She’s Gone Country (22 page)

I have to do something to reach them, help them, especially those who live in Palo Pinto County. They need to know they’re not alone. Need to know that there are women—mothers, sisters, grandmothers, friends—who care.

As the clock turns to four, I vow to look into the local community programs for girls. What kind of outreach exists here? What do the schools offer? What is the city and county doing? Where do girls go when things are bad at home? Who can they turn to who’ll care?

As the questions go round and round in my head, I realize I’m starting to feel like my old self again.

The sunny Shey.

The positive Shey.

The Shey who believes in herself and knows she can do anything she sets her mind to.

Which means it’s time to reach out to those who need a helping hand.

The next morning after dropping the boys at school, I call Paul Peterson at Mineral Wells Junior High and ask him about resources the school has for girls who need extra support. “Educational support?” he asks. “Or counseling?”

“Both. Is there somewhere our local girls can go for help? A teen center or club?”

“There used to be an after-school program run through the city that matched younger girls with high-achieving older girls, but it lost funding last year with all the budget cuts.”

“So right now there’s nothing for girls who are at risk?”

“No.”

“There should be.”

“I know.”

Hanging up, I’m determined that now that I’m back in Parkfield, there will be. Because what’s the point of being one of Palo Pinto County’s most celebrated women if I can’t give back?

What’s the point of being successful if I don’t lead or implement change?

S
uddenly it’s Friday night, date night, and Dane is dropping Coop off and picking me up as planned. He looks so good, too, dressed in jeans and a sage green button-down shirt that makes his eyes even more beautiful.

“Why are you smiling?” he asks, holding the truck door open for me.

“Just excited.”

He shoots me a curious glance as he climbs behind the steering wheel. “It’s just me, darlin’.”

I look at him from beneath my lashes. “That’s why I’m excited.”

“You’re dangerously good for my ego.”

“I’m just dangerously good.”

He lifts a brow. “Is that so?”

“Mmmm.”

There are no streetlights or even traffic lights on most country roads, and tonight the moon is just a slip in the sky, which makes the night even darker.

I’m happy to be back in his truck. Happy to just let him drive. I don’t even care about dinner. It’s enough to be with him, near him. This is all I ever wanted. His company. His proximity.

Unlike Shellie Ann, I like the country and I like Dane for who he is. I don’t want anything from him but his time and his attention. Having lived the posh life in Manhattan, having traveled the world as a model, flying first class and staying in four- and five-star hotels, I know all the creature comforts. I know the difference between a good champagne and a stellar champagne, but it’s not the label of the champagne that makes the difference. It’s who you’re sharing it with.

I was happy with John, and it never crossed my mind that once we married and had our first baby, we wouldn’t always be together. But now that John’s moved on, I can, too. And I’d love the next phase of my life to include Dane. But I don’t come solo. I’m a package deal. Shey and three teenage boys. That’s a lot to take on.

“You look so serious all of a sudden,” Dane says with a glance in my direction. “What are you thinking about?”

“The strangeness of life. How you and I are both single now. The fact that I’m back here. Who would have thought?”

His eyes gleam at me in the dark. “Who would have thought?” he echoes, teasing me.

I smile back. Can’t not smile. He makes me feel good. He makes me feel like me. The old me, the strong me, the one who couldn’t wait to wake up every morning and hated going to bed because I was afraid I’d miss something.

“So where are we going?” I ask after a bit. We’ve been driving for ten minutes, heading away from Mineral Wells and Weatherford.

“Taking you to dinner at a little place I love. It’s kind of out of the way, though. You mind an hour drive?”

“Not at all. I’m perfectly content to just sit here and let you drive.”

He reaches out, covers my knee with his palm. “Good. Because I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day.”

I bite my lip and look down at his hand where it rests on my knee. I like his hand on me. It looks right there. Even better, it feels so good. I don’t know why, but his touch is perfect. It’s made for me. But then the physical between Dane and me has never been the problem. It’s the logistics that hung us up. First I was too young. And then he was on the circuit and I was in college. Then before I could finish college, he was engaged to a pregnant Shellie Ann. But I don’t want to think about Shellie Ann right now or any of the things that have kept us apart. I just want to be here, with him, happy.

We end up at in a small hole-in-the-wall restaurant on the outskirts of Stephenville. Dane says the restaurant serves the best Tex-Mex food outside San Antonio. It’s a small building on a nearly vacant lot, tucked beneath a cluster of red oak trees wrapped in strands of green and blue lights. Our hand-shaken margaritas are made with fresh fruit juices and a special tequila the owner brings out just for Dane.

The radio’s been set to a popular local station that broadcasts in Spanish and plays the top Latin pop songs. Dane’s right about the fajitas—they’re amazing, and I don’t know if it’s the marinated steak, the homemade tortillas, or the incredible chunky guacamole, but I eat two. And even though I’m stuffed afterward, I continue to pick the caramelized peppers and onions from the skillet, leaving the beef to Dane.

We’re the only ones there when we first arrive, but by the time we’re done half a dozen tables are filled.

As the place gets more noisy, Dane looks less comfortable. He’d been telling me about his breeding program and how his business was founded on the principles of ethical and humane treatment of all livestock, not just his famous bucking bulls, when he abruptly stands and picks up our glasses. “Let’s go outside,” he says. “It’ll be quieter.”

Colder, too, but I’d rather be outside with Dane than surrounded by noisy groups of people.

It is chilly outside, but we find a small outdoor heater by one of the scattered tables near a blue-lit tree and stand beneath that.

“Are you going to be warm enough?” Dane asks me, tugging the zipper higher on my wool coat.

My coat isn’t particularly heavy, but I like the trees wrapped in strings of blue and green lights and am having a really good time. “I’m perfect,” I say as I stomp my feet and rub my hands. “This is fun.”

“Perfect? Even though you’re freezing?”

I laugh and shiver at the same time. “Have you ever noticed how cold weather makes you feel so alive?”

“You look so young right now,” he says, dropping onto a bench. “So carefree.”

“Are you saying I don’t normally look young and carefree?”

“I think you could use more fun in your life.”

The wind whistles past our heads, and I shiver. “I wouldn’t argue that point,” I say. And then the wind whistles again and I shiver uncontrollably, which just makes me laugh. “Dang, it’s cold!”

“We can go—”

“No,” I protest, grinning down at him as I pluck a tangled strand of hair from my eyes and push it back behind my ear. “I’m so happy right now. I’m having such a good time.”

“But you’re freezing.”

“This is the good kind of freezing. This is fun. I love this place and the lights in the tree and just being here with you. It’s been a long time since I had a date night, so please, freeze with me.”

He has that deep rumble of a laugh, and creases fan from his eyes. “I’ll freeze with you any day.”

“Thank you.”

“You know, you’re pretty easy to hang with, Shey.”

“I’ve never been high maintenance.”

“I like that about you.”

I suddenly can’t flirt or play. I can’t pretend to care less than I do. Just being here with him hurts, and my heart aches, as my feelings for him are both bitter and sweet.

At twelve, I had a major crush on him.

At fifteen, I knew I wanted to marry him.

At sixteen, I was sent away to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid like get pregnant or run away with him.

I have loved him my whole life. Loved him when I was still young and innocent, my love uncomplicated. Love is far more complicated now. Life is far more complicated. But it doesn’t change how much I still want him and crave him and need him.

“I wish you liked me,” I say.

“You don’t get it, do you?” He stands and looks into my face, right into my eyes, and his expression is naked, almost vulnerable. “There’s no one I’ve ever liked better.”

“You mean—”

“No one,” he repeats, reaching out for me and drawing me between his legs. “No one looks at me the way you do.” He strokes his thumb lightly across my cheek, skimming the surface. “You’re all eyes and need, and sometimes you scare me, Shey Lynne, but I’ve never not cared about you.”

“Why would I scare you?”

His head dips ever so slightly, his mouth brushing my brow and then my nose. “You still want so much and I have so little to give.”

“If that’s true, what are we doing here?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure nothing good will come of it.” He pulls me snugly against his hard thighs and rests his hands low on my back.

I want to touch him, to put my hands on the muscular curve of his thigh, but I’m afraid, so afraid to touch this man who incinerated my heart all those years ago. I am not a rock. Not strong at all. I’m so afraid that if I touch him, if I like touching him, I won’t be able to stop. I’ll want that connection again. I’ll want that warmth and heat and love. It’s been so long since I felt love. So long since I had sex.

“But then, it never has,” I answer, fingers knotting into fists and my fists pressed to my own hips. “Liking you just got me in trouble, and then eventually sent me away.”

“Your mama was afraid I’d seduce you.”

“I think she was even more afraid I’d like it.”

“You probably would have,” he answers, his voice pitched so deep that it makes me shiver.

“So you seduced Shellie Ann instead.”

“You were always the girl for me. Life just got in the way.”

He sounds so sincere that my eyes burn and my heart beats double time. “You’re not fair.”

“No, I’m not. Because I knew how you felt, and I hoped you’d come home. But it had to be your choice. I wasn’t going to ask you to come back, not when you had the whole world ahead of you.”

“Oh, Dane. I would have come back. I would have, I missed you. Missed you like crazy. Missed you so much it made me crazy.”

“Your brothers always made sure I heard about every new boyfriend you had at Stanford.”

“Why?”

“They didn’t want you hooking up with me.”

“Why?” I repeat.

His powerful shoulders shrug. “You’re the beautiful baby of the family. Gorgeous, and brainy, and sweet. They figured you’d go far as long as you stayed away from me. And they were right.”

“No.”

He nods. “You never did hide your feelings very well.” One of Dane’s big, callused hands slips up to my cheek, and he runs his thumb across my cheekbone. With curiosity. With warmth. With wonder. For a big man who’s spent his life on broncs and bulls, he’s so gentle that shivers race through me. I need this touch. I crave this touch. I want him as much as I did twenty-three years ago.

He turns his hand over and runs the backs of his fingers down my cheek to my jaw and to my mouth. “You really are too pretty for your own good.”

“You can’t see all the lines and wrinkles?”

“I just see woman.”

I have to close my eyes at the heat exploding beneath the surface of my skin. He’s making me burn, and when I burn, I feel like the girl I once was. So hungry, so wild, so alive. But that was long before I had other people to worry about, people who relied on me for everything.

“You broke my heart once. I don’t want to get hurt again,” I whisper, eyes still closed, knuckles still pressed to my hip bones. I’m made of glass, and he’s the pressure that could break me.

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“But you did.”

“Life’s like that, darlin’.”

A lump fills my throat. “Maybe we should go. Stop now while we’re ahead.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

But he doesn’t let go of me, and I do not move away. Instead I wobble, lean forward just enough that my chest brushes his, and he inhales low and rough.

My eyes open and I stare into his eyes. They’re green like the sea, and I reach for him then, pressing first my knuckles against his thighs and then opening my fingers to press the entire palm. His legs are hard, the denim fabric taut, and my belly hurts from the relentless surge of desire and adrenaline.

“You might still be married,” he says, “but you’ll always be mine.”

And then he drops his head and his lips cover mine. And for an endless moment it is just that, the warmth of his mouth against my mouth, and I’m flooded with the smell of him and the feel of him and the hint of a taste of him.

If only this was real love.

If only this could last forever.

And like that, the pressure of his mouth increases and his lips move over mine, and I want this kiss. I want everything, and my lips part and I kiss him back. Kiss him the way I wanted to all those years ago when he was too old for me and too involved with other women.

I don’t know how long the madness lasts, but it is madness. It’s fierce and hungry and intense, and I feel his hands in my hair and his chest hard against my breasts. My hands are wrapped around the curve of muscle in his thigh, and I’m pressed as close to him as I can.

And then one of us pulls back, not sure who, not sure why, not sure it matters. Dane is looking down into my face, and I can’t tell if he’s smiling or not, but his expression is strange. A little wry, a little sad. “I should get you home, sugar. You’re going to get into trouble here.”

“Too late,” I whisper, digging my nails into the fabric of his jeans. “I’m already in trouble.”

We make love in his truck.

It wasn’t supposed to happen, especially not this way. We were just heading home with me sitting close to his side, and then suddenly he’s pulling off onto the side of the deserted country road and we’re kissing again.

Somehow my blouse comes off and then my jeans, and I end up straddling Dane’s lap in just my lace thong. And then even that comes off.

There’s always been chemistry and a strong physical connection between us, but making love blows me away. It’s beyond good, beyond amazing, beyond anything I’ve ever known physically, sexually.