Shiftr: Swipe Left for Love (Jessica) BBW Bear Shifter Menage Romance (Hope Valley BBW Dating App Romance Book 8) (3 page)

“We were friends, yeah.” Something was stopping her from telling Tamika how close they’d been. Maybe she still felt a little betrayed. It was silly, really. She knew their parents hadn’t given them any alternative to walking out of her life the way they had, but the pain was still deep inside her, and it would take a while to heal. 

“Then it’ll be great to rekindle your friendship, widen your social circle, won’t it?” Jessica smiled at Tamika, loving her for her generous, positive attitude.

“Yes it will,” she said.

“They must be nice guys since they’re friends of yours, so I’m sure it won’t take long before they find their mates too.” Jessica’s stomach tightened again.

“Yeah, they’re both good guys. I’m sure they’ll get high compatibility ratings,” she replied. “We’re catching up tonight. Where shall I meet them?”

“There’s a new shifter-owned bar that’s just opened, on the road to the national park. It’s kind of rustic but cozy. Mismatched furniture and a bar made from beer barrels. I think you’ll like it.”

“Sounds good. What’s it called?”

“Rusty’s. You won’t find it on the internet, so you’ll have to send them a dropped pin. I’ll forward it to you now.” 

“Thanks, I’ll do that.” Jessica sent the pin to Lucas, and he messaged her right back, saying how much he was looking forward to hanging out. She smiled at his message. He and Christian were so different from all the other guys she’d met since them. They were so much more in touch with their feelings, and not afraid to express them. English guys, in particular, were guarded and uptight, as if there was something unmanly about having emotions. Several unsuccessful relationships with emotionally stunted guys was a big part of the reason why she’d jumped at the chance to move to the US.

She felt a rush of affection for the two guys. Her mysterious, intense Christian and her laidback, jokey Lucas. They were each other’s perfect counterpart, and they complemented the different sides of her personality perfectly.

She spent the afternoon working on some code, but her usual fierce concentration wasn’t there, and she had to keep going back and checking her work, as her tummy fluttered with anticipation for the evening ahead.

Christian and Lucas couldn’t stop grinning all the way back home.

“Jessica!” Lucas exclaimed as they drove along, the roof of their cabriolet open to the fresh summer breeze. “I can’t believe it. I literally can’t believe it!”

“Did you recognize her right away?” Christian asked.

“I thought it was her as soon as I heard her voice on the intercom, but it was so out of place that I thought my mind was playing tricks on me.”

“Yeah, it took me a little longer. I picked up on the English accent, but that was all. Then when I saw her standing there, I totally did a double take. She hasn’t changed much, has she?”

“Looks-wise, not really, I guess,” Lucas said thoughtfully. “Same hair, same glasses, same kooky style. But she’s grown up a lot.”

“As we have too.”

“God! –” Lucas slapped his hand on the dashboard. “I can’t wait to hang out with her, find out what she’s been doing all these years.”

“Me too!”

“Do you think she hates us?”

“For disappearing from her life without a word?” Christian said.

“Do I detect some sarcasm?”

“I’m sure deep down she’s a little mad at us. And I don’t blame her. I mean, I often thought about looking for her, but something always stopped me.”

“I think it was The Book,” Lucas said. “I mean, officially, our vow not to look for her hasn’t expired. But I think I also felt like I didn’t have the right to go and disturb her life. I figured she’d forgotten about us by now, and that it would be weird to pop up like a blast from the past. You know?”

“Yeah. I thought the same. I imagined her being a high-powered lawyer in London or something. Maybe married to some other high-powered lawyer.”

“She’s not married though is she?” Lucas said.

“I don’t think so. Sounds like she just moved over here by herself. She must be dating though. She’s so goddamn cute.” Lucas raised an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah?” Christian clicked his tongue.

“Not in that way! She’s like my sister or something. I just meant, objectively, she’s turned into a fine-looking woman.”

“True.”

They continued chatting about Jessica all the way back, but Lucas was keen to get home and have some time by himself to chill out, and he suspected Christian felt the same.

As soon as they were back, they both shifted, their bears bursting out of them eagerly, before heading out into the woods for an afternoon run. Once he was far away from Christian, Lucas’s bear let off an unrestrained roar that echoed through the woods.
Jessica!
Her name was like a firework in his brain. She felt nothing like a sister to him. He’d been secretly in love with her throughout his teens. When they’d been separated, it had been deeply painful for him, and he’d thought about her more or less constantly for months on end. But the newness of their lives in the US, and his growing awareness that he wasn’t going to return to London created a distance for him. He’d learned to think of her less and less often. And eventually she had taken on a dreamlike quality in his subconscious, along with the rest of his earlier life in England.

But now, the sight of her, standing there in the Shiftr office, looking so sweet and curvy in her rockabilly dress had brought back his youthful passions in full force. If anything, the passage of time had made her even more stunning, turning her teenage prettiness into a lush, womanly beauty. He was almost rendered speechless. The only word that had been emblazoned across his brain was
wow
. It had taken a supreme effort to control his bear, which was intent on purring at the sight of her, and clawing at his insides. But control it, he had. He would have been mortified if either she or Christian found out how he’d felt about her. She was strictly off-limits. He’d understood that as a teenager with hormones raging through his body, and he understood it now. He was so stunned and grateful to have her back in his life again, and there was no way he’d jeopardize the friendship between the three of them. His bear let out a long, frustrated howl.
No
, he told it sternly.
We’re going to be friends, and that’s all
.

Once he’d arrived back home and showered, he stretched out on his bed and picked up his phone. The orange paw-print icon of the Shiftr app sat on his home screen. Right where Jessica had installed it with her dexterous fingers. He was so proud of her for creating a career for herself as a tech developer, just as she’d wanted to, and resisting the pressures her parents had laid on her. He laughed to himself as he thought how excited he’d been on the way to the Shiftr office, how much he’d been looking forward to finding his mate. And how those thoughts had evaporated the second he’d laid eyes on Jessica.
No
. He had to quit that right now. He opened the Shiftr app. What he needed to do was find himself a mate, and fast.
That’s the only way you’ll be able to maintain a friendship with her
. But how could he find his mate on Shiftr when he’d already met Jessica, who was perfect in every way? Every thought of her brought a smile to his face – the cute gap between her front teeth; the dimple that appeared in her left cheek when she smiled; the way that she started to talk real fast when she was discussing something she was passionate about. He sighed. He had a lot of work to do. Listlessly, he tapped and scrolled to the personality questionnaire and got started.

*

Christian’s bear bounded through the woods, leaping joyously across streams and over fallen tree trunks.
Jessica’s in Hope Valley!
The thought zipped through his mind like a thunderbolt. Apart from Lucas, she was the best friend he’d had in his entire life. She was so fun and quirky, and shared his love for obscure rock bands. And she understood the real him, not the aloof side of himself that he’d projected to everyone else in high school. She was the only girl he’d been able to share his feelings with completely, and that included every single girl he’d dated.

He’d lost his older brother when he was young and that had scarred him deeply. Jay had been shot while running in the forest. He had just started to shift and he was so full of energy and life, and passion for exploring his bear side. And he was everything an older brother could ever be – protective, caring, and always there to help. He’d taught him so much, too. And then he was killed. Christian was devastated when he found out. But he told himself that he had to be strong for his parents and for his younger brother, Grayson – just like Jay would have been – and he didn’t show his deep grief to anyone. He was so deeply scarred, and so petrified of shifting for a long time, that later in life, when his body was ready to shift, he couldn’t bring himself to do it for a long time. It took him 3-4 years to finally manage but he never stopped feeling fragile and restless in his bear form. He’d never spoken to anyone about this; not even Lucas. It was his Big Secret. But he had wished so many times that he could share it with Jessica.
God!
He had so missed their deep and meaningful relationship during these years.

In school, he’d loved that she trusted him too, and not treated him like a guy, but as if he was her soul mate. The three of them had been inseparable at school. They did everything together, to the point that the teachers usually made them sit apart in class because they wanted them to mix with other people. He had so many fond memories of going over to her house in the evenings after school, scaling the ivy that clung to the wall outside her room and sneaking through the window. Lucas would do the same, and they’d hang out for hours, writing song lyrics and discussing their favorite movies and their dreams for the future. Jessica’s parents had never once caught them. She lived in a big, draughty old house in a London suburb, and she said her parents never stirred far from the fire in winter, or the patio in summer, leaving her to her own devices.

When his parents had snatched him away and put him on a plane to the US, he’d felt like someone had taken a big bite out of his side. Once during a very intense evening, Jessica, Lucas and he had cut their fingertips and made a blood pact to always be in each other’s lives. Then his parents had ruined it, just like that. And for months, he’d been tormented by thoughts of Jessica and how confused and worried she must have been at them disappearing without a word. Losing her was as painful as losing Jay. He’d been mad at his parents for the longest time. He’d asked them over and again why he or Lucas couldn’t call her, just once and explain that they’d had to emigrate. But his parents refused to even discuss it with him. They made him put his hand on The Book and promise not to contact her.

Back at home, he picked up his phone and gazed at the Shiftr app. It was a great design. He loved the way the pad of the paw was in the shape of a heart. Had Jessica had a hand in designing it? The thought gave him enough enthusiasm to open it up. He’d signed up mainly to encourage Lucas, who he knew was more than ready to find a human mate. He wanted a human mate too, but his parents’ determination that he find a bear mate filled him with guilt. He was in a kind of limbo – unwilling to accept a female bear, yet not ready to break his parents’ hearts. Deep down, he loved them a lot despite the pain they had caused him, and he knew they’d been devastated by Jay’s death, so he wanted to make them as happy as he could.

The app opened to reveal a long line of thumbnails featuring one sexy, curvy girl after another. His bear gave a deep purr of anticipation. It wasn’t often that Christian encountered curvy girls with enough self-esteem to be pursued by him. They usually assumed he was having fun at their expense, and wasn’t serious about dating them. But here was a site full of hot women, all eager to find a shape shifter, and all aware that mating was forever. He started to scroll through them, his eyes automatically lingering on the brunettes. His bear gave him plenty of encouragement, purring and scrabbling at his insides every time it saw one that it liked the look of.

The time went fast, and by the time he remembered that he was supposed to be answering a personality questionnaire, he had to stop and get ready. He pressed the home button on his phone gratefully, and headed for the shower.

Jessica’s hands were trembling as she drove to Rusty’s bar later that evening, excitement and nerves mingling in her veins in equal measure.
But why am I nervous?
she asked herself.
I know these two men better than anyone in the world. Knew, she corrected herself. They’re no longer boys. For a start, they have a bear side that I know nothing about, as well as ten whole years of life experience.
Analyzing the source of her discomfort calmed her, as always. Being a technology genius had lent her the assumption that almost anything could be solved by analytical thinking. She opened the windows, letting the breeze stream in and whistled the chorus from one of their favorite songs.

As she drove along the road to the national park, she slowed to a crawl. Her satnav said she’d arrived, but she couldn’t see anything that resembled a bar. There was just a barn, with a sheet hanging across the front of it.
Oh, wait. Could it be?
She turned off the road and drove right up to it.
The sheet had a word scrawled on it with a black sharpie, gone over many times.

“What does it say?” she said aloud. “R – U – S. Rusty’s. Hey, that’s it!” She high-fived the air in front of her. “Full marks for observation, Jessica!” she muttered, used to be mocked by her family for her lack of attention to her immediate surroundings. On the fence at the side of the barn was a sign, also written in black sharpie, that said “Parking Lot”. She followed a narrow, dusty track along the side of the building to a large field. There were only four other cars there, parked haphazardly at all kinds of angles. She parked the little Miata that Tamika had loaned her neatly against the fence and walked back to the front entrance of the bar.

Two saloon doors blocked her way. They looked like they didn’t belong to the building, but had been salvaged from elsewhere. They’d been painted pale blue at some point, but were now heavily weathered, and the paint had all but gone. She pushed one and it bounced right back on heavy hinges.
Great.
She hated doors like this that seemed to be designed to make you look idiotic. She tried the other one. It moved more easily, and she pushed it open and squeezed through the narrow gap.

Rusty’s was gloomy inside, lit by individual bulbs hanging on long cables from the rafters high above. The air had a scent that she was beginning to recognize as the smell of shifters. It was subtle and pleasant – kind of fresh and earthy. There was a long bar, made from piled up barrels, with a long plank of dark wood laid on top. The bartender rested his elbows on the plank and regarded her closely as she walked nervously across the room.
Could I feel any more self-conscious right now
? she thought to herself. This was exactly the kind of situation that ended up with her falling flat on her face and embarrassing herself so much that she could never go back.
Wait – is that sawdust on the floor? It is.
She felt a thrill of excitement. She’d always wanted to drink in a redneck bar with actual sawdust, just like in the movies. She peered around the room, looking for the guys in the dim light.

“Can I help you?” the bartender called in a booming voice. She jumped.
Okay, so I need to order first. That’s fine I guess.
She pushed her glasses up her nose and stepped right up to the bar. The bartender’s eyes didn’t leave her face, his expression full of distrust.

“Can I help you?” he said again.

“Yes, I’ll have a beer.” She scanned the taps and, not recognizing any of the brands, pointed to the nearest one.

“Beer’s off,” he said flatly. She glanced at a huddle of guys to the left, each holding a brimming mug of beer.

“All of it?” she said.

“Yup. Just run out.”

“Okay.” She straightened her bangs nervously. “I guess I’ll have a glass of wine then. What reds do you have?”

“No wine,” he grunted. A flicker of anger broke through her English reserve.

“You’ve got lots of wine. I can see it right there behind the bar,” she snapped. The bartender’s brow furrowed and confusion flashed in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, miss. We don’t serve outsiders.”

“Outsiders? Are you saying you don’t like my accent?” she demanded.

“No, it’s not that. We only serve locals.” A light bulb went on in her head.
Okay, I get it.

“I’m Tamika’s niece,” she said. His expression immediately softened and his gaze flickered over her features.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I work with her at the Shiftr office. I know a few of the guys… Connor, Logan, Timo…” He grinned.

“Alright. You’re one of us. Welcome to Rusty’s.” He poured her a beer and pushed it across the bar. “Welcome drink’s on the house.”

“Thanks,” she said shortly, not quite forgiving him for his brusqueness. She sipped the beer and as she lifted her hand to wipe off the foam moustache, she heard her name being called. She flipped around to the left.
There they are!
Suddenly, two tall, muscular, full-grown men were hurtling toward her, arms outstretched. Lucas reached her first, sweeping her off her feet and spinning her around. She shrieked in happiness. With the exception of Tamika who’d picked her up at the airport several weeks ago, no-one greeted her this enthusiastically, ever. Her family didn’t really do hugs and affection. A wave of emotion welled up inside her and tears stung at her eyes. When the guys finally put her down, she took her glasses off and wiped her eyes quickly. She’d lived without this warmth and affection for so many years, and she’d been trying hard to pretend that she hadn’t missed it, but she had. Badly.

“We’re sitting over here,” Christian said, draping an arm around her waist and leading her over to a table made from a beer barrel, surrounded by three smaller barrels with cushions on top.

“Nice place,” she commented. Lucas laughed.

“I’ve heard it’s a work in progress. They were supposed to have furniture ready for the opening, but the shipment was delayed or something.”

“No, I like it as it is. It’s really relaxing and rustic.” Christian lifted his mug.

“Here’s to the three of us being back together at last!” he said, and they bumped their beers together.

“And here’s to us having our first drink together since we drank your dad’s scotch in your bedroom,” Lucas said.

“Urgh! The thought makes me want to retch,” Jessica said, laying her hand on her chest. “That was just before you guys left, right? We were having a party?” A soft look passed across Lucas’ features.

“Yeah, we were. A private party for the three of us. Your parents were out, so we didn’t even have to climb up the ivy. We just walked right in and you pulled out a bottle, saying your dad would never miss it. We sat on your bedroom floor and played truth or dare.”

“And I drank too fast and got really sick,” Jessica said, aghast. “How did I forget that?”

“I think our brains have a way of blocking out grotesque memories,” Christian said thoughtfully.

“It’s all coming back to me now. You were worried about leaving me by myself, so one of you called your parents and made up some story, and then you stayed with me all night. You slept on the floor, on the far side of my bed, so my parents wouldn’t see if they came in and checked on me.”

“Yeah that was me. I’ll never forget the dulcet tones of your snoring vibrating through the floorboards all night,” Lucas said with a smirk. Jessica clapped her hand over her mouth and her cheeks reddened.

“What? I snore?”

“Only when you’re a quarter of the way through your father’s best scotch.”

“Oh, god. What a disaster I was!” she exclaimed. Lucas laid his hand on her thigh.

“Just kidding, Jess. You slept like a baby.” He said playfully and burst out laughing. She slapped his chest, and was simultaneously aware of both the warmth of his big, long-fingered hand on her leg and the swell of his pecs beneath her hand. She snatched her hand away and hid her face in her beer mug.

“Remember all those times we sneaked out to the park behind school and shared one of those cigarettes that sketchy guy used to sell us individually at the convenience store on the corner?” Christian said.

“Remember that time we bribed some guy to buy us a bottle of cider from the same convenience store and we sat in the park and drank it after school?” Jessica countered.

“We started pretty young, didn’t we?” She shrugged.

“We weren’t alone. Half our class was doing the same thing. Dysfunctional teenagers. Too much angst. It’s normal in England. You’ve got to keep the cold out somehow. Sounds like you’ve forgotten what it was like to live there.”

“Maybe I have,” Christian replied with a serious face. “So much happened after we arrived in the US.”

“So tell me. I want to know all about your lives, from the moment you left,” she said, looking from one to the other. They both leaned back, laced their hands behind their heads and stared into space. Jessica giggled, amused at the way they mirrored each other. And then she took the opportunity to examine their faces more closely. Christian had a long, fine scar running from his right ear to the base of his cheekbone. It hadn’t been there when they were growing up. She had an obscure urge to reach out and touch it, and she made a mental note to ask him about it if it didn’t come up while they were narrating their life stories. Lucas’s face was unmarked. There had always been a puppyish quality to Lucas, a softness which she’d had assumed would disappear when he was full grown. And it had, except for his lips which were as full as ever, and the sooty lashes framing his slightly slanting, gray-blue eyes. A scattering of stubble covered his jaw and his curly brown hair was cut short at the sides and a little longer on top. Christian was the opposite. As a teen, his face had been too hard to be good looking. Girls had drooled over Lucas, to his complete obliviousness, but had been a little intimidated by Christian’s height and sharp features. But now, in adulthood, his bones had broadened a little, giving him a classic chiseled look, with the slight hollow between his cheekbones and square jaw. His black hair was cropped very short and he also had a few days’ stubble growth. They’d both turned out so mainstream handsome, which was odd considering the misfits they’d all been at school. She wondered idly how many women they’d brought to their beds, and she felt that weird tug in her stomach again.

“Our parents told us that we were moving to the US permanently when we were on the plane. I think they were worried that we’d run off if they told us at the airport,” Lucas said, breaking through her thoughts. “We both flipped out, demanding to know what they were planning, but they forced us to be quiet, warning us that the other passengers might overhear us. Well, you can imagine how that went down. I spent the whole flight feeling like a pressure cooker that was about to blow, and keeping my bear in the entire way was agony. When we landed, there were cars waiting for us and they took us to a town called Wynter Hollow in Idaho that’s completely populated by bear shifters. After that, shifters were all we knew, and we kind of lost touch with the human world. We went to a shifter high school, where shifting was talked about openly. Kids shifted in class all the time, and competed over who was going to be the first to shift in their group. It had gone from being a secret not to be revealed on pain of death, to the norm.”

“So in a way it was a comfort to have all that support around us,” Christian interjected. “But we’d been brought up in the human world, and we missed it badly.”

“But most of all, we missed you, Jess,” Lucas said, nudging her with his elbow. A flood of warmth rose up in her chest. Somehow, knowing that they’d been missing her at the same time that she was missing them helped to heal the pain of those terrible months after they’d gone. “As I said this morning, I tried to call you a couple of times, but my parents instilled so much fear into my young mind that I was terrified of the possible consequences.”

“What did this danger turn out to be?”

“We still don’t know. None of our parents will discuss it. It’s like this deep, dark mystery. And it hasn’t done my relationship with my folks any good, that’s for sure,” Lucas said with a sigh.

“So you graduated high school, and then what?” Jessica prompted.

“I rebelled and went to U of I on a track scholarship,” Lucas said.

“You never did track at school.”

“We weren’t allowed,” Christian said with a laugh. “Our parents forbade us from doing anything that would draw attention to our shifter nature. And since we can run twice as fast as the average human, our sporting prowess would’ve stood out.”

“But getting a sport scholarship was the only way I could afford to go to college. So I made sure that I only won each race by a small margin,” Lucas said. “I wound up getting a full scholarship, but my parents were so mad at me that we didn’t speak during my first two years at college.”

“And now?”

“Now they’ve kind of come to terms with my need to have connections with anyone I like, regardless of whether they’re human or shifter. Or, at least, they’ve absolved themselves of all responsibility.”

“How about you, Christian?” Jessica asked. Christian ran his hands through his thick, dark hair.

“You know I’ve always felt a lot of responsibility toward my parents. I think it’s because of losing my brother. I knew that they were devastated, and I felt that I wanted to do anything within my power to make them happy. But of course, as any family, we have our differences and arguments.”