Shadowborn (Light & Shadow, Book 1) (41 page)

“
Liar.” He kicked me again,
and I doubled up, holding my stomach. I could feel tears starting
in my eyes; I did not want to die like this. I waited for the next
blow.

“
My Lord.” Temar’s voice
was light and clear. “If I may offer an opinion?”

“
Yes?” The Duke did not
sound pleased to be interrupted, but he knew to listen to Temar’s
advice. He used the toe of his boot to push me over on my back, and
I stared up at him, tears in my eyes, waiting for Temar’s words.
Useless to attack the Duke, if Temar was not on my side; I must pay
attention. I must know what the assassin would say.

“
The Lady Miriel made a
terrible error in judgment, my Lord, but she did so on the order of
the King. I believe Catwin that nothing improper has occurred, and
indeed, the King is taken enough with the Lady that he was willing
to speak of it publicly. This is not a man who wishes to ruin the
girl secretly and marry her off. The Lady Miriel has secured his
affections, as you had hoped.

“
Miriel has obeyed the
King, and Catwin has obeyed Miriel and kept her safe. What Miriel
and Catwin require, my Lord, is a reminder of where their first
loyalties lie—which is with you, of course. “

“
Huh.” The Duke looked at
me. He studied me for a moment. “Get up,” he said, at
length.

My head was still ringing, and I was sure
that there was blood dripping from my nose. I scrambled up,
hunching over my stomach. I caught one glimpse of Miriel’s face,
anguished, and looked away.

“
I am not convinced,” the
Duke said softly. “I told Catwin to warn you, Miriel, that I had no
use for an heir who would not heed me. Did she do so?”

“
She did, my Lord Uncle.”
The title was bitter in Miriel’s mouth.

“
And did you not
understand? Was it too complex a concept for you to grasp?” His
voice rose, and he took a deep breath. “I remind you of it now,” he
said. “I, and I alone, will decide how you are to behave with the
King. Your loyalty lies with me, and I will not tolerate
disobedience from a girl such as you. I will decide how best to
deal with this breach of trust.

“
I told you once that if
you caused a scandal, I would have you beaten to within an inch of
your life. I no longer believe that will be sufficient. Clearly,
another approach will be necessary. Go, and do not leave your rooms
until I send for you. You,” he said to me, “will stay with Roine
until I decide what to do with you. It is clear to me that I cannot
trust the two of you in the same place.”

Miriel curtsied, and I managed a bow. Temar
left with us, and at the door to the hallway, he stopped me with a
hand on my arm.

“
The Duke will not forgive
lightly,” he said. “And consider this my warning to you, too,
Catwin. I could have let you die, but I put myself at risk to speak
against it. I will never intervene on your behalf again. Do you
understand me?”

I looked up into his black eyes, as pitiless
and hard as jet, and so much bitterness rose up to choke me that I
could not respond. I left him standing in the doorway and followed
Miriel without a word, ignoring the curious stares at my battered
face.

Chapter 34

Roine tended to me quickly, passing her
hands in front of my face and studying my eyes. There would be no
concussion, she said, and there were no loose teeth. My nose had
swollen slightly, but was not broken. No ribs had been cracked when
the Duke kicked me, although the bruises would last for some time.
She pointed to a packet of herbs that I could use for the pain, and
told me that I should study, to distract my mind.

I shook my head, listless. I should be with
Miriel, I thought. She would feel very alone without anyone except
her maidservant. She would be wondering if she would be sent home,
or to a nunnery. If she were to stay, her life would be a
misery—the Duke would watch her closely now, and she would have the
hatred of the most powerful nobles in the kingdom.

“
How is Miriel?” Roine
asked, guessing the flow of my thoughts.

“
Despairing,” I said
bleakly. “She took a liking to Wilhelm, and she gave him up to
pursue Garad, never knowing what might have been. Then she thought
she had found a friend, and now it seems he does not care for her
at all. She does not see anything anymore, save
ambition.”

“
She would have been a good
Queen,” Roine observed.

“
She might still be Queen,”
I said, surprised.

“
Not a good one.” Roine was
labeling herbs as she spoke, wrapping up the little packets. She
looked up and saw the question in my eyes. “She could have been his
match” she explained. “He would have learned to respect her, and
she could have guided him to a more enlightened age. But she
crumbled.”

“
What do you expect?” I
asked, my own pride pricked on Miriel’s behalf. “She has no one to
support her if she loses the King’s goodwill. She’ll never have her
uncle’s trust again, and he’s a hard enemy. Without the King, she
has nothing—and he’s the King, she has to say what he wants to
hear.” I rubbed my eyes. “I have to go see her.”

Roine only raised her eyebrows and shook her
head, evidently deciding that the discussion was beyond resolution.
“Well, you can’t go now, the hall’s swarming with guards. Go
study,” she directed me, and I trudged over to my workbench.

“
I’ll go later,” I said.
“I’ll go check on her when everyone’s asleep.”

“
Then work. I will be back
soon, I am going to go pray.”

I worked late into the night, jumping every
time someone came to the door, but it was never the Duke’s men.
Very late, when I had drifted into a doze on the bench, one of the
palace guards came with food for me, and Roine shook me awake.

“
You should go straight to
bed. A guardsman brought you a tray, but the food is cold
now.”

“
I can’t go to sleep.” I
shook my head. “I have to see Miriel.”

“
You don’t,” Roine said
simply.

“
I’m going,” I said to her,
tired of her admonishments. “What time is it? I’ll go an hour after
midnight.”

“
Then eat,” she said
softly. She was pale and her eyes were red-rimmed, and I thought
that she must be very tired. “I must go tend to something, but you
eat, and go to sleep for a bit.”

All I wanted to do was go to sleep now,
first, but I knew her advice was sound. As she left, drawing up the
hood of her cloak and slipping out the room, I sat down at the big
table and ate as much dinner as I could force into my twisting
stomach. My eyes felt heavy by the time I gave up, pushing the tray
away mostly untouched. I should have gone to sleep at once.
Instead, I propped my chin on my arms and considered the day.

I was alive only by luck—by the grace of the
Gods, if I were inclined to be religious. I was not. It had only
been a twinge of loyalty from Temar that had saved me, and I could
never depend on the same in the future. I wondered if it had been
worth it to use that now, knowing what might come.

The Duke would be furious right now, I
thought. I did not even know if Temar’s intervention on our behalf
had worked. I should prepare myself to return to the Winter Castle
in disgrace, or accompany Miriel to a nunnery. But, on the other
hand, Miriel had the ear of the King. If the Duke thought he had
any chance of controlling her, he might wish to keep her here, and
try to cow her into obedience.

What I feared more was the enmity I had seen
in the eyes of the Queen. She had stared at Miriel today as if she
would slay the girl where she stood. She had leaned back to whisper
in the Head Priest’s ear, and he had nodded, his own eyes like
chips of stone. And on the other side had been Guy de la Marque.
The Duke had been correct that they would not flinch at killing a
child. They saw power slipping out of their fingers, and I did not
think they would realize that it was the King’s will—they would see
Miriel as the threat, and set themselves to destroy her.

I wished I could talk to Temar about this,
but I knew better than to send for him. He would not come, he was
angry with me, although that would be only part of what he felt. He
would be feeling a fool, knowing that I had fooled him, and he
would not like that. He would be feeling betrayed, that the girl he
had trained had turned away from him. He would be feeling worried,
as the Duke felt, that their plans were unraveling.

I sighed, and resolved to talk about it with
Roine in the morning. She would yell at me when she came back and
found me still awake, I thought, with a wan smile. As I knew she
would want me to do, I tried to arrange the things on the food
tray, reaching for the fork to place it neatly on the plate.

It fell, clattering away from me, and I
stared down at the floor in surprise. I reached for it, but I could
not seem to make my hands move properly, and when I bent down my
head spun. I barely steadied myself on the bench, and tried to
shake my head to clear it. I reached for my goblet, for a gulp of
wine, and only managed to knock it over.

I stared, my head starting to spin.
Something was very wrong, I thought, but the thought was far away
from me. I knew that I should care, but I could not to feel very
worried about it. Why should I care? I tried to remember, but my
thoughts might have been moving through molasses.

Miriel.

Panic stabbed through me. That was why I
should care. Miriel. I shoved myself back from the table and
tripped, sprawling. As I lay, my cheek pressed against the cold
flagstone, I thought that I should care because this was poison,
poison in my food, and anyone who thought to poison me would know
how to poison Miriel. And no one would poison me, who did not wish
to poison her also. I tried to think, and felt despair rush through
me. I could not make my mind work. I could not think of what I
should do.

Roine would be coming back, but I did not
know when, I did not have time to wait for her. I pushed myself up
off the floor, barely making it to the table before my legs gave
way. I leaned on the surface and tried to wrap my thoughts around
what I must do: an antidote. I needed an antidote for me, and a
dose for Miriel. Quickly.

There must be a part of you
that nothing can touch
, Temar had told me.
I had failed, that time. I could not fail now. I could hear his
voice in my head, echoing strangely.
Now
you’re dead, and Miriel is dead
.

Oh, Gods.

Poor focus. Lost balance. Slow muscles.
Tired. I scraped my teeth over my tongue, trying to taste anything
unusual from the food: pine, and something warm. A spice?

Roine and Temar had both taught me that a
proper antidote was mixed not only to the particular makeup of the
poison, but also to the strength of the poison. I had no time to
determine any such thing. I made my way over to Roine’s shelves,
propping myself up as I went. This was a slowing herb, and I knew
what to use to counteract that. I could only hope that whatever was
in my food had had no special properties to it.

I poured leaves into the mortar, mashing at
them desperately. I had no time. I needed this to work. I did not
even mix them with water, unsure if I would not be able to make it
to the bucket and back. I put the leaf mixture in my mouth and
chewed, trying not to spit the mixture out at the bitter taste,
trying not to choke.

It was the best shot I had, and I did not
have time to see if it would work. If I waited any longer, Miriel
might be dead; I could not face the thought that she might be dead
already. I poured the leaves, shakily, into a scrap of paper on the
table and folded it as best I could, then pushed my way out into
the hallway.

It was almost deserted, only a few servants
and guards to remark on my progress, the guards laughing at me as I
staggered.

“
Ye need to learn yer
limits!” one called after me. “Boys these days,” I heard him say to
his companions. “Can’t hold their liquor.” Their laughter rang
after me as I ran. I thought that it was getting easier to see. By
the time I reached Miriel’s rooms, I was sure of it; my fingers
closed easily around the latch, and I pushed my way in. Her maid
was such a fool that she had not even closed the deadbolt on the
door.

“
Miriel?” I asked, into the
dark. “Miriel?”

Nothing, no sound greeted me. I pushed my
way through her privy chamber, still unsteady on my feet, and was
met at the door by her maidservant.

“
What do you want?” She
asked. “You’re not to come in. The Duke’s orders. And she’s not
well.”

“
Let me
through.”

“
No, you—“ I managed to get
my foot behind hers, and spun her, shoving hard and slamming the
door in her face, bolting it. “Miriel!” I hissed. It was pitch
black, and I made my way to the bed with my hands stretched out
before me.

There was a faint rustle, and a slight
moan.

“
Miriel?” I climbed onto
the bed, reaching out to touch her face, her hair. I shook her
shoulder. “Are you alright? Do you feel alright?” I shook her
shoulder again, desperate, and her head lolled towards me. She was
not waking, although I could see her struggling to get out of the
haze.

“
Please,” I said
desperately. “Miriel, wake up. Please wake up. You need to wake up
now.” Nothing. My heart was going to beat out of my chest.
Awkwardly, I hauled her up to lean against me, her head heavy on my
shoulder, and I reached around her to pour the herbs into my palm.
“Can you eat this? I’ll hold you up, but you have to eat
it.”