She's Only Seventeen: A Novel of Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll (7 page)

January 1985

“I didn’t mean to sleep with Drew,” Kat confessed to me.

We had a show to perform that night and she was so far dismissed from practice that I felt as if she was on another planet.

“Well then tell him you don’t want to be with him? I’m pretty sure he believes that you two are together now,” I stated.

She shook her head, sitting in the chair next to me. “I really liked Shane,” she pouted.

“I think he really liked you also,” I responded, burying any jealous feelings I may have been harboring for the moment.

Kat tilted her head back then met my eyes, “we should do a cover of one of my father’s songs,” she suggested, ignoring my previous statement.

It surprised me, “which one?’ I asked.

She thought on it for a moment, “
Empty Space
” she said softly.

“The one he wrote for your mother?” I blurted out

She nodded, “want to try it? You know, just you and me, like old times. You know, before we get the others involved?”

I picked up my guitar and started strumming, I wouldn’t tell her, but I knew this one by heart. I had been a huge fan of
Charlotte’s
lead guitarist Gene Grant when I had been a kid.

She hummed softly before she started, “
I wake up each morning and see your face, oh darling can’t you see I love you? The way you breathe, the way you talk, even the funny way you walk, I love you. I’ll leave it out there, oh can’t you tell I’m so bare… my hearts an empty space without you…”

Her eyes met mine as we both smiled; she gave a little laugh and looked away. I continued playing, as I let her voice take me in.

Kat

February 1985

Neptune
and
Arctic Circle
both received an equal amount of cries of pleasure from the audience wanting more after even an encore had been done. There was a full house of fans at every show. I was confident that this tour would be a success and I couldn’t have been more correct.
Neptune
had challenged
Arctic Circle
as the opening act. Although
Arctic Circle
was headlining, we were getting more attention in some areas then they were. Unlike many bands of the time,
Arctic Circle
shared their tour bus with us, making it possible for me to be near Drew at all times. Shane would get angry at us because of our overly active displays of affection. We were both so young and in love, nothing was too extreme. I think he was just jealous, personally.

Show after show a success, drugs, alcohol, sex, and partying till midmorning, it was everything I dreamed about and dreaded. My father had been thrown into this life at an early age and it had ultimately killed him and ruined my mother. Being a totally different person from them both, I assumed, I continued my ways with both bands.

It was still hard for me to believe that Drew and I had hit it off again the way we had. Although I feared future rejection from him as before, I was too proud and confident in myself to even let it affect me to an extent. Drew and I had each other but the rest of the guys had girls from neighboring towns who decided to jump in their beds for the night. Some of the guys had different women in their room every night. I was content with just Drew and him with me, much to my content. I don’t think life could have been more perfect then it was at that moment.

We were in Pennsylvania and although freezing, to make light of the situation, it was suggested we go visit the battlefields of Gettysburg which were only a few miles away. We rented the shittiest, but cheapest jeep we could find and all eight of us got into it. Drew insisted on driving. I ended up having to sit on Shane’s lap because the car was so packed. Drew ended up being a horrible driver, going over every bump and rock he could find. This created friction between Shane and me. Before I knew it, I could feel Shane growing through his pants. He got really quiet and his whole body tensed up a bit. When we got there Shane just kind of sat and mumbled to give him a few minutes, and so the rest of us started on towards the first battle site.

After about twenty minutes of walking and Shane still not back yet with the rest of the group, something suddenly came over me. I told the guys and Drew that I had left something back at the car and with an intensity I had never felt before ran light as air back to the car where I saw Shane standing with his back towards me.

“Shane,” I spoke his name as I walked closer to him.

He turned around and started to say “sorry” and he “wouldn’t let it happen again”

He wouldn’t stop and just kept going on and on until I grabbed him and kissed him slowly on the lips. I don’t know who was more surprised. Breaking away from him a little, I looked up at him. He looked almost a little afraid and confused.

Laughing, I said, “You shouldn’t have kept apologizing.”

He chuckled a bit and leaned into kiss me. I let him with open arms. It could have only been a few minutes that we stood there in our adulterous embrace but to me it felt like a lifetime. I finally broke away and stated the obvious that we needed to get back before someone went looking for us. Once we finally met up with the others we explained that we had gotten lost and all was well again. We visited so many sites on the battlefields that day at Gettysburg, but nothing compared to the battle going on inside my head and my heart. Shane and I were normal, well as normal as we could be, as if nothing had happened. The band would have been in jeopardy and my relationship with Drew would have been over. I wasn’t ready for either of those to happen just yet.

Shane

February 1985

Maybe she did feel the same. After all the way she kissed me, the way she touched me, it set fire to my whole self. I had watched her and Drew for the past couple of months. Amazingly they seemed so happy. Was I jealous? Yeah, I was. But that kiss, it gave me hope, or as close to hope as I would have liked it to be.

Drew

February 1985

Roy had let Kat be in our latest music video for the single we were releasing,
Doom
. She played the part of a dark angel, wearing a black corseted dress and black tights with ridiculously high heels. She was put in black eyeliner, black lipstick, black everything. Even her hair had been dyed, falling in loose curls around her waist. To top off were the huge black wings she wore on her back. They were so heavy she had to balance herself correctly to stop from falling over every take. She laughed it off and joked with the camera crew as they helped her up. She was truly the most beautiful woman I had ever met.

Thomas

March 1985

“Thomas, I’m so bored,” Kat whined.

Arctic Circle
had taken up a local studio in Hawaii to practice in for the next couple of days, so Kat, James, Ian and I were left to our own defenses.

“Knock it off, it’s not that bad.”

She made a pouty face at me.

“Maybe I should go see if James wants to fuck me,” she suddenly stated

“Where the FUCK did that come from?” I asked her suddenly very angry

“Whoa there buddy, I was just kidding, I wouldn’t fuck James… again.”

“Don’t even start, Kat.”

Not that I even cared anymore. I had watched her pass herself from Shane to Drew like a prized animal.

“Plus”, she started, “I’m waiting for Drew to get back”. She smiled then at the sound of his name, like it was something magical that she had spoken.

“God, Kat, screw Drew.”

“I plan to”

“Jesus, no. I didn’t have a problem when you were seeing Shane; honestly, I would so much more prefer that you were sleeping with him than Drew. Anyone but Drew. He’s only going to hurt you again trust me. I know what type of person he is.”

“Like you tried to warn me about Gary, oh wait you didn’t!” she said defensive

“Maybe not Gary but other men! And then, when Gary didn’t want you anymore, what do you do? You come over and suck my fucking dick to try to get over him; I am NOT having that shit again.”

She looked taken back.

“I did that because I wanted to, not because of Gary,” she said softly.

“Sure you did.”

“Just forget it, I don’t want to argue with you, Thomas, you’re my best friend, my only friend, you get me.”

“Not right now, I don’t,” I responded.

She looked so sad, something I hadn’t seen in months. The worst part was I had caused it. I sighed, “Come here,” I said, pulling her into an embrace.

She looked up at me after a moment, “I don’t like fighting with you,” she whispered.

“Me either, Kat.”

Her eyes looked like they would start flooding at any moment. Putting my hand behind her neck, I drew her toward me till our lips touched. When hers opened to mine, I pulled her closer. She pulled away first, which was relieving, I didn’t have the strength to. She wrapped her arms tight around me and laid her head on my chest. We stayed that way for a long time, reflecting what had just happened, and for once, I had caught a glimpse of the Kat she used to be, not the Kat she had been the last couple of months and for that, I’d forgive her. I’d always forgive her.

James

March 1985

If I thought that Kat should have been with anyone, it should have been Thomas. The way they bounced off of each other was magnetic in a way that I had never seen with anyone. I was aware, as well as Ian, that they had slept together before once, but every time I tried to talk with Thomas about it, he dismissed the subject as if she did not exist in that manner to him. In truth, they were inseparable. She and I had stopped sleeping together it was really only a convenience thing anyways but I was sure it wasn’t the last time. We all hated seeing her with Drew again, but there was not much to change that. Plus it hadn’t affected the band at all. In fact, Kats demeanor had changed and her energy seemed to bounce off of audiences playfully. It could have been worse. It could have been
far
worse. But that was yet to come.

Shane

April 1985

She sat there across from me, knowing I had been trying to make eye contact with her the entire time.

“One more time, Kat, please?” I overheard Thomas say.

She pouted, “I’ve really had enough for today, and besides, everything is perfect, don’t be such a micro manager.”

He laughed, “Right, so when you mess up next show you can’t blame it on me.”

“BUT do I
ever?”
she said coyly.

She began singing, “
if I was a puppet, played by your hand, I’d never touch a grain of sand. I’d never see the sainted sun; words wouldn’t slip off of my tongue. My brain, my heart would all be yours, nothing to call my own. I’ve never been a queen per say but I won’t live with this misery.”

Thomas’ guitar came exploding into the room, his eyes on Kat, she meeting him with a smile.

“And when all is said and done, I’ll never say that you were the one for me… you were never the one for me,”
Kat sang softly as the song ended.

“Excellent,” Thomas breathed out.

Neptune began emptying out of the studio, leaving Kat and I alone.

“You don’t need to stare, Shane.” She said when she got close enough.

So she had seen me

“We really need to stop doing this,” she said as she slid onto my lap.”Drew will find out.”

“Let him,” I said carelessly as my lips brushed hers.

She got up suddenly, “Kat,” I whined.

“Soon,” she whispered. “He can’t play this forever, we both know he will mess up and you’ll be there, to conveniently pick up the pieces.”

I smiled; it was what we had been speaking about for the last month, her and I together. We both wanted it, but it wasn’t so simple. First we had to get Drew to leave her, make him look like the bad guy.

“Kat”, I said following her to the door. I pushed myself against her so that her back went against the wall; her hand framed my face as I kissed her. “Marry me, Kat, fuck it all.”

“Soon,” she whispered again, moving away from me, leaving me alone in the room.

Soon couldn’t come fast enough.

Kat

April 1985

I had inconveniently discovered the misfortune of being wanted by more than one man at once and I loved it. I had Drew, there was no question about that. And Shane? Definitely had hooked him. Thomas? He would always want me it would seem. I was envied for it and I fully basked in the glory of what I had accomplished. Three strings for three men who had literally become my puppets over lust. I only wanted one. Shane. I’d have him, eventually. We devised plans, secret meetings, nothing going past a quick kiss. I cared for Drew, but it was a mistake. He killed whatever feeling I really had for him back when he betrayed my girlish thoughts and feelings. Whatever Shane wanted to do to make this happen, whatever he had to do to make this happen would cost us more than what we were willing to risk. Or so I was afraid would happen.