Sheisty (13 page)

I got up from the bed and went over to my panty drawer, where I had stashed the tape. '
Maybe there is something on it
besides me that might help me figure out who's behind this
,' I thought curiously. Within the first two minutes a weakness fell over me as I watched the tape. I tried to ignore that pounding feeling along with the wetness I felt between my legs but couldn't fight it any longer. I masturbated to the fast and slow strokes he laid upon me that night, the biting, the sucking, the licking and kissing. That night I experienced pure ecstasy. Cumming close but not close enough to the phenomenal feeling of pleasure he gave me. Compared to his, my touch was a tease; I wanted more, I want him but I can't... I can't do it again. '
Damn, I
should've stuck to dirty chats on the internet
.' That morning I awoke to wet kisses from my little man, while my big one watched, before he kissed me. '
Maybe, it was all
dream
,' I thought, actually hoping it was until I set up in the bed and noticed that the VCR light was still on and t.v. screen was fuzzy. I jump up in a panic and turned both of them off.

"Well, good morning to you too," Tucker said.

"Good morning," I replied, remembering him abruptly hanging up on me and turning off his phone last night. Before I could address it he did, with an apology and flowers he had sitting on the nightstand. He said he needed me to understand that he was dealing with a life or death situation, and in the game just surviving alone is an everyday struggle.

"I don't always tell you how serious shit is because I don't want you to worry anymore then you already do. Just know, no matter what happens nothing will ever change how much I love you and hopefully my business will be straight in the next hours so we can move on to the happy times." With all that said, he kissed me and the baby and was gone again. But at least he left me with the reassurance I needed to help get rid of all those tainted thoughts from last night, the tape and the memories.

Malikai has proven how persistent he can be.
All week he's been calling me to say 'hi,' check on me or just for small talk.

Sometimes small talk is helpful. Last night we spent about three hours on the phone reminiscing on some of the good times, I actually forgot we shared so many. We got along really good, come to think about it. Talking to him made me realize I missed him more then just a little. I even agreed to let him come over, but now I'm not so sure that was a good idea because this pregnancy hasn't been agreeing with me at all. I'm sick all the time; I haven't been able to hold any food down so I just stopped eating. I went to the clinic yesterday to put an end to this misery, but they told me that I needed to be at least 6 weeks, I'm only four.

I know if this was Mali's baby things would be a lot different; especially since this would have been his first kid. We probably would of had a double wedding--Keish and Tucker and me and him, that would've been fly. Shit, I should just give him some pussy, wait two weeks and then tell him I'm pregnant by him.

Just my luck I'll have a lil' tar baby, black as hell, looking just like C-God. Nah, that wouldn't work. I really need to talk to someone about what I'm going through. Usually, Keish would be the one I confide in, but ever since that incident between C

and Tucker, I can't go and tell her I'm pregnant by her man's enemy. She wouldn't understand, what kind of friend am I? If I was a good friend I wouldn't be in this situation right now.

My hormones had me feeling real emotional and down on myself. I hated the person I was; I hated the fact that my friends have become so distant. How did we go from talking everyday to only on special occasions? Oh my God, I'm starting to sound like Keisha now--I hate that. I also hated not having a man to love me like I need to be loved, but more then anything, I hated C-God's trifling ass and this baby. That last thought of hate did it for me; I busted out into an uncontrollable cry.

The door bell rang; I wasn't expecting Malikai for another half hour. Damn, I fucked up when I told him he didn't have to call before he came. "Just a minute." I ran to the bathroom to fix my face, but with puffy red eyes there wasn't much I could do to hide the fact that I had been crying. My door bell rang again, only this time it was more of an impatient hurry up and open the door ring. I ran to the door yelling. "Okay, I'm coming." When I opened it, it wasn't Malikai. I tried to close it back quickly, but it was too late. C-god forced his way in.

"Yo, what the fuck is up with you? You got a nigga coming by your fucking crib everyday and shit looking for you, I don't do that shit for no bitch, but yet a nigga doing that shit for you.

What the fuck, you thought you was gon' just play me like that?

Why the fuck you change your number, huh? What you fucking with some crab ass nigga now or something? I should fuck you up!"

C started to get real angry when I refused to answer him. He started calling me every bitch and hoe word you could possible think of. I didn't want to show any signs of weakness, but I couldn't help it as the tears started to roll down my face again.

C-God really started to scare me with his threats, he said if he catch me fucking with anybody he was gonna kill 'em and cut my face up bad. That threat, caught my attention fast.

I looked up at him and I could tell he was high. I could always tell because his nose would sweat and get so wide it was scary. I had to get him out of my house, because if Mali comes while he's here, ain't no telling what might go down. I walked over to my answering machine and played what I had been saving for him to hear--the message.

"Our shit is over and done with C-God, you're busted; there's no need to explain anything, the message explained it all for you. With Tanya is obviously were you wanna be, since you supposedly ain't her babies daddy, but yet you're still fucking her. You know what though, it's cool, ya'll can have each other.

I have nothing else to say, so if you'd excuse me I got shit to do," I said hoping he'd just leave without making the situation worst.

"Yo E, don't give me that you the victim bullshit, it ain't like you ain't know shit; you wanted me to beat on that pussy from day one, and you knew I was fucking with ole girl then. Now, all of sudden you wanna act like the virgin Mary and shit like you got fucking morals now. Bitch Please! You right about one thing though, Tanya's pussy is where I wanna be. You know why?

Cause she got a fucking brain; all you wanna do is spend a nigga's dough and look cute all fucking day, but it's all good. You know what? Fuck you Epiphany." On his way out the door, he grabbed something from my hallway table. "I'm going home to wifey and my new son now. Have a nice life bitch." I didn't know what he took and at that point I didn't care. I slammed the door and locked both locks, in relief that he left cause he was about to find out that I'm the wrong bitch to fuck with. Still my feelings were hurt from all the mean shit he said, I laid on the couch and continued to cry as his painful words repeated over in my head.

Minutes later my doorbell rang again, but this time I got up and ran to my closet for my nine. '
I'll kill that muthafucka
.' My daddy didn't raise a soft bitch, he taught me how to shoot. When I was 18, he started me off with a .22, but he said those small ass guns were only made to wound a nigga, slow 'em down but not kill 'em. Then when I turned 21, he gave me this, something that packed a punch... my nine, and it'll kill a nigga. So if that nigga thinks he's gon' come up in here again talking shit to me like I'm some weak ass bitch, Then I'm a have to show him a real bitch. I rushed to the front door in a rage, this time I instead of just opening it I peaked out the window first and saw Malikai walking back toward his truck.

Today was just one of those days; Tucker called this morning
and dropped a bomb on me.
"Keish, look this ain't got shit to do with us, so don't even think that alright, it's just bad timing right now that's all. Too much shit is going on for me to even focus on getting married so just call everybody and tell 'em that the shit ain't canceled, just postponed until further notice." What kind of shit is that, three days before? How the hell...

I mean what does he expect me to tell them? We're still getting married, I just don't know when. Unbelievable! First he can't stay home 'cause it's too dangerous, now he's postponing the wedding, what next... leaving me for another women.

This was just too much for me. I tell you, when it rains it pours. I needed some serious pampering--a nice massage, man-icure, pedicure, facial and waxing. That's what we did, the four of us. My mom and sisters seemed to enjoy it the most because it was their first time, me, I'm a regular. The massage was good but it still didn't change the fact that I was still upset and on top of all that, I'm horny as hell. The masseur's big strong hands and Kenny G's
Songbird
playing softly in the background gave me a chill up my spine. I don't know what's wrong with me lately, except for the fact that I haven't had sex since... well you know.

I'm past that now, I needed some dick from my man; the man who was suppose to become my husband in three days. Now, sex with Tucker seems too far fetched. Ever since I told him no, he hasn't touched me. I know he got shit going on, but that's never kept him from wanting it before. I tried to get a quickie when he came by to check on us the last time. I even offered to meet him at a hotel and the answer was no. So, if this is his idea of payback he got me.

I opened up my wallet and pulled out my credit card to pay for our day at the spa. There it was, temptation staring me in the face once again--the Damager's card, the card that I should've left in the garbage but didn't. I forgot all about it, but this time as soon as I get home I'm gonna tear it up and throw it away. I tried to get rid of it; I swear. I actually thought I could, especially since the tape was so easy to destroy and discard... after watching it a couple of times. I need to do the right thing for all the right reasons. I kept telling myself. I'm getting married one day. Tucker is just going through some drama right now that has nothing to do with us. How could I even think about another man, where's my loyalty?

My conscience was saying do the right things... but my hormones were more influencing. I started thinking about the way Tucker's been acting towards me lately, how he hangs up on me, his conversations are always short now, he practically lives in a hotel and all of a sudden he postpones our wedding. I stared at the Damager's card as I thought about Tucker's behavior. I couldn't destroy it; the devil was definitely working overtime. Using every ounce of will in me to fight the temptation, I just couldn't.

My body craved him and another round of his sexual pleasure one last time. Only this time I'm a do it right, won't be no tapes being made.

I waited for The Damager in the lobby of the motel. I had already paid for the room under the name Lisa Smith. That should explain what type of motel it was; no ID required, check in, do what you gotta do and check out, no questions asked.

When he walked in and spotted me he smiled as he headed towards me. My heart started to pound as it usually did whenever I was nervous or doing wrong; in this case I was guilty of both.

I thought maybe my memory of him would have been a little off because looks can be deceiving under the influence of alcohol.

Thank God, not in his case. This brother was gorgeous. Better looking then I remembered.

"Hi Kelly, is it?" he said looking down at me with that Colgate smile of his.

"Yes," I said smiling back at him and wondering why I gave him my sister's name.

"You're beautiful, and by the way my name is Julius," he said.

"Okay, but if you don't mind I'd ratter call you Damager."

'
Julius, what kind of name is that
,' I thought. Besides, the name Damager was more suitable for the situation. My being here could cause a lot of damage to my relationship if Tucker ever found out. If you ask me there's really no need for us to get personal, I just want some dick and then we can forever go our separate ways. I told him that I would also prefer no conversation, the less we know about each other the better, and just so we can keep this on a business basis I offered him $200.

He looked at me and said, "You can't be serious? Look, I don't know much about you and can't say that I want too, but I do know you're getting married, and believe me when I tell you that I'm not trying to stop that from happening. Yes, I think you're attractive, but it is not that serious so you need to relax with all the do's and the don'ts baby girl. I assume we're both adults correct?" I nodded yes. "So, let's handle our business like adults and have a good time. And put your money away, last time was a service. This time I want to make you feel good for free. Did you read what I wrote on the back of my card?" I shook my head

'yes' again. "So let's just get our fuck on... no strings attached." ROUND TWO. It was on and poppin'!

This past weekend's conjugal visit was definitely what was up.

K.C. was so into me, we discussed everything from his release
in six days, to building our future together and even one day
having some kids.
There was no talk about the plan or any other criminal activity. He didn't even mention my meeting with Smitty. And speaking of that nigga, I'm guessing maybe he chilled on running back and reporting the recent beatdown, well at least I hope he did. I know he didn't forget about it because he enjoyed that shit too much.

Maybe Smitty is a real nigga and he won't snitch me out. All I need is for K.C. to hear that I was pussy bumping it for awhile.

He hates gay people. When he was growing up before his moms died from an drug overdose, she was one of them hard boy type lesbians and she was very open about it. Kids use to tease him, making jokes, calling his moms names like She-man, Shim and Dyke. So, he don't want that nowhere around him, he don't play that. Smitty couldn't have said anything about it cause even though I'm the only one out here keeping his bread buttered right now K.C. wouldn't even care, he'd probably fuck me up first and then tell me to go fuck myself.