Sheet Music - A Rock 'n' Roll Love Story (57 page)

One healthy swig couldn’t hurt, he thought.  In fact, it might even dull the pain in his arm.  He took one quick swallow and nearly choked on the liquid.  It burned like it was the first time all over again.

“I thought you said you weren’t thirsty,” Barbara said with sarcasm as she entered the room.

“I changed my mind,” he replied, twisting the cap back on the bottle.

She slowly sat beside him wondering if she should take the bottle away from him.

“Barb, I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine,” he said, pointing the label at her.  “His name is Jack Daniels but you should probably call him, Mr. Daniels.”

“I’m not sure you should have that,” she said.

“Too late.  You said I could have anything in these boxes.  Am I right?”

Yes, but…”

Before she could finish her answer, he took another gulp.

“Michael, really.  I don’t think you should have that bottle.  Why don’t you hand it to me and I’ll put it away.”

Michael’s eyes met hers.  “Back off, Barb.  A few hits off this bottle isn’t going to kick me back into the gutter.  Relax.”

“I don’t want to be blamed for…”

“Oh, for Christ Sakes!  Maybe I should leave.  Would that make you feel better?” he asked, standing as if to leave.

“No!  I don’t want you to go.  Please, stay here with  me.  I don’t want to be alone.”

Michael sat down beside her and tipped his head back against he couch to stare at the ceiling.  “I need a vacation from my life, Barb.  I want to slip away somewhere unrecognized, come back when I’m good and ready, and have everything fixed.  Do you know what I’m saying?  I want the life I had - the way it was.”

“Yes, I understand completely.”

She reached and took hold of his hand and held on to it.  Silence filled the room.  The only light came from the flickering of the images on the television screen but there was no audio.  Michael’s head still lay against the back of the couch, his eyes shut.  She could see moisture building beneath his dark eyelashes.

“Michael, are you all right?”

He lifted his head and wiped at his eyes.  “Yeah, I’m fine.  Why?”

She looked at his face, his eyes fluid and filled with pain.  “Have you cried since Brian died?”

He cocked his head in confusion.  “What kind of question is that?”

“I don’t know.  I was just wondering.”

He toyed with a loose thread on the knee of his jeans.  “The answer is no.”

“Why?”

His head fell back against the couch and he sighed heavily.  “I’m afraid if I start I won’t be able to stop.”

Barbara moved closer and touched his thigh.  “It’s all right if you want to.”

He took another gulp of whiskey and shrugged his shoulders.  “I’m okay.  Really,” he sniffed.  “What’s on this video?” he asked, changing the subject.

“I found these old movies of you and Brian last night.  I’m guessing they were taken about twenty years ago because you both look so young,” she commented, folding her legs up beneath her.  “What a stud you were!  How many girls do you have hanging from your neck?” she asked, watching Michael in the video parading around someone’s pool with several females in tow.

He laughed.  “Yeah, the good ol’ days when life was uncomplicated and the women…well, there were too many of them and not nearly enough time.”

They watched the video thoughtfully; laughing together at the silly antics they all partook in.  With each passing minute, Barbara became more aware of his closeness.  She could smell him, his cologne, the shampoo in his hair.  He was so absorbed with the movie, he was oblivious she was staring at him.  She watched the movement of his lips as they curled into a brilliant smile and the seductive way he licked at them.

“Michael, can I ask you something?”

His eyes left he television and met her.  “Yeah, I suppose so.”

“Have you ever cheated on Annie?”

“What brought that on?” he asked, backing away from her.

“I don’t know.  I’ve seen you with so many different women and never known you to be faithful to any of them.”

Michael’s eyes fell to his lap and then lifted back to the television.

“I’m sorry.  That was probably too personal,” she apologized.

“No.  I’m just surprised Brian never mentioned it to you.  I always thought he told you everything.”

“Brian told me shit.  Heaven forbid he break the band’s Holy code of silence.  Besides, for months before he died, we were barely in the same room long enough to have a conversation, never mind…other things.”

“Yeah, I did,” Michael said.

Barbara playfully slapped his chest.  “No way!  I don’t believe you.”

“Why not?”

“Because of the relationship I thought you had with Annie.  I thought she ‘rocked your world’ to the point that thoughts of other women were eliminated from your brain.”

“I had a weak moment.  What can I say?  And I’m not proud of it either.”

“When did it happen?” Barbara asked.

“When we were recording last winter.”

“Can I ask why?”

Michael turned and looked at her sternly.  “Can I ask why
you
cheated on Brian.”

“That’s different.  I cheated on Brian because he was cheating on me.  It started out as a revenge thing and it got out of hand on both sides.”

“Truth is, I don’t know why I did it.  I have no excuses except stupidity.”

“That’s not a very good excuse.”

“I didn’t say it was.  Look, she was down in L.A. finishing up her tour and I was stuck in a shitty motel, dealing with Brian and trying to lay some decent tracks in the studio.  I was alone and pissed off at the way the album was coming out.  It was not a healthy environment.”

“Did she find out?” Barbara continued questioning.

“Yeah.  Annie came up to visit me on one of her days off and caught me.  I didn’t plan on being with Jill.  It just sort of happened.  In fact, Jill was at the motel to see…”  Michael’s voice trailed off when he realized who we was talking to.

“She was there to see Brian, wasn’t she?”

Michael nodded.  “But he had already left with some other people.”

“What happened when Annie showed up?”

“She called me every name in the book and left.  When her tour ended she moved to New York and wouldn’t speak to me for about a month.  I really thought I had lost her.”

“I can’t believe Brian never told me that!  He was so jealous of you and Annie, always complaining that you weren’t staying focused on the band.”

“Yeah, I know.  When I wasn’t with Annie, he’d say I was pulling the band down with my attitude, and when we were together he claimed the same.  I know he wanted me to be happy, but only if the source of my happiness came from him and the band.  It took me a long time to understand the motivation behind some of the things he did.”

“That’s very insightful, Michael.”

“I think it’s called therapy.  My therapists were very insightful.  Not me.”

They both laughed and Michael’s eyes returned to the television.  They were quiet for several long minutes and Barbara continued to watch him.  Then, without provocation, she reached out and stroked his hair.  The sudden action startled him and he quickly turned to face her.  His eyes were clouded with confusion.

“I guess I couldn’t help myself.  I wanted to see if your hair was as satiny as it looked,” she replied.  “And it is.”

He cocked his head and smiled faintly, then looked away.

Barbara propped herself up a bit and slid closer.  “Michael, I have a confession to make.”

Without looking at her, he nodded.

“Do you remember the night I met Brian?”

“Sort of.  Why?”

“I’m surprised I can remember anything about that night because I was so drunk.  But, I remember everything.  I was instantly enthralled with him.  He was a young guy with an old man’s soul and we connected quickly on a spiritual level.  Then you came swaggering into the dressing room with a ‘fuck me’ attitude and a cheap blonde sucking on your neck.  Brian introduced us and you actually shook my hand, which I found quite charming.  We made eye contact and my knees went weak.  There was something about your eyes that blew me away; a powerful rawness.”

Michael’s mouth slid into a provocation smile.  “Wow.”

“Yes, I’m afraid so.  I vowed that night to make it my mission to get you into bed before I died.  And here we are, twenty something years later, and it still hasn’t happened.”

“I had no idea you felt that way.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t.  I was pretty obvious at times, to the point Brian knew and he was less than thrilled with my obsession.  It was torture for me having to listen to female after female tell me how mind-blowing you were in bed.  And then there were those nights we all stayed in the same hotel room to save money during the early tours.  Brian and I would be in one double bed and you and your girlfriend of the night would be in the other.  Brian would undoubtedly pass-out and I’d be left to listen to you screw those girls into comas.  It was hell!  You have no idea how many times I wanted to slip out of my bed and slide into yours.  Brian was usually so high I figured he never would have known I was gone.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I don’t know.  As embarrassing as it is to admit, I figure honesty is good for the soul, right?”

Michael shrugged his shoulders, feeling awkward with the conversation.  “I suppose so.”

Barbara snuggled closer.  “Be honest, Michael.  Haven’t you ever wondered what it would be like if you and I had fallen into bed?”

He looked at her curiously; suddenly realizing she had an agenda, which had managed to elude him until now.  “Honestly, I always thought of you as Brian’s girlfriend and then his wife.  To me, that meant you were off-limits.”

“But, you two always screwed each others girlfriends.  Rumor has it you even screwed his first wife!”

Michael smiled proudly.  “Yeah, I did.  But it wasn’t something we planned.”

Barbara laughed.  “Oh, it’s never anything planned!”

“I'm serious, it wasn't,” he chuckled.  “One night, Beth and I had them over to our apartment.  The three of them were sitting on the couch with Brian in the middle.  I was in a chair by myself with my face snorting whatever was on the mirror in my lap.  Next thing I know, I look up and Brian is making-out with Beth.  Leah was sitting beside them, rolling a joint, and acting as if nothing was going on.  I let it slide while Leah and I smoked the joint and by then, Brian had his hand up Beth's shirt.  I thought: fine.  If you're going to fuck Beth, then I might as well have
your
wife.  So I grabbed Leah and took her into my bedroom.  The next morning Beth comes in and freaks when she sees us in bed together.  They claimed to have fallen asleep on the couch and it never went further than what I saw.  Yeah right.  If he didn't screw her that night, I know he did later on.  If nothing else, as payback for me doing Leah.”

“Another good story Brian never told me the details to!”

“And, it’s probably best he didn’t,” Michael replied.

Barbara’s smile faded.  “Does it make you uncomfortable to know that I’ve been lusting after you all these years?”

His grin was slow and sly.  “No.  If I let shit like that bother me, I’d never be comfortable going on stage.”

“Good point.  You probably don’t want to know what goes through the minds of your fans!”

Michael sighed and stretched.

“I still do, you know.”

“Still what?” he asked.

“Lust after you.”

He glanced back at her.  She was closer than he realized.  He could feel the friction of her legs against his.  He watched her lick her lips.  Nervously, he looked away and bent forward, grinding his fingers into his eyes.  The liquor was beginning to blur his thoughts together.

“Barb, what are you expecting me to do with this information?” he asked.

She adjusted herself on the couch and exhaled.  “Brian hadn’t touched me for months before he died, probably because he was too tired from screwing my niece.  He’s been gone a long time and I still haven’t been touched.”

She looked him square in the eye and sighed heavily.  “To be frank, I need to get laid, Michael, and I’m not talking about love and commitment.  The last thing I need is anything emotional to complicate my life anymore than it already is.  Being the widow of Brian makes it a bit hard to date anyone without the press splashing our photographs across the music rags.  So, what am I supposed to do, pay for it?  I don’t think so.”

He crossed his legs at the ankle and shrugged his shoulders.  “I see your point.”

“All I want is sex, someone to take the edge off of me every once in a while.  Someone that knows how to keep their mouths shut and their pants down around their ankles.  Someone like you.”

Michael quickly shook his head.  “I’m married and I love my wife.”

“Is that the best excuse you can come up with?  Besides, that never seemed to slow you down before.”

“I swore to Annie it would never happen again.”

“I promise you, she would never find out.  It would stay here between the two of us.  I don’t want anything from you except your body.  Is that such a bad thing?  This would be purely physical, nothing more.  No broken hearts and no regrets.  Just some explosive sex.”

She leaned closer and brushed her lips against his as she spoke.  “You can walk away if you want.  I’ll understand,” she purred, sliding a hand around his neck and dropping the other into his lap to cup his sex.  “Though, something tells me you won’t walk,” she smiled against his lips.  “Am I right?”

Michael reached between his legs and removed Barbara’s hand.  “No, you couldn’t be more wrong.”  He stood and smoothed down his pants.  “Like I said, I love my wife.”

Barbara slid off the couch.  “You’re turning me down?”

He smiled victoriously.  “Nothing personal, but yeah, I am.”

“I’m not looking for a relationship, Michael.”

“I understand exactly what you’re looking for.  You made it very clear.”

“And you’re turning that down?”

“Yes,” he replied, stepping toward the door leading into the kitchen.

“Sex with no strings,” she said.

“Yes.  A fuck buddy.  I get it.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have worded it quite like that,” she smiled.