Shameless (11 page)

“Ssh.” He stroked the back of his left hand against her cheek. “I need to do this.”

His hand poised over the paper, the words continued to flow effortlessly, as though they had been buried inside, waiting to be released.

I know I haven’t been the man you needed me to be.

I’m so much less than you deserve.

But if you still believe in us, baby, please tell me.

She got up abruptly, crossing the room to stare out the window.

He watched her, her head bowed, shoulders trembling. She was crying. He cursed himself for being so insensitive, so cruel. He had no right to dredge this up again, no right to ask for her forgiveness. Hell, he had no right to interfere in her life at all. He got up and walked toward her slowly, giving her time to warn him off, but she said nothing, just continued to cry quietly, almost soundlessly.

He pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have asked you to do this.”

She buried her face in his shirt, her tears dampening the fabric. “It’s not your fault, Trey. I thought I was ready.” She sobbed through the words. “Now, I don’t think I am. I’m sorry.”

His heart raced, keeping time with his mind. If she walked out the door now, she would never come back. Any chance he might have had to get her back, to get his life back, would be gone for good. “Listen. Let’s start with something light, something fun. How ‘bout that?”

She shook her head, fisting his shirt in her hands. “You don’t understand. I made a commitment to another man, yet...” Her voice trailed off.

Just when he thought hope was lost, it resurfaced. “What is it, sweetheart?”

“I’m not over you,” she whispered. “I thought I was. I pretended I was, but I’m not.”

He wanted to pump his fist in the air and bellow a victory cry, but he had to remain calm or risk scaring her away. “That’s exactly why you need to stay, baby. We need to sort this out. If you walk away now, you’ll always wonder what might have been.”

She looked up at him. Tears were streaking her face and smearing her make-up, but she had never looked more beautiful to him. “I don’t know if I could ever trust you again, Trey. We can’t build a relationship if we don’t trust each other.”

He held her hands between his. “Let me earn your trust. I’ll do whatever it takes. Just give me a chance.”

“How can I do that? I’m marrying another man, remember?”

He ground his teeth in frustration. He wanted to tell her to forget about him, to focus on them, but he couldn’t risk alienating her. “Sierra, don’t you want to have a family?”

She looked out the window at the thoroughbred horses she used to love riding. “I haven’t thought about that in a long time.”

“You wanted to be a mother more than anything.” He tipped her chin, forcing her to look at him.

“I can’t believe you just gave up on that dream.”

Her eyes hardened. “I had to give up on a lot of dreams when we divorced. I have new dreams now.”

“But you still want to be a mama. That will never change. Hell, you talked about having a baby on our first date.” He laughed at the memory. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“You may think you know me.” She stepped out of his arms. “But I’m not the same stupid, naïve girl you divorced five years ago.”

He frowned, confused by her sudden hostility. “I never thought you were stupid or naïve, Sierra.”

She sneered. “Your divorce lawyers certainly thought so.”

He shook his head to clear it. He felt like he had just stepped off a runaway train. “My divorce lawyers? Okay, what are you talking about?”

She stalked away from him, snatching her songbook from the piano. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what they put me through, Trey.”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, sweetheart.”

She turned around and glared at him. “They made sure I walked away with nothing. Are you telling me they weren’t acting on your orders?”

“What? No. Are you kidding me?” His mind was spinning. He was trying to recall meetings with his divorce lawyers, but he was panic-stricken when he was sober and hostile when he was drunk, so he told his lawyers to deal with it. He told them to make sure she got whatever she wanted. He didn’t care how much money she took; she had already taken everything else that mattered to him.

“They told me I wasn’t entitled to a thing aside from the gifts you gave me during our marriage. Everything, including our house, belonged to your corporation.”

He had a team of people to deal with his holdings; he didn’t have time or the inclination to deal with it personally. Was it possible the people he trusted were trying to protect him by ensuring his wife walked away from their marriage with nothing? Damn. She must have despised him for screwing her out of the settlement she deserved.

“I swear to you. I had no idea. I was told you didn’t want anything from me. Why didn’t Marisa say anything to me about it?”

She sighed, sliding onto the leather sofa. “I didn’t want to get your family involved in our settlement. It was hard enough for them, trying to come to terms with the divorce.”

He settled beside her on the couch, dropping his head in his hands. “God, what a mess.”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It would have been nice to have some money at the time. It would have allowed me to finish my degree without working nights and I would have had seed money for the foundation, but it all turned out for the best.”

His gut clenched with guilt and remorse. “You had to work nights to finish your graduate degree?”

She smiled. “It wasn’t so bad. I waited tables at an upscale restaurant in Oklahoma for the last year while I worked on my thesis. The tips were good; people were nice and getting out helped me to stay sane.” 

“I hate that you had to do that, sweetheart.” He took her hand, expecting her to pull away, but was relieved when she didn’t. “If I’d known, I would have ensured you had a generous settlement, house, car, cash, whatever you needed.”

She looked at him. “I have to admit, it didn’t seem like you to be so spiteful. I knew you were hurt and angry about the divorce, but I couldn’t believe you despised me enough to want me to wind up homeless.”

The thought of her living in a shelter, alone and destitute, made him cringe. He would find out who was responsible for this and make them pay. “Please tell me it didn’t come to that.”

She laughed and squeezed his hand. “No, but it was pretty close. I was only able to afford this tiny studio apartment for the first couple of years. It was the size of my dressing room in this house.”

“And now? Do you and Eric live together?” He prayed that was not the case.

“No. Eric has asked me to move in with him, but I like having my own space. I was able to buy a little condo downtown last year. It’s not very big, but it suits me.”

“Pick the house of your dreams,” he said, impulsively. “Anywhere you want. I don’t care how much it costs. I want to buy it for you.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “You’re crazy.”

He turned toward her, sliding his arm along the back of the couch behind her. “I’m serious. I want to do this for you. You deserved a decent settlement and I want to make sure you get it. And the house is only the beginning. You deserve so much more than that. I’ll make sure my lawyer draws up the paperwork tomorrow.”

She flattened her palm against his chest. “No, Trey. I don’t want your money.”

He tried to think straight with her hand resting against his chest, but his mind kept wandering, wishing she would bridge the gap of fabric so he could feel her hands on his bare skin again. He couldn’t help himself. He grabbed her hand and slipped it inside his shirt, popping two of the decorative snaps. He felt her pulse quicken under his fingertips, but she didn’t pull away. “We’re talking about a lot of money,” he whispered, sliding closer until his knee butted against hers.

“I don’t care about your money,” she murmured, her eyes fixed on his lips.

He slid his other hand into her mass of silky hair.  “What do you care about, baby?”

“You. I care about you.” 

Chapter Eight

He leaned in and she could detect the familiar scent of the candy mints he favoured. Everything about him felt so familiar, so right. Being in his arms felt like coming home, but that sense of familiarity also scared her because nothing was the same now as it had been then. She was different. He was different. Their lives had changed in so many ways.

Before she could decide whether to melt into his arms and savour the kiss she had been craving, the entry door slammed open, hitting the doorstop with enough force to make it bounce back.

An angry-looking Luc filled the doorway, a scowl on his handsome face. “So, it is true.” He glared at Sierra. “You’re back.”

Trey bounded off the couch. “Get the hell out of here before I throw you out.”

Luc pointed at Sierra. “Not until I say what I came here to say.” He sliced his hand through the air. “This is a bad idea. A public relations nightmare.”

“I don’t think anyone asked for your opinion, Luc,” Sierra said, smiling sweetly. She despised her ex-husband’s best friend and the feeling was mutual.

“I get millions to make it my business, sugar. What about you? What are you getting out of this?”

“None of your damned business,” Trey shouted. “I said get out.”

Sierra held up her hand. “It’s okay, Trey. He’s going to find out eventually. Trey has agreed to be the spokesperson for my charitable organization, The Rainbow Fund.”

“Like hell he is,” Luc said, glaring at her.

Trey shoved him, getting his attention. “Who the hell do you think you are? I make my own decisions. If I want to be the spokesperson for this charity, I will. Is that understood?”

Luc stalked over to the bar and poured scotch into two highball glasses. He passed one to Trey.

Trey set the glass down on the bar without taking a drink. “Look, I know you have your reasons, but so do I. This cause is important to Sierra, and it’s important to me too, man. You’re just going to have to get on board or stay out of my way. Got it?”

Luc threw the scotch back and poured another.

Trey consulted his Rolex watch. “It’s not even noon, man. Go easy on that stuff.”

“Don’t lecture me.” He belted back the second shot and grimaced. “You have no idea what I went through last night.”

Trey leaned against the bar, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m listening.”

“I got a text from a friend about your little performance at Jimmy’s. I went over there to do a little damage control and guess who was there?”

Trey responded, tongue in cheek. “No idea.”

Luc gripped the empty glass until his knuckles turned white. “Your sister. And do you know who she was cozying up to in a dark corner after you left?”

Trey shrugged, feigning innocence. “I’m sure you’re gonna tell me.”

“Josh. She was making out with Josh,” he shouted. “Can you freakin’ believe that? We pay him to watch your ass, not my girlfriend’s.”

“Ex-girlfriend,” Sierra said, stretching her legs and propping her booted feet on the coffee table.

“You were the one who didn’t want to make a commitment, remember? Did you expect her to wait for you forever?”

He thrust a finger in her direction. “Don’t think I don’t know you’re the reason she broke up with me, lady.”

Sierra scrolled the new e-mail messages on her phone. “I simply told her to stop wasting her time with boys and find a real man.” She giggled to spite him. “So glad to hear she took my advice. Josh is definitely a real man.”

Trey held his hands up. “Enough. I don’t wanna waste any more time listening to you two go at it. Luc, I’ll see you tonight.”

Luc glanced in his direction, clearly not ready to end the argument. “That’s right, it’s your old man’s birthday party tonight. Is your sister bringing a date?”