Shadows Amongst Light (The Spy Who Loves Me) (8 page)

             
When I finally drifted off to sleep, it was late in the afternoon. I couldn’t have been asleep more than a few minutes when I was awakened by someone holding my doorbell down.

             
The second I opened the door and saw Noah standing there, I knew why he was here, and I knew I was in trouble. Silently I held open the door and let him pass by before facing him.

             
“What are you doing here?”

             
“You lied to me, Cameron,” he said without so much as a hello, how are you. I‘ve missed you. “Why?”

             
I saw Noah’s reaction and knew I’d hurt him, but still I couldn’t tell him the truth.

             
“Matt called you.”

             
“What do you think? Why all this secrecy? What’s going on with you lately?”

             
“Nothing...I’m not being secret Noah...not really. It’s just, I don’t know.”

             
“Another lie? Cameron, you used to could tell me everything. What’s happened to change that? Is it me?” he asked in a voice that was so uncertain that I found it hard to credit as Noah.

             
“No, Noah it isn’t you. It’s just...everything I guess. The job, the fact that it’s close to the time my parents were killed...everything.”

             
Tell him the truth.
My conscious shouted.
Tell him about your brother--about his baby.
I couldn’t do any of those things. The words wouldn’t come, and I wondered if that were the real sign that, there was nothing left for Noah and me.

             
“Why won’t you let me help you? You used to talk to me when you were feeling pressured with the job. What’s happened to change that?”

             
At the hurt in Noah’s voice, I was forced to examine my actions from his viewpoint for once. I didn’t really like the person I saw in Noah‘s eyes.

             
“I’m sorry, you’re right. I guess I’m just restless. It isn’t you, Noah. You have to know that it isn’t you?”

             
“Isn’t it? I’m not so sure anymore. Look, maybe we need to take some time apart. I want to give you the time you need to decide what it is you want from me--
if
you want me. Because right now, I’m not so sure that you do. You know I care about you, I’ll always care about you, Cameron. We both know how hard it is to make a relationship work under normal circumstances. With the type of work we do...well.”

             
As I looked into his eyes, I wasn’t seeing the Noah that had been my friend and my lover for so long. I didn’t understand what had happened to us either. Maybe we were no longer the same people we’d once been. Maybe it had all been an illusion. I only knew that I couldn’t fight it anymore. I was restless.

             
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten this...involved with each other considering. Well, considering everything. We both knew it would eventually cause problems.”

             
Noah simply nodded and walked to the door before turning back to me. “You know I’ll always be there for you, don’t you Cameron? But maybe you and I need to take a break from each other. If you need to talk you know where to find me.”

             
“Yes, I know.”

             
And I did. But I also knew what Noah wasn’t saying. What I didn’t want to believe. What eventually I would need to accept. We were over.

             
Neither of us wanted to say it. But we both knew the truth. We were both tied to other needs. We had been foolish to expect a romance like ours to work in the first place. We were standing on the edge of goodbye.

CHAPTER FOUR

              Even before I went out that night I knew I was slipping deeper into a place that I had business going. Quite possibly my cover along with my teams had been exposed. I had no business going out on a personal mission on my own. I knew all the risks.

             
But that didn’t stop me.

             
Of course, I knew I had lost focus. I’d forgotten what should be the most important thing in my life right now. My unborn child’s safety and keeping my marriage alive. And then there was the fact that I had a very important job to do. One that quite possibly meant the difference between life and death for thousands of innocent people. Especially if what I’d unraveled in that document were true.

             
I’d let my obsession for finding out the truth about my brother and my parent’s death force me to taking risks.

             
Again tonight, I walked for hours taking the same path that I’d done the night before. I waited and prayed for Judah to appear but he never did.

             
It was well after midnight when my worst possible fears became reality and I found myself face to face with another danger of the night not nearly as charming or accommodating as my stalker from the night before had been.

             
I had a feeling this guy knew exactly who I was. Once again, all of Noah’s warnings went through my mind. Unfortunately, for me that reminder came too late.

             
The second I looked into the guy’s eyes I knew he meant business.

             
I took a step back, reached inside my jacket for my weapon, and then tossed my handbag aside. I wasn’t really afraid of this guy and that surprised me because I probably should have been. I’d run across his kind before and I was good. I knew what I was doing and what to expect from him and his partners. Most of the time these guys traveled in pairs if not groups. That was why Noah always insisted that we should do same.

             
I caught only the slightest movement beyond the guy in front of me right before he made some guttural, unintelligible sound and lunged at me.

             
Now I’m a small gal, not all that tall and pretty much ninety pounds soaking wet, so my size has a tendency to give certain dangerous elements--especially ones like this guy a false sense of security.

             
I picked up on that little glint in his eyes that told me he was looking forward to taking me out right before I ducked under his flailing arms and watched him fall flat on his face.

             
I figured this guy for a member of the Red Jihad more by attitude than anything else. Those guys were used to accomplishing whatever they set out to do after all they were made up of the best of the best.

             
This guy was still wondering what had happened when I straddled him and struck the butt of the gun handle across his temple knocking him out cold before he even knew what hit him. Just before the lights went out, the look on his face as I smiled down at him was priceless. One of the few rewards any of us could ever expect to get. He was stunned, floored. He was beaten by a woman.

             
Unfortunately, I didn’t really have time to enjoy the moment. From close behind and coming upon me much faster than I could have imagined, I felt more than heard the approach of the others. When I turned to face my attackers, I just managed to overcome my shock and get my weapon up into position before victim number two lunged, or more to what could only be described as almost flying. The guy literally flew through the short distance of space between us, his huge claw-like hands reaching for my neck just before he realized his mistake.

             
I fired once hitting my target straight through the heart. But the momentum of the guy his size already falling against my smaller frame sent me flying backwards with him.

             
I felt the warm splatter of his blood strike across my face, chest, and hair. My hand that still held the gun was soaked in the blood of the guy.

             
The sheer weight of him, a good hundred pounds more than me sent me sliding backwards on the cement. I landed on my backside with the guy looking down at me with that shocked expression as he took his last breath a few feet from where victim number one was still unconscious.

             
I knew without even checking that the guy was dead. I’d just killed someone without authority to do so. No on including my superior officer knew I was out here.

             
Frantically I began trying to remove the gun from where it lay wedged beneath the man’s bulk while trying to push his dead weight off me when victim number three caught me unprepared.

             
He tossed his fallen comrade aside as if tossing out the trash before hauling me up, raising me off my feet, and forcing me to look into his eyes. I couldn’t keep from shivering, even now after all these years in trenches at the unbridled hatred in those eyes.

             
With one hand around my neck, he slammed my body hard against the wall of the building causing me to lose consciousness for a moment.

             
The guy shook me hard to bring me back and then he smiled. He was ready to play with me for a little while. I’d no doubt be put through the worst possible form of torture he could come up with before I became his revenge.

             
I saw it all in that nasty little smile. He knew who I was all right and I’d just killed one of his buddies. It was payback time.

             
I closed my eyes refusing to allow him the satisfaction of seeing my pain or my fear. My fingers spread out desperately across the wall as far as I could reach trying to find something to use to at least get him off of me and get some advantage back.

             
I heard his laugh--it sounded just as evil as his smile had been. He knew what I was trying to do and he was enjoying my fears quite thoroughly.

             
At the sound of that laugh, I became desperate. I kicked his legs, his groin anything that I could reach but my feeble attempts to escape only seemed to amuse him that much more.

             
He shook me again, sending my head crashing back against the wall. I screamed at a sharp piercing pain that ripped through the back of my head.

             
My capture ripped the buttons of my shirt open, his long fingers cold against my skin. He wouldn’t kill me right away. He’d bring me close then bring me back to torture me some more.

             
I knew that I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing just how frightened I was at that moment. To cover my fear and give me strength to endure the torture I tried one final tactic.

             
“Go ahead creep, give it your best shot. But you should know there are others on their way here right now. They’ll be here any minute and then you’re toast just like your two friends over there.”

             
For a second I thought I saw his uncertainty. He took his eyes off me for a moment looking around the dark section of the alley giving me the opportunity to see just how desperate my situation truly was.

             
I was alone, without my gun, which had landed somewhere off close to victim number two when this guy had slammed me against the wall. I didn’t see one single thing that I could possibly use as a makeshift weapon. And no one knew I was here.

             
When my captor’s eyes came back to mine he knew the truth. He’d figured out I was bluffing and that nothing was standing in his way of doing whatever he wanted with me. As his eyes went over me, I saw that that was going to be quite a lot.

             
He said something to me that sounded part English part Arabic of all things but I got the gist of it even while my mind wondered ideally, why a member of the Red Jihad was speaking Arabic.

             
The guy knew that as an agent I was supposed to be working with someone else but clearly that wasn’t the case here. He knew I was acting alone as a renegade. The bluff was over.

             
I tried hard not to show him any emotion. I was so close to tears that it was hard. My mind went over all the reasons why I was here tonight and realized I’d never know if my brother were truly alive or dead. I’d never know what happened to Judah or my parents.

             
Then I thought about Noah. Dear God, I still loved Noah. I didn’t want to lose him because of my own stubborn pride.

             
I thought about how much my actions had played a part in the strain of our marriage as of late. In fact, if I was being honest, and being this close to death I certainly should be honest at least with myself I’d been the only cause of it.

             
It was then that I started to pray. I prayed that Noah wouldn’t have to find out what had happened to me. I prayed that someone else would be the one to find my body. When I said that word to myself again I realized just how much I wanted to live. I was sick of dealing with death. I didn’t want Noah to have to deal with mine.