Sexy Book of Sexy Sex (11 page)

Place the condom at the top of the banana. Pinch the reservoir tip between your thumb and index finger, and use your freehand to roll the condom over the banana. Quickly, now! That banana is getting softer by the second.

THE PILL

Consult with your doctor to find the birth control pill that’s right for your banana. Then, diligently give the banana a pill every day around the same time. Some of the pills are placebos, but you should still mash them in to your banana just so you stay in the routine.

CONTRACEPTIVE SPONGE

Combining barrier and spermicidal methods of contraception, this form of birth control can even be used to clean up the mess afterwards.

INTRAUTERINE METHODS (IUDS)

Lasting any where from five to twelve years, this T-shaped baby-stopper must be inserted into your banana by a licensed fruit doctor.

SURGICAL STERILIZATION

Eliminates the need for birth control, but after it’s done, who honestly wants that banana?

WITHDRAWAL METHOD

The oldest and least reliable form of birth control, “pulling out” requires removing your banana at the last possible moment.

ABSTINENCE

The most surefire way of not having a baby is never unpeeling your banana, no matter how much you want to.

ANAL SEX

Not the most enjoyable method for getting your banana, but better than no banana at all.

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