Shadows Amongst Light (The Spy Who Loves Me) (5 page)

             
“Cameron, you don’t think this guy was one of our homegrown bad boys, do you? He certainly doesn’t sound familiar to me.”

             
“No, definitely not. I detected an accent that I would say places him somewhere in the area of the Middle East.”

             
“You spoke to him?” Those shocked words came from Noah. When our eyes collided, I realized he was even angrier than I’d believed. I tried to focus on Matt’s questions while sending Noah a look that was meant to say, ‘what is up with you?’

             
You see we didn’t have that kind of a relationship. We were good together, as lovers and as friends, but we held no illusions about our future together and we both could take care of ourselves. We were dedicated to the task at hand. Everything else took second, third, and sometimes no place at all in our lives.

             
Just part of the hazards of the job, I’d tried to convince myself. Love and any other weak emotion didn’t fit into this world. It was sort of an unspoken vow when you joined the team. No romantic attachments could ever get in the way of the work we did for our country.

             
“Cameron, are you sure about the accent?” Matt asked ignoring the obvious tension between Noah and me.

             
“Yes, I’m positive about that. This guy was classy. Not like the usual ones we run into. There was something about his whole behavior that was odd. He wasn’t afraid of me, or I’m willing to bet anything else for that matter.”

             
“Okay, tell me exactly what he said to you.” Matt was busy taking notes, while the rest of the team pretty much watched us with only a slight interest.

             
Except for Noah. Noah looked uneasy. On occasion, he and Matt exchanged looks that meant something, but I couldn’t even begin to understand what. I wasn’t sure whether it was just his concern for me or if something deeper was troubling him.

             
As I recounted most of the details of my little encounter tonight for everyone, I could see Matt growing even more uncomfortable.

             
“Wait, you say you ran into him the first time last week? Why didn’t you mention this before now?”

             
Once again I wasn’t thinking. I’d opened my mouth and got myself into deeper trouble. The truth was I’d been in a different part of the city that night when I’d first discovered someone was following me.

             
It was one of those long, hot, sultry summer nights where the moon was so full and bright that it was like daylight outside. I couldn’t sleep that night at all. So, me, being the ever-cautious agent that I was, decided to take a walk alone.

             
Normally, I would have been with Noah, but on this particular night, we’d had a little disagreement, which was probably more to the point of why I couldn’t sleep.

             
I’d walked the streets of my neighborhood until early morning when I’d realized how far away from my apartment I’d strayed.

             
It was then that I’d spotted the man that reminded me of my brother but as always, before I could get close enough to speak to him he disappeared. Then I’d run into my mystery man. At the time, I hadn’t really thought much of it. Until tonight.

             
“Dammit, Cameron.” The words slipped from Noah, but thankfully, he didn’t say anything else for the moment.

             
“I wasn’t sure at the time, Matt. Not until I saw him again tonight.”

             
“And you’re positive he’s not just some guy trying to hit on you?” Matt asked me as his glance slid uncomfortably back to Noah’s.

             
“Of course I’m positive, Matt. I’ve been doing this for three years now. I know when I guy is hitting on me and when he’s trouble.”

             
“Okay, I’m only checking Cameron. You don’t have to get defensive.” I glanced up, spotted Noah’s warning, telling me to watch what I said.

             
Matt and Noah were friends but they disagreed about many things. One was allowing women to be a part of The Organization in the first place. You see, Matt was very old fashioned. I think he still saw a woman’s role in the Bureau as strictly administrative. Unfortunately, the most significant thing that Matt and Noah argued about was Noah’s and my relationship. Matt didn’t believe in mixing business with pleasure. He was probably right about that. I mean, look what a mess we’d made of our marriage.

             
“I’m sorry, Matt. It’s just that, well, this whole thing has got me spooked.”

             
“Yeah, I can only imagine.” With that, Matt was ready to dismiss me and my fears entirely and go directly to the boss.

             
“Noah, you know I’ve been talking about this for months now. Something is about to break here in D.C. I’m not sure this guy is involved in it, are you? Obviously, from Cameron’s description of the man, he isn’t part of any of the local cells, and we all know they’d never look for help from outside. Certainly not outside of the US. I think we need to keep our focus on Elijah Jacobs and what he’s doing here in D.C. Let’s just see what develops with this guy.”

             
“Wait--you’re kidding right?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Matt had been looking to connect Elijah to something bigger for a long time now. And now that I had practically delivered the proof right into his hands, he was backing away from it?

             
“I have to agree with Matt. Sure, it’s…odd that Elijah is in town at the same time this new player comes onto the scene, but it could just be a coincidence, so let’s don’t jump to any unwarranted conclusions until we have more evidence. As Matt said, we’ve been expecting something big for a long time. So far, we don’t know what. The only thing we know for certain is that they would never use an outsider to do the job. What are your snitches telling you, Matt?”

             
Matt refused to take Noah’s bait. “I’ve heard some...things, but I’d rather not say anything until I get confirmation. I’ll get on this right away, but I suggest that we get back together at the end of the week to discuss this further, Noah.”

             
The usual grumbling followed that statement, which Noah was quick to silence.

             
“Matt’s right, guys. This could be major. We’ll meet back here on Friday--same time. And, if anyone has an inclination to go out on their own, in the middle of the night...don’t.”

             
That got just the reaction Noah was hoping and I’m sure exactly the one he’d been expecting from me. I headed for the door when his next words stopped me.

             
“Cameron, we need to talk.”

             
I waited while the rest of the team filed past me.

             
“What?” When we were, finally alone, I took my usual stance when faced with an emotional situation that I couldn’t handle. I went on the defensive.

             
I expected the same from Noah, who was never big at showing his tender side. You see you just had to know Noah. Sometimes his anger was just that. But sometimes his anger masked his concern.

             
“What the hell do you think you’re were doing, going out alone in the middle of the night like that? Cameron you of all people should know the danger that is out there--especially for us right now. We don’t know if our cover has been compromised or not. Or by whom, for that matter. We have to stick together on this.”

             
This time I saw Noah’s anger for what it truly was. He was worried about me. It was all there clearly in those dark eyes.

             
“I know. It was stupid, but I couldn’t sleep and we’d just had that terrible fight...so I couldn’t talk to you.”

             
“So this is all my fault?” He added with a grin.

             
“No that’s now what I’m saying. I don’t want to fight with you, Noah. I screwed up. Let’s just leave it at that.”

             
“Why are you in such a hurry to leave? Stay with me tonight?” he asked me quietly taking another step closer. Not touching me yet, but close enough to make my resolve crumble. I knew he was waiting for me to make the next move.

             
Tell him the truth,
my heart pleaded.
Tell him about the baby.
But I couldn’t. I didn’t know where I stood with Noah or what our future might be.

             
I loved him. There was never any doubt about that. Noah was the only man I’d ever dated who treated me like his equal. He valued my opinion and often times it ended up the cause of our disagreeing, because frankly, if I have an opinion I’ll give it. Somehow, we’d always managed to work beyond that, unlike all the past boyfriends who took my five-foot-three inch height as being weak and defenseless, not to mention my short blond curls as a sign that I needed a man to tell me what to do.

             
“No,” I said at last before reaching up to pull him closer to me. We were equals and I enjoyed Noah’s company, but I was restless again tonight. Searching for something that was just beyond my definition.

             
“Why no, Cameron?” he asked as he stroked a strand of hair behind my ear a gesture that I would always associate with Noah.

             
“Because,” I told him before I kissed him once and pulled away.

             
I turned back in time to catch his hurt expression and for a moment, I wavered. What was wrong with me anyway? Noah was my husband. I loved him, not to mention the fact that he was just an all-around nice guy? What was I looking for anyway? I knew that Noah was just waiting for me to say the word to move our relationship forward or end it entirely, but I couldn’t give that word.

             
I told myself that I wasn’t ready for any changes in my life yet. I told myself that the work we did was too dangerous to get into a serious discussion about the future with him, but deep in my heart, I knew those were all lies. I really didn’t want to hear Noah’s answers because you see I believe that I knew them all by heart. Noah wouldn’t let anything stand in his way of the job. Not even me. It was his first love after all. Someday soon, I was going to have to face my lies and deal with them. But I wasn’t ready to do that just yet. Not tonight.

             
“Cameron, don’t go out there alone tonight. At least let me call you a cab? Think about what you’re doing? Do you really think it was an accident that this person found you twice in less than a week? You’re not that naïve.”

             
“I’ll be fine, Noah. I’ll call you in the morning. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

             
“Cameron...”

             
I turned back to him and blew him a kiss, before closing the door on Noah and our uncharted future...together?

CHAPTER THREE

              I left Noah’s shop and started walking in the direction of my apartment. Of course, Noah had been right. I knew the dangers and I was behaving irresponsibly by making light of them, but I was restless again and needed the night to exorcise my demons, just as much as I feared being alone in it.

             
It was no coincidence that I’d run into my little friend again tonight. In fact, as I thought about it a little more, I realized the whole set of circumstances that had brought me to that area tonight in the first place wasn’t normal. I never went to that section of town and it wasn’t on the way to any place I ever frequented. The area was a renovated section of midtown that had been converted into a section of trendy nightclubs and fancy twenty-something restaurants. Not my scene at all.

             
The truth was I’d started out the evening with plenty of time to be at the meeting on time. I didn’t have a clue that I would soon to be side-tracked to corners of the city that I wasn’t familiar with. I’d been thinking about the past and my suspicions about my brother none of which I could mention to the team.

             
Everyone who knew me since I’d moved back to D.C. believed my brother had died years ago. No one knew the whole story. No one knew the strange circumstances surrounding Judah’s disappearance.

             
You see, Judah had simply disappeared one night from my parent’s home and from our lives entirely when I was still just a child.

             
My brother is ten years older than I am. Even as a child of seven, I knew, Judah was involved in something bad. My parents had told me that Judah had emotional problems but from the scrapes of conversation I’d overheard through the years, I was able to piece together the truth. My brother had gotten himself mixed up in a serious drug addiction.

             
By age seventeen, Judah had graduated to hard drugs. My parents and my brother argued all the time about it, which usually ended up with Judah storming out of the house where he would stay gone for days. My parents had tried to get him help. Judah was scheduled to check into one of the foremost drug treatment centers in the state when he’d simply disappeared in the middle of the night never to be heard from again, and my parents spent the rest of their lives, and thousands of dollars, searching for the truth behind his disappearance. I had always believed they had died without ever knowing the truth about their son. Now I wasn’t so sure.