Shiftr: Swipe Left for Love (Jessica) BBW Bear Shifter Menage Romance (Hope Valley BBW Dating App Romance Book 8) (9 page)

At long last, her phone rang.

Christian’s voice was gravelly and broken, as if he’d been shaken to his core.

“Jess, are you still in Wynter Hollow?”

“Yes.”

“Can I come over? I’ve got something very important to ask you.”

“Of course.”

In fifteen minutes, he was knocking on her door.

He looked terrible – drawn and exhausted. She hadn’t planned to touch him, to make things worse. But she couldn’t deny him; the look in his eyes twisted a knife in her heart. He held his arms out and she fell into his embrace. She laid her head against his chest, and he rubbed her back and stroked her hair, as if she was the one who needed comforting.

“Come and sit down,” she whispered at last.

“Wait, I brought some wine.” he said, going out of the door again. He returned, opened the bottle of red wine and poured it into two tumblers.

There was nowhere to sit but the bed, so they sat as they had earlier that day, but with a little more distance between them.

She sipped her wine, while he took a large gulp of his.

“I knew I’d need a drink before I asked you this,” he said with a humorless laugh.

“What is it?” she asked gently.

“My mom told me today that she wants me to find a mate immediately. If anything happens to my father –” He broke off, swallowed several times. She squeezed his hand while he forced his emotions back under control. “If anything happens to him, his successor needs to be mated, or the whole clan will be severely destabilized.” Jessica blinked, the language of clan politics so unfamiliar to her.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that we could be destroyed by other clans. There needs to be a stable power base to show the other clans that we’re a force to be reckoned with. And that begins with a mated alpha.”

“So?” she prompted when he didn’t continue.

“I’ve told her that I can’t mate with another shifter. However politically motivated this union may be, mating is for life, and the idea of being with a shifter is abhorrent to me. It’s hard to explain why, but I can’t even stand the scent of female bears. I spent my formative years among human females, and, despite my parents’ best efforts, I can only consider mating with a human. I told my mom this, for the hundredth time. And made her cry, again, with that look of total disappointment on her face.” Jessica’s stomach knotted as she began to grasp what was coming next.

“In the end, she said, okay, she understood, and blamed herself for bringing me up around humans. But that didn’t change things, and I need to find a mate immediately so that my dad can see me successfully mated.” He took a deep breath, his strong chest rising and falling. “Jess, what I want to ask you is, will you be my mate?”

Jessica stared at him, too stunned to speak.

“But your mother hates me,” she blurted out. He smiled.

“She doesn’t hate you at all. She just saw you as a threat to the shifter mating that she wanted for me. As soon as she understood that I could only mate a human, she mentioned your name. She knows you well, knows that you’re a great person, and that I care about you a lot. She said that if I insisted on mating with a human, I couldn’t find a better one than you.”

“What does
mating
mean? Would it be just for show, or would we be together, together?” she said. Christian’s eyes became very intense, huge black orbs.

“Yes. We’d be together, Jessica. We’d be expected to have cubs, and live together as married couples do. Although of course, it would be far more intense, because we’d be mated.” A shudder ran all the way through Jessica’s body, ending right between her thighs. 

“Wow,” she said, stunned out of all eloquence.

“I realize this is a pretty incredible thing to ask. And of course, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t so important. I never thought of you as a mate.”

“You didn’t?” she murmured.

“Well, only in momentary fantasies. Or that time on the canal in London, when we kissed. But I felt like I didn’t have the right to think of you that way. You were my best friend. You and Lucas. And then we were forcibly separated, and I didn’t expect to see you again.” She frowned.

“In that case, how can you contemplate having me as your mate?” He took another long breath.

“You’ve always been my soul mate, Jess. The person who sees right through me and who understands me more than anyone else does. And as much as I’ve been trying to fight my feelings for the sake of our friendship and for the sake of my friendship with Lucas, things have been different since we found each other again. And it’s been nearly impossible for me to keep my feelings for you platonic. That kiss earlier was only a taste of the passion I have for you.”

Jessica’s stomach flipped as her gaze flickered from his eyes to those full lips she’d kissed only hours ago. She was attracted to him, overwhelmingly so. Her body still tingled from their kiss, as if he’d awoken something that had been dormant inside her for so long. And she couldn’t imagine being closer to anybody on earth. Except for Lucas. When she thought of Lucas’ lips, of kissing them, she felt exactly the same as she felt about Christian.
How could I be Christian’s mate when I love both of them equally?
she thought.

“I don’t want to force you by putting a guilt trip on you, Jess,” Christian said, breaking through her thoughts. “I can only tell you that this is something very important for me. And if you’re my mate, I’ll spend my life trying to make you the happiest woman on earth. You’ll be loved, protected and adored. But if it’s not right for you, please say no.”

She allowed herself to fall back on the bed, needing to break the tension between their two bodies. But it actually made things worse, as now he was arching over her, and, against her will, her body called out to him, to throw himself over her, crush her beneath his muscular bulk.

He gazed at her, waiting, hanging on her words.

“What about Lucas?” she said, surprised at how strained her voice sounded. Christian let out a sigh that was more like a groan.

“He’ll understand. He understands the pressures I’m under better than anyone.” She looked deep into his eyes. He was refusing to acknowledge the truth. Or did he really not know that Lucas had feelings for her? Maybe it was something they never discussed. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him that she loved them both.
But what if I decide to accept his proposal? Won’t it make things impossible if he knows that my heart is divided?
She didn’t know if she was going to say yes, but instinctively, she realized that if she was going to agree to be his mate, then she had to give it her all.

“I need some time,” she said at last. His eyes softened.

“Of course you do. I wasn’t expecting an immediate answer from you. Please take as much time as you need.” His voice broke on the last word. She squeezed his hand, knowing he was thinking about his father, and wondering whether there were many days left. He reached for his glass on the nightstand and drained it.

“I should go,” he said. As much as she needed time to think, her heart ached at the thought of being separated from him.

“You should be with your mom,” she said.

“No, she’s at the hospital, sleeping in dad’s room.”

“Then stay here if you want?”

“Are you sure?” She nodded.

“Absolutely. Let’s get room service and finish that wine.” His smile was so full of gratitude that it brought a lump to her throat.

They ate chicken wings and more burgers, and Christian told her more about pack politics, while carefully avoiding discussing his father. She didn’t press him, knowing that he talked about things openly when he needed to, without being encouraged.

“This must all sound pretty barbaric to you. These clans fighting for power and taking control of weaker clans, like something from the stone age.”

“I guess it’s a pretty primal instinct in all living species,” she said carefully. “Humans just conceal it beneath a veneer of respectability. But look how many wars are going on all around the world, nearly all caused by one group of people wanting to steal the land belonging to another group of people. We’re just as barbaric. I have no illusions about that at all.” Christian grinned.

“I loved how you were such a pacifist at school. I remember you arguing with Mr Timms about the UK’s involvement in the Iraq war. You’d never back down, however much he threw at you. I admired you so much for that.” She laughed.

“But you must have sided with Mr Timms.”

“No, not at all. I’m not into taking land and conquering other clans. I’m actually a pacifist too. I totally agreed with all the arguments you made. My father is not a pacifist, which is why there’s been so much turmoil during his leadership. We established ourselves in this country by chasing another clan out of Wynter Hollow. But when I become alpha, I’ll work to keep good relations with other clans, and institute a purely defensive strategy.”

“Will that work?”

“I don’t know. I imagine that there are some who will claim that I’m a weak alpha, and may present challenges to my leadership.”

“And then?”

“My mother would be ashamed if I was deposed.” Jessica was quiet, absorbing everything.

“But what do you want, Christian? You talk about keeping your parents happy, but you’ve got to live your own life too.”

“I feel like I’ve gone far enough by refusing to accept a shifter mate. I can’t turn my back on the family that raised me. They lost one of their sons and I’ve always wanted to make sure that I make them happy.”

“And if I say no to being your mate?” He gave a bitter laugh.

“It’s back to Shiftr, and some intense dating for me.” He lifted her hand and examined her fingers. “But it wouldn’t be the same. No-one has ever compared to you. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I’ve always dated girls who look like you. And all they did was remind me of you. You’re one in a million, Jessica. And your algorithm has already proved that no-one could suit me as well as you.” Jessica giggled, which somehow broke the tension.

“That sounds like the most computer-nerd chat-up line ever,” she said. Christian burst out laughing too, and they laughed for a long time, just like they used to when they would lie on her bed watching their favorite comedy show.

Jessica wiped the tears away from her eyes.

“I guess we should get some sleep. It’s been a long day for both of us.”

Jessica used the bathroom first, and when Christian came back from cleaning his teeth, he looked at the single queen-sized bed doubtfully.

“I’ll sleep on the floor,” he said.

“No, don’t be silly.”

“It’s fine. I’ll shift, so it’ll be really comfy.”

“As much as I’d like to see you in your bear form, no. We’re adults. It’s a big bed, and we’ve shared a bed before.”

“I don’t have pyjamas.”

“That’s okay.” She glanced at his jeans, which were hanging so sexily from his hips. “Unless you’re going commando?”

“No, ma’am,” he replied in a jokey voice, and they laughed again.

She slipped under the covers, glad that she was wearing a loose t-shirt and shorts set, and tried not to watch as he stripped down to a snug pair of white undershorts and a white t-shirt. But it was no use. She caught a glimpse of his muscular thighs and biceps, the color of his clothing bringing out the deeply-tanned hue of his skin, and there was that tingle deep inside her again.

She lay down, right on the outer edge of the bed, leaving a sizeable no-man’s land between them. He turned out the light and sighed sleepily. She closed her eyes, which were burning from tiredness, expecting to fall asleep immediately. But her brain stubbornly remained wide awake. She turned onto one side and then the other, then onto her front, but it was no use. From the sounds Christian was making on the other side of the bed, he was having the same difficulty.

“Do you really want to see me in my bear form?” Christian’s voice came to her through the darkness.

“Of course. It’s a big part of you, right?” He gave a chuckle that sounded more like a purr.

“The best part, according to my bear.”

“It seems kind of crazy that I’ve only seen your bear in your Shiftr profile so far.”

“My bear’s keeping me awake, because it wants to go run. Running in the forest is the only way that it can release strong emotion. Do you want to come? I can carry you on my back.”

“Will I like that?” He gave a deep, guttural laugh.

“I’m pretty sure you will.”

“Okay,” she said hesitantly.

“It’s very quiet here, so I can shift in the room and we can sneak out. I need to strip first, so unless you want to see more than you bargained for, don’t switch the light on.”

Jessica closed her eyes tight, but her ears were pricked up, alert to any sounds that he might make. She heard him taking his clothes off, the fabric sliding on his bare skin. There was a series of cracks and crunches, finishing with a particularly loud one. Then he gave a deep, vibrating purr. She opened her eyes. There was a huge black bear in the room. She picked up the rich, earthy scent of his fur, and saw his teeth glistening in the darkness. She felt afraid. It was a deep, primal instinct that she had no control over. This animal was far higher up in the food chain than she was. But she forced herself to be brave. She crept out from under the covers, aware that she was in her night clothes. She considered getting dressed again, but decided against it. Riding on the back of a bear in her night clothes was no weirder than riding fully dressed.