She Never Knew (34 page)

“What if I am not comfortable with it?
What if I realize after the first couple of visits, I’ve made a terrible
mistake?” Kat played with her hands, suddenly feeling very unsure of her
initial decision. While she trusted Dr. Sullivan, she wished Mary was here for
moral support, but Mary had returned home. Kat knew her sister was thinking
about her and that knowledge gave her some reassurance.

“Once you begin visits, it’s not as
simple as cutting them off just like that.” Dr. Sullivan snapped her fingers to
illustrate her point. “The child becomes confused and may blame himself. He
learns his father is not dead, but in fact, very much alive, and from what
you’ve told me, your son adores Mr. Stevens, so to discontinue the visits so
soon after they begin would do much more harm than good.”

Kat nodded in agreement. “So basically,
either I agree to the visits or I don’t. There’s no in between here.”

Dr. Sullivan shook her head. “Kat, I
want to make sure you understand the entire picture here. Regardless of what
Mr. Stevens did to you in the past, as Tyler’s biological father, he has a parental
right to be a part of his son’s life.”

Kat leaned back in her chair to let this
information soak in. She didn’t know where she got the idea that if she told
Daniel he couldn’t see Tyler, that that would be the end of it. She just
assumed that Daniel would honor her wishes, no matter what she decided. Perhaps
she was wrong about him after all.

As if she read Kat’s mind, Dr. Sullivan
held up a hand to indicate that there was more for Kat to hear. “I want to make
it clear, crystal clear, that Mr. Stevens told me himself that he will stay
away from you and Tyler if that is what you want him to do. He made it
abundantly clear to me in our last session that the last thing he wants to do is
disrupt your life any more than he already has and he certainly doesn’t want to
disrupt your son’s life.”

One of the things Kat liked about Dr.
Sullivan is that she did not sugarcoat things. The doctor was always upfront
with her, making sure she understood what her options were.

 “So, he’s basically leaving it up to
me?” Kat queried. She knew she heard her doctor’s words correctly, but she
needed to be absolutely sure.

“Yes, he is.” Dr. Sullivan smiled at her
then became serious. “And he will turn himself in if that’s what you want him
to do.”

All at once, the floodgates opened. Kat
could no longer keep her emotions in check. Tears streamed down her face and
she began to cry. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed for what seemed
to be an eternity.

When Kat raised her head, something out
of the corner of her eye caught her attention. She turned to the figure sitting
on the couch and realized it was Daniel. He sat there quietly, observing her, his
face wet with tears. He looked to have aged ten years and lost weight.

Despite his appearance, Kat stared at
the man she still loved, wracked with disbelief that he had betrayed her and
that there could never be anything more than just a platonic relationship between
them. The realization that the man sitting across the room from her was not the
same man who raped her all those years ago made her heart break. The man
sitting there was a man who cared deeply about her and loved their son.

Daniel hated seeing Kat in such pain.
Even though her eyes were bloodshot and her face was full of sadness, he still
found her to be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He wanted so badly
to reach out to her, to hold her in his arms and comfort her the way he used
to, but he didn’t dare move. He didn’t want to frighten her or come across in a
manner that could be misconstrued as threatening.

Dr. Sullivan broke the silence by
inviting Daniel to sit in the other twin chair, next to Kat. At first he
hesitated, but slowly complied with her request. When he finally sat down, he
was careful to keep his hands on his lap and his feet flat on the floor. He
kept his head down to make himself appear humble and smallish in nature. He
didn’t look at Kat, nor he did he speak to her. He was afraid to do anything
except sit quietly.

“Okay, now that we’re all here, we can
begin.” Dr. Sullivan smiled and focused her attention on Daniel. “Mr. Stevens,
thank you for coming in and agreeing to participate in a joint session with Ms.
Brennan.”

Daniel spoke softly. “Thank you for
having me, and please call me Daniel.” He glanced at the doctor and nodded
slightly.

“Very well, then.” As Dr. Sullivan
spoke, Kat slowly began to relax.
Maybe this won’t be so difficult, she
thought
. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to focus. After all, this
meeting was about Tyler’s future.

“I think it’s safe to assume we all know
why we’re here today.” Dr. Sullivan’s eyes darted between Daniel and Kat. “The
purpose of today’s session is to determine if the two of you can come to an
amicable arrangement where your son is concerned.”

Kat and Daniel both nodded in agreement.
It was apparent to Dr. Sullivan that the two people sitting before her were in
love with each other. This didn’t strike her as odd despite the circumstances
and she wouldn’t be surprised if someday they gave into their feelings. But she
made no mention of this as she continued.

“Daniel, let’s start with you.” Dr.
Sullivan shifted her attention to him. “I see no reason why you cannot be a
part of your son’s life. From what I’ve observed in our previous session, you
have demonstrated a sincere interest in his well being. Your past experiences
as camp counselor can only serve to enrich your relationship with him.”

“Kat, it’s clear to me how much you love
your son. It’s clear you appreciate that a child needs both a mother and father
and you’re willing to do what it takes to make that parent/child relationship
work.”

Daniel spoke softly. “Kat is an amazing
mother. She’s done a terrific job with Tyler and I think you would agree with
me if you met him. He really is a remarkable little boy.” Daniel smiled with
pride as he cautiously glanced at Kat.

Dr. Sullivan agreed. “I’m sure he is. Now,
for obvious reasons, I didn’t meet with your son until we discussed a plan of
action first. Kat, I think if you introduced to Tyler the
idea
of Daniel
becoming his father, he may be more inclined to accept Daniel as opposed to
coming right out and saying that Daniel
is
his father. You won’t know
how Tyler will react, so you need to tread carefully here.”

Personally, Kat felt that Tyler would
jump at the idea, but she kept her opinion to herself. She didn’t want to raise
false hopes and she wanted to choose a route that would benefit Tyler.

“I’m not a family court judge so I can
only offer you my recommendation. If your son is receptive to the
idea
,
then you can move forward with the next step. I repeat, you must tread
carefully here so that you don’t rush the process. Start off slow, together,
with a family visit to the playground or other child-friendly environment.
Eventually, if and when Tyler accepts Daniel as his father, you can proceed
with unsupervised visits. It all boils down to the child and what the child is
comfortable with. You cannot make predictions, so you must be proactive in your
decision making.

Dr. Sullivan paused for a moment,
studying Daniel and Kat. Both of them seemed to react favorably to her
suggestion, which was a positive sign to her. “Now comes the hard part. Can you
two work together as adults and make decisions together as parents of your
child?”

After a long silence, Kat spoke. “I’m
willing to try.” It was now or never. She was taking a leap of faith here and
she hoped she wouldn’t regret it.

“I am too. I will do whatever—”

Dr. Sullivan interrupted and threw her
hands together in the air. “Turn to each other and look at each other. Talk to
each other now. If you can’t talk to each other here in my office, how are you
going to do this out there?”

Kat blinked her eyes and swallowed hard.
Clearing her throat, she turned to Daniel. She waited for him to raise his head
before addressing him. When his eyes met hers, she saw genuine sorrow behind
them and knew for sure she was doing the right thing.

“Daniel, I—I know this hasn’t been easy
for either one of us, but I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. I’m
willing to do what it takes to keep my—our son happy. I don’t think I could
ever forget what happened that night six years ago, but I’m going to find a way
to start putting it behind me. I need to move forward and that means telling
Tyler the truth. I can’t promise you anything, but I do believe he will want
you in his life and I’m willing to do my part to help make that happen.”

Daniel looked relieved and surprised at
the same time. “Kat, I can’t tell you what this means to me. I will do whatever
you think is best. Would once a week for starters be okay with you? Of course,
I’ll abide by your terms.”

“Why don’t we let Tyler decide that?” She
looked earnestly at Daniel. “As far as the rest goes, how about we figure it
out as we go along?”

A tear slid down Daniel’s cheek and a full
minute passed before he found his voice again. “Thank you, Kat. Thank you for
sharing Tyler with me.” A lump formed in his throat as he struggled to speak. “Thank
you for giving me my life back.”

Daniel knew he and Kat would never be
together as man and wife, but that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was
that she had forgiven him.

Several miles away, in an empty
sanctuary, the light in
The Lamp
shone brighter than it ever had before.
The cycle of abandonment had broken and the solitary darkness had forever drifted
away.