Shades of Sydney (Sydney West #1) (14 page)

Chapter Nineteen

I awoke to a tree branch bumping into a window nearby. Looking around, all I saw in the darkness were blinking lights from a stereo.

Where was I?

Oh, I was at Jason’s.

Standing up, I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. “How could I have fallen asleep here?” I asked myself.

Realization washed over me. This was the first time I’d spent the night at a guy’s house and we didn’t have intercourse.

While filling a glass with water from the tap, I heard someone breathing behind me. I dropped the glass. It bounced in the sink, but didn’t break. I spun around abruptly, wishing for a knife.

“Hey, it’s only me. Calm down, Syd,” Jason said, turning on the lights.

I squinted at him, blinded by the sudden brightness. “Oh, right, of course. I knew that.” I chewed on my bottom lip.

“You want something to drink? I can get you something better than tap water.”

“Okay,” I answered, hugging myself.

He got apple juice out of the fridge and poured it into two glasses. “Here.” He handed me a glass.

“Thanks.” I took a sip, letting it run down my dry throat.

“It’s like three in the morning. You wanna catch some more Zs?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t want to stay, but to rush off seemed awfully rude. I sat my glass on the table and headed back to the couch.

“You don’t have to sleep there.”

Is that an invitation?

I turned around and tilted my head. “No?”

“I have a guest room,” he said, putting his empty glass next to mine.

I followed Jason upstairs. “The sheets are clean. Make yourself at home.” He left me in the room I could call mine for a few hours.

I couldn’t take in all the details due to the dimness, but it was an average guest room. The walls appeared bare. Only one painting of a forest hugged the wall opposite the window. A full-sized bed and vanity was all the furniture. I fell onto the bed and got comfy.

The door wasn’t closed all the way. A streak of light came from the crack. Faintly a shadow passed by. I swore I heard something like, “I’ll prove to you you’re not broken,” but I couldn’t be sure.

Chapter Twenty

When my eyes opened, I realized two things. One, I was still at Jason’s and two, sometime after I fell asleep, Jason came into my room and gave me Scooby. I found my favorite cartoon character in my arms. In the back of my mind, I remembered hearing a voice before crashing again, but it was dim. The words were fuzzy.

After stretching, I got up to search for Jason. I thought he’d be in his room. When I peeked through the doorways in the hall, I found no one. The house felt too empty.

The last room had to be Jason’s. I knocked, but there was no answer. Slowly I opened the door and looked at the bed. It was messy and vacant. Where was he?

I was about to leave when I noticed a curtain dancing in the wind.
What if…
I went to the curtain and found a balcony. Jason leaned against the railing.

“May I join you?”

He looked over his shoulder, as if expecting me. “Yes.”

I leaned against the railing, inhaling the salty air of the ocean. Jason had the perfect set up. He lived in the last row of the neighborhood, which meant he could view the ocean from his house. The sun slipped out of the horizon through ribbons of red and orange. The sea sparkled like a perfect mirror.

“Do you watch the sunrise often?” I asked, taking it all in.

“Every morning.”

We stood in a cone of welcoming silence. To hear the birds singing and the ocean waves crashing was peaceful.

His gaze was locked on the water. “At sunrise everything is luminous but not clear.” He was quoting someone, but I didn’t know who. “It is those we live with and love and should know who elude us. You can love completely without complete understanding,” Jason said.

“That’s lovely. Who said that?”

“Norman Maclean.”

“The only time I see the sunrise is when I’m rushing home from God knows where. I’ve never taken the time to take it in, to truly give it my attention and admiration.”

“That’s a shame.”

“I can only remember one sunrise…” I trailed off, getting lost on memory lane.

“Care to share?” he asked, looking at me with those intense eyes.

I watched a seagull dive into the ocean and fly back up. “It was long ago. I was just a child.”

He nodded for me to carry on.

“I was five, and I couldn’t sleep. I had a nightmare. My father took me outside so I could wander around and not wake my mother, who was ill at the time. I hopped onto my swing set and swung on my favorite swing, the one on the left.” I smiled while reflecting. “My dad came over and pushed me higher and higher. I watched the sun rise above the purple Superstition Mountains. The sun lit parts of the mountain, but left some of it to the shadows. That was one of the few good memories with my father.”

Jason folded his hands together, looking out to the horizon. “Can I ask where he is now?”

Most people assumed my father was dead due to the way I talked about him, always in the past tense. In a way, they were right. He was dead, but only to me. “He’s still alive, if that’s what you mean.”

His jaw clenched. I bowed my head. There was more he wanted to say.

“What set him off, though? Like that night with the cops…”

I chewed the inside of my cheek. A seagull sailed over us. I wished to be that free and not have to talk about my personal problems.

“He was a drunk who got into meth. My mom and I never knew about the meth, not until the end of their relationship. We knew about the beer and thought he smoked some pot, but that was it. But it makes sense now. He was always defensive about where he was, where money went, and why he couldn’t get another job.”

“Bastard,” Jason muttered, then paused, like he said a swear word in front of a child. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

A bitter laugh came out of my mouth. It was too rough to belong to me. “Don’t worry about it. I wish him dead…and it kinda is coming true in an obscene way, not that I wanted it to…” I trailed off. People always thought there was something wrong with me because of my hatred for my father.

Jason sat on the railing, his back to the ocean. “What do you mean by it’s kinda coming true?”

“God,” I shook my head, “I’m going to sound like such a bitch.”

He brushed the top of my hand with his. The heat traveled from my fingers into my cold core. “Just tell me. I won’t judge you.”

I took a breath. It felt like a wall in me was crumbling down. “About two months ago, he was diagnosed with cancer. It was first in his colon, but since he’s anti-doctors, he didn’t go until he was almost dead. Fresh bagged blood saved his pathetic life.”

“The cancer has spread,” he stated, knowing there was no question about it.

I looked down to the ground. We were on the second level, not a deadly height. If someone fell, they’d probably only break their leg. Well, if they didn’t fall on their head anyway. “Oh yeah, big time. It’s almost everywhere now…and it’s stage four.”

Jason slid off the railing and took me in his arms. My back was to his chest. “Wow, I’m sorry. But if he’s sick, why are you here?”

I wanted to stay in Jason’s arms forever. I wanted to spin around and kiss those lips and get lost in his eyes, but him questioning me on why I was in California felt like a slap in the face. Never in my life had I ever confessed so much to someone, and Jason finally knew my toxic relationship with my father but thought I should still be by his bedside.

Instead of kissing him, I turned around and gave him a mean look. “I come here every summer. He wasn’t going to stand in my way of having a good break. He’s dead to me, Jason. You don’t understand what he did to me.”

He kept his hands on me, sliding them down my arms. “Maybe I do. He hurt your mother and you too.” He paused, looking thoughtful. “Is he…is he one of the reasons you don’t like relationships?”

I pushed him away. He went too far. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I folded my arms around me, a shield to keep him at bay.

The sun became too bright to look at. I used my hair as a curtain to put space between Jason and me. I almost told him everything about me, about how damaged and messed up I was.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Jason took my movement as a sign that I was uncomfortable.

“Yeah, I have to get something first. I’ll be quick.”

“I’ll be in the kitchen when you’re ready.”

I went back down the hall to the room I was in and grabbed my Scooby-Doo. After putting on my shoes and finding my purse, I was ready to go.

As we drove, the song “Fight Like a Girl” by Emilie Autumn came on. “This is my song!” I screamed, turning up the volume. I sung every line and bobbed my head to the tempo. When it ended, I turned the volume back to where it was. Jason gave me a long look, as if I had changed form on him.

I motioned to the stereo. “What? Not an EA fan?”

“She’s all right, but I now understand why you’re so intense.”

When it came to the music I loved, I got defensive. “Emilie is amazing. She’s gone through a lot and wrote music to help her. The messages are strong and beautiful and fans can relate.”

He gave me a searching look. “Okay, I can respect that. I bet you went to her last concert and screamed your lungs out for her.”

My smile died. “No, sadly I’ve never seen her live. I’d love to, though.”

“Hopefully you will one day.”

I didn’t say anything. Soon we were at my house. Jason stopped the Jeep in front of the porch.

I opened the door and inhaled the fresh air. “Thanks for the fair and dinner. It was a blast.”

He flicked Scooby on the nose. “Still can’t believe you talked me into stealing that.”

“I’ll never forget. I love him a lot, so thank you.” Before I could stop myself, I leaned over and kissed Jason on the lips. “Bye.”

Jason waited until I had my front door open before driving away. I waved at him as he drove off. What I wanted was a shower and then a tall, hot cup of coffee. For some reason, I couldn’t stop smiling. Jason was so…so sweet. No, that wasn’t the word I was looking for. He was…mind blowing. He made me putty in his hands when he touched me. I wanted to taste him more and more lately. What was he doing to me?

Chapter Twenty-One

For the past two days, I’ve been working on my surfing. I haven’t crashed since the incident back when I first met Jason. I still couldn’t believe I wiped out like that.

I found Jason knocking on my front door as soon as I got back inside from the beach. My hair was wet and my body sore. The last thing I wanted was to talk to someone. I only wanted a nap.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, body blocking him from entering.

“Is this our routine now?” He smiled, turning my legs to jelly.

“What? We don’t have a routine.” My voice sounded annoyed and I was glad.

His face had no emotion, but his eyes were bright. He wanted to play head games. “Well, so far, you always body block me when I come over and then finally let me in.”

It was my turn to smile. “That’s because Amelia makes me surrender. She isn’t here.”

“I think I could give you a good reason to let me in.”

I narrowed my eyes. “How so?”

“You’ll see.” He pushed by me. “First I have to see if you really want it.”

Turning around with my arms at my sides, I did my best pissed off look. “So you burst in here? What is it?”

“Just answer some questions.”

I ran a hand over my face. “Why? Does it look like I have time to kill?”

He looked around, taking in my bikini and wet, messy hair. “Yeah, it kinda does.”

I tugged on a piece of hair. “Fine, you have ten minutes to make your case.”

Jason sat at my kitchen table, making himself at home. He made a sweeping motion with his arm, inviting me to join him.

I sat down across from him. “Just get it over with.”

“Who is your favorite singer?”

I looked at him for a long time. “Didn’t we already talk about this? It’s Emile Autumn.”

He nodded. “But you never told me why. Explain to me why you like her.”

“Umm…She seems like a down-to-earth person. All she wants is her fans to know it’s okay to be themselves and not a product of this ugly society we live in. She wants women to be empowered, equal. She believes the people placed in so-called asylums are not crazy, but misunderstood. Her book is raw and real. I could go on…”

He smiled, touching my hand. “No need, you passed my little test.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“By passing the test, you may now see what I came to give you.”

Part of me was excited, the other half suspicious. The second half spoke to Jason. “What if I don’t want whatever you’ve got?” I challenged.

To my surprise, the sparkle in his eyes darkened. There was no response, at least in words. Instead he grabbed a white envelope from his back pocket and tossed it on the table, nodding for me to open it.

Honestly, I was leery about seeing the contents inside. Taking the envelope in my hands, I opened it carefully. Jason sat there and watched me, waiting for some kind of reaction.

Inside were two hard pieces of paper in the shape of a rectangle. I’ve seen enough shapes like that to know they were concert tickets. I took them out and read the artist’s name printed on their faces. When I saw the name, I dropped the tickets and sat in shock, frozen inside myself.

“Well?” Jason asked, sounding pleased.

It was hard to breathe. The room felt like it was spinning. “Y-you got me Emilie Autumn tickets?”

He sat like a proud cat. “Yup.”

“Wow, too bad Amelia doesn’t like EA.”

He looked alarmed. “Wait, what? I’m going with you.”

I bit my lip. “You are?”

“Ahh, yeah. I don’t give girls two tickets. How would I…never mind.”

I laughed. “Makes sense. Didn’t think you were into her.”

“I like some of her songs.”

“Just the ones you found online?”

“Correct.”

“I can fix that. After all, we have,” I looked down at the tickets, “three days to pump you full of EA.”

He groaned. “Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?”

I laughed, pulling him out of the kitchen. “This is going to be fun. You’ll know so much, it will hurt.”

“I bet,” he replied, but managed to look satisfied.

“You’re awesome.” I kissed him and blushed. “You wait down here while I put on some clothes and then Emilie Autumn 411 will begin.”

“Can’t wait,” he said, sounding sincere.

I raced into my room and tugged on a pair of jean shorts and a loose white blouse. “Come on up!” I shouted down to Jason.

He came in, giving me a smile that made my heart turn to goo. I didn’t care that people weren’t supposed to be in my room. I was going to see Emilie Autumn live and it had to go perfectly. If that meant flooding Jason’s brain with her lyrics for the next three days, bring it on. I was so excited I could’ve died of an overdose of pure joy. If I was this happy with tickets, would I survive the show?