Shamara (31 page)

No, she wasn't all right. If she'd thought learning Jarek had killed her father was the worst blow she'd ever received, she'd been wrong. It was far worse to be shown her father had been an uncaring monster who facilitated the slaughter of innocent people for his own financial gain.

It couldn't be true. It was just a nightmare, the deepest darkest fears of her subconscious brought to the surface by the electromagnetic force field in this overwhelming chamber.

She scrubbed her palm over her face, trying to force away the vision, along with the tears. "Phylos," she gasped. "Is everything seen here the absolute truth? Couldn't it just be my fears?"

He made a slight movement, and suddenly she found herself on the bench again, with him beside her. "It is truth, Lady Eirene," he said gently. "The power from the spheres in this chamber comes directly from the One. We always come here when we have questions and need guidance."

It felt as if a cold fist had wrapped around her heart and squeezed. It couldn't be true. But she remembered what Jarek had told her—that he had shot her father in order to defend Sabin. "Maybe what I saw was only something I heard, and it got stuck in my mind," she said, desperately grasping for some explanation.

"I'm sorry you are upset. But I promise you, whatever you saw is truth."

The problem was that it
felt
like what she'd seen was the truth. She'd known deep inside, although she'd refused to admit it, that Jarek was telling her the truth. He was an honorable and decent person. She knew that, had known it from the beginning. Overcome by her grief and fear, she had tried to deny it.

Except for the one time she’d been so sick, Jarek had not lied to her. He just hadn't told her everything—like the fact that it was her father who was the cold-blooded murderer.

As she accepted the bitter, painful knowledge about the true nature of her father, she had new concerns. She looked at the dark oval focused on her. "Phylos, since Spirit speaks through these spheres, surely it can show me what the future will bring."

"That is not possible."

"It must be possible! Spirit knows everything."

"The One does not know the future, my lady. We have been granted free will, and it is our choices that will mold and create the future, not the wishes of the One."

"But—"

"What you choose to do next will shape your karma, and your existence from this time forward. The future is up to you, Lady Eirene."

Karma. A
flash of insight galvanized her.
Karma.
Of course! Her father had committed an outrageous atrocity toward the Shielders, resulting in hundreds of deaths. Nothing could bring those lives back, nothing could truly make amends, and yet…

And yet, she could contribute toward the healing of the Shielder race. She could give of herself and offer her ability to operate the sphere. Without full control over her powers, she might fail, but she had to try. She wanted to help the Shielders find a new life.

Wanted to help them find shamara.

Fate had brought her here to Aldon to learn about her abilities and about her destiny. And that destiny lay in helping Jarek realize his dream of finding shamara for his people.

The thought of him had her on her feet and moving toward the entry. "I must find Jarek. Do you know where he is?"

The Shen showed no surprise at her sudden urgency. "Reach out with your mind and your soul, Lady Eirene. Seek that which you need. You will find it."

She did, visualizing Jarek, and mentally searching across Aldon. In a startling optic burst, she saw him, as if she were watching a holocorder. He was alone, a solitary figure sitting on a bench beneath a dark sky, staring out across the water. His expression was grim, the look of a man who had no options left. He slumped forward, burying his face in his hands. Despair and anguish radiated in every line of his body. So much sorrow, so little hope.

Her heart wrenched. Here was a man who had witnessed the ongoing, systematic destruction of his people. A man who stood firm in his convictions despite insurmountable odds, living his life totally alone. A man in great pain, with no one to ease that pain.

She couldn't stand the suffering any longer, for either of them.
Jarek!
she mentally called out to him.

His head snapped up.
Eirene!

Jarek, I need to see you.

He rose and turned toward the city, concern etched on his face. Her pulse raced faster. His answer came back to her, his familiar voice clear in her mind.
Eirene, what's wrong?

I have to talk to you. Where are you?

He started forward.
I'm by the water, near the equipment bays. I'll come to you.

So easily they communicated, the words flowing telepathically between them. The bond had been there all along, Eirene realized.
No, I'll come to you,
she returned.

The visual faded, but she knew she could find him. She ran through the temple entry and into the darkening night, racing toward Jarek.

Racing toward her destiny.

Eirene ran toward the water, taking the path to her right. She could sense Jarek's energy from that direction. She'd never been able to track his life force before, yet the inexplicable bond between them now guided her unerringly toward her goal.

Night had fallen, but the lights of the city reflected off the water, and the heavens, awash with stars, illuminated the path. The thick carpet of grass cushioned her steps as she ran, moving away from the settlement. The pure, balmy air rushed around her, whipping her hair out behind her.

Her thoughts tumbled inside her mind. Thoughts of Rayna, of her father, of Jarek, all pounded at her. She was mentally and physically drained from the emotional shock she had received, but she needed to see Jarek. She needed to tell him she knew the truth about her father, and what she'd learned from Phylos about her powers.

But most of all, she needed
him
—his calm strength, and his strong convictions. He was her stability in a universe gone nova. All at once, he was there, coming up the path to meet her. He looked strong, steady…and wonderful. "Jarek!"

She hurled herself against him. He absorbed the impact, staggering back a step before steadying both of them. His arms closed around her, a welcoming haven to keep the demons at bay. He was warm and solid, a beacon of security. Inhaling his masculine, woodsy scent, she burrowed against him.

"You're trembling. What's wrong?" His deep voice, filled with such concern and compassion, resonated through her soul. Feelings, emotions, pushed into her chest until she feared it would explode. She felt tears sliding down her face, and she couldn’t stop shaking.

"Ah, sweetness," he murmured, lifting her into his arms and carrying her toward a massive tree. He lowered her to the soft carpet of grass. She had a brief glimpse of tree branches swaying overhead, before he settled against the trunk and pulled her onto his lap.

He tucked her beneath his arm, settling her against to his chest, her head cradled against his shoulder, and just held her. She relaxed against him, thinking about all Phylos had told her, and about what she'd seen in the Chamber of Truth. She shuddered at the memory.

"Hey," Jarek said softly. "Are you okay?"

"I think so." She shifted, tilting her face to look at him.

The shadows cast by the tree obscured his features, but she could tell he watched her intently. "You came to me," he murmured.

"I needed you." As she said the words, she knew they were true. She'd known intuitively Jarek was the only one who would understand her feelings, the only one who could ease her sorrow.

He rubbed his cheek against her hair. "I'm glad. Spirit, I'm so glad you're here. What upset you so badly?"

She wasn’t sure she could articulate it. "Why does the truth have to hurt so much?" she whispered.

His hand slid up to cup her cheek. "Not all truth is ugly." He gently wiped the moisture from her face. "There is a lot of goodness in life."

"I know the truth about my father. At least, I think I do."

His fingers stilled on her face. "What about your father?"

"Did he really sell information about the location of a Shielder settlement to the Controllers?"

"Does it matter now?" he asked quietly. "You can't change the past, and there might be things you really don't want to know."

He was putting her well-being first, she realized, when the truth would clear his actions. "Yes, it matters. I don't want this between us. I want to understand what happened with my father. Please tell me the truth."

He was silent a long moment. "All right. To the best of my knowledge, your father turned in a Shielder colony to the Controllers. Sabin and I witnessed the results of the carnage. We were able to rescue only one person, a young boy."

Eirene closed her eyes, renewed pain spiraling through her. Only one survivor, out of hundreds. And her father had been responsible for those deaths. A sound of distress rose in her throat.

He pulled her closer. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do it.
He
did." Resolutely, she shoved away the pain. "Phylos took me to a place in the temple called the Chamber of Truth. I had visions there. I saw you shoot my father."

"Eirene—"

"You told me the truth about his death," she pushed on, needing to deal with what had happened. "I saw my father pull his weapon on Sabin, saw both you and Sabin shoot my father. You acted on instinct to save your friend. I know that."

"I'm still sorry—"

"No!" she interrupted vehemently, pulling away and pressing her fingers against his lips. "Not another word. My father was a monster.
A monster!
You had to do what you did."

He took her hand, touched his lips against it. Sudden, startling heat swirled through her. "I regret you had to discover this," he said.

"I should have believed in you, Jarek. I know I hurt you."

"Forget it. It's over and done."

She cuddled closer to him. "I learned much more tonight. Phylos explained many things."

Jarek relaxed back against the tree, easing her against his chest and stroking her hair. "Tell me about it."

She closed her eyes, oddly soothed. She could stay this way forever, she thought, surrounded by his warmth and strength, lulled by his fingers gliding through her hair. "I found out more about the Enhancers, and my powers."

She sensed the sudden surge of interest, knew she had his undivided attention. Yet his hand continued its sensuous stroking, and he merely said, "What did you learn?"

"That it's normal for an inexperienced Enhancer to have trouble controlling energy. Enhancers usually did energy work in groups of three, to stabilize and channel the power. Phylos called it grounding."

"That makes sense," Jarek said slowly.

Eirene could almost hear the thoughts whirring through his mind. He was probably connecting that with whether or not she could help him. However, she no longer felt resentful. She knew now that he cared for her, but she also realized saving his people came before all else. She accepted that and admired his unwavering dedication.

"I also learned that I probably didn't kill Rayna. At least, I hope that's true. Phylos said I wasn't responsible for her death."

His hand halted its stroking. "You want to run that by me again? Who is Rayna?"

Thoughts of her mentor brought a fresh rush of grief, but Eirene wanted to share this with him. "My mother died when I was a baby. Rayna raised me, and I grew to love her greatly. She was very wise, and highly skilled in healing. She recognized my unusual powers early on and urged me to keep them hidden. She feared what would happen if I was discovered."

"And well she should have," Jarek commented.

"As I became older, my powers increased in strength. I experimented with them some, but the results were always disastrous. I set a tree on fire, healed a broken bone unevenly in a kerani, leaving the poor creature with a limp. Awful things like that."

"That's not so terrible. All skills must be practiced and learned."

"I guess," Eirene conceded. "But Rayna cautioned me against using my powers. She said I could acquire healing skills without drawing on them. I learned a lot from her. I was content, being with her and watching her work. But then she grew ill." She paused, emotion clogging her throat.

"She was quite a bit older than my mother and had seen many seasons. I prayed to Spirit for her to recover, tried every healing technique I knew. Nothing seemed to help. I thought she would pass on, but she didn't." Eirene closed her eyes, the memory of Rayna's illness burning like an open wound.

Jarek resumed stroking her hair. "Watching a loved one grow old and ill is tough," he said quietly.

"It was horrible. Rayna kept lingering, and she was in terrible pain. I couldn't stand it any longer, so I tried to channel healing energy into her body. She died almost immediately, which I took to be a sure indication of my incompetence."

"No," he said decisively. "It sounds like the will of Spirit to me."

"That's what Phylos said. He told me that the strongest healing energy in the universe can't hold back a soul that's ready to leave the physical plane. But all this time, I believed I killed Rayna. I've been afraid to use my powers."

"How could you think that? You could never kill anyone. You're too good, too caring."

The absolute conviction in Jarek’s voice touched Eirene's heart. Not even Rayna had displayed such confidence in her. "Not intentionally," she replied. "But I might hurt someone if my powers backfired. I short-circuited your hatch alarm when I just wanted to turn it off. I didn't mean to explode the disrupter in Vaden's hand, only to disable it. You see the problem? I can't control my powers."

"You healed me in the Pleasure Dome. You're obviously able to pull in the energy. All you need to do is learn how to channel it. Perhaps you can find a way to ground it without another Enhancer. Just being aware of the erratic energy surges might help with controlling them."