Shades of Sydney (Sydney West #1) (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-Two

My joy escaped from every pore and bubbled out of me when I spoke. I was too damn happy. As we walked to the venue, I wanted to break out in a run past the people and cars and be in front of the stage, waiting.

“Calm down, Syd. There’s no race. I won’t let anyone steal your seat.”

I smiled, linking my arm with his. “I can’t believe how happy I am. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my entire life.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad you’re happy, but we have an hour to kill before they let us into the place.”

I felt my heart sink. “Why are we here so early?”

He made a noise that sounded like a laugh. “You had to be here, rushing us through dinner and everything. We probably broke three traffic laws getting here.”

My cheeks burned at the memory. “I know, couldn’t stand the thought of missing something. So what do you want to do?”

“The radio stations are here. Let’s see what they are up to.”

We went around to the different booths. Most radio stations were giving away keychains and having drawings for future concerts. Jason and I entered the ones that were for artists we enjoyed. We entered all the same contests except one.

Finally, we were allowed inside. After being pat down by a female security officer, having my purse looked through, and my ticket scanned, I was in. Jason was right behind me.

Jason started to say something to me when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the souvenir table. There wasn’t a huge crowd there yet, but it was building. I grabbed Jason and towed him with me. I pushed my way up front and bought Jason and me matching t-shirts. He wasn’t amused, but he did wear it. I bought a few little things and was onto the next mission—drinks.

We stood front row with our warm, overpriced beers in hand. I was on such a high, I didn’t even care.

***

Amps vibrated the floor and air around me. The room smelled a little like vanilla. I was in love with the show. The entire thing was perfect. Emilie was known for making her concert more of a theatre experience and she did not disappoint. Her burlesque dancers were dressed in striped stockings and short dresses. During one of my favorite songs, I grabbed Jason’s hand and squeezed. He squeezed back. There was a hint of a smile on his lips.

Jason enjoyed it too. At one point, he stood behind me so he could wrap his arms around my torso. I stayed in his embrace during the slower songs, but when Emilie brought the heat, I had to jump up and down, screaming. Jason chuckled and went back to standing at my side.

***

“That was incredible!” I screamed in Jason’s Jeep as we drove home.

Jason tilted his head. “What? I can’t hear a damn thing.”

I laughed. The ringing in my ears wouldn’t stop. “We’ve gone deaf!”

It was the dead of night. The longer we were on the Pacific Highway, the fewer cars we passed. We were away from the city, and all the stars came out to play.

“Look, there’s Leo,” I said, pointing out my window to the sky.

“I’m driving, and who’s Leo?”

I scanned the sky for more star patterns I knew. “He’s the lion constellation.”

“Oh, right. I knew that.”

“Mmm-hmm,” I said, still studying the sky.

A moment of silence passed.

“That concert was the best thing ever!” I cheered, floating back to my memory.

“You owe me big time for it then,” Jason said, giving me a wink.

I turned to him and squeezed his knee. My face hurt from smiling. “Baby, I’m going to rock your world tonight. It’s going to be the wildest sex you’ve ever had.”

He gave me a heated look, making my stomach clench. “Yeah?”

I licked my lips. “Yeah.”

Jason ran two red lights and a stop sign by the time he pulled into my driveway. As soon as we entered the house, we raced into the bedroom and shed our clothes before crawling into bed.

He pinned me on my back and spread my legs with his knee.

I looked up at him and wiggled out of his embrace. “No, I’m going to rock your world and I’m not going to do it on my back.”

The look on his face was priceless, a mix of alarm, curiosity, and lust. Everything in the world felt right as I placed my hand on his chest and ran my fingers along the line of hair that led all the way down. He fell back against the pillows. I sat on top of him, each of my knees rested by one of his hips.

His hands ran down my spine as I bent forward to seal our lips. Tingles of pleasure shot through me. My heart raced, breaking its icy cage. My nipples brushed the soft hairs on his chest, making them feel like live wires. I slid a condom onto his shaft and kissed my way up to his lips. I rode him like a ride at the fair and didn’t stop until we couldn’t take a breath.

When my vision went hazy, I collapsed next to him. Jason folded me into his arms. His chest was damp with sweat. I closed my eyes. Jason kissed the crown of my head and wrapped a leg around my waist. I drifted to sleep, feeling satisfied.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Someone’s snoring forced me from sleep’s embrace. Blinking my eyes, I found myself in a pair of arms. They were toned, firm, and warm. I shot up like a bullet. They belonged to Jason.

We broke the cardinal rule in my little book, having sex in my bed. My stomach twisted itself into a tight knot.

Why didn’t he go? I couldn’t run away from my room, but he could, so why didn’t he disappear while I was sleeping?

I pushed his shoulder hard, waking him up. “Why are you still here?”

He squinted at me. “I’m sleeping…” Awareness crossed his face. He sat up and stretched his arms over his head. “So, this is what it’s like to wake up next to you. I get punched in the shoulder while sleeping. Good to know.”

My heart fell, lost in the pretzel of my stomach. “Get out! Just get out!”

Jason ran a hand through his sleep tossed hair. “No.”

He was in my personal bubble…again. How did he keep finding ways into my most intimate places? It felt like he was slowly turning me inside out.

I was going to fight, push him away, but something stopped me. The voice in my head told me to wait. There was more to the story. My gut warned me if I forced Jason out now, I’d regret it. I didn’t know how or why, but I knew that one day I would deplore it with all my being and I couldn’t do a thing about it.

I sighed. “I need some coffee.” Jason watched me as I wrapped my silk robe around myself. “Are you just going to sit there?”

He rubbed his eye with the palm of his hand. “I’m kind of in shock. I thought you were kicking me out of the house.”

My heart clawed at my ribcage. Jason was the only guy who’d ever slept in my bed. He was breaking me. I had to keep it together and force myself to stand straighter. I had to pretend I was indifferent about him staying or going.

“I was.”

“Why the change of heart?” He looked down at my bed, then at me. The look on his face told me he remembered my rules. “Freaking out because of your ground rules?” He gave me a cocky smile.

I wanted to hit him and kiss that stupid mouth. God, I needed help.

A weight dropped inside me. All my organs felt like pudding. I shrugged, not wanting to get into it. I had to save face. He couldn’t see through me yet. I wasn’t glass. I was more like hazy ice.

I bit my lip, thinking of a good comeback. Nothing came to mind. “Let’s say I’m experimenting, turning over a new leaf,” I finally said.

He gave me a look, not buying my excuse, but knew not to dig further. “I can roll with that,” he said, pushing himself out of my bed.

Not even a whole pot of coffee was going to erase the image of a sleeping Jason in
my
bed. And we had sex in that bed. I was going to have to wash those sheets. Why did I break my own rule? I racked my brain, but couldn’t think of anything, except I was insanely happy after that concert and felt like I needed to share the joy.

As I drained one cup and poured another, Jason came down the stairs and sat at the island. He was dressed in wrinkled clothes from last night. There were fold lines imprinted on his cheek from the pillow. I walked over and planted my ass on the counter top.

Jason got up and went to the coffee pot. “We should get to know each other better,” he said, getting a mug and filling it. He put two cubes of sugar and a ton of cream into his mug. To me, that meant he was either a sweet guy or couldn’t stomach strong coffee.

As I sipped my rich, black coffee, I thought about his proposal. “Why?”

He stirred his coffee with a spoon from the drawer. “Just thought we should know more. Seems like Amelia and Hunter know everything about each other and they talk about us too.”

That’s because they’re a couple!
I wanted to shout, but it wouldn’t have helped anything. The enigma of my summer was that my best friend entered a serious relationship and that meant Jason was going to hang around to be with his best friend.

“You go first, since it was your idea.”

Jason sat down at the island again. “I’ll go first, but you have to promise not to clam up when I’m finished.”

I nodded, then took a sip of coffee, swallowing hard.

His face was blank, but those eyes were intense. “I need to hear you say the words.”

Sighing heavily, I said, “I’ll spill a part of my soul to you in exchange for some of yours.”

He smiled, happy with my answer. “Let me think…I grew up in the City of Angels and moved to Malibu when I was ten. My two older cousins were both football players who liked to bang all the cheerleaders—all except my sister, of course. I’m more of a surfer dude who seeks out a girl who will be more than just a fling.”

I took a long sip of coffee. Was that why he wasn’t giving up on me? He didn’t like the idea of having a fling, so he was going to make me more than that? Or could he possibly truly like me?

Jason continued. “My parents liked to fight with each other every so often. When they did, I’d go out and surf. It was a great way to clear my head. It sucked when it was too cold or rough to ride, though.”

“What would you do then?”

“I’d go to the arcade and play the games. I loved beating all the high scores.”

I could see him in an arcade surrounded by video games from the 80s teaching anyone who was nearby how to play. Just thinking of it made me smile.

“I’ve had a few good friends. My motto has always been, ‘have close friends, not a herd of strangers.’ Had a few relationships too. Most ended mutually, but one ended with my heart being ripped out.”

Jason’s face was smooth as he talked, but when he mentioned having his heart broken, he closed his eyes. The pain was still there, buried inside.

He was being deep and real, telling me highlights of his life that made him who he was, both the light and dark sides. It was like getting a quick background check.

“How’d she break your heart?” The words tumbled out. My sensors sucked.

He looked down at his coffee. “She cheated on me with an old close friend of mine. Took a lot of time to get over their betrayal.”

My heart pinged. “You can’t fully recover from that. Hence why I don’t believe in love.”

He looked me dead in the eye. “Don’t believe in love? I think you just say that because you’re afraid of being hurt.”

I wasn’t replying to that. “Love is a myth, something the Greeks and Romans invented thousands of years ago. You know the saying, ‘after you repeat a lie long enough, it becomes the truth.’”

His eyebrows stitched together. “Where are you getting your facts?”

“I watch the History Channel, the ID channel, learned way too much in my sociology class, and I have many theories of my own.”

He shook his head. “Right, your sociology class. That’s the problem.”

I tilted my head, confused. “Why?”

“It’s the study of people, but it can never be accurate. People come in many different flavors. Not one person is like another. Their facts are always off somehow.”

I rolled my eyes. “From what I have learned, it hits the nail on the head.”

“Share with the class then,” he said, sweeping his arm through the air as if acting like my kitchen was a classroom. “Prove your wisdom, oh Wise One.”

I ignored his mocking tone. “American families truly press the gender roles and it creates violence against women, makes women seem lower than men. Men like to still make women feel they
need
to take care of the children and work in the home. In marriage, she takes
his
last name. That’s control right there. Another example is the priest saying ‘man and wife,’ yet another form of ownership. Sorry, but I’m not going to be owned by some selfish man who will most likely cheat because he can’t keep his pants on.”

Jason looked taken aback. “Now that was some rant.”

I focused on the black liquid in my mug. “It’s facts. Just the tip of the iceberg about what I’ve learned. That was all from one chapter, too.”

He cupped his mug close to his chest. “Impressive, you memorized your textbook. Most people use it as a makeshift pillow.”

My coffee burned my hands. I took a sip and said, “I like to know what’s going on in the world. It’s idiotic to walk around not knowing how the world works. I know how it functions.”

He looked skeptical. “You do, do you?”

I gave him a pointed glare. “Why does it seem like you don’t believe me?”

“You have your vision of the world and I have mine.”

“What’s yours like? Rainbows and unicorns?” I smirked at my own joke.

He took a sip of coffee and choked on it for a heartbeat. “Compared to yours, probably.”

“Just share it,” I said sharply.

He rubbed his chin and licked a drop of coffee off his lips. “Life is like a video game to me. You have to work hard in order to get to the next level. If you fail or someone pushes you down, you get back up and keep going. Sometimes they set you back a bit, but you could maybe see something you missed the first time through because you were too busy to stop and smell the roses.”

“A video game? Interesting. To me, this is hell.”

“What? This is hell?” His forehead wrinkled. He needed an explanation.

I looked down at the black coffee again, swirling what was left inside the mug. “Mmm-hmm. People of faith believe there is heaven and hell, but to me this is hell. There are demons who try to tear us down. If we give into them, they possess us until our death. When we die, we either go to heaven, aka paradise, or to limbo.”

“What’s limbo like?”

“Have you read Dante’s book,
The Divine Comedy
? I’m referring to the
Inferno
.”

He sat his mug on the island. “I’ve heard of it, but never read it.”

“Limbo is the first place visited, where things of your life chase you for eternity and it’s always bleak and depressing.”

Those silver eyes dazed me when I got caught in their spell.

Jason said, “You’re a combination of melancholy and morbidness, you know that?”

“That’s how I view the world.” I slid off the counter, mainly because my ass was falling asleep.

Jason came around the island, closing the gap between us. “There has to be more to you than that. Random facts and stories from television and college didn’t make you this way, and I don’t buy your childhood made you like this either. Maybe a part, but not all of you.”

I huffed. “How would you know?”

“Those types of things don’t sink into someone until something had already dug a hole.”

My eyebrows met in confusion. “Come again?”

“Something terrible had to have happened in your life and it made you cling to those beliefs.”

I downed the rest of my coffee and sat the mug on the counter. I tried to brush past Jason, but he stood firm. “My past doesn’t matter. What if I witnessed my father belittle my mom for over a decade? That has nothing to do with me,” I snapped.

Jason enveloped me in his arms. “That’s where you’re wrong, Syd. It has changed you.”

I buried my face in his chest. Was he right? My main example of love was my parents, and their relationship exploded like the atom bomb over Hiroshima. I truly believed if they didn’t separate when they did, one of them would’ve killed the other. It was that bad.

If my father killed my mom, I could be dead too because I always tried to defend her and she was always trying to keep me in my room. I wouldn’t stay, not when things were being broken. I still remember walking around, gathering glass knick knacks and hiding them in my room for safety. If my parents were fighting too close to my room, I’d hide stuff in closets and the fridge.

As each memory resurfaced and was replaced by another, I became weak. They were too much. I remembered the countless nights I laid awake, listening to my parents argue or my mom weeping. Sometimes my father would come home at two in the morning from who knows where and shout about not having dinner. Their relationship was poison and only lasted so long because of me. My mom told me once she didn’t know how to keep the house without him since he was on the deed too.

Maybe that was where I got lost, where I began to doubt and grasp anything I could to prove love was an ideal and something foolish. Denial was hard to manage. What was true anymore?

The weight of the memories and thoughts triggered my tears. I clung to Jason’s arms and cried. It came in waves, growing bigger like a storm. My wounds felt exposed and were bleeding onto Jason. His hands were thick with my blood, with my sins. Never did I admit such things to anyone, not my mother or Amelia, and they were the closest people in my life.

“It’s time to go, Jason,” I grumbled into his shoulder.

“I have all day,” he whispered, intertwining his fingers into my long hair.

“No.” I pushed away from him, but he kept me within arm’s length. “I’m finished with this conversation and I want to be alone.”