Shaedes of Gray: A Shaede Assassin Novel (33 page)

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Authors: Amanda Bonilla

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BOOK: Shaedes of Gray: A Shaede Assassin Novel
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“I checked,” I said, trying to curb the path Raif’s mind had assuredly taken. “I looked over every inch of my body. No marks. He’s wrong.”
“No,” Raif said. “He’s not.”
Panic welled up in me, threatening to bubble right out of my mouth. I swallowed against the bile in my throat and focused on keeping a calm facade. Inside, I was screaming.
“No,” I said. “No marks. I swear. Raif . . .”
“I should have made the connection sooner.”
No. No, no, no, no, no
. If I could think the word enough, I could make it true.
“Xander,” Raif sighed.
“What? Xander? What does he have to do with this?”
“He knew, I think. He’s known. For a while now.”
“Known what?” The panic I was trying to keep a handle on flew out of control. “
Known what
? Fuck, Raif. What the hell is going on?”
“You’d better sit down,” he said.
“No! Tell me. What’s going on?”
Raif took a deep breath. Not a good sign. “It doesn’t mean
marked
marked. It wouldn’t be visible.”
Gulp
. My worst fears were about to be confirmed. “What does it mean?”
“You are
marked
, meaning ‘different. Unique.’ ”
I stared at Raif and he stared right back. I wasn’t unique in any sense of the word. I wasn’t even a Shaede by birthright. My human life had been stolen and I’d been cast into this new form. Others like me existed. Two, to be exact. So I could admit to being a rare breed, but not unique. “No.” The word barely issued from my lips.
“I’ve heard the whisperings of such things for years but never believed in them,” Raif said more to himself than to me. “The Lyhtan said the eclipse was the key.”
“It’s not true,” I protested with everything I was worth. “Azriel made me. He told me. The Sylph didn’t say anything about an eclipse. Maybe the Lyhtans are lying, trying to throw us off the trail.”
Raif gave me a pointed look, silently imploring me to stop lying to myself. Azriel’s words from the previous night floated through my mind; he’d kept the details of my existence a secret even from me.
“I always knew there was something . . .” Raif said to himself. “Why Azriel was so intent to return here. Xander couldn’t have kept him away. Nothing could have stopped him from coming back here for you.”
The gears clicking away in my brain came to a grinding halt. “What are you talking about?”
“And you . . .” Raif continued, nonplussed. “Something just not right, not like
any
of us. The way you smell things, the way you sense the energy of others . . .”
I didn’t wait for Raif to finish his train of thought. I rushed up the stairs, taking three at a time, crossed the first floor, and continued my flight to Xander’s suite. I didn’t knock, and I wasn’t about to simply let myself in. I kicked the damn door right off the hinges.
“You lying sonofabitch!” I screamed.
Xander looked up from the sheaf of papers he’d been studying and regarded me with mild curiosity. “Hello, Darian.”
I drew the katana, letting it sing as I ripped it free. Swinging it toward Xander’s head, I stopped short and leveled it at his throat. “I’m going to ask you a few questions, and you’re going to answer every last one,” I said. “And I
dare
you to lie to me again.”
It was right about that time that I felt cold steel poking into the back of my own head.
Anya. What a bitch
.
“Lower your blade, or you’re as good as dead,” she ordered in a self-satisfied tone. “I wouldn’t even think twice before ridding the world of you.”
I laughed. Serious, stomach-cramping, suffocating laughter. “What do you think, Xander? Should I take her threats to heart? The sun is about to set. Could she do it? Could she take my head off my shoulders before I take yours?”
“Anya, leave,” Xander said, no longer amused.
“B-but, Your Highness,” she stammered.
“Get out!” he shouted at the top of his lungs.
I turned to see Anya drop her blade to her side, cowering as she backed from the room and out of sight.
“Sit,” Xander said.
“No.” I was damn tired of being told to sit.
“I said, sit.” Xander’s tone was not in the least bit playful as he directed his finger in a downward stabbing motion. I perched on the edge of a chair and leveled the tip of the sword blade until it hovered in line with the hollow of his throat.
“The last time Azriel tried to stage a coup against me, he came to me himself. He didn’t bother with any envoys or Lyhtan lackeys. He claimed he’d acquired a rare and valuable possession, and said once she came into her true power, he’d finally have my throne. Always one to brag, Azriel went on and on about how he’d stumbled across an anomaly. Apparently, you’d begun to shed your humanity before he’d met you, and he sensed that change, though you did not. A Shaede, created, it seemed, from her own will, or perhaps chosen by Fate for a far greater purpose. He told me he’d killed your abusive husband, thereby earning your undying loyalty and trust. No one would find you, he said. He’d taught you to hide, and he planned on keeping you tucked away until it was time for your existence to be known. My first thought was that he intended to use you as a weapon. I wasn’t willing to chance anything with him, and I refused to risk my kingdom. I had him taken into custody immediately, and I sent him as far away from me as possible.”
“How did it happen?” I asked, my voice quavering with emotion. “How could I possibly change myself?”
“I do not know,” Xander said. “I told you that it is possible to change a human when shadows dwell in her soul. I assume your soul was so shrouded in darkness that, unconsciously, you sought the change without even knowing what you were evolving into. Perhaps you were tied to us, through your bloodline somewhere. But of that, I have no knowledge.”
I shot from the chair and began to pace. I looked back in memory, to hazy remnants of a human life I had put behind me nearly a century ago, for an answer or at least a clue to confirm the truth of Xander’s words. Emotions that I’d locked away like old clothes in a trunk burst out to torment me. The anxiety, pain, and fear choked me with an intensity that ridiculed my usually defiant outlook.
“And what about me?” I said, turning my back to him. “You knew about me all along, and you just let me roam the city like a stray dog?”
Xander sat stoic and silent.
I whipped around to face him. “Answer me! Are you frightened of me? Is that why you exiled Azriel and abandoned me? Why hire me to kill him? Maybe you should have just killed
me
.”
“Honestly,” Xander sighed, “I don’t know how to kill you.”
I’d quit paying attention, and continued my rant. “
Oh, Darian
,” I said, mocking the eloquent bunch of lies he’d told. “
If I’d only known about you. I would have fetched you away from your miserable existence years ago. You poor, stupid, pathetic creature. Let me take you under my wing. I want you so badly
—Wait. What did you just say?”
Xander gave me a sad and wan smile. “I don’t know if you
can
be killed.”
I walked straight up to him and slapped him so hard across his face that my hand burned and stung. He took the blow and didn’t do anything to retaliate. “I suppose I deserved that.”
“What you deserve is a lot more than that,” I said.
“No more games, Darian. I’ll tell you everything I know,” he said, reaching out to take my hand.
I took a step back. No way was I going to let him try to soothe and seduce me with his gentle charm. I sat back down on the chair, sword in hand and ready to strike.
“When Azriel came to me, I didn’t believe him at first. It was unheard of, a human making the transformation on her own. But I sought you out shortly after and saw you with my own eyes and knew from that first moment that what Azriel said was true.
“You were a new and unique member of our kind, and your nature might have been as unpredictable as your evolution. He claimed that Fate had plans for you. He spoke of revenge and scores being settled. He’d lost his mind. Azriel had been convinced you were meant for something far beyond our scope of understanding. Something ancient and secret. Fear prompted me to sever his ties with you, and I made sure no one besides the two of us knew of your existence.”
“Raif?”
“Knew
of
you, but nothing more. I didn’t divulge the entire truth of it to him until recently.”
I could deal with the fact that Xander was scared of me. Right then, I was scared of myself. And Raif had been left as much in the dark as I. But more questions were being raised than answered, and my stomach convulsed as I fought another crippling wave of anxiety. “What about Azriel? Why do you really want him dead?”
“I think he’s discovered a truth I’d never bothered to find. I think he’s ambitious and mad for power. He’ll kill me if he gets the chance. Then what will become of my kingdom? My people? What power will the Lyhtans have over our kind if he’s allied with them? Innocents would be steeped in war and death. He’s calculating. Formidable. Azriel has been biding his time, and I think he’s spent his years in exile doing what I should have been doing for all those years.”
“I saw him two nights ago,” I said. “He came to my apartment.”
Xander nodded, momentarily lost in thought.
“Would you care to tell me what he’s been doing that you should have been?” I asked.
Xander sighed, and the phrase
heavy hangs the head that wears the crown
came into my head. He looked at me. “He’s been learning all about you.”
Something in that simple and yet unthinkable statement sent me into a rage the likes of which I had never felt. I stormed from Xander’s room, back down the stairs to the main floor, and past two Shaedes standing watch at the doorway. From there, I ran down into the bowels of the house, past Raif, who stood gaping, and into the council room. I stepped inside, coming to rest at the clawlike foot of the Lyhtan still secured to the chair, cackling wildly in the empty space. I grabbed it by its lanky hair that felt remarkably like corn silk, elastic and fragile but at the same time not. Fighting the urge to cringe, I jerked its head back so it would look me straight in the face, and I snarled the words, “Who is your master?”
The Lyhtan continued to laugh, the sound crawling up and down my spine like a thousand tiny insects. It spit and coughed, spewing a fowl-smelling gunk on my shirt. “I will walk proud in the light of day and laugh as we wipe your kind from the face of the earth!”
The time for talk had long passed, in my opinion. I felt the setting sun with a clarity that I had not recognized before. Every facet of my being tingled with the approach. Twilight was upon us, and, particularly, the gray hour that I longed for. I released the Lyhtan, who laughed hysterically again, drooling all over itself, rocking back and forth against its shackles. I pulled back and waited until I felt the sun pass below the horizon, as if I had plunged to the other side of the earth. With all my strength, I cut down with the blade. The Lyhtan’s laughter stopped. Its head rolled toward the door, where Raif stopped it with his foot.
“I take it we’re done with him?” he asked.
“Him?”
I snorted. “How could you tell?”
Raif graced me with a humorless laugh. He rested an awkward hand on my shoulder. “What did he tell you?”
Of course, he meant his deceitful, high-handed brother. “Nothing worth a damn,” I said, leaving the Lyhtan’s body and the council room. “We’re in deep shit, Raif. This is bad.”
“Tell me,” he said, low and dangerous.
I didn’t have much to offer, save a few threads of thought I could not weave together. I relayed everything I knew, starting with my supposed making and ending at Xander’s revelation that I was neither made nor born, but a creature of my own creation. Raif already knew almost everything else, and the things he did not know didn’t garner much surprise. He was a pragmatic man, a skilled warrior, and one of the few I counted as a friend. I didn’t leave out a single detail, and I spared no one’s feelings, least of all his in offering my opinion of his brother. The corners of Raif’s mouth twitched and he shook his head.
“It’s hard, Darian, to rule. Xander protects his people the best way he knows how. If he must lie and cover things up to do so, then so be it. I am sorry that much of it was at your expense, but you’ve got to accept these things, get over them, and focus.”
“On what?” I asked.
Raif’s eyes glowed with bloodlust. “Battle.”
Chapter 24
 
“
I
’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
“No, you won’t,” I said into my cell.
“Bullshit. You’re going to need me. I’m coming.”
I wondered what it would take to keep him at my apartment. I couldn’t focus on protecting my own neck if I was too worried about protecting his. I was officially in deep shit, and there was no way in hell I would risk Tyler’s safety. If anything happened to him—especially in the course of protecting me—I’d never forgive myself.
Eternally gallant
described Tyler to a tee. I didn’t want to do it, but perhaps another wish was in order. “Tyler, please . . . do as I ask.”

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