Shadow of Doubt: Part 2 (11 page)

“Aaron, I thought I loved you, but
this isn’t a life. I’m not going to live like this.” Her anger
melted as the tears began streaming down her face. She mumbled
something incoherent.

“I can’t breathe without you,” was all
he could manage. What he wanted to was: I don’t want to live
without you. You take away the darkness and make me feel
alive.

“Aar—Erebus.” Her eyes squeezed shut.
Irritated, she shook her head and began pacing the room. “Your
life’s an obscurity. You live your hours during the night. I live
mine during the day and then spend a few fleeting hours with you in
the evening. I refuse to give up who I am or who I want to be. No
lawyer pulls a graveyard shift!”

Erebus stood silent, unable to move
and afraid to think. He felt like he’d just been kicked in the
stomach by an entire football team.

In the silence he screamed
the truth he didn’t want to admit.
I can’t
give up who I am...It’s impossible for me to change. I know that,
and she knows that
. He watched Aurora, his
eyes pleading what he didn’t know how to explain. However, she
stood staring at the floor, refusing to bring her head
up.

He exhaled a slow, deflating
breath. “What do you want me to say? I’m sorry. What am I supposed
to do?”
How can I convince you this is
worth it, when I know, for you, it isn’t?

“Nothing! That’s the problem
– you
can’t
do
anything. It’s bloody five o’clock in the morning, and you’re going
to have to go and find some stupid pay phone to disappear into for
the next twelve hours. That’s what you are – a freakin’ pay phone!”
Rivers of tears continued to stream down her face. Aurora collapsed
into a heap on the couch. “I can’t do this,” she mumbled over and
over again as she dropped face down onto the leather pillows, her
voice muffled.

Erebus tentatively stepped towards the
arm of the leather couch. He was afraid to touch her, to hurt her
more than he’d already done.

It was over.

He had to let go to allow
her the chance at a normal life. He’d rather face sunlight, than
see the pain in her eyes. She was human. He was nothing – an
obscurity, a damn Shadow.
So much for not
being able to feel pain; I’d take physical pain over this any
day.

“Is there another Nanny out there you
haven’t told me about? Is someone else going to try to creep up and
kill me?” She sounded bitter as she lifted her head. Erebus noticed
the dark streaks of black her mascara had created from her tears.
He also couldn’t miss the anger in her face as she accused
him.

“No! She was the only
one.”
My mistake. My stupid, careless
mistake
.

“What about humans? You sire any
half-human, half-shadow kids?” Aurora pounced off the couch with a
wild look in her eyes. “You know...some half-darklings? Maybe some
little darklings that can come out at night and cloudy days since
they’re half-human?” Her brows pushed together as she glared at
him.

“No!” he hissed back, the mere thought
angering him. He stood stiff, spreading his feet shoulder-width
apart. “If you don’t want this, I won’t make you stay. I’d never
force you to remain. I care for you, but you’re right. This isn’t a
life for you.” He exhaled a slow breath. “I was told this would
happen, but I didn’t believe Coty. This was such a big mistake.”
Everything Coty had warned him about started shouting inside his
head. He wanted to cover his ears to drown it out but knew it would
be futile.

“Yeah, you never face your mistakes,
do you? You just let them follow you around like shadows and tear
apart those around you. You’re not a man.”

“You’re right. I’m not.” He could feel
his heart ripping as she flung the insult at him. He hated himself,
but he needed to make her angry so she would leave. If she hated
him, she’d move on and make a life – a real, proper one. He forced
his next words out, “You go back to your petty life. Try to make
the millions you want as some scum lawyer and marry some
bribe-taking judge. Then, if there’s still time for you, have
yourself a few babies.” He pointed an accusing finger at her.
“That’s, if you can fit in some kind of screw-schedule. You know,
open your legs once and awhile. Just long enough to fertilize your
eggs.” He detested himself for saying that. Those were words Nanny
would use. They weren’t his. He crossed his arms and glared at
Aurora. It wasn’t hard to feel angry. He was furious at himself and
at the thought of Aurora marrying some other guy and having his
babies. That part really pissed him off.

“Fuck you!” She grabbed her coat and
stormed around the couch to get her purse. As she bent over, her
coat hit a crystal bowl, sending it crashing to the floor. She
didn’t even pause as she stomped past him towards the
door.

He flinched when the door slammed
behind him. It took him several moments before he could even move.
He blindly stumbled to the couch and collapsed. Resting his elbows
on his knees, his head in his hands, he stared at the floor in
shock. Slowly, the numbness began to wear off as the realization of
what had happened sank in.

What a fool he’d been for thinking he
might marry her; a bigger idiot for even trying to make a life. Had
they never met, nothing would’ve happened to her. She’d have been
studying and hanging out with her friends, being human. He’d come
and destroyed everything, all for his own selfish gain. The weight
of his thoughts made him close his eyes. The empty feeling he’d had
before meeting Aurora returned. He’d forgotten how terrible it
was.

Biting his lip, he rubbed
his temples with his fingers, wishing the pressure would go away.
The beep from his watch reminded him it was getting close to
sunrise. He swore as he felt the panic in the pit of his stomach,
and the tightness in his chest from the thought of not
running.
Fight or
flight
. He looked up at the K6 pay phone in
the center of the room and purposely turned away.

He pounded the arm of the couch, then
stood. Forcing himself to walk instead of following the urge to run
out the door, he let his lungs fill with fear. He deserved it. The
terror built inside him as he again forced himself to slowly
descend the stairs. Part of him wanted to go tearing back up the
stairs to the safety of his phone, but he refused.

Hardly breathing, he headed right at
the corner. Delusions filled his mind. He couldn’t see where he was
walking and bumped into the building bricks a number of times. This
nightmare was real. He couldn’t control his actions anymore. He
stopped thinking about Aurora, about hurting her, about everything
but his need to hide. He broke into a run the last twenty steps and
dove towards a phone, begging for release – for everything to turn
black.

For the first time in his life, he was
thankful it did.

Chapter 10

Life after Love?

Erebus struggled to break through his
unconscious and incoherent thoughts. He knew he was trying to wake
up, trying to swim through the darkness and shatter through to the
surface. For the first time, and not even intentionally realizing
it, he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay in the murky darkness and
not rouse.

However, like the earth continually
turning, he did break through. He found himself not in his
apartment, but outside on a street corner not far from his place.
He had planned on testing the K-6 out last evening. He sat dazed
looking around, until last night’s events came crashing back. His
head and shoulders sagged. It became an effort to
breathe.

Time ticked on, and he made no attempt
to get up. The vibration at the side of his hip finally made him
move. He reached for his cell, hoping it might be
Aurora.

“Hello?” His throat felt dry and
cracked, like he’d been crying all night and couldn’t
speak.

“’
Bus? Is that you? Man, you
sound like garbage.” Coty’s voice on the other end brought no
relief.

“I’m here,” he mumbled. He slowly
stood up and dragged his body back to the apartment.

“What’s going on? I just spoke with
Janus and heard Nanny’s all upset.”

Shoot. It’s Friday. Now
I’ve got to deal with Janus on top of all this?
He ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, well…” He didn’t know
what to say, so he blurted out the truth to his old friend. “Nanny
went after Au-Aurora and now…now it’s all over. She’s
gone.”

“Nanny’s gone?”

“Probably. No wait, she’s gone. I told
her she had to leave, or I’d tell Janus.”

“Probably? Then who’s gone? You’re not
making any sense. Hang on, dude. I’m heading to your place right
now.” Coty sounded worried.

“I’m supposed to meet Janus,” he
replied in a dull voice.

“Fine. I’ll find him and tell him to
meet at your apartment. I’ll bring coffee. See you in ten minutes.”
Coty hung up the phone before Erebus could argue.

He trudged up the steps to his floor
and stumbled into the living room. Shards of crystal lay everywhere
across the floor. He ignored them, and instead dropped onto the
leather couch to wait.

Coty arrived first. He barged through
the door. “What the hell happened here?” He set the coffees onto
the table, grabbing Erebus by his shirt as he pulled him into a
sitting position.

“We’ve got five minutes before Janus
gets here. Talk. Now.” He reached for one of the coffees and pushed
it into Erebus’ hand. He went to the kitchen and began opening and
slamming cupboards. He came back in with a broom and began sweeping
the broken crystal into the dust tray.

“Aurora’s gone.” Saying it aloud made
the crack in his heart split further. “Nanny went after her to get
to me.” Erebus spoke as he pulled off the lid, gulping the hot
liquid like it was water.

“She left? What the heck happened?”
Coty paused his sweeping.

“She trapped Aurora in a cellar down
in the Rum Jungle. Then she tried to convince me I needed only her.
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know if Aurora was alive or
what had happened to her. I finally got a hold of Nanny and coaxed
her out of my apartment. It was close to sunrise.” He reached for
another coffee from the tray.

“What did you do to Nanny? She’s a
blubbering mess. I didn’t think she even knew how to cry. That’s
one Shadow who doesn’t have a conscience.”

“She does now.” Erebus could not have
cared less. He shrugged. “We’re the same Shadow. Well, I guess we
definitely are now. Just before dawn, I shoved her into a pay phone
and went in right after her. I didn’t know if it would work, but it
was the only way to find out what happened to Aurora. That’s one
nightmare you don’t ever want to be in.” He shuddered.

“You shared a shadow object?” Coty’s
eyes grew huge.

“Yeah. It seems if you’re the same,
you can. I wouldn’t recommend it, though. You share everything --
your thoughts, emotions, fears. You name it. I know more about
Nanny than anyone should ever know. She knows me as well.” He set
the empty cup inside the other and reached for the third coffee.
The Night Council would probably love to know that tidbit of
information.

“That’s why she’s crying?”

“Most likely. She’s probably
bawling because of my life. It’s pretty depressing.”
And the fact I could have her destroyed with what
I know she’s done and plans to do one day to the gals in the Night
Council.

Coty dumped the dust tray’s components
into the trash in the kitchen and returned the broom to its
cupboard. He came back into view and stood by Erebus. “It doesn’t
matter why. It’s just great she’s leaving.” Coty shook his hand as
if to dismiss Nanny from the conversation. “Now what about
Aurora?”

“She’s okay. Beaten up but she’ll be
alright.” Erebus slumped forward. “It’s over. She’s had
enough.”

“Are you sure?”

“Without a doubt.” He sighed, staring
into his empty cup. He didn’t even remember drinking the third
one.

“I’m sorry, mate. It sucks things
turned out this way but really, it’s better in the long run this
way. Give yourself a few nights and you’ll be back to your old
self. Maybe we need to take a holiday. Weren’t you saying something
about going to see Niagara Falls? Let’s –” Coty was interrupted by
a loud knock.

“Janus.” Erebus stood and mechanically
strode to the door.

“Good evening.” Janus’ face was
serious.

“Evening.” Erebus nodded. Janus
stepped in and looked around.

“Didn’t get a chance to say this
before,” Janus pointed to the K6, “it suits the room.”

Coty stepped forward. “’Bus was trying
to get domesticated.” He laughed as he spoke, but Erebus could hear
the strain in his laughter.

Janus dropped the sides of his mouth
down and raised his eyebrows. “Now you don’t have to worry about
becoming extinct.”

“Exactly,” shouted Coty
nervous.

Erebus shot him a warning look. “I
haven’t tried it out yet.”

Janus walked over to the K6 and
stepped inside. He picked up the receiver and held it to his ear.
He poked his head out. “Does the phone work like a normal landline
or do you have to pay to make a call?”