Shameless (10 page)

Her heart lurched and tears rushed her eyes anew.

How had she missed the signs? How had she thought it had been Gauge who had rocked her world when all along it had been quiet Kevin?

She remembered the bold touches, the insatiable edge to their lovemaking. Her mind told her it was only natural that she would think Gauge would be the one behind the moves.

Why, oh why, hadn’t he told her? Why had she acted on stupid suppositions tonight?

Why hadn’t she allowed Gauge to talk when he’d tried to say something as she’d first opened her robe?

She rapidly blinked her eyes to clear them, the road before her blurring. It was past 1:00 a.m., and she was grateful the Detroit traffic was light. Right after Kevin had shared his reason for showing up at the store, she’d rushed upstairs and called her mother even as she dressed. Helen had told her that Gladys had complained of chest pains during dinner and had shortly thereafter been taken to the hospital. She was stable now, but she was scheduled for surgery first thing in the morning.

She’d wanted to talk to her grandmother, hear for herself that she was okay, but her mother had said she was resting and that she should wait until morning to come in.

But Nina hadn’t been able to face the thought of being so far away from her grandmother while she lay in a hospital bed. So she’d gotten into her car and driven until she finally reached the hospital.

Parking in the underground lot, she hurried to the emergency room only to be told that her grandmother had been moved to a private room and that she wouldn’t be able to see her until 7:00 a.m.

Nina didn’t care. If she had to wait, she had to wait. But at least she felt better knowing that she was only a moment away rather than an hour and a half.

Besides, she didn’t think she would have gotten much sleep tonight anyway….

Nina had watched passively, feeling as bad as her grandmother had suggested she looked after spending a sleepless, tortured night sitting in the waiting room until she’d been allowed to see Gladys.

Finally, her mother had left to go talk to the nurses about bringing in more personal items and whether or not it was okay to bring in her own bedding since these sheets were going to chafe her mother’s skin.

And Gladys had turned to Nina the instant the door had closed behind Helen’s retreating back.

“Out with it, girl,” Gladys said.

Nina gave a watery smile, stroking her grandmother’s hand. Her nails were perfectly manicured, bearing scarlet nail polish.

How had she not noticed how old she was before? She lost count of the age spots on Gladys’s hand, saw the veins standing in relief against thinning skin. She was sure that the white sheets were somewhat to blame for her paleness, along with her poor condition, but seeing her grandmother lying there looking like a thousand other aging women struck Nina as somehow wrong.

“I’m not here to talk about me. I’m here to talk about you,” she said quietly, being careful not to hold her grandmother’s gaze for too long for fear that she’d blurt everything out.

She hadn’t heard from either Gauge or Kevin all night. Not that she had expected to. But she had hoped one or both of them might call to check up on Gladys’s condition and see if she needed anything.

That was exactly what they would have done any other time….

But this wasn’t any other time, was it? She’d gone from refusing to have an intimate relationship with either one of them over the past three years, to sleeping with both within the span of a week.

“I’m tired of hearing about me,” Gladys said quietly, watching her expressions. “Ever since I got here last night I’ve been asked the same damn questions by three different doctors. The nurses have been poking holes in my flawless skin. And just what is that smell, anyway?”

“It’s called a hospital, Nana.”

“Yeah, well,” Gladys took her hand from Nina’s and smoothed down the blankets Helen had folded perfectly over her stomach. “I don’t like it.”

“What happened?” Nina asked.

“What do you mean what happened? I had a heart attack, that’s what happened.”

Nina smiled. “I’m talking about what brought it on.”

Gladys gave an eye roll. “Oh, that.”

Nina held up her hand. “If you were having sex, I don’t think I want to know about it.”

She laughed. “Trust me, if I’d been having sex at the time, it’s the first thing I’d tell you.” Her smile vanished and she frowned. “I was eating goat cheese.”

Nina tried to follow her. “You were eating…goat cheese?”

“Yes, damn it. I was eating goat cheese. You know, that stuff they set on fire over in Greek Town? Not doing a back flip in bed or running away from a wild bear. I was sitting in an expensive restaurant waiting to dig in to goat cheese and my heart picked then to give out.”

Nina squinted at her. “Define
give out.
”

“The damn thing up and decided to quit on me. Right there.” She moved her hand to her chest and patted it. “Bub-bub. Bub-bub. Then nothing.” She sighed heavily. “I didn’t even feel any pain. One minute I was in a chair applauding the waiter. The next I was on the floor and he was giving me mouth-to-mouth.”

Nina swallowed hard, envisioning the scene. Her lively grandmother celebrating life one moment, teetering on the edge of death the next.

The idea sent a bolt of fear through her spine.

“The waiter could have been hot, at least,” she said. “That would have made the story more interesting. But I think he’s one of the owners and he hasn’t taken good care of himself and…well, it just would have been more interesting if it had been some other young stud.”

“Grandmother!”

“What?” She grinned. “It’s true. I’m just calling it as I see it.”

“Yes, well, if you’d done a little less of that, maybe you wouldn’t be in the mess you’re in now.”

She was one to talk about messes. In one fell swoop, she’d made a hell of a mess out of her own life, hadn’t she? Not only had she probably lost both of her best friends, the very future of their store was on the line.

She groaned inwardly, not capable of thinking about that just then.

“Surely you’re not saying I shouldn’t live my life as I see fit?”

Nina glanced down to her hands clasped in her lap. “I’m saying that maybe it’s time you considered slowing down a bit, Nana.” She hated saying the words.

“Now you sound like your mother.”

Nina realized that she was right. She did sound like her mother.

But maybe her mother wasn’t far off base. Perhaps if she’d lived more as her mother had wanted her to live, and not taken her grandmother’s wild life as an example, she wouldn’t be going through what she was.

And neither would her grandmother.

Gladys pointed a finger at her and then at herself. “You and me, we need to have a chat.” She frowned. “Only I don’t think now’s the time. Not with your mother due back here in—”

The door opened and Helen breezed back into the room with a fresh blanket and pillow. “Look what I found. They’re not much better than what you have, but they’ll have to do for now.”

Nina shared a long-suffering glance with her grandmother and both of them sat back and allowed Hurricane Helen to dominate the conversation.

Which was just fine with Nina. At least for now. She had quite enough on her plate that minute. And she wasn’t ready for her grandmother to start picking over it with her sharp fork.

At least not yet.

But no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t erase the image of Gauge and Nina together from the back of his eyelids.

He picked up the bottle and poured another finger into the glass and quickly downed the contents. His mouth and throat were already numb from the alcohol. He wished that numbness on the rest of him. His mind would be a good place to start.

And his heart ran a quick second.

He lifted the bottle again and then dropped it back down, liquid sloshing out of the top and splattering against the tabletop.

Outside of the image of Gauge and Nina, everything that had happened since last night merged into a blur. He’d somehow made it home, but he hadn’t slept. On autopilot, he’d gone to open the store this morning, feeling strangely disconnected from everything that he did. Gauge was already there when he arrived, but he hadn’t even spared his onetime best friend a look, much less acknowledged him when he’d come to his counter and said that they needed to talk.

Kevin had ignored him and he’d gone away. But he didn’t kid himself into thinking that that would last long. Gauge would continue to pursue him until he finally gave in. Of that much he was sure.

All day he’d itched to call Nina. To see how her grandmother was doing. To see how she was doing. But every time he thought about it, the slicing pain of betrayal would lance through him and he’d force the idea from his mind.

Her assistant, Heidi, had come in earlier to say that Gladys was recovering and that Nina had asked her to pack a bag for her, that she would be staying in the city for a few days. Heidi had asked him for the key to her place.

He’d been glad that he hadn’t had to see to the matter himself. That she hadn’t called him and asked him to bring her a bag.

Equally he hated that she hadn’t.

He groaned and sank down in the uncomfortable chair, a chair that hadn’t been built to be sat in for long periods. Actually, everything in this house seemed to have been built for beauty, for show rather than for comfort. It was a showplace where his mother could entertain and have visitors appreciate the way her Wedgwood china was displayed, or how her collection of Swarovski crystal animal figures shone.

He rubbed his closed eyelids, recalling with vivid clarity his conversation with Gauge an hour before the designated time for someone to meet Nina in her apartment, anonymously.

“You’ve got to be the biggest sap north of the Ohio border,” Gauge had told him. “Admit it, man, you’ve been in love with the woman since the instant you first set eyes on her. I can see it. Everyone else but you and Nina can see it. Why don’t you just own up to it already?”

Own up to it, indeed.

Kevin had known in that one instant that what Gauge had said was true: he was in love with Nina. Always had been. And probably always would be.

And he’d had that love thrown back into his face, just as he’d feared would happen.

Yes, he’d loved Nina. She was the reason why he couldn’t see anyone else beyond a date or two, because inevitably her face would come into focus when any kind of intimacy was expressed, her laughter would echo in his ears, her soft words would tickle his ears.

That one night had seemed like the perfect opportunity to exorcise her once and for all from his heart. No, he could probably never have her in the real world. But in the fantasy world, she would get the anonymous sex she sought and he would get the avenue he needed finally to move beyond his wild infatuation with her.

Only it hadn’t worked that way, had it? He’d shown up to find her wearing that silky nightgown while kneeling in the middle of her bed, the black blindfold against her white-blonde hair, and his feelings for her had been amplified.

Sexual desire. That’s what he’d put it down to. He’d wanted her for so long, passion was clouding his judgment. But from the moment he first touched her, stroked her slick heat, buried himself deep inside her, he recognized that the love he felt wasn’t going to go anywhere. That he had just cemented that she would be the one woman he wanted, but beyond that night, could never have.

So he’d prepared himself to move on. Convinced himself that Gauge was right; if Nina discovered who the stranger was, she’d attach romantic significance to the encounter, and Kevin would find himself thrown to the curb in six months’ time, just like every other poor schmoe she’d dated and left.

He couldn’t have handled that. Couldn’t have loved her for six months only to have her wake up one morning and decide she no longer wanted him.

That’s all he had to remind himself of every time she approached him with her sexy smile and suggestive comments designed to draw him out.

“Don’t give in, Kev,” Gauge had told him. “It’s better that she not know who she spent the night with.”

“Better for whom?” he’d ground out, going insane with the need to claim her again, even if it was only for a few sweet, short moments.

“Better for you…for her…”

More like it was better for Gauge, Kevin reasoned.

He picked up the bottle to pour some more of the blessed liquid into his glass and then hurled it across the kitchen instead, watching it crash against the wall, throwing shards of glass and whiskey all over the kitchen. He was strangely out of breath and his heart beat as if it might explode straight from his chest.

Never in a million years would he have expected to see the scene laid out in front of him last night. Nina kneeling on the couch, her bottom high in the air while Gauge serviced her from behind.

Kevin got up quickly and grabbed the uncomfortable chair, picking it up and slamming it against the table. It took three times before the sturdy furniture finally gave, splintering into several pieces. He reached for another chair, firmly ignoring the small voice in the back of his head telling him that if he no longer wanted his mother’s stuffy, overly ornate furniture, surely a needy family would welcome it.

He didn’t care. Not right that moment.

So he spent the next hour smashing everything that could be broken, outside of a few of his mother’s most cherished pieces that he could give to his aunt, her sister. He wasn’t surprised when he heard the doorbell. He went to answer it, several cuts on his face and arms from where shards had nicked him in his activities, and stood sweating, staring at the young sheriff’s deputy.

Bertram had looked him over, taking in his sweaty condition, his ripped and smeared clothing, and his general agitated state that breaking all the furniture in the county would never assuage and asked, “What’s going on, Kevin?”

“I’m remodeling.”