Shadow: Cerberus MC Book 3 (6 page)

The service isn’t what I’d expect to have received at Mercy Medical, but it will have to do. The emergency room is packed, and the nurse at the triage desk seems less than impressed that I’m in labor.

It isn’t until I’m certain I’m going to give birth on the floor that I finally get moved up to the maternity ward. Everything happens so fast. They strap me up to two monitors, one for me and one for the baby. They can’t find the baby’s heartbeat. That knowledge makes my pulse and blood pressure skyrocket. All I remember is a person in scrubs coming in telling me they will have to deliver right away. They stick a long needle in my IV port, and my world goes black.

***

I never researched C-sections because I never for a second considered I’d have to have one. It may have been my biggest mistake yet. The pain is almost unbearable.

The umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck. It was loose, but my position sitting in the bed made it worse. Thankfully they were able to deliver him with no complications. The doctor calmed my nerves when he said he can almost guarantee that there are no lasting complications, but they’re keeping him in the nursery just to make sure.

I insisted the nurses help me out of bed and into a wheelchair to go see him the second I woke up from the anesthesia. I don’t trust a single person in this world, especially people who can take my son away after one phone call from the Maternity House.

He was sleeping peacefully in his tightly wrapped blanket. Six pounds, eight ounces of pure perfection. The nurses I’ve met so far seem to be very helpful, but the hospital organization seems like a cluster fuck at best. I’m pretty sure this will help to my advantage.

After thirty-six hours of observation, they roll him into my room in the tiny plastic tray. I’ve been nursing him several times a day, but this is the first time I’m able to hold him without being watched. The nurse hands him to me and quietly leaves the room.

Griffin begins to nuzzle against me immediately, already having recognized my scent. I stroke his dark hair with a delicate finger as he nurses. I can’t stop the tears that fall as I look at him. He’s beautiful and utterly perfect. I apologize to him profusely for even considering giving him to someone else. I knew the second I laid eyes on him the very first time, that I would work a million jobs if it meant coming home and getting to be his mother each and every day.

Grandiose dreams at best. I have nowhere to go. I’m certain even my parents would still turn me away if I showed up on their doorsteps.

I drove by my childhood home on Christmas. Nothing had changed. From the outside no one would guess that the adults living inside had exiled their only child from their home, forcing her hand with a baby on the way. The outside decorations were shining brightly, and the fully decorated Christmas tree could be seen twinkling from the street. They had no room in their lives left for me. I can’t help but question what their judgment day will look like. I’m certain it’s not going to go the way they anticipate it to.

I’m not second guessing my choice to keep him, but I do know we have an incredibly long road ahead of us. I have to swallow my pride and ask for help. The list to start this next chapter in our lives is ominously short.

At just over two days in the hospital, Griffin and I have been given the all clear, a car seat, and our walking papers. I thought I was hopeless carrying him out to my car. That feeling was multiplied by a hundred when I realize I parked in a tow zone when I arrived at the hospital, and my car is gone.

I allow myself to sit on the curb for ten minutes and cry my eyes out. Then I stand up, wipe my tears away, and try to devise a plan that doesn’t include my son and me sleeping on the street.

It's late afternoon, so I hail a cab to the bus station. I buy a one-way ticket at the bus station for tomorrow and book a cheap hotel room that’s within walking distance from the station.

Maneuvering with a baby after a C-section is no joke. By the time I make it back to the hotel for the evening, I’m in more pain that I can bear. The nurse gave me a prescription for hydrocodone before I left, but if it’s anything like the medicine they were giving me while I was there, I know I can’t take it. I was like a zombie after taking them, and that’s not a chance I can take when I’m solely responsible for Griffin.

The night is horrible. Griffin cries uncontrollably unless he’s nursing, so I don’t get hardly any sleep. When he’d start to cry after he was done nursing, the only thing that would quiet him was walking around the room rocking him in my arms. Less than three days old and I’m already failing him as a mother.

Everyone says being a mother is instinctual; I have to disagree. I feel completely helpless and unprepared to take on this challenge, but I will because I know I’m what’s best for him.

He finally settles as the sun is coming up. My bus doesn’t leave until midafternoon, so I know I’ll have to get another hotel room when I reach my destination. I can’t just show up at someone’s home in the middle of the night. I’m able to get a couple hours of sleep before checkout time from the hotel.

My attempt at a shower is quickly thwarted by his cries. I can’t help but smile at the entire situation. I know if I don’t I’ll start sobbing, and that’s not going to be productive for anyone.

***

I’m exhausted, and I’ve never felt worse than I do right now. My body is completely run down, and the pain from my incision is only getting worse.

For a second, when the phone rang in the hotel this morning, I didn’t have a clue where the hell I was. The man on the phone told me housekeeping came by to clean the room, and I had ten minutes to get out or risk being charged for another day.

The bus ride took longer than I had anticipated with all of the scheduled stops. Thankfully, Griffin seemed to like the sway and jostling of the bus; it was absolute torture for me.

Another cab ride places me right in front of my destination. I have no idea how this is going to go. I’m hoping I don’t get a door slammed in my face. My car was towed with all of my belongings. I don’t have a thing to my name but my purse and Griffin.

Climbing the steps to the front door carrying Griffin in his car seat takes more effort than I really have to expend. My eyes swim from exhaustion as I reach up and knock weakly on the door.

“You keep playing shit hands like that, and you’ll never sit down at this table again,” Snatch snarls at Kid as he throws down his cards.

Poker seemed like a good idea until Snatch’s irritable ass showed up thirty minutes ago.

“You’re just pissed you’re losing,” Kid taunts shuffling the deck.

Kid isn’t good at playing poker; he’s good at bluffing, and there’s a huge difference. We never know when he has a shit hand or if he’s holding gold. We all know this, but Snatch is extra testy today.

I narrow my eyes at him trying to figure out his mood swing. He’s normally a pretty laid back guy. Most people cringe and turn the other direction when they see him. He’s rather intimidating with his Mohawk, ear plugs, and more tattoos than you can possibly count, but honestly he’s a pretty nice guy once you can look past the outer appearance.

“Besides, asshole,” Kid continues. “What’s crawled up your ass?” He looks around the room. “Where’s Darby? She’s usually out here on your dick by now.”

Snatch pushes his chair back a bit as if he’s about to let loose on Kid.

“Boys,” Kincaid says quickly before Snatch can make his move. He doesn’t even lift his eyes from the hand of cards Kid just tossed around the table.

Snatch flips Kid the bird, gaining a puckered air kiss from Kid. These fuckers will never grow up.

“Where’s Khloe?” I ask throwing away a card. He hands me another then goes back to looking at this own hand.

“Studying,” he says with a quick shrug.

“She’s really into it, huh?” Kincaid asks taking a swig of beer.

“Yeah. I think she feels like she has something to prove.” I notice the somberness in his words.

“To who?” I ask. I know there’s not one person in this clubhouse that has put any amount of stress on her.

“No clue, man. Herself? Her dead parents? The State? She’s happy, though, you know?” Kid says with a small smile on his face.

Khloe has been here for months, and even though they had a pretty bad time after Kid got hurt in Vegas and lost his memory, they seem to have moved past it.

“Emmalyn’s pretty stoked about school also,” Kincaid adds.

They’ve been going to college together for a while now, but I don’t think they’re going for the same thing. Come to think of it, I’m not certain what either one of them is going to school for.

“Em studying too?” Kid asks as he folds his hand and waits for the others to decide what to do.

“Naw,” Kincaid says with a salacious grin. “She’s taking a nap.”

Snatch laughs, and I know he’s about to say something dirty and inappropriate. He’s got pussy on the brain twenty- four seven. Kincaid cocks an eyebrow at him, daring him to say something. He runs a hand over his face trying to hide his smile. Smart man.

It’s my turn to shuffle the deck, but just as Kid hands it over to me, I see movement out of the corner of my eye. Snapper, Darby, and Itchy come from the back rooms into the living room. I see Kid doing his best to ignore Snapper.

She pulled some shit with him that almost cost him Khloe, and he still hasn’t gotten over it. He was an active participant, but she knew he’d lost his memory, and she capitalized on the fact that he couldn’t remember Khloe. He may never forgive her. She’s lucky she was allowed to come back to the clubhouse after that stunt. Bunny, the club whore who got in Kincaid and Emmalyn’s way in the spring, was told to never come back.

Snapper has been here almost as long as the club has been together and never pulled any shady shit like that before. It’s the only reason I can think of that she’s still around. Darby showed up on Snatch’s arm after the job in Vegas when BT, a friend of the club, needed help with getting his girl back. She was working in the brothel the SINdicate had going for the men who were on their payroll. She was just going to stay here one night and head to Tampa with BT and Aviana, but she must have liked what Snatch had to offer because she stuck around. She seems to fit in perfectly with some of the guys’ insatiable appetites.

Snatch ignores all of them, which is strange considering he and Itchy are usually joined at the hip. I ignore all of it. I don’t have time for petty drama. Darby walks up and runs a long fingernail over Snatch’s chest before sitting down in his lap. He doesn’t say a word to her, acting as if he’s pissed, but his tell with her is just as bad as his tell playing poker. He scoots his chair back a few inches to make sure she has enough room to be comfortable.

Itchy lets out a pissed huff and walks to the back room. I shake my head at the immaturity both of them are showing. It’s like Junior High lunch break all over again. We never usually have guys fighting over the girls. They typically settle for whatever piece of ass is walking by or go into town to find something different, but something has been off since shortly after Darby showed up. I don’t even try to analyze it, but hopefully, they work that shit out before Prez has to step in.

I deal another hand of cards even though it’s Snatch’s turn. He has his head bent toward Darby, and they seem to be having a serious discussion. I don’t even deal him in because he’ll hold up the game.

“Did you order the pizza?” Kid asks frowning down at his cards.

“Yeah, but they said it will be a while. They had a bus load of people show up ten minutes before I called.”

I hear Ace sigh beside me.

“What?” I ask raising my bet. I’m looking at a full house in my hands and plan to run the table with it.

“I’m bored as fuck,” he says in a rush, folding his hand quickly. “We should head over to Jake’s.”

I look over at Kincaid and then Kid. “I’m down for whatever,” I say taking a quick look at my watch. “It’s early, though. So it won’t be much more entertaining than here.”

I see Kincaid shake his head. I knew what his response would be. It takes nearly an act of God to get him away from Em. If he’s not on a mission, he’s within a minute of her body; as if by some force no one can see keeps him within shouting distance of her. Most days he’s reluctant to even go on jobs since the one that kept him away from her for six weeks. I swear he didn’t come out of his room for two weeks after we got back.

“We have an ass ton of pizza coming.” I remind him. “Why don’t you just call some people up and have them come hang out.”

“Em is sleeping,” Kincaid interjects.

“Khloe is studying,” Kid says at the same time.

I chuckle at their reactions. This place sure has changed a bunch around here, and I get the feeling it will never be the same again. Gone are the days of wild parties and fucking out in the open. Now we’re catering to the sensibilities of the women a couple of the guys have decided to settle down with.

I hear the crunch of gravel out front. “Seems they’re faster than they realized,” I say standing from the table.

I walk to the door and pull my wallet out just as I hear a faint knock on the hardwood.