Read Shane and Trey[ Enemies to Lovers 01 ] Online
Authors: Anyta Sunday
Shane and Trey[ Enemies to Lovers 01 ] (18 page)
“There were clues you know,” she said, fiddling with her zipper. “I don’t know why I didn’t pick up on them sooner. Ever since the day you came out at the pool he’d been different. Hadn’t—couldn’t really touch me. And when we broke up, he said he’d had thoughts about a guy. He kept apologizing for it, but that he couldn’t help it. When I asked him if you were the type of guy he would be interested in…” June shut her eyes, a sad smile cornering her lips. “That’s when I knew. Knew it was you he’d been had been apologizing for thinking about. It was the way he said“Yes”. His eyes glazed over, he smiled—beamed. There was something in his expression he’d never had with me before. It hurt so bad to see it.”
Her voice cracked, I wished to comfort her. Do—say something to make her better. How could I, though, when I was the cause of her pain? I didn’t want to rub it in, make it worse for her. I wanted to show her how much I loved her, but knew in this moment it’d only make it worse. She needed to hate me right now. Needed to be allowed—have reason to be upset. And that was fine.Just please don’t ask me to end it.
I widened the distance between us, hoping it helped—gave her room to be angry. I braced myself for what would come next. But she surprised me. “Shane, I’m sorry for covering you in noodles.”
Help! What? And why on Earth was she sorry for that? “I hate my reactions right now. Hate feeling like this.”
I stopped her from moving and faced her. “How doyou feel, June? Let it out.” Even though it was at my request, I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer. My stomach tightened.
“Like I want to hurt you back,” she said—cried?—slapping her hand against my chest. “Like I want to, I don’t know— yell at you, and take away something important from you so you know how it feels.” She looked up at me, tears training down her flushed cheeks. “But I hate feeling like th few hthing at. I hate that the desire to do that crossed my mind. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, hey, you don’t have to be sorry. You’re allowed to feel this way. It’s me that should be sorry.Me.” Which was the honest truth. And I did feel sorry things had gotten so complicated, that my feelings for Trey were now so deep inside me I wouldn’t be able to extract them without getting sick. Just the thought made me shake, made me cold, made me start to cry.
A tiny bit of relief—hope lined my black fears silver. I suppressed a sob, and tried for humor, though it came out flat, tired. “Hypocrite. Then you can’t be sorry for yours either.”
Her head snapped up and she frowned. “Huh. Right.” She picked a noodle or piece of broccoli off my shoulder and flicked it onto the path. “There is something that I can apologize for. Something definitely my fault.” She wrapped her hands around herself.
Her fault? There she went again. I shook my head. “You’ve got to stop thinking that any of this is your fault. It’s not. Don’t blame yourself—”
“It wasn’t a coincidence you’re roomies,” she said over me. Slow, confused, I didn’t immediately click onto what she was suggest—what?
She continued before I could speak, even though I had no idea what to say. “I opened up both your applications and put in a request to dorm with each other. I—I’m sorry, but I really wanted you to room together.”
She scuffed the side of her shoe over the path, studying it hard. “Well originally I knew you two didn’t get on so well, I knew you wouldn’t warm to the idea.” She was right. Back then there was absolutelyno way—“But I figured you’d get on alright once you lived together. I mean, I couldn’t understand why you didn’t like him. He was—is the sweetest guy.”
She paused. A chilly breeze blew my sticky hair into my eyes and I wiped it away. “I thought about owning up to it that morning we received the post, confirming things. But your face whitened so bad, I—I just couldn’t do it.”
I swallowed. How did I feel about her confession? Shocked, yes. And if I’d been in normal mood, maybe a touch of sneaky!—I wasn’t mad, far from it, just—just surprised she could have done something like that. And I didn’t understand—“Why?” I cleared my throat. “Why did you want us to room together so bad?”
Without hesitation she answered. “Because I didn’t want to miss us. I didn’t want us to drift apart in college. Didn’t want to lose what we had. At home it was easy to maintain, we were around each other all the time. I thought this way— thinking Trey and I would be together—I’d see you a lot. That there would be no room for excuses.” She let the rest of her breath go. “I never thought we’d break up. Now we see each other even less.”
I picked up her hand and squeezed it and then came in for a hug. A big, giant, all-consuming hug. We stayed that way for until both of us were so cold we began to shiver. While we held each other, June reminisced. Reminding me of all the fun times and laughs we had together. “And after graduation? Sitting by the riverbank, singing, laughing. How you snuck us some booze, but doled it out to me, afraid I’d get drunk? You make me laugh. I love that you care.”
I heard the silent plea that came with these stories: please don’t let things change between us. Let us have things the way they were. Always.
I squeezed her with all I had. I want that too, you doofus. I love you.And perhaps not so clear to her,but it could be that way anyway. Don’t ask me to choose between the two of you.When I let go, we said nothing for a moment. But the way June searched fown e t my face, I wonder if she hadn’t understood me completely.
She gripped my arm. “I want you to know that I’ll need time, but I’ll be alright. About you and him, I mean. I—I just love you both. Want the best for you both. If each other is what makes that happen, then…I would never ask you to decide between us.” She flashed me a shaky smile, and I could see the beginnings of tears rimming her eyes, but she held them back. “Be a good brother, walk me to my room?”
Elated. Sad. I hiccupped, and with it came a large uncontrolled sob. One pent up too long.Thank you.I tried to say the words, but they came out mangled. Their meaning, though, came through. I knew by the way she rubbed my back; by the way she cooed and said everything was going to be all right.We’ll be fine!
Wiping my eyes with the back of my hands and breathing deeply, I sunk into an eerie calm. In it, I walked June back to her dorm.
She drew out her key, and attempted to lighten the mood. “Now get out of here, before Sara decides you coming back here means you’re interested.”
I did. And then I went for a good long walk around campus, processing the evening. It was past midnight by the time I got back to the room. The lights were out and Trey’s regular breaths told me he was asleep. Silently as I could—I didn’t want to wake him up—I found a towel, my bathroom bag, and a clean pair of boxers.
I didn’t know how long I stood under the streaming warm water (I did have a lot of noodles to deal with), but by the time I was out, dry and back in the room, I was even more overwhelmed, sad and happy, hollow and yet filled with butterflies. The contradiction didn’t make sense. But that was just how it was. And the way they conflicted, well, my head was spinning faster than a spin top. Beat, I pulled back the bed sheets and was about to slip under them when—
“All good?” asked a sleepy Trey. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s going to be fine.”
He lazily beckoned me with his hand flopped out of the bed. “Come in my bed.” Just hearing his voice hit a spark inside me. It felt warm and comforting, even if demanding. It made me feel wanted—needed. And curling into him, sleeping beside him—my body itched to cover the few feet that separated us. Like a magnet pulled me. Only my head shouted a loudNo!June was so upset that we’d just kissed —how would she react, knowing we would be so much closer? I paused, looking away from him to my empty bed.
But hadn’t she also accepted my feelings for Trey? Though she spoke of hurt, she’d also spoken of wanting us to be happy. And right now, I wanted to be next to Trey. It was a feeling that no matter how hard I’d tried to rationalize, I couldn’t. It just…was. And it makes me happy. Happier than happy. Happiest.
He shuffled back toward the wall to give me room, and once I was in he—eyes shut, and half asleep still—turned around, nestling his broad back and tight butt into me. He pawed for my arm, and once he found it, tied it with his around his waist. My forehead between his shoulder blades, the pressure soothed me. Lightly, I kissed his back, and felt his miniscule hairs rise.
Needing to touch him more, I ran my fingers over his back and side. I just wanted him to feel—nice. Hehmmmed a bit, but soon sleep robbed me of that sweetness. I shut my eyes wishing to float away too, but it didn’t happen for the longest time. And when it finally did, I woke up too soon.
Trey wriggled—or maybe jerked. He felt all clammy, and he was sleep talking, mumbling something. I fothi sleep tagripped his arm so he wouldn’t elbow me again. “Hey, Trey. It’s okay. It’s just a dream.”
But he didn’t hear me, only thrashed harder. I climbed on top of him to pin him down, gently telling him over and over it was just a dream. Soon he calmed. Enough that I could let go and continue holding him. It was as I entwined my foot around his, that he whimpered something that had me holding my breath. “Didn’t mean…push her.”
Chapter Fourteen
TREY DIDN’T WAKE up, and I didn’t get back to sleep. My mind ran in circles ofwhat had happened? Didn’t mean… push her.Of course it could just be a dream. It might not have any relevance. So why couldn’t I stop thinking about it then? Images of Trey pushing his aunt filled my mind, but no matter what angle I looked at it, I just couldn’t believe it. I didn’t. But, maybe I should ask? No! Like Syd said, if he had something important to tell me, he would in his own time.
I swept a gaze over his soft facial features in the early morning light. I skimmed my finger a millimeter over his profile. This face had looked me in the eye and confessed his feelings for me, apologized to me, made sure I was okay after falling.I trust you.
With that thought, I bit down on my curiosity and headed into my day. Another we’d spend apart until I picked him up for work. So, of course it dragged something rotten. When I finally finished my lectures for the day I dashed to the Math’s department.
Crowds of people started piling into the amphitheater, and I scanned the tops of them, soon spotting Trey (hehe, not too hard considering his height) taking his earphones out. Snaking around people, I reached my Trey,my Trey!and grabbed the iPod from his unsuspecting hands.
In total surprise someone had swiped his gear his head whipped up. A truly scary look morphed into its opposite in the blink of an eye. His smile kept growing as I beckoned him down the hall a bit, away from the hazard of being stampeded on.
“You left this morning,” Trey said, suddenly scowling as if he just remembered he was upset with me. “Should have woken me.”
“I did,” he pulled it from his pocket. I gulped, he carried it with him!“And since you must have sprinted over here to catch me before class, I forgive you.” Then in a hushed tone, “But I really wanted to kiss you good-bye, wish you a nice day.”
There was underlying warmth to those words that pooled in my stomach, and a feeling of comfort, of being at home came over me. I wished to lean into him right there and kiss him. Trey must have sensed it, because he did a quick scan of the hall, dragged me to a nook and pressed his lips to mine. Tantalizing and—no, no stay don’t go! Want more.
“Sorry babe, attendance counts. Gotta go.” He took back his iPod, and started off down the hall, twisting to wave at me. “Two o’clock at your car.”
Okay, it was only a couple of hours, but was time playing tricks on me? Why did it feel like seven? In my car, I watched the dashboard clock. Five minutes to go. I slapped my English Literature book shut. What was the point? I wasn’t really reading it. Or I’d start, but drift off after the first couple of sentences. Reaching over to the backseat, I stuffed the book into my bag.
Just before I turned, I caught sight of Trey out the rear window, trudging across the parking lot. My heart quickened. I’d been waiting for this all day (actually two since we’d barely had time to be together during the day), but now I felt nervous. Shoot, it’d beentwo dayssince we really were together. Conversing. Getting to know one another…
Where did these jitters come from? A little voice in my head answered,because this is actually happening, no hiding feeling f.d it withs, June knows, it’s the start…Yeah, the start. Which was followed by a middle, and then a—my stomach lurched.No. Don’t think about it.
I wiped my hands on my jeans, and managed to throw Trey a weak smile as he plopped himself into the car. “Fuck I felt like ditching that last one.” He dumped his bag between his feet, and looked at me. “Shit, you all right?”
We began driving and Trey gave a run-down of his day, ending with: “So it seems I gave you a minute by minute update. I don’t know what’s got into me.” Well, considering how fast he was talking, I’d guess he was nervous too. Which made me feel a little better.
“Anyway, that must have been boring as hell. What was your day like?”
So I gave him a detailed, and even more boring, account of mine. Somehow though, talking about the mundane was great. Because it was with him, and we were both being… um, real. I took the next exit off the highway. “Say let’s make up for such a lame day, okay?”
“Hmmm, let’s.” Trey lightly rested his hand on my thigh, gently stroking. “I was hoping we could go out tonight, after we’ve had dinner with our folks.”