Shocked and Shattered (5 page)

CHAPTER 10 - Disappointed

Round two of chemo, and I’m lucky enough to have Hannah with me again. Her employer has been fantastic, and she is able to work from home and start later when I need her. I was much sicker this time, which I hear is to be expected. I am also getting more depressed, and am so grateful for Stormy.

“
I will be away for three days, Crystal. Will you be okay without me?” Sterling questions me, although it sounds more like he is just stating the obvious. I can’t help but laugh. Will I be okay without him?
Hell, when does he actually do anything for me?

“I’ve been okay without you for years. You are like a flatmate that is never home,” I say truthfully.

“Don’t say that, Crystal. Didn’t I come home for dinner and bring you Chinese last week?”

“Yeah. First time we had dinner together in weeks, but I’m too nauseas to eat. I’ve been that way for months,” I say, frustrated.

“Well, I do try,” he protests, and I decide to see if he really will try.

“Okay then. How about you come to my next chemo on Wednesday?” I’m hoping that he will man up like Liam suggested. He can lie all he wants about helping me, but maybe he should fucking get his act together and up his game.

“Fine. I will have a few hours off work Wednesday morning, so I will come. Will that make you happy?” he questions me.
Am I happy? Well, no, I’m not.

“You will finally get a glimpse into my world right now, at least,” I respond, feeling conflicted.

Hannah spends the two nights here that Sterling is away. It’s nice to have her company more often. “Let’s get out of the apartment, Crystal. I have a plan. Can you wear shorts and a tee?” My wardrobe right now is track pants and a long sleeve tee. My body temperature is totally messed up.

“Okay, just for you. But don’t expect me to shave my legs.” She giggles.

We climb into her car. I have my hoodie, vomit bag, and water bottle in hand; all necessities for my life these days. As a model, I would always have a full bag of make-up, face spritz, hair brush, breath mints, spray tan, and nail polish on hand for emergencies. Damn, life has changed these past few months.

I power down the window and enjoy the fresh air on my face. It’s warm, but still invigorating. After thirty minutes, Hannah pulls up onto a grass embankment. I have been daydreaming and not paying attention to where we were driving.

I look out to the view in front of us. The gorgeous blue waves are crashing onto the sandy shore. The water is a dark blue and travels for miles. I see the flocks of seagulls flying around, looking for food. There are a few groups of people in the water, but not too busy being a weekday and all.

My senses pick up the salty scent of the water, and it brings back memories of trips to the beach when Iwould sunbake for hour
s.
I can’t help but wonder if I will ever get back to the way I was.

We head down onto the sand. Hannah takes off my thongs, and the feeling of the sand between my toes is heaven. It makes me feel alive.

“This was a really great idea, Han.” We walk arm in arm, down to the water’s edge.

I dip my feet into the water. It is warm from the sun, but so refreshing. I smile and inhale the salty scent and smile as the sun’s rays invigorate me.

We sit on towels and enjoy the serenity and peace of this place. It’s the best thing I have done in months. I feel the need to text Liam and let him know I’m having a great day.

Me: How is your day? Hannah has brought me to the beach. It’s so serene and beautiful.

Liam: My day is fine, but doesn’t compare to yours. I am so glad you are getting out and about.

Me: There is something about the beach. It makes everything better.

Liam: I do agree, it’s tranquil. I spend a lot of time at the beach. Maybe one day I could teach you to surf.

Me: What makes you think I don’t already know how to surf?

Liam: Do you?

Me: I don’t. I totally suck at surfing, but I can stand up.

Liam: Well, you have surprised me. I will have to see it to believe it when you are in remission.

Me: It is a deal!

It’s Wednesday, so I wake at seven to shower and prepare
for round three of chemo. Sterling is actually coming with me. I still won’t believe it until he is in the room.

“Are you sure work will survive without you, Sterling?” I ask jokingly as I eat a dry piece of toast. It’s amazing how you become accustomed to bland and tasteless food.

“It will be a struggle for them, but it’s only a couple hours, right?” God, I wonder why he’s bothering to come at all. It’s not like he will hold my hand through it.

We ride the lift up to level eight, which has become a place of dread for me. Sterling is quiet, and I am feeling anxious. As the lift comes to a stop on our floor, we step out. “It’s the last room on the left,” I announce. He doesn’t respond.

I type in my passcode and enter the chemo treatment room. The walls in here are painted a pale blue colour, and unlike others I’ve seen with the aged couches and a homey feel, this one is very modern. It has a huge flat screen with Foxtel connected. People with money get what they pay for I guess.

There are fifteen recliners, and each patient has their own chair, blanket, stool, monitors, and IV with drip. Today, there are six of us in here so far. I recognise a few faces, but a couple are new.

“This is the room we have to sit in? Is it even sterile?” Sterling asks rudely, and I feel my stress level rising. It’s a fucking chemo room, for God’s sake. Did he expect a home theatre room, and thousand dollar recliners inside of a penthouse? I ignore him and take my seat.

“Welcome, Miss Edgeworth,” Nurse Jane says to me, smiling. She is my favourite so far; very sweet and kind. Oh, that just reminded me that I haven’t had a chance to change from my maiden name to my married name. But in my defence, I’ve been very distracted with certain health problems.

“Hi, Jane. This is my husband, Sterling.” I introduce them.

“I’m so glad you finally came with her. It is a very draining and hard time for your wife,” Jane informs Sterling. Little does she know, her words fall on deaf ears.

He just smiles to be kind as Jane hooks up the usual IV that I dread. I notice Sterling staring around the room at the cancer patients with a look of disgust. Ava, the poor woman I was chatting to last session is on her third lot of chemo as the cancer came back. She is very pale, thin, and has lost her hair.
He stares at her like she has something he can catch. 
This man is so self-centred, like, seriously. Is he so far above everyone else? Does he think the people in here are fleas in the carriage compartment while he is in first class?

“Stop staring,” I whisper to him as it’s becoming noticeable. I see Liam watching him as he gawks at the poor patients.

“
I don’t think I can stay here for two hours, Crystal,” he sneers. I’m getting so good at ignoring certain comments he makes. Otherwise, I might stab him in the eye with a sharp object.

“I might go and grab a coffee from the cafeteria. Do you want one?” It’s been ten minutes, and he is already trying to get out of here.

“No, thanks,” I reply, and he is heading out the door faster than a flash.

Liam makes his way over to me as Jane adjusts the drip and moves onto the next patient.

"So, that is the infamous husband?" he queries. "Seems like a bit of a jerk. He was here five minutes, and already he’s gone outside."

"Yeah. Lately, he's been the King of the jerks," I state bitterly.

"You shouldn't have to deal with his immaturity, as well as being so sick, Crystal."

"Guess I just got the short straw," I boast sarcastically.

"I think he might need a word from your trusty oncologist," Liam exclaims, raising an eyebrow.

"No, please don’t. He will get offensive, and it will make it worse," I plead with him.

Liam heads over to the computer to type something, and I breathe deeply, avoiding the burning sensation from the needle and the IV.

Twenty minutes later, the door opens and Sterling walks in, looking annoyed.
I can't remember the last time I saw him smile. That is not a good thing.

Liam looks at him, then to the coffee and donut in his hands. I immediately hope the smell doesn’t make any of the patients feel more nauseas from the smell.

"Mr. Hunt, I'm Dr. Liam Grayson, your wife's oncologist." Liam introduces himself as Sterling takes the seat next to me. He holds his hand out to shake as he would a work colleague.

"Oh yes. Thank you for your help with Crystal." Sterling returns the handshake.

"You do realise that your wife is very sick, right? Her cancer is stage IIB, which means it's further advanced, and in her lymph nodes. She mentioned your busy workload. Will you be taking some leave to help care for her?" he asks Sterling in a stern tone. I love just how forward he is being.

"It's impossible for me to take any more time off, but I'm hiring a full-time nurse to care for her," Sterling informs him, and it’s a shock to me.

"Since when?" I ask, seeing as how this is the first I've heard about it.

"I organised it today. It was meant to be a surprise," he replies. I think he is lying through his teeth.

"I don't want a full-time nurse. I want someone close to me, like Hannah, or my husband," I scoff angrily.

"Crystal, please watch your tone. I'll do my best to be home for dinner each night," he snarls, and I see red. He will try to be home for dinner? What, ten hours in the office is not enough?

"Don't fucking bother." I turn my head away, putting in my headphones and closing my eyes.

Man, I want to scream right now.

I open one eye, as I remember Liam being involved in our conversation.
Crap
.
Did I sound like
an immature and ungrateful wife? I see him at the desk filling out paperwork, occasionally glancing at me.

Sterling is gathering his briefcase as he looks at his watch. "I have a meeting I forgot about. I'll see you later," he says to me before heading out the door. 
Wow, I married some piece of fucking work
.

Coming to my senses and seeing this as the last straw, I decide right then and there that I need to end things with Sterling.
How can I stay with someone like him?

Liam comes back over to me and hands me a single flower, then walks back over to his computer. I notice that no other patients have been given a flower, and they didn’t notice. I inhale its scent. It has a light enchanting aroma, and is a pretty pale violet colour. It’s one of the nicest things given to me since this whole thing started.

I close my eyes and try to drown out the nausea taking over, and the events that occurred today. Then I realise I have no way of getting home. It's Hannah's day at work, and I assumed Sterling would stay.

Fuck

A wave of nausea hits hard. I grab the vomit bag and empty my stomach.
Things sure seem to be going from bad to worse. I sleep for the next hour, which is helpful to numb the treatment, and my life.

When I wake, Liam is gone, but I watch him re-enter the room a few moments later. Today he is looking exceptionally handsome. His blonde hair is wavy, just below his ears. He is clean shaven, and I can see his immaculate grey button up shirt and black pants under his white coat.

As he heads towards me, I notice just how tight his shirt is. He must be nice and toned under that shirt. I look up, just as his green eyes find mine. I’d never noticed them until now. A nice jade green colour. It’s unusual that I’ve not seen any similar.