Shattered & Mended (3 page)

Five

~Allie~

“Y’all ready?” Chloe asks as she re-enters the room. I smile politely let her know we’re ready to get this show goin’. She returns to her monitors and prepares her equipment. She puts on her gloves; flips open the top to the lube, and then reaches out and grabs the bottom of my gown. “I’m going to lift up your gown and squeeze some of this lube onto your stomach. I tried to warm it up, but it still might be somewhat cool,” she explains.

“I know. I’ve been through this a time or two,” I remind her. She lifts my gown up, squirts the lube, and finally places the sensor to my lower abdomen. As soon as the sensor hits my stomach, she looks over to her monitor and gasps. Not knowing if her gasp is good or bad, I look to Blake for an answer, but his expression mimics Chloe’s, hazel eyes wide and jaw to the floor. He releases my hand and brings his up to the sides of his face. His eyes bounce around the monitor, and based off his expression, he’s completely stunned.

My eyes follow his, searching the screen for something, anything that would give me an answer as to why these two are staring at the screen with mouths agape and doe eyes. But all I see is black and a little bit of grey, that’s it. “Okay, I give up. What the hell is so damn shocking, huh?” I ask, irritated. Blake rubs his face and blinks his eyes several times before he turns his attention to me. He licks his lips and clears his throat. He reopens his mouth as if he’s going to speak, yet nothing comes out. His eyes dart back and forth between me and the monitor, making me even more confused and frustrated. “Blake? Tell me what’s going on. I’m beginning to freak out.” Oh, maybe I’m not really pregnant. I bet that’s why the both of them seem amazed by the emptiness on the monitor.

Chloe begins to move her sensor to the left and then back to the right. She repeats the motion for several minutes before she takes a dry towel and wipes away the lube. “See, I told you I didn’t think I was pregnant, B. I would’ve remembered something that important.” I knew it! I’m not dumb enough to make the same mistake twice. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s called ‘practice’ of medicine for a reason; patients are misdiagnosed all the time.

Chloe bursts out into a fit of laughter. “Oh, honey, you are most definitely pregnant,” she snorts. “Uh, no. There wasn’t anything on those screens, either of them,” I point between the monitor in front of her and the television in front of me. “There was nothing but black,” I add. My response seems to amuse her, and she laughs even harder. She bends at the waist and uses one of her arms to hold her stomach. “Ba— Blake, te—tell her,” she stutters, laughing uncontrollably.

“Yeah, Blake, tell me,” I demand, listening to Miss Laughs-a-Lot as she struggles to breathe.

Blake gets up and walks around the exam table to the sonogram machine. He opens the tube Chloe set aside and re-lubricates my stomach. Using his right hand, he places the sensor to my lower left side, just above my pelvis. With his left hand, he uses his index finger to point at the monitor. “Like Chloe said, you’re definitely pregnant, babe.” He pushes some keys on the keyboard and moves the sensor around some more. “There you are,” he whispers.

There who is? Oh … oh! Shit. “Is that it?” I ask, admiring Blake as he smiles at our tiny jumping bean putting on an acrobatic show. “That’s one of them,” he nods. 

What the fuck does he mean? One of them? There should only be one, no them— just one. “Them?”

He moves the sensor to the right of my stomach and lands on another grey jumping bean. “Yeah, them. Here’s the other one,” he shows me, smiling from ear-to-ear. Well played, Mother Nature. Well played. Now, it’s my turn to stare at the screen, completely fucking speechless.

“Exciting, yeah? Okay, now we need to verify they both have a heartbeat. Being as you’re in the early stage of your pregnancy, I need to do a vaginal ultrasound in order to hear your babies’ hearts.” Chloe says. She removes the sensor from Blake’s hand and uses her thin body to nudge him away from her area. “Go on back over there and let me do my job, Dr.

Andrews.”

Chloe opens a condom and rolls it over her giant dildo probe. She adds some lube to its tip, and then uses her fingers to spread the lube all around the condom. She lifts the sheet that’s draped over my waist and brings the probe to my entrance. “This may be a little uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t be painful. You might feel some pressure, but that’s it.” Before I have a second to breathe, she’s in, and I clench everything from the waist down. “Just relax,” she urges. Relax? It’s kind of hard to let loose when you have an unbearable urge to pee; I’m only saving her here.

Thankfully, after a few moments, the pressure begins to fade and I watch Chloe as she gets measurements, takes some pictures, and confirms that each baby has a healthy heartbeat. I look in front of me to the television on the wall and see two tadpole-like figures with human heads. They’re beside each other, bouncing from side to side with their little arms out flapping like bird wings. 

“You see this black portion? That’s your amniotic sac and fluid. There are two separate bags, so I don’t believe they’re identical. And by their measurements you seem to be around ten weeks and three days pregnant, making your due date April eighth. However, I doubt you’ll make it that far. Women carrying multiples hardly ever do. All done,” she says, retracting her magical baby-finding wand. “Congrats, Mommy! You’re having a baby, well, two,” she winks.

“This is … It’s incredible, babe! You’re carrying two of me,” Blake boasts. He’s incredibly happy, and all I’m doing is crying. I’m bawling my damn eyes out. First of all, I can’t believe I’ve
gone
almost three months not knowing I was pregnant, and secondly, there are TWO! He takes his hands and wipes away as many tears as his hands can catch. “Babe, why are you crying? This is a blessing, Al,” he assures.

Am I ungrateful? Not at all. Overwhelmed? Maybe just a bit. Finding out I was pregnant was a shocker, but finding out there are two humans inside of me; well, I’m more stunned than a hooker that’s been tasered in her lady bits. I understand that some couples try hard to have a baby and never succeed, and my heart goes out to them. However, I didn’t try to get pregnant, and I can’t say I’m proud to be a mother of three children before the age of twenty-three. I’m a whore in society’s eyes. And good God, think of the damage my vagina’s going to experience after pushing two babies out. It’ll never be the same. I’ll be doing kegels all day every day for the rest of my life!

“Blake, it’s easy for you to say because you aren’t the one pushing them out. I am,” I sniff. Blake laughs at my absurd outburst.

“Al, you don’t have to push them out, so that’s the last thing you should be worried about.” Really? Then what should be on my mind right now? That I’m twenty-two, jobless, no home of my own, not married, and I’m having two, not one, but two babies? “Why are you so happy, Blake? You have at least another year left of residency. One baby is a challenge, but two? How does something like this even happen?” His brows furrow and he gives me that look, you know, the look that says you know how in the hell this happened; ‘my hose watered your plant and shit sprouted’ look. “Don’t look at me like that. I know how it happened, genius. I want to know how twins happen; how they happened to me,” I explain.

“Well, let me explain it to you, beautiful. When awesomeness collides, and that awesomeness produces explosive mind-blowing fireworks, you get two babies. Simple as that,” he jokes, lightening my mood. I slap him playfully on the arm and decide to get my shit together. This isn’t so bad, right? Blake’s excited and I should be excited, too. I have so much to be thankful for with these two jumping beans claiming my uterus. This time, I’m not alone. Blake’s here by my side, and after the fall the doctor told me I had, I’m grateful they survived. I look at it this way: the babies and I survived, so maybe this is the beginning of my happily ever after. This is the first chapter to my new and improved life. However, I feel guilty about feeling the slightest bit excited about Blake and me starting a family, because I don’t have that with Lacy. I never will. My family will never be complete without her, and even though she has no clue I even exist, I still feel like I’m betraying her by keeping these babies. It breaks my heart I haven’t been able to watch her grow up, to see her transform into the most beautiful little girl that I know she’s grown to be. Most of all, I hate that she’ll never know just how much I love her.

Six

~Wyatt~

“Wyatt, just go home.” I lift my face from my hands and look up to Lucille. She has her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.

“Home? What home, Lucille?” I lean up, rest my elbows on my knees and keep my eyes attached to hers; waiting for some sort of emotion to shine through her, anything but resentment.

She tosses her head back and blows out a breath. She drops her arms to her sides and plops down in the chair beside me. She leans back, crosses her legs, and bounces her foot as she stares blankly at the ceiling. “Wyatt, my home is still your home, you know that. It’s just-
just,” she stammers.

“Just what, Lucille? You hear one side of the Goddamn story and I’m automatically the bad guy, huh? I never believed you’d think so low of me.”

She reaches over and takes my chin in her hand, squeezing it with all the strength her petite hand stores. “Now, you listen. I came down here to check on you, but you will not use that tone of voice with me, nor will I allow you to take the Lord’s name in vain. You hear me?”

When I don’t answer, she pinches my chin tighter and turns my face to hers. “Yes, ma’am. I hear you,” I nod.

She keeps a tight grip on my chin as her eyes search mine, looking for something, but I don’t know what. I’m an open book; I have no reason to hide secrets, never have. Finally, she releases her death grip and rests her hand on my wrist. “I love you, Wyatt; that’ll never change. You’re my son and my love for you will never fade.” As soon as I open my mouth to cut her off, she points her long, skinny finger at my nose, glares, and shakes her head. “I know what you’re about to say, but blood doesn’t make you family, love does. I’m just surprised by what I’ve heard; hurt by it, actually. I know I haven’t given you a chance to explain, and I apologize for lashing out at you earlier without hearing you out. What would you’ve done in my position? I was out on the town, dancing, having a blast and then I get the call from Blake that Allie’s been in a terrible accident and that I needed to come home. He wouldn’t give me any details.” She pauses to catch the tear that threatens to escape. “I get here and you are nowhere near. Blake tells me that you’ve been banned from the hospital’s property. Then, the only story I hear is that they believe Allie walked in on you and Sophie, you know, doin’ y’all’s thing,” she adds.

My heart clenches before she finishes speaking. The very thought of Allie seeing me with another woman is enough to make me wish I’d never made it back home to her. I’d rather die than have her see me fucking someone who isn’t her.

I reach over the arms of the chair and take her hands in mine. I need for her to feel the love that runs through me for Allie, and for her. “Lucille, look into my eyes and tell me if you honestly believe I would sleep with anyone besides Allie. After all I’ve sacrificed, the fight I put up to return home to her … Do you think I would intentionally hurt her?” She remains silent, shaking her head as the walls to her dam come crumbling down and her tears break free. “Exactly. I would never harm her, physically or emotionally. Now, I can’t say that Allie didn’t walk in on me and Sophie, or that I didn’t have sex with that girl, but I promise you
,
I don’t remember doing it,” I choke, attempting to swallow back tears of my own, but it’s pointless; there are too many to fight. I can’t put into words the feeling I get knowing that there’s a possibility Allie saw me balls deep inside another woman. Another reason it hurts so much is because I know if I gave it to Sophie, I would’ve given it to her good, really fucking good. The only woman ever on my mind is Allie. I’ve wanted nothing more since I’ve returned than to feel her warmth around me, welcoming me home. So if I sexed that slut, Sophie, the way I’ve thought about sexing Allie, I blew her mind, and just the thought of doing so makes me sick as fuck to my stomach.

“That’s what I don’t understand, Wyatt. How do you not remember? Why did you leave her that night, huh? What happened between you two? You promised me that you were going to take care of her
; that’s why I left you alone with her. You want me to understand, to be on your side? Tell me what happened that night.” God, I wish I could give her all the information she’s searching for, but I don’t fucking know it! I take in a deep breath to gather my composure before I tell her why I turned my back on Allie. Although I can’t remember much that happened after Willie’s, the conversation Allie and I had is set on repeat in my mind. I hear her tell me ‘It was you, Wyatt’, ‘I gave her away’, over and over again. 

Lucille’s hand rests in the middle of my back. “Tell me,” she urges, so I do tell her. “Allie was getting ready to leave, but I bribed her to stay. I went out and got her ice cream because she had been sick for a few days, and all I wanted to do was make her feel better. I only planned on watching some T.V. because she needed to rest. I had no intentions of pursuing her that night, but the way she looked at me, the passion that burns through those beautiful brown eyes—for me—I couldn’t hold off any longer. I begged her to leave Blake. I asked her to choose me, to be with me, but she wouldn’t listen. There’s no denying she loves me, and that I’m the one she needs.” Frustration consumes me as I relive the conversation Allie and I had. I stand up and pace the floor in front of Lucille, pounding my fist into my palm with each word I speak. “I asked her if she was truly over me, if she had given up on me, but she couldn’t answer. So, I called her on her bullshit. That’s when she told me she was pregnant, with Blake’s baby. Not mine, Lucille, his!” The last few words burn like acid on my tongue.

She tried to use the fact that she’s carrying another man’s child as an excuse to be with him instead of me, knowing it isn’t a good enough excuse for me to let her go. Of course, I felt like she drove a knife straight through my heart when she told me, but it still isn’t enough to make me stop loving her. “That’s it?” Lucille shrugs. I shake my head as I prepare to speak the words that I want so desperately to be a lie. “Wyatt, sit down. You’re making my legs hurt from walking so much, sit.” I listen to Lucille and sit back down beside her then continue telling her how Allie killed my soul.

“I remember how much it hurt, her telling me she was pregnant. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy, but for her to be happy with
me
. I want her to have a family with
me
!” I yell, slapping my chest in the hope that the sting to my skin will take away the stinging inside my heart. “She told me, Lucille. She told me it was me, that we had a baby and she just gave her away. Why? Why didn’t anyone tell me, huh? Why didn’t you tell me, dammit? I would’ve come home. I would’ve taken care of them,” I say, venom coating my words as my blood begins to rise to an unhealthy temperature. Lucille reaches out and wraps her arms around my neck.

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep, but it’s all I need to make me break down like a complete pussy. My anger dissipates, and I sob every ounce of heartache I have onto her shoulder. 

“We had no clue where you were, Wyatt. For an entire year, we searched for you. You vanished. It wasn’t until four months after the adoption that you and Kyle told me that you two were together,” she reminds.

She’s right, but what about Kyle? He never mentioned Allie having a baby. “Why didn’t anyone tell Kyle? He would’ve told me, Lucille. I would’ve come back, you know that. Y’all tell Kyle everything, so why did you keep our daughter a secret?” Her eyes grow wide and her lips press together firmly, which tells me that Kyle knew about the baby. Immediately, I bury my heartache. “Fuck me. He knew, didn’t he?”

She nods. “B-
but-” she stutters.

“Fuck! Are you shitting me? Please, tell me he didn’t know. There’s no way he would keep that from me. No fucking way,” I roar. He would’ve told me. Kyle and I told each other everything. I mean, hell, we watched each other’s back while the other one shit sometimes, and you can’t get any more close and personal than that. There’s no way he would’ve known that Allie was having my baby and not tell me.

Lucille stands up and begins to walk away, “Where are you going?” She ignores my call and continues walking to the elevator. I run to her side just as the elevator doors open. As she begins to step into the elevator, I jump in front of her and use my arms to block her entrance. “You can’t just leave, not now,” I say.

“Oh, I can, and I am. I told you once already that you will not speak to me in that manner.”

As angry as I am, and as hard as it may be, I choke out an apology. “You’re right. It w
on’t happen again. I’m sorry.”

She slaps my arm down and steps inside the elevator. “I’m taking you home to get a shower and some food. You look terrible. Your eyes are bloodshot, your hair
’s greasy, your breath smells bad, and you need some sleep.”

I shake my head the entire time she speaks. I’m not stepping a foot off these grounds. “I can’t. I promised myself I wouldn’t leave until I find out she’s okay,” I explain.

She places her hand on my shoulder and takes a step closer to me “Wyatt, do you think I’d be leaving if she wasn’t fine? She’s awake, alert, and talking. They’re going to run some more tests and get her some food. Look at me; she’s going to be just fine. You’re already trespassing. If you don’t get cleaned up, your stench is going to attract attention. Then they’ll really escort you off their property,” she jokes. I don’t smile or laugh at her joke, because for the first time in days, I can finally breathe. I take in a deep, long, and relaxing lung-full of air knowing that my butterfly is awake. She’s going to be okay.

We’re about five minutes away from the house and we’ve remained silent the entire time, until now. “Do you remember anything from that night, anything after leaving the house? Where did you go, Wyatt? Sophie told me you two were together, but no one has told me how you got there … Do you know? And where’s your Jeep?”

I continue looking out my window, watching the trees flash before my eyes, causing my vision to blur and my head to spin
, much like the last three days have done. “I remember some, but not much. When I walked out, I had no clue where I was headed. I just needed to get away to calm down before we hurt each other more than we already had. I was driving and ended up at Willie’s. Even though it was crowded and I didn’t want to be near anyone, I thought a few beers might’ve relaxed me … Can you pull over for a sec?” With the trees, the memories, lack of sleep, and separation from Al, my stomach’s had all it can take. I open the door just as Lucille’s veering off to the side of the road, leaving a trail of vomit along the asphalt as she drives. Once she stops the vehicle completely, I jump out and walk over to the grass. I bend down; place my hands on my knees, and dry heave until I’m certain my lungs are lodged into my throat. 

I’m kneeling down trying to catch my breath when I feel Lucille’s small, warm hands on either side of my shoulders
. “We’ve got to get some food in you and let you get some rest.” Her hands come away from my shoulders and she forces her arms beneath mine, attempting to pull me up. Weakly, I stand up and she helps me walk back to the car. Once she helps me buckle the belt, she puts the car in drive and speeds home. 

When we’re in the driveway, she silences the engine, opens her door, and begins to step out. Before she gets both legs out the door, I reach over and grab her arm. “I need to finish telling you all I remember,” I insist.

“You can, but first we’re going to get you inside and get you something to eat. You’re the weakest I’ve ever seen you. In fact, I’ve never seen you look so pale and fragile; it’s frightening me.” She steps out of the car and comes around to help me out. She’s right, this isn’t me. I’ve never depended on anyone to help me, not physically. And especially not someone as small as Lucille. 

When we finally make it through the front door
,
Lucille directs me to the couch and disappears into the kitchen. When she returns, she has a sub sandwich with pretzels, an apple and peanut butter, and a bottle of water. She sets the tray down on the table in front of me and opens her hand up, revealing a small white pill.

“Take this; it’s for your stomach,” she explains.

I hate taking medicine, any and all meds. “I’m fine, promise. It was the ride. I just got motion sickness-”

“Bull crap! I’ve taken care of you for how long? I know you don’t get car sick. Take it,” she orders, stretching her hand up to my mouth.

If I had the strength to argue with her
, I would, but I’m saving what I have to finish telling her about Friday night. I reach into the palm of her hand, pick the tablet up, and place it on my tongue. She opens the water and places the bottle to my lips. I love her motherly instincts, but I don’t need to be hand fed. I’m a grown-ass man. I take the bottle from her hand and take a few swigs to wash down the pill. “Good. Now, you eat and I’m going to throw on a load of laundry. We’ll talk once you’ve eaten everything.” I nod and pick up the sandwich. “Yes, ma’am,” I reply, taking a mouthful of the turkey sandwich she brought me. 

It doesn’t take long for me to scoff down my meal and guzzle down the water, and I can tell my body’s been depleted of nutrients. When Lucille walks back in and sees my li
c
kably-clean plate, she bursts into a fit of giggles. She allows me to relax while she cleans up my mess. She comes back with another water in her hand and sits beside me. Her hand lands on my thigh just above my knee. “All right, finish telling me,” she encourages, giving my knee a few pats.