Shadows in Me (5 page)

Caitlin

I had been in San Diego for a month already, and Vincent and I hadn’t seen each other.  Every time we made arrangements one of us had to cancel for one reason or another.  We just couldn’t seem to get it right. 

I knew things were crazy with Simplicity, and from what Heather had told me, Alexis and Vincent had spent every moment together.  She was apparently very good at her job, and was definitely an asset to the company, but I still didn’t like the bitch. There was something in my gut that told me there was more to that catty redhead than we knew. I just got the feeling that somehow, somewhere, I knew her.  I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

I had made arrangements for us to get away together, and an hour before he was due to pick me up I had phoned to see if he was on his way. The phone rang for a while, and I was about to put down when it was answered.  “Hey, Caitlin.” It was not Vincent’s voice. 

I looked down onto my screen to make sure I had dialled the right number, and yes, I had.  I was about to lose it when I heard Vincent’s voice in the background. 

“Why the hell didn’t you call me? You shouldn’t have answered my phone.  I haven’t even told her that I’m not coming!” 

I flung my phone to the other side of the room, shattering it into ten million little pieces. 

Shit dickhead, now you won’t be able to tell me ‘cause I’ve fucked up my phone.
 

I screamed at the top of my lungs, I was so angry I could’ve committed murder, and yes, both Alexis and Vincent were definitely at the top of my list. 

It had also been a month since I had seen Brent at Duke’s.  The girls were driving me crazy to go back there with them, but I just couldn’t face him yet. 

I had put the whole Hunter thing behind me, I was finally able to sleep a full night without the nightmares waking me up screaming.   

I would never forget Brent’s words to me that day on the beach. 

“
I care for you deeply, even if I’m not the one holding your heart”. 

I realised back then that I had feelings for him. There was just something about him that I couldn’t shake, something bound us together.  I could still feel the attraction between us, and it scared me. 

I was with Vincent, he was my fiancé, and I loved him dearly.  Yes, he had neglected me since I had been in San Diego, I didn’t like him very much, but I still loved him.  I just needed to forget.  I jumped into the shower and dressed into my dark blue skinny jeans, charcoal linen shirt and my dark grey ankle boots. 

It was still early in the evening, so I hoped that Bree would still be home. I had heard her and Caprice making plans to go out to a club.  I quickly rushed down and knocked on her door.  Bree opened the door, the music was blaring in the background. She was lucky her neighbours hadn’t reported her yet. 

“CAITLIN!! You’re here!  Hey guys, look who’s decided to join us!”  Bree screamed to the rest of the group sitting in the lounge, drinking wine and laughing. 

I was so glad I had decided to join them. I needed to let my hair down and just forget what was happening at home with Vincent and that little red headed whore.  We finished a good bottle or two of wine before heading out for the night. 

Our first stop was a nightclub.  The front doors looked like old castle trap doors, solid dark wood with thick chains hanging down on the sides.  There was a small crowd in front of us, while we waited for the bouncer to let us in. 

“So Caitlin, what made you change your mind about coming out with us tonight, I thought you said you were spending a romantic weekend with your man?”  Willow and I were chatting earlier in the day, and I had told her in great detail about my plans for the weekend. 

I could feel the anger building up inside me again, I couldn’t get that bitch’s voice out of my head, or Vincent’s words.  Knowing him, he would be going crazy not being able to get hold of me, but I didn’t care. 

“Where should I begin? I think he’s a little preoccupied back home with something, or someone, else.”  I turned around to face the front, I didn’t want them to see the pain I was feeling, I didn’t want my shit to spoil our night out.  Luckily for me it was our turn to enter the club. 

I didn’t do the club thing that often, it just wasn’t really my thing.  But the girls had convinced me, and being pissed at Vincent, I felt like I needed to step out of my comfort zone.  I needed to feel free for once in my life. 

The place was buzzing with people, music extremely loud, as you would expect.  It had a 360° wrap around bar, with blue lights running around the bottom of the counter.  The dance floor was on the lower level.  We found a table close to the railing. Bree and Willow went to go get us a drink while I absorbed the atmosphere, and did some people watching. 

Guy’s hitting on girls, girls dressed like 5
th
Street hookers hoping to get laid. Shit, I loved my conservative life.  I hadn’t had many boyfriends, and hadn’t really experienced the whole dating and hooking up scene.  I met Vincent the year after I left school, and we’d been together ever since. Now we’re engaged, about to get married in a few months’ time. Although I wasn’t too sure after the shit he had just pulled if I still wanted to. 

I was so sick of hearing her name all the time.  Alexis this, Alexis that, Alexis got this deal, Alexis, Alexis, Alexis. 
Fuck Alexis!!
I just needed to forget, and if I needed to get shit face drunk in the process, then that was just how it was going to be. 

Bree returned with two rounds of tequila, lemon and salt on the side.  We all took one, lined the salt and lifted our glasses.  “Here’s to our first ladies night out, let’s make this a night to remember.” 

It burned all the way down to my gut, a good feeling; I knocked the second one down with no effort at all, and slammed the glass down on the table. 

“Let’s dance!”  I grabbed Bree by the arm and we made our way down to the dance floor. 

“Animal, from Maroon 5 was playing; I could feel the music pulsing through my veins, consuming me.  I let my mind go, my body controlled by the music.  I closed my eyes, shutting out all that was around me, all that worried me. 

The song transformed into another as I drifted out of my trance.  I could feel someone watching me.  The girls were still close to me, but they had spotted a few hotties on the other side of the room and were trying to get their attention. I looked around, but couldn’t see anyone. Then I looked up.  I found his brown eyes staring down at me.  I stood frozen, he smirked and winked at me and then started making his way down the stairs, not taking his eyes off me.  The crowed parted in front of me as he made his way towards me. 

“Good evening Princess, you finally decided to come out of hiding?”  God, that voice did something to me everytime.

He was dressed in blue jeans, a tight white t-shirt that outlined his amazing torso.  The past three years had changed him; he was so much MORE than what he was before.  I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. 
Fuck he was so hot. 

A slow song started playing; it was perfect timing, the Universe really seemed to have had it in for me.  I stood waiting for him to make the first move; I wanted him to take me in his arms, I wanted to run my hands over his rippled abs showing through his shirt, knotting my fingers in his dark hair. 

My mind finally snapped back to reality, I was a taken woman, I should not have been fantasizing about another man. 

I looked up into his eyes, he was smirking at me again, I was about to turn and run when he gripped my waist. 

“Not so fast, Princess, you’re not running from me again!”  Brent pulled me into him lifting my arms placing them around his neck, resting both his hands on my hips. 

“You look very pretty tonight.”  He leaned down and whispered in my ear. 

My body was betraying me in such a big way. My legs felt like jelly, my breathing rushed, not to mention the reaction my princess parts were having being so close to him. I always knew I was attracted to him, but I had never allowed myself to get this close to him before. I knew I should stop it before it got out of hand.  I think Brent could feel the change in my body langue. He placed his finger under my chin and lifted my face so he could look into my eyes. 

“You don’t need to be scared of me, I know you’re engaged I won’t mess with that, I just want to be friends, and get know each other again.”  He let go of my face and kissed me on my head. 

After the song was over, Brent took me by the hand and led me back upstairs to our table. The girls were back too, with their new friends.  The rest of the night was a blur.  Lots of drinking, lots of dancing, but by 1am I was dead on my feet, I needed to get home. 

“It’s time for me to go home, sorry guys!”  I announced.

“Oh Caitlin, you’re such a party pooper, we don’t have work tomorrow, live a little.”  Bree was sitting very comfortably on her new friends lap, and had her arm wrapped around his neck. 

“I know, I know but I really can’t anymore. I’m pooped, I need to get to bed.  You guys finish your party, I’ll catch a Cab.”  I hugged my girlfriends and then turned to Brent to say goodbye. 

“I’ll take you home, there’s no way I am letting you take a taxi this time of the night. My truck is around the corner”.  Brent took my hand, I turned around to look at Bree for some help, but she just smiled and gave me the thumbs up.  I could just imagine what she must have been thinking. 

Half way to Brent’s car it started pouring down with rain, by the time we got to his truck, I was soaked and freezing my ass off. Brent quickly opened the driver’s door I jumped in and scooted over to the other side. I flipped down the inside vanity mirror, my mascara was running down my face, my hair plastered flat on my head, I must have been a lovely sight..

“I better get you home before you get sick.”  He started his track and turned into the road.  I gave him my address and in no time at all he pulled up in front of my apartment.  

“Do you want to come up for some hot coco?”  I really wanted him to come it, I had had so much fun with him all night. After we had cleared the air and established the friendship rule things went really well. 

“Not tonight Princess. I need to get myself out of these wet clothes, and I have work tomorrow.  Maybe next time. I’ll walk you in though, make sure you get in safely.”  He got out and came to open my door for me, we walked up to my apartment. I opened the door and we said our goodbyes. 

By the time I finally got into the shower my body was shaking. If I didn’t come down with double pneumonia it would be a miracle.   

Caitlin

What the hell? Who was trying to breakdown my door? I was still lying in bed contemplating what to do with my day, when the knocking on the front door started.  I felt like crap as it was, and the loud banging wasn’t helping.  I pulled the blanket around my shoulders and made my way to the front door.  I peeped through the hole. Great. Just the person I didn’t wanted to see.  I unlocked the door, opened it, and then turned towards the couch. 

“Where the hell is your phone Caitlin?”  Vincent was furious. I had never heard him use that tone with me. 

I pointed to the heap on the floor.  “THERE!” 

“What the hell?”  He walked over and picked up the pieces, then placed them on the coffee table before sitting down on the chair across from me. 

I could see he was angry, but so was I. What he had done was unforgivable.  We sat staring at each other for a good five minutes. I was not going to be the one to talk first.  He should have been the one to apologize to me for letting me down, and choosing Alexis’ company instead of mine. 

“Are you going to explain yourself Caitlin? I have been worried sick, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you the whole night, and when I got here last night you were nowhere to be found. Do you understand how worried I’ve been?”  By now he was sitting on the edge of his chair ready to jump at me.

Holy crap, he was here last night while I was out with Brent.  But hell, after what he had said over the phone, I was still pissed, even if he did come to see me. 

“Why are you pissed at me? After what happened yesterday, I should be the one pissed, not you. You should be the one explaining. You let ME down, and you’re the one who pissed me off to the point where my phone had to bear the consequences!”  I got up and walked to the kitchen, I needed coffee. 

“Don’t you walk away from me Caitlin, we’re not finished.”  He got up and gripped me by the wrist.

I spun around and slapped him across the face.  The shock on his face was clear. Crap, I couldn’t believe I had just done that. 

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to do that.” I stepped towards him but he took a step back away from me. 

We stood there just staring at each other for what seemed like eternity.  Then he turned around and walked out the front door. 

Oh fuck! Now I had done it. 
I walked to the window and watched him get into his car and drive away.  I walked back to the couch and wrapped myself in my blanket. I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks.  It had gone too far, we had never spoken to each other like that before. I had really stuffed things up.  I needed to talk to him, I needed to talk to Heather, but I couldn’t phone anyone, I didn’t have a phone.  I couldn’t go out, I felt like crap, and it was raining outside.  I must have fallen asleep; I woke up with my head being lifted, and something soft slipping under it. 

I opened my eyes and found Vincent leaning over me. There were water droplets running down his face, he bent down and kissed me on the head. 

“You came back?”  I sat up, pulling the blanket tight around me.  I was feeling really shitty by then.  Not just from the fight, but the rain and cold from the night before had taken its toll on me. 

“I’m sorry I walked out like that, I just can’t handle it that we’re fighting so much lately.  I needed to clear my head.”  He came to sit next to me on the couch. 

“I feel the same, I’m sorry for acting like a lunatic and for slapping you, please forgive me” I lifted my hand and placed it over the spot I had hit him earlier.  He placed his hand over mine and took it from his face and kissed it. 

“I think I need to explain to you what happened yesterday. I didn’t mean for you to find out I wasn’t coming the way you did, that was disrespectful and I’m ashamed of the way I behaved.”  He let go of my hand and turned to face me. 

“I was ready to leave, the car was packed and I was about to leave the shop when we got a surprise visit from our new investors.  Cole, Heather, Alexis and I were at the meeting. We weren’t expecting them, and it wasn’t a planned meeting.  There was so much to discuss, and they invited us for dinner afterwards.  I tried to get away, but it was just not possible.  I know how you feel about Alexis, and I promise you that she had nothing to do with this.  Her answering my phone was, I don’t know, a mistake; I went to the gents and left my phone on the table.” 

I knew I shouldn’t feel the way I did, and I could see what he told me was the truth, but something deep inside me told me that there was more to it. He might believe it, but I knew Alexis had something to do with it. She had planned it. She knew how I would react.  Heather had told her about me, but Heather had also told me how very interested she seemed to be in my man.  Vincent may have been in love with me, but Alexis didn’t even give a shit that he was engaged.  Anyway, what was the point in fighting with Vincent about it?  Men don’t see what’s right in front of them.  To him she was just another employee, noting more, and I was the crazy one being jealous. 

“I’m sorry for the way I reacted Vincent, I’ve just missed you, being away from you has brought out the worst in me. I’m not going to lie about it though, I don’t trust Alexis, and I never will.  I love you so much and I don’t want to fight anymore, please!”  I placed my hands in his and squeezed them tight. 

Vincent placed his arms around me and pulled me tight against his body.  I rested my head on his chest, his clothes were a little damp from the rain outside, but I needed his closeness. 

“I love you Caitlin, you are my everything, I wish it was time for you to come home already.”  He kissed me on the top of my hand and rested his head on mine.  We sat like that for a little, but I was really feeling like shit and was starting to shiver.  He moved me so I could rest my head on his lap and pulled the blanket over my back, he was twirling my hair between his fingers while we talked.  I told him about work and Chef Nathaniel, and going out with the girls. But there was one detail I just could not get myself to tell him, and that was that Brent was in town.  It just didn’t seem like the right thing to do at that moment.

I must have fallen asleep, when I woke it was already lunch time and Vincent was nowhere to be seen.  I was starving, and my tummy gave a little moan at the mere thought of food.   I didn’t have a phone to order anything, and I definitely couldn’t go out looking the way I did. God only knew where Vincent was.   I had a hot shower and dressed in a warm tracksuit.  I pulled the hoody over my head and was about to talk out the front door when it opened.  Vincent was holding take-away bag from Café Odyssey in the one hand, and chemist packet and cell phone box in the other. 

“Mmm….you’ve been busy.” I said. “I was just about to go looking for you.”  I took the food packet from him and walked towards the kitchen,
I knew that was rude, grabbing the food like that, but I was starving.

“Did you have a good nap? You look a little better than before”

“Sort of, thanks for the food, I’m so hungry.”  I opened the bag, the aromas of the food making my tummy moan even louder. 

“It can hear that.”  He smiled, walking up behind me and kissing my neck, it sent shivers down my spine. 

“The chicken noodle soup is for you, I think you’re coming down with the flu. I got you some antibiotics as well, and a new cell.” 

“You’re amazing, thank you!  I’ll make it up to you in kind.”  I winked, while I munched on my food.

“I know I stuffed up our weekend plans, but would it be ok if I stayed the rest of the weekend? It looks like you could use some
looking after
?” 

“I would love that.”  We ate our food in front of the TV where we planned to watch a movie.  The medication Vincent had got me at the drug store knocked me out quickly, I was only half way through the movie when I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore.  He lifted me into his arms and carried me to my bed.  It was misty and gloomy outside from the rain that was falling. 

I snuggled up next to him wrapping my arms around his chest.  My legs tangled between his, and my head on his shoulder.  I drifted into dreamland; this was the most peaceful sleep I’d had since I’d moved to San Diego. I had everything I needed right there with me.  Vincent twirled my hair in his fingers, it was as much a comfort for him as it was for me.  The constant touch between us, the need to be close and connected. 

It was a little after midnight when I woke up. Vincent was still fast asleep.  Too much sleeping for me.  I found the cell phone Vincent had bought me on the table in the kitchen.  I made myself some coffee and started the dreadful job of setting up my new phone. I inserted my old sim card into the phone and luckily for me I had backed up my contacts on my laptop.  I quickly connected it and transferred all my data.  I was about to go back to bed when a text came through from an unknown number. 

Unknown:  It was nice seeing you again, don’t be a stranger. 

Me: Who is this?

Unknown:  Princess, am I so easy to forget?

Me:  Brent!!

Unknown: Well done!! 

Me:  It’s late, what are you doing up?

Unknown:  In my world the party only starts after twelve. 

Me:  Oh yeah, I forgot.

Unknown:  You forget a lot of things

Me:  That’s not nice

Unknown:  Sorry

Me:  You’re forgiven

Unknown:  Good, so come see me.

Me:  I can’t, I’m in bed

(And my boyfriend is here, he would have a fit!  Oh crap, if he found out I’d be in such shit.)

Unknown: Already? 

Me: Yeah, not feeling too good, walking in the rain didn’t work for me. 

Unknown:  You sick?

Me:  Yeah, just a little.  I better go, chat soon. 

I cleared the message from my phone before I sent Heather a text, I know she would be worried about me by now. 

Me:  Hey, all’s good Vincent and I have made up. 

It took a few minutes before I got a text back. 

Heather:  Thank God, I’ve been so worried.   What was wrong with your phone I’ve been trying to phone you? 

Me:  I smashed it yesterday after speaking to Vincent.

Heather:  You’re a crazy bitch you know that, why go fuck up your phone over a man.  It really wasn’t his fault - I was there. 

Me: Yes he did, and all is good, but I still don’t trust that “Red headed bimbo” you need to look after him for me. 

Heather: Believe me, she got an earful from him after she answered his phone; don’t think she would try that again anytime soon. 

Me: REALLY!!

Heather: Yeah, he was pissed and then he tried to get hold of you and that was a no go. He jumped in his car and went looking for you.  Oh by the way where were you last night, he phoned me when he got to your place, but you weren’t home.  He was worried sick. 

Me:  Oh shit really, I was angry at him and went out with my friends.

Heather:  Great, did you have fun.

Me: Jip

Heather:  Why do I feel like there’s more to this?

Me:  Well maybe because there is

Heather:  SPILL IT!!!

Me: I met up with an old friend of ours

Heather: Who, boy or girl?

Me: Boy

Heather: Should I even ask?

Me: Yes, it’s him!

Heather: OMG, I thought Brent was in Africa?

Me: He’s back, don’t know all the details yet, but he’s in town. 

Heather:  Does Vincent know? 

Me: Did you have to go ruin it?

Heather: What? I had to ask?  I know how he feels about Brent

Me:  Me two, and no, I haven’t told him, and right now I am not planning to tell him. 

Heather:  You are playing with fire girl, if he finds out there will be shit.  Be careful!

Me:  I will. Gotta go.  Chat to you in the morning. 

Heather:  Love you girly, look after yourself. 

I cleared Heathers message, just in case.  It wasn’t exactly a good restart for Vincent and I, but what could I do? He didn’t like Brent, and why upset him if he was just a friend?  I slipped back into bed and snuggled up to Vincent.  He turned and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer.  The rest of the night I struggled with guilty feelings of not telling Vincent the truth.  By the time we woke the next morning I was feeling ten times worse than I was the night before. 

Vincent did the best he could to help me. He made breakfast, ordered lunch as well as supper. I didn’t even have the energy to get out of bed.  By late afternoon, he had to leave to get back to work.  I was left to fend for myself. 

‘I love you Caitlin, I wish I didn’t have to go.  But it won’t be that long before you’ll be coming home.”