowing of the cock, they should wash their hands and rinse their mouths; comb their hair, draw over it the covering of silk, fix this with the hairpin, and tie the hair at the roots with the fillet. They should then put on the jacket and over it the sash. On the left side they should hang the duster and handkerchief, the knife and whetstone, the small spike, and the metal speculum to get fire with; and on the right, the needle-case, thread, and floss, all bestowed in the satchel, the great spike, and the borer to get fire with from wood. They will also fasten on their necklaces and adjust their shoestrings.

4. Thus dressed, they should go to their parents and parents-in-law. On getting to where they are, with bated breath and gentle voice, they should ask if their clothes are too warm or too cold, whether they are ill or pained, or uncomfortable in any part; and if they be so, they should proceed reverently to stroke and scratch the place. They should in the same way, going before or following after, help and support their parents in quitting or entering the apartment. In bringing in the basin for them to wash, the younger will carry the stand and the elder the water; they will beg to be allowed to pour out the water, and when the washing is concluded, they will hand over the towel. They will ask whether they want anything, and then respectfully bring it. All this they will do with an appearance of pleasure to make their parents feel at ease. They should bring gruel, thick or thin, spirits or must, soup with vegetables, beans, wheat, spinach, rice, millet, maize, and glutinous millet, whatever they wish, in fact; with dates, chestnuts, sugar and honey, to sweeten their dishes; with the ordinary or the large-leaved violets, leaves of elm-trees, fresh or dry, and the most soothing rice-water to lubricate them; and with fat and oil to enrich them.

The parents will be sure to taste them, and when they have done so, the young people should withdraw. . . .

6. All charged with the care of the inner and outer parts of the house, at the first crowing of the cock, should wash their hands and mouths, gather up their pillows and fine mats, sprinkle and sweep out the apartments, hall, and court-yard, and spread the mats, each doing his proper work. The children go earlier to bed, and get up later, according to their pleasure. There is no fixed time for their meals. . . .

16. If parents have a boy born to the father by a handmaid, or the son or grandson of one of his concubines, of whom they are very fond, their sons should after their death not allow their regard for him to diminish so long as they live.

If a son have two concubines, one of whom is loved by his parents, while he himself loves the other, yet he should not dare to make this one equal to
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the former whom his parents love in dress, or food, or the duties which she discharges, nor should he lessen his attentions to her after their death. If he very much approves of his wife, and his parents do not like her, he should divorce her. If he does not approve of his wife, but his parents say, “she serves us well,” he should behave to her in all respects as his wife without fail even to the end of her life. . . .

18. When her father-in-law is dead, her mother-in-law [retires and ]takes the place of the old lady; but the wife of the eldest son, on occasions of sacrificing and receiving guests, must ask her directions in everything, while the other sons’

wives must ask directions from her. When her parents-in-law employ the eldest son’s wife, she should not be dilatory, unfriendly, or impolite to the wives of his brothers (for their not helping her). When the parents-in-law employ any of them, they should not presume to consider themselves as equal to the other; walking side by side with her, or giving their orders in the same way, or sitting in the same position as she.

19. No daughter-in-law, without being told to go to her own apartment, should venture to withdraw from that of her parents-in-law. Whatever she is about to do, she should ask leave from them. A son and his wife should have no private goods, animals, or vessels; they should not presume to borrow from or give anything to another person. If anyone give the wife an article of food or dress, a piece of cloth or silk, a handkerchief for her girdle, an iris or orchid, she should receive it and offer it to her parents-in-law. If they accept it, she will be glad as if she were receiving it afresh. If they return it to her, she should decline it, and if they do not allow her to do so, she will take it as if it were a second gift, and lay it by to wait till they may want it. If she wants to give it to some of her own cousins, she must ask leave to do so, and that being granted, she will give it. . . .

13. The observances of propriety commence with a careful attention to the relations between husband and wife. The outer and inner parts of houses were distinguished. The men occupied the exterior; the women the interior. The mansion was deep and the doors were strong, guarded by porter and eunuch.

The men did not enter the interior; the women did not come out into the outer section.

14. Males and females did not use the same stand or rack for their clothes.

The wife did not presume to hang up anything on the pegs or stand of her husband; nor to put anything in his boxes or satchels; nor to share his bathing-house. When her husband had gone out from their apartment, she put his pillow in its case, rolled up his upper and under mats, put them in their covers, and laid them away in their proper receptacles. The young served the old and the low served the noble also in this way.

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15. Between husband and wife, it was not until they were seventy that they deposited these things in the same place without separation. Hence though a concubine were old, until she had completed her fiftieth year, it was the rule that she should be with the husband once in five days. When she was to do so, she purified herself, rinsed her mouth and washed, carefully adjusted her dress, combed her hair, drew over it the covering of silk, fixed her hairpins, tied up the hair in the shape of a horn, brushed the dust from the rest of her hair, put on her necklace, and adjusted her shoestrings. Even a favorite concubine was required in dress and food to come after those ranked above her. If the wife were not with the husband, a concubine waiting on him would not venture to remain the whole night.

16. When a wife was about to have a child, and the month of her confinement had arrived, she occupied one of the side apartments, where her husband sent twice a day to ask about her. If he were moved and came himself to ask about her, she did not presume to see him but made her governess dress herself and reply to him.

When the child was born, the husband again sent twice a day to inquire of her. He fasted now, and did not enter the door of the side apartment. If the child were a boy, a bow was placed on the left of the door; and if a girl, a handkerchief on the right of it. After three days the child began to be carried, and some archery was practiced for a boy, but not for a girl . . .

23. When an heir-son has been born, the ruler washed his head and whole body, and put on his court robes. His wife did the same, and then they both took their station at the top of the stairs on the east with their faces towards the west. One of the ladies of quality, with the child in her arms, ascended by the steps on the west. The ruler then named the child; and (the lady) went down with it.

26. When a concubine was about to have a child, and the month of her confinement had arrived, the husband sent once a day to ask for her. When the son was born, at the end of three months, she washed her mouth and feet, adjusted herself early in the morning and appeared in the inner chamber (belonging to the wife proper). There she was received with the ceremonies of her first entrance into the harem. When the husband had eaten, a special portion of what was left was given to her by herself; and forthwith she entered on her duties of attendance.

27. When the child of an inferior member of the ruler’s harem was about to be born, the mother went to one of the side apartments, and at the end of three months, having washed her head and person, and put on her court robes, she appeared before the ruler. One of her waiting women appeared with the child in her arms. If the mother was one to whom the ruler had given special favors, he himself named the son. In the case of other such children, an officer was employed to name them.

28. Among the common people who had no side chambers, when the month of confinement arrived, the husband left his bed-chamber, and occupied a
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common apartment. In his inquiries for his wife, however, and on his son’s being presented to him, there was no difference (from the observances that have been detailed).

29. In all cases though the father is alive, the grandson is presented to the grandfather, who also names him. The ceremonies are the same as when the son is presented to the father; but there is no interchange of words between the mother and him.

30. The wetnurse of the ruler’s boy left the palace after three years, and, when she appeared before the ruler, was rewarded for her toilsome work.