Shadows in Me (4 page)

Caitlin

I thought my stunt yesterday would make Vincent come and get me, but I was wrong.  He was much stronger than I was. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to do it. 

I got up bright and early, showered and dressed and was on my way to work around the time the text came through from Heather. 

Heather:   (photo)

Why the hell would she be sending me a photo of a red headed bimbo? 

Heather:  New employee, Vincent just hired!!

Me: What the fuck, she looks like a slut!!! 

Heather: Agreed, but I looked at her credentials, and she is qualified, maybe a little over qualified…but who am I to say?

Me:  I’m not happy about this, you better keep your eyes open, I don’t trust her. 

Heather:  Will do, I already gave Vincent the evil eye, you can expect a phone call from him. He knew I was going to let you know. 

Me:  Well that will have to wait.  Just got to work, first day.  Love u. 

Shit, that had trouble written all over it, but I needed to trust him.  He loves me, and she was obviously qualified.  He had very high standards when it came to hiring, I freaking hoped it was the case with Alexis.

There were already a few other students gathered outside the restaurant, I was leaning against the wall looking at the picture Heather had sent me when Chef Nathaniel arrived. I had read up on him, but he was not at all what I had expected. 

He was a very “manly” man.  He must’ve been as tall as Vincent, with big strong shoulders and wavy red hair.  He lifted the sunglasses off his face and slipped it into the V neck of his shirt.  OMG those eyes, they were even bluer than Vincent’s.  Oh shit, look at me!  Here I am freaking out over the new employee at Simplicity, but if Vincent had to see this, he’d be here to fetch me in a heartbeat.  I quickly snapped a pic, and texted it to Heather. 

Me:  My new boss!!!

I switched my phone off and slipped it into my bag.  Listening to Chef Nathaniel welcoming us all to his project, and thinking of the picture Heather had sent earlier.   They were both red heads, Vincent’s new employee and my boss.    Hmmm, how much of that could be a coincidence?

On a Monday the restaurant was generally closed to the public. We spend the time prepping for the week, making sure the rooftop vegetable garden was cleaned, and all the produce was prepared for the rest of the week.  Chef set up a daily roaster for all of us, something essential in order to make a restaurant like this run smoothly.  It wasn’t just kitchen work, the gardens needed taking care of as well as sticking strictly to the recycling schedules.  Nothing in the place was wasted, everything got processed back into the system. 

My first task for the week was to make sure the gardens were clean, and all the produce was picked and ready for preparation.  The day went by so quickly, at around 6 pm Caprice, one of the new interns came to call me, it was home time. 

Bree, Willow and Meeka were all waiting for me to clean up before we headed out.  Chef Nathaniel was working on the menus for the week, and he just waved us out. He was really strict, and not very friendly.  I got the feeling he was still holding back with us.  I had a feeling that the next day, when we actually opened for service, would be an entirely different story. 

I dug my phone out my bag as we walked out the restaurant. Shit, twenty missed calls and fifteen text messages from Vincent.  Crap, I had forgotten about my phone the whole day!   

“Hey Cat, are you going to join us for some drinks?”  Caprice hooked her arm into mine as we started walking out, pulling me with her. 

“Nah, I don’t think so, I am pooped. Working in the sun and sand today really killed me.  You guys go, I’ll join you next time, promise.” I knew I was being a party pooper, but I needed to speak to Vincent. 

“Your loss babes, see you in the morning.”  The girls walked off in the opposite direction. For a second, I contemplated joining them, but then my phone started ringing, it was Heather.

“Hey,” it was all I could get in before she started shouting at me.

“WHY THE HELL WAS YOUR PHONE OFF THE WHOLE DAY?” Heather went off, hardly giving me a chance to speak. 

“Vincent is losing it over here! He knows I told you about Alexis, and then he tried to get hold of and he couldn’t.  He’s about to jump into his car and come see you.  You better phone him now.”

“Oh hello to you too, I was busy. Does he have a guilty conscience?”  I was so pissed off I could scream.

“Why was your phone off? You know better than that!  When he wants to talk to you, nothing must stand in his way.  He hates this distance between you.”  Heather seamed to calm herself.   

“Is he still there? Let me talk to him, I just got off work.”  I felt totally irritated, and quite frankly I was way too tired to deal with this shit. 

“No he left five minutes ago, but I think he is going home first. You better phone him.” 

“Ok, but if I can’t get hold of him, just ask Cole to see if he can stop him, all is good.”

As I turned around to make my way back to my apartment, Chef Nathaniel walked out. 

“What are you still doing here? Where are the others?” He looked really irritated. 

“They went out to a pub, I’m heading home.”  I could feel the blush spreading up my neck.  Shit, why did this man intimidate me so much? 

He locked the door then turned to face me; I stood frozen not knowing what to do.  I was still holding my phone in front of me ready to phone Vincent.  What do I do? 

“You are new in town, you shouldn’t be walking alone. Where do you stay?” 

“I only stay two blocks up to the left, it’s not too far, it will only take me a few minutes.”  I dropped my phone back into my bag and started walking. 

“Wait, I’ll walk you home.” 

“No thanks, I’ll be ok.”  This was an awkward moment, my new, hot as hell boss wanting to walk me home, and then my phone started ringing.   

“Just give me a sec; it’s my boyfriend, we keep missing each other.” I desperately tried to get to my phone before it stopped, but magically my bag seemed to hide everything I put in there.  Oh great, it stopped before I could get to it. 

“SHIT!” I look up to find Chef looking at me with a grin on his face. 

“Sorry!”  I really feel like a big idiot. 

“Let me get you home.”  He started walking in the direction that I pointed earlier, turning his head as if to ask if I was coming. 

It took me a few seconds to come back down to earth.  I texted Vincent a quick note, saying that I would phone him in five. 

Chef Nathaniel was a man of few words, I did most of the talking, probably because I was so nervous. I always seemed to babble when I was nervous.  We said our goodbyes and he walked off, once I was inside the building. 

I was hardly inside when my phone started ringing again.  Gosh this man was persistent. 

“YES, VINCENT, I’m here. Oh my god, I told you I would phone you back.”  You could hear the irritation in my voice and I didn’t even try to hide it. 

“That’s a great way to answer the phone, Caitlin, very polite.”  I could hear the hurt in his voice, now I felt like crap for being so rude. 

“I’m sorry, I had a bad day, and I should not have taken it out on you.”  The tears start rolling down my cheeks. 

“I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to say that, I’ve just been so worried about you. I’ve been trying to get hold of you the whole day, but your phone keeps going to voice mail.”

“I know, sorry, I forgot to switch it back on after our meeting this morning.  It’s been crazy getting to know all the people, and all the new things, and I was out on the roof top most of the day, I am so sorry.”  I dump my bag on the coffee table and sink into the couch, tucking my legs under me. 

“I have missed you today, Angel. I hate that on our first day apart we’re already fighting. This is not a good way to start.”

“I know and I’m sorry, where are you now?”

“I’m home, just walked in.  So, let’s cut through the bullshit, tell me about Alexis.”  What was the point of pussyfooting around this?

“So I was right, Heather did tell you already.” 

“Yes, I got a photo as well. So tell me more. Is she really qualified or did you hire her just because of her looks.” 

“She is really qualified you know me, you know what I am looking for in an employee. It’s not just her looks, although you know, we had at least 25% more male customers come into the shop today.” 

“Oh I see, well whatever you say, I’m not here to judge, you are your own boss.”  I felt a little jealous, but at the end of the day what could I really do about it?

“Caitlin I promise you, it is strictly professional, I love you darling, I would never do anything to hurt you, hurt us.  Please believe me.”

“I’m fine Vincent, I was just a little shocked when I saw the photo of her, I was silently hoping you would pick a girl a little less , how can I say, out there, if you know what I mean.”

“You’re being silly now, there is nothing to her.”

“Whatever.”  I said blandly.  But my gut was telling me something else. I felt defeated, it had been a long day and I just didn’t have the energy for it all.

“Caitlin, I don’t want to fight with your over something this stupid. I’ve done nothing but employee a good looking girl.  I don’t see the issue.” 

I could hear the irritation in his voice, which pissed me off even more. 

“The fact that you don’t see it, is the problem. The day it hits you in the face, it might be too late.  I’m tired, and I don’t want to talk to you about this anymore. Good night Vincent!”  I didn’t even give him a change to respond; I switched off my phone and chucked it into my bag. 

I was mentally and physically exhausted.  I started walking to the bathroom stripping my clothes off as I walked.  I turned on the shower and stepped in.  I leaned forward with my hands against the wall, letting the water cascade over me.  I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore; somewhere deep inside me I knew that this woman was going to be the start of all my troubles. 

There was just something about her that I didn’t trust, and I knew that it was extremely unfair when I hadn’t even met her.  The fact that Vincent didn’t understand frustrated me. How could he be so blind, that he couldn’t see that working with this woman could damage us?  I knew the nature of the position, and knew that they would be spending every waking moment together.  If I was there I could’ve kept an eye on them, but I wasn’t. 

Caitlin

It was the worst night’s sleep I had had in months, I could count the number of fights Vincent and I had had since we had been together on one hand.  I had only been away for two days, and already we’d had a major fight, I needed to fix it. 

Where the hell did I put my phone?
I started looking for it, I needed to phone him right away.  I needed to stop my shit, I needed to trust that he loved me and would never do anything to hurt us.  We were engaged for god’s sake.  What more of a commitment could I expect from him?

Finally, I remembered chucking my phone into my bag the night before, but now the battery was flat.  Shit, I plugged it in and got dressed for my early morning run. I arranged with Bree to meet up every morning for a run. She stays in the same building as I do. Bree had been in San Diego for over a year already, and worked for Chef Nathaniel full time. 

Bree was already waiting in the lobby by the time I made it down.  She reminded me so much of Heather when it came to looks, but not in personality.  Bree was very quiet, and kept to herself, not the type to talk a lot.  As soon as we left the building she switched her iPod on, and put her earphone in her ears. 

It was a quick run, on our way back we stopped by a coffee shop for an early morning fix, and then made our way back home to get ready for our shift. 

“Be quick, Chef doesn’t take kindly to tardiness. I’ll meet you downstairs.”  Bree turned and walked away.

I showered and dressed in record time.  When I got to the lobby Bree was already waiting for me.  Holy shit, I didn’t know how she did it.  She looked up and smiled at me. 

“So, what time did you guys get back last night?” 

“Just after one. Music was good, eye candy was good and the drinks kept flowing.”  She grinned at me.

“We’re going again tonight, the sexy bartender will be singing again. Oh my god you need to see this guy, fuck he’s good looking. Dark brown hair, and the deepest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. His James Dean look together with that voice is enough to melt the panties off any girl.”

“That just sounds like trouble, a musician and a James Dean look alike all in one?  Not really my cup of tea.” 

“Just come tonight, even if you don’t like his look, you’ll love his music.” 

“Sure, I’ll come, it’s not like I have someone waiting for me at home anyway.” 

Before my work day started I needed to talk to Vincent. I needed to sort things out. I didn’t like going to bed at night fighting.  I loved him so much and it was up to me to fix the mess I made by being jealous.  By now he should be at work, I just hoped he was in the mood to talk. I dialled his number; my tummy felts like a million butterflies were trying to escape.  It didn’t even ring twice. 

“CAITLIN …” I didn’t even wait for him to finish his sentence.

“I’m sorry Vincent, I’m sorry for being such a bitch, I’m sorry for everything I said to you last night, please forgive me.”  The tears were rolling down my face; I turned away from the restaurant and walked into the alleyway to get some privacy, I hadn’t expected to start crying. 

“Thank god you phoned, I’ve been so worried.  Babes, I am sorry too, I didn’t think about how this would affect you. I promise you, you are the only person for me, I will never ever do anything to hurt you, you are imprinted in my soul, and you are my other half.  I love you Caitlyn, always and forever.” 

“I love you more, god I wish you were here now, I need to be in your arms and see your eyes and feel your kisses.  I miss you so much.”

“I promise I will come and see you this weekend, we will fix this.” 

I was so caught up in the moment talking to Vincent that I didn’t see Chef Nathaniel standing in front of me.  He had his arms crossed in front of his chest, his eyes narrowed, I could feel he wasn’t happy.

“Vincent, I need to go, chat to you tonight.” I quickly switched off my phone and stuffed it into the back pocket of my jeans.  I didn’t realise I was standing just outside Earth Purée’s back door. 

“Everything ok, Caitlin?”  He asked sternly.

“Yes Chef.” 

“Good, you think you can join us today?” It was more of an instruction than a question.

“Yes Chef.”

“Good, now get yourself inside and start working, we have lots to do before the first clients arrive.”

I felt like such and idiot, it was just my luck to have Chef Nathaniel witness my breakdown moment with Vincent.   I didn’t even want to know what he must have thought. 

I quickly buried myself in my work, not just to hide from my embarrassment, but also to escape the worry in my heart.  I trusted Vincent and I trusted our love for each other, but my gut told me I couldn’t trust this woman.  It was close to eleven at night when we all finally got to Duke’s. 

As we walked up to Duke’s, I quickly sent Vincent a text to tell him I loved him and I would phone him just before bed.  Hopefully he would still be awake. 

We found a table close to the stage; I was sitting with my back to it.  Just as expected the rocker was already done for the night, but the pub was busy, people were everywhere.  Cassy, the owner I had met a few days ago came up to our table to take our order. 

“Evening ladies, sorry we’re a waitress down tonight so I’ll be looking after you.  What can I get you guys?” 

Meeka was in the mood to party, so she started us off with a round of tequila. 

“I’m not going to walk out of here if we start with that shit so early; I’m more a wine type of girl.” I announced.

“Oh live a little Caitlin, it’s your first night out with us, and it’s my mission to get you drunk.  You’re far too uptight.”  Meeka winked at me and then walked off. 

By the time our drinks arrived at the table so did Meeka. 

“I found Mr Sexypants.  I convinced him to do a few more songs for us, told him we had a special friend joining us for the first time tonight, and she’s never heard him sing.  Oh my god, I nearly creamed my jeans when he spoke. So Caitlin, be prepared to be wowed.”  She giggled.

We ordered a few more drinks; the night was just getting started.  I was finally able to let loose a little.  The lights in the pub when down, and the jukebox went off.  

“Good evening ladies and gents, me again, I had a special request to do a few more songs tonight, so hopefully you’re not that tired of me.”  There was something about that voice that was so familiar, in my heart I knew it was him, but how could that have been possible? The last I had heard he was in Africa.  I sat frozen in my chair, Oh god, it couldn’t be.  The guitar started playing; I held my breath waiting to hear his voice again.  “This time, this place, misused, mistakes, too long, too late …” It was him, it was Brent. 

I slowly turn in my seat; the stage was dark, with only the spotlight focused on him.  He sat on a barstool, his one leg propped up to balance his guitar.  He was dressed in black jeans, and tight black Jack Daniels t-shirt. I ran my eyes over his torso. The three years had changed him, he was no longer the boy I went to school with, in front of me sat a man.  I finally had enough courage to look up to his eyes.  Every word that came out of his mouth felt like they were meant just for me.  His eyes locked onto mine.   I was in trouble.  I knew I needed to get out of there, but I couldn’t move.  I was hypnotised by him, by his voice, by those eyes.  After the song ended the crowed went crazy, the girls at my table where screaming and “whoo hooing” like horney school girls.  I just sat there, looking, listening, how was it possible?  Could the Universe really be so cruel?  Being away from Vincent was hard enough. Then this?  I turned around to face my friends; I needed to get out of there. 

“I need to go, I don’t feel so good, sorry girls. See you all tomorrow.”  I grabbed my bag, but when I turned to leave I walked bang into what I was most afraid of.  I jumped back, my eyes shot up to his face.  That cocky smirk, god, how I had missed that. 

“Princess!”  Was all he said.

I closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them again, it would just be a crazy nightmare, and he really wouldn’t be standing in front of me.  I could hear the girls behind me whispering, oh hell no, this couldn’t be happening.  I slowly opened just one eye, hoping, praying, but no such luck, he was still standing there. 

“Brent, wow!”  I managed. I started fumbling with the strap of my bag, totally unsure how to handle the situation. 

“Caitlin, do you know him?”  Meeka was pulling on my arm, trying to get my attention. 

“Yeah, I sort of know him.  Ummmmhhhh we ………. Uuummmhhh are sort off old school friends.” I didn’t know how else to put it.

“Hey ladies, do you mind if I steal Caitlin? We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.” He winked.

Brent placed his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him.  He smelled amazing.  Oh my god, I had already had far too much to drink to be able to deal with him right then.  I wished Heather was with me, she would have known how to rescue me from the situation. I couldn’t rely on the girls to help, they didn’t exactly know our history together.  All they saw was a sex god standing in front of us. 

“Sure. With one condition. You have a drink with all of us first and tell us how you guys met.”  I think Bree saw the panic in my eyes. 

“Deal. What can I get you ladies to drink?” 

The girls rattled off what they wanted, I just asked for a glass of water, I needed to sober up to deal with what was coming.  Brent walked off to get our drinks at the bar. 

“Hell Caitlin, you’ve been holding out on us.” Meeka looked from me to Brent and then back at me again. 

“Nonsense.  I haven’t seen him in three years.  I didn’t know he would be here.” I was starting to panic, if Vincent found out Brent was in town, there would be shit.  Like my life could get any more complicated. 

By the time Brent came back with the drinks I had managed to calm myself down. Bree placed her hand on my knee under the table, I knew she understood. 

The girls chatted and asked questions. Brent did most of the talking, so not like the boy I remembered.  He pulled his chair closer to mine and was resting his arm around the back of my chair.  Having him so close to me was driving me crazy, I always knew I had feelings for him, but I hid them away, I had denied them for so very long. The heaviness in my heart was getting too much for me; the memories of what he had done for me came flooding back.  The fear was clear in my eyes; but Bree was the only one whose eyes were focused on me and not him. 

“I think it’s time for Caitlin and I to head home.”  She announced. “It’s been a really long day, sorry guys, but we’re outta here.” Bree got up, took my hand in hers and pulled me out of my seat. 

“Princess, you going already? We haven’t even had time to talk.”  Brent got up and stood in front of me. 

“Yeah, I know.  That will have to wait. I really need to go.”  I turned and started walking away as fast as I could, as I got to the door I turned,  our eyes met, that cocky look in his eyes just melted my heart.  I grabbed Bree’s arm and we walked out. 

I let out a long breath as soon as we stepped into the cool night air. 

“Explain yourself woman!  The chemistry between you two is crazy.” Bree’s eyes were big and I could see she wanted answers. 

“I can’t talk now I need to get home.  Please, let’s just get out of here before he walks out.