Sheisty (9 page)

Unfortunately, I had to drag myself up out of bed and into the shower 'cause lord only knows if I'm late, I won't hear the end of it. The rehearsal was longer then I anticipated and a lil' boring, but very well organized. Keisha always wanted everything perfect, especially today. Shit, if I didn't know better, I would've thought today was the real deal 'cause my girl was on cloud nine. I ain't mad at her though 'cause I'd be too if I was marrying the love of my life.

I had yet again came face to face with Malikai who had barely said, "hello" to me, or paid me any mind and I was looking so good. I remember the last time we all got together for the baby's christening. The nigga couldn't keep his eyes off me and he was with a bitch. I felt a lil' awkward because we had to be partnered up side by side for a while during rehearsal and while everyone was laughing and joking with their assigned partners, he wanted to be bitter. But for the most part, I ain't really give a fuck; my mind was on C and getting out of here to be with him.

On my way home I blasted "Love's House" with Eddie Love on WBLS. I was definitely in the mood for love. I even did his take a deep breath and exhale routine. Shortly after that, he took it there when he played SWV's "Weak." Damn, that was my shit back in the day. I smiled as I sang the chorus, "
I get so weak in
the knees I could hardly speak/I lose all control and something
takes over me...
" I'm loving this song even more, now that I can relate. A nigga damn sure has me feeling weak and outta control. Shit, I'm ready to propose marriage to his ass and become Mrs. Corey Hinderson.

When I got home there were two messages flashing on my answering machine. I pressed play and began listening while I undressed. The first one was from C. I wondered why he didn't try me on my cell until I heard him canceling our plans because of unexpected business. That answers my question; he ain't want to hear my mouth. That's why he chose to just leave a message on my home phone.

He ended his message with, "I'm sorry, don't be mad, I'm glad you're back in my life. You know I love your pretty ass, girl.

I promise I'll make it up to you. Keep it warm... I'll call you later." With all that said, how could I possibly trip or be mad. I've been dealing with him long enough to know that business comes first.

Message #2 made it rain on my whole fucking parade. At first, I couldn't make out the voices because there was a lot of giggling, kissing and moaning going on and then loud and clear I heard the muthafucka say, "Mmmm, Tanya." My mouth dropped as my machine went, "Beep, you have no more messages in your mailbox." I ran over to my caller ID

box to check the number; I click back to the first call to make sure I wasn't bugging the fuck out. Both calls came from C's cell phone. I ran over to my phone book to compare the numbers hoping that maybe it was the wrong number even though I knew there was no way possible. Ain't it funny how fast shit changes.

Just a minute ago, I was on top of world and just that quick this muthafucka done knocked me down. I couldn't understand it, why?

How could he do this to me again and with that bitch Tanya.

I screamed. My pussy was still fresh on his breath, and here he is doing God only knows with the next bitch. Oooh... I can't stand her and I hate his black ass. I played the message again just to analyze the whole shit then I saved it to use against his ass before he could even think up a lie. I figured it out, you see his first message about "oh I can't make it cause of some unexpected [so-called] business" message was left at 7:32 pm. By 8:05, when the next call came, he was taking care of business, alright. I must have been the last call he made and somehow his cellphone dialed me back. Well, that's it; I won't be falling for the okey doke no more. If he wants to be with that scank, fine.

I'm through crying. Besides, I can do much better in the looks department.

I feel sorry for their kid 'cause Tanya ain't much to look at and neither is he. Tears filled my eyes as I asked myself one question: Why can't I be happy? As much as I didn't want to feel it, I couldn't help it. I was hurting inside. I dropped to my knees, once again with emptiness in my heart. Trying to hold back my tears I did something I haven't done since I was little. I got on my knees and asked God to please help me through this.

I haven't missed a visit since me and K.C. decided to work on
this jailbird love affair.
Especially, now that I'm officially his Mrs. and needless to say when we had our first conjugal visit, we fucked like bunny rabbits. It ain't nothing like being the first piece of pussy a nigga had in a while. We also talked about the streets, my hustle and our future plans. Things were looking up for him. That's right, my man might be coming home sooner then we expected. His lawyer discovered that there was some hidden evidence and foul play on the arresting police officers part. So, his request for an appeal was granted. He also got some connects in house so the papers were processed faster.

I see K.C. really wasn't ready to change though. Just like most of the niggas doing time, always talking shit about how when they get out they gon' come home and do the right thing and as soon as they get out...
bam
, right back to doing the same shit that cost them their freedom the first time. K.C. ain't even smell freedom's air yet and here he go. He's already asking me to help him set up C-God, for fucking up this kid he's supposedly real cool with, name Smitty.

Smitty got a baby by K.C.'s lil' sister and looked out for K.C.

from time to time; hitting him off with a lil' dough for his books, before I came back on the scene. I didn't want to get involved in that shit, at all. Nope, I didn't want no parts of it. That nigga, C, had a lot of enemies, but I ain't wanna be one them. He looked out for me and if it wasn't for his connect, I wouldn't be on right now, or able to keep paper on K.C.'s books like I've been doing.

I told him that I worked for C for a while, pushing E. pills, and how he respected my gangsta so much that he put me on to his lil' hideout spot were he kept all his pharmaceutical supplies and money. Even how he threaten to kill me if I ever crossed him. Yeah I told him everything, except for how often we use to get our fuck on, or about Chasity for that matter. His homopho-bic ass might've killed me or himself if he found out about that.

Still I ain't wanna burn that bridge with betrayal. C-God ain't never did me dirty and I never know when I might need him again. Although I ain't heard from the nigga, I don't think there's any bad blood between us. Hopefully, he won't suspect I dropped dime and come looking for me. If he does, I hope K.C.

got my back, cause now and forever my loyalty is with my man.

But, I will do what I gotta do to protect myself if it comes down to it.

On a lighter note, tonight is Keisha's bachelorette party, her last weekend as a free women. Well, shit she wasn't ever free, so let's just say her last weekend with the last name Moore. She has no idea that I am now a married woman. So I got some celebrat-ing to do myself and I'm ready to get my party on.

I woke up this morning feeling like the Lord was probably
gonna work on me slow because I still felt like shit.
I knew if I stayed in this house it would only get worse, so instead of canceling my 10 a.m. appointment with Ardie I decided to get my ass up. First things first, I had all my numbers changed, because I didn't want no parts of C-God or his lies. I had to start somewhere and that somewhere meant avoiding his ass, by any means necessary. On my way out the house, I grabbed two CDs that I knew would help ease my depression, Mary J's
My Life
and
No More Drama
, because I damn sure couldn't take any more drama in my life.

As soon as I arrived at the shop, Ardie rushed me to the back and got started on my wash as usual.

"Girl, where you been at, cause I ain't seen you in a month of Sundays? I know you ain't seeing nobody else (meaning a new stylist) 'cause girl your hair is a hot mess." I gave into his prying and started telling him all the shit that C, was putting me through. Ardie was a straight drama queen, so if anyone could give me some advice he could. The only thing he kept saying was "What?"; "Uh uh," "Girl," and "Oh no, he didn't."

When he finished up with my hair, Ardie spun my chair around towards the mirror. "Viola, a star is born. Girl look at you... besides the fact that I do know how to work a miracle, you are too pretty to be going through this kind of bullshit. Now, suck it up and go find you a winner. Forget that
loser
, honey...

humph... life is too short," he said sucking his teeth. "Shoot girl, let me tell you something, you are lucky I love me some dick

'cause I would've been after you Ms. Thing." I fell out laughing.

"Don't laugh girlfriend. That's a compliment," Ardie said placing his hands on his hips. Now it was definitely time for me to go; Ardie's words did make me feel better but that was a little too much information for me.

My new style was looking tight. I exhaled and left there feeling like I could breath again, work it out, and feel unfoolish about it all. That's right; JLo, Beyonce and Ashanti put together ain't have nothing on me. I hopped in my car and continued to blast Mary. Singing along with "Rainy days," I decided to go see my parents.

When I pulled up to the house, my father looked like he was on his way out and my mother's car wasn't there. He greeted me with a smile and of course some sarcasm. "Hello stranger, long time, no see." I wasn't gonna stay, but he told me to come inside.

"Where is Mommy?" I asked, still calling her mommy like I did when I was little.

"She got a new gig working at Citibank as a financial con-sultant, and if nobody else knows, I know she can stash away some cash," he said laughing. Most likely, he was referring to all the g's she done stole from his stash back in his hustle days. She used to call it the 'just in case a nigga wanna act up fund'. She never knew he knew she was stealing his cash because he never said a word. Wow, I wonder what made mommy want to start working after all these years. Even though she held down every one of daddy's Laundromats, it never took her long to hire help.

She likes being the boss, giving orders and collecting the dough.

Daddy always had a way of knowing when something was wrong, especially when I didn't want him to know. He looked at me and said, "Epee what's going on with you?" "Nothing daddy, I'm good," I answered back trying to avoid direct eye contact.

"So, what do you plan to do with your life, Epee?"

"Daddy, I really don't want to get into this."

"Well, Epee it's time we do. I'm your father and I really don't get into your business as much as I should. I know I let you get away with a lot as a child, but you're an adult now. So it's time you start making better choices for yourself. First, with the niggas you choose to run around with. You know what they say; sometimes we choose our own poison and that Hinderson boy is gonna take you out slow."

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms like I always did when I didn't get my way, which wasn't often. Today, I could tell it wasn't going to work.

"Look daddy, I don't see him anymore and I know you love me, but I don't understand how the same kind of people you want me to stay away from is the same kind of person you used to be. Have you ever thought that maybe I'm attracted to that lifestyle; because that's the way you made me. I want someone to take care of me financially so I don't have to work. I want to be able to get up and catch a plane to the Bahamas or cruise the Islands whenever I want. I wanna do all the things you and mommy did when you guys were neglecting my needs." My father's facial expression changed. His face became full of hurt when I said that last part, but it's true. All these years, I never told my parents how I really felt. Since he's the one that wanted to talk, I felt it was time I told him how I was feeling.

"Epee," he said, "look I always tried to give you everything and if I could do it all over again I wouldn't change that. I tell you to stay away from my kind 'cause I know shit... you don't.

And I also know that, that's not the life I want you to have.

Besides, shit is different since when I was in the game. In my days, if you were fine, a brother would do anything just to have you as a trophy on his arm.

"Now, niggas don't care how fine you are no more. It's about what's upstairs. It ain't about the looks no more, because don't no man wanna take care of a woman that can't take care of herself; especially a cat out there hustling in them streets. They're looking for a woman that's about something, meaning going to school and getting that education. Getting good jobs and let's not forget establishing good credit. You see, they're going for the corporate type. The strong ones, that'll hold 'em down, Epee. It's like an investment 'cause if they gotta do some time for doing a crime, a nigga expect their lady to hold it down until he gets out.

"Let's say he wants to buy a car, house, or whatever, he 'gon look for her to sign for it because her credit's good. Epee, listen to me, I ain't gon' tell you nothing wrong. I've seen, done and been through it all. I was just one of the lucky ones, who had a good woman that put up with a lot of bullshit and stuck by me when I was out there doing shit to her and had no business doing it. You see I had that mind frame that a lot of men out here have when they taking care of everything: You do what you want. A lot of the shit I did for your mother, I did it out of guilt because I was fucking up. I'm glad I'm still here to tell you all these things, because as long as I was out in those streets, hustling and doing fucked up shit, I should've been locked up somewhere or dead a longtime ago. That's how it usually ends up.

Nigga's don't care 'bout you, your family or none of that. They'll kill you just because of your affiliation. I've seen it happen. So, trust and believe me when I tell you how lucky I am to be here.

God kept me here for a reason, and I believe that reason is to make sure my baby girl is alright." With all that my father just said, I started getting emotional when I thought that maybe that was C-God's reason for holding onto Tanya. Everything my father said made a lot of sense. She's not cute, but she has a degree, a decent job and probably good credit and all I got is good looks and material things. I couldn't hold it back any longer; I started to cry.