Shocked and Shattered (7 page)

CHAPTER 12 - New Beginnings

Being extremely sick has changed my outlook on life. I am no longer concerned with materialistic things in the world; the trivial shit that really doesn’t matter.

One thing I've learnt is that there are no guarantees in life. I could be dead
tomorrow
. I could have a heart attack, or be stabbed or shot.

I’ve had a lot of spare time on my hands while feeling sick and sorry for myself, and I won’t pity myself any longer. So I've made a bucket list. So far, there are seven things on my list, which I want to do sooner, rather than later.

~  Go on a date with Liam

~  Swim with dolphins 

~  Learn to ride a motorbike 

~  Go on a ghost hunt

~  Go in a hot air balloon

~  Ride on an elephant 

~  Walk to the top of the Eiffel Tower

~  Go skydiving

Going on a date with Liam is on the top of my list, and I can’t wait. Like, seriously, I think about it all the time. It has me extremely excited. It wasn’t until I was out of my relationship with Sterling that I realised it wasn’t really a relationship at all. It wasn’t even a partnership; just two people living their own lives, sleeping in the same apartment.

I won’t ever make that mistake again. Next time, it will be the opposite. I won’t be taken for granted or overlooked. I won’t settle just to make the other person happy. I deserve happiness and love, and I now know I am worthy of much more. Already, my daily chats with Liam are so special. They are nothing like my experiences with Sterling. I never knew what I was missing out on.

My last chemo for this cycle finished on Wednesday, and thank God for that. The next stage is my surgery, which is a
lumpectomy. The surgeon will remove the cancer and any abnormal tissue from my breast. Apparently, a few more sessions of chemo are advisable afterwards to prevent regrowth.

I’ve felt pretty sick this whole week. Hannah has been amazing, and of course, now that my parents know, they have been helping out. They take turns keeping me busy. When I want time alone, they give me my space. I am grateful for the hundreds of board games, books, and movies in the world to give me some sanity when I feel like it.

Liam
:
Are you up for visitors?

Me
:
Not visitors in general, but I’ll make an exception for you.

Liam: Why thank you,kind madam
.
See you in an hour.

Me
:
I will be here.

I desperately need a shower. I put it off this morning, but I’m a mess. I wash and scrub my skin, then shampoo and condition the minimal patches of hair I have left. I wash off the soap suds and turn off the water. I reach for the towel and wrap it around myself, when suddenly, a wave of nausea hits.

It’s such a fucking shit thing, giving me no warning and gets me good.

I collapse from the overwhelming dizziness, and sit on the floor of the shower. Eventually, I open the door and crawl to the toilet, vomiting up my lunch. Sometimes, it seems insane to bother eating when it always comes right back up.

I lie hugging the bowl and have no concept of time. I feel rotten and unable to move, when I faintly hear my name.

“Crystal, it’s Liam. Are you okay?”

I breathe out deeply. “I’m in my room,” I call out, hopefully loud enough for him to hear.

“I’m coming in.”

“Bathroom,” I manage to say, and he peers through the doorway.

God, I must look a sight. The towel is barely covering my girly bits. My wet hair is a mess, and I’m draped over the toilet bowl.

“Don’t look at me. I’m a mess,” I say to him, feeling embarrassed.

“Oh, Crystal,” he murmurs, and comes straight over to me. He gathers my few strands of hair together and holds them up.

“I was just trying to have a shower before you came. I can’t even do one simple task.”

“You look and smell good. You managed well until the nausea hit. Sometimes, there is no warning.” Don’t I know that.

“Come on, let’s get you off the cold tiles and dressed.” He helps me to stand, and I flush the toilet, feeling horrified. I shuffle slowly as I try to hold my towel up. He would be getting a nice view of my legs and bare skin if he was interested, so when I bust him checking me out, I smile.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t be ogling a sick woman,” he says, chuckling.

“I’m happy to be ogled. It’s been a long time,” I giggle.

I sit on the bed, and Liam sits beside me. It could be sexual if I wasn’t feeling so sick and hadn’t just vomited. But, it’s a nice moment. He pulls me in closer and holds me in his arms. I feel safe and secure, and my heart fills for the first time in forever. It feels so nice. We stay this way in each other’s arms until the sun sets and it’s dark outside.

“How about we actually get you dressed so you don’t catch a cold,” he suggests, always concerned for my well-being.

“Okay,” I concede. He releases me from his embrace, and we look into each other’s eyes. I’m able to stand and gather my underwear, clean leggings, and a black tee. I don’t have the energy for a bra, so black should hide my boobs.

“I’ll be waiting in the lounge room.”

“Great…thanks. I’m okay now,” I assure him, so glad the nausea has passed for the moment.

Liam is in the kitchen when I come out. I make myself comfy on the sofa and watch as he busies himself, making two cups of tea and cutting up fruit.

“You don’t have to do that,” I say, but he just smiles. It’s nice to have someone wait on me. A very good looking male version, as opposed to Hannah.

“I have dates for you. Your surgery is booked for Friday, in three weeks’ time. I have my associate, who is the best in the business, operating. His name is Dr. George Short. Does this sound okay?” I figure now that we are getting closer, it might not be appropriate for him to operate, hence Dr. Short.

“Sounds fine to me. Any associate of yours that you trust, I have faith in,” I respond truthfully.

“Perfect. I have the forms with me, so we can fill them out together if you like.” Wow. Is there anything this man won’t do for me?

The next three weeks fly by, especially as I’m regaining my strength from not having chemo. It’s D-day, and I can’t wait to have this damn poisonous tumour out of my body.

“I am so nervous, Liam, but feeling relieved to finally get this done,” I confess to him as I sit on my hospital bed, dressed in my gown and ready to go. Liam leans in and kisses my lips, softly. It feels so amazing. It’s our first kiss, and at such an appropriate time. I deepen the kiss, and never want it to end.

When we pull back for air, Liam speaks first. “Wow. That was worth the wait.” He smiles and caresses my cheek.

“It was perfect,” I agree and squeeze his hand. I’m then wheeled into the prep room, ready for my life-altering operation to start.

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Afterwards, Dr. Short speaks to myself and Liam. “I am confident that I got the whole tumour. Scans have shown it hasn’t spread, and the chemo appears to be shrinking the cells in your lymph nodes.”
That is exactly what I wanted to hear.

“That is awesome news, Crystal,” Liam beams and hugs me.

“Now, the next step. If you can get through three more sessions of chemo, I am confident we will be able to sign you off and in remission.” He reveals more positive news.

“Really? That sounds fantastic. Even though chemo sucks, knowing there are only three left makes it totally doable; a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak,” I say happily, having something to look forward to.

“That is a great attitude to have, Miss Edgeworth. We will keep in contact, and I’m sure Dr. Grayson will take good care of you in the meantime.” Dr. Short has a quick talk with Liam before he is off to see more patients.

I’m resting and staring out of my hospital room window when Liam returns.

“Only three more sessions of chemo, gorgeous, and then you get a date at the end of it, if you still want it?” he says nervously, reminding me of our deal and smirking.

“I totally still want that date,” I reply, smiling widely.

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I totally smash the last three chemo sessions. The last one, Liam is on leave and sits by my side, holding my hand. A few of the patients now know we are seeing each other. Poor Ava, the woman I met a few months earlier, lost her life to the dreaded cancer. She was surrounded by her family at the time, and that was all that mattered to her.

Now for that date.

“I want to make our first date special and memorable, Crys, but I don’t want it to be too over-the-top, so we are having a picnic on the beach.” Liam reveals the details to me.

“That sounds just perfect to me,” I reply.

“I will pick you up at eleven. I can’t wait,” Liam says, and it warms my heart that he is just as excited as I am for our first official date.

I wake up to the sun’s warm rays through my window. My gorgeous kitty Stormy is still asleep next to me, so staying in bed is tempting, but knowing it’s our first date pretty much has me leaping out of bed.

While making a coffee that no longer makes me nauseas, I receive a message.

Liam:
I am so looking forward to our first date

That is so sweet.

Me:
You have no idea how much I am looking forward to today.

I washed and dried my hair last night. I still can’t bring myself to shave my head, so my hair is very patchy, but I deal with it. I take a quick shower and choose a knee length blue dress. It is so nice to be able to dress up again and not only feel like wearing track pants and boring tees.

I toss my grey cardi into my beach bag just in case, along with sun cream, sunnies, and other essentials. I take my time and apply my foundation, bronzer, and eyeshadow. Then I add eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss last. Since not wearing make-up for months, I am enjoying the process.

At ten fifty-five, there is a knock at the door. Liam is always early. I smile as I answer the door to his gorgeous face. He is also smiling widely.

“Hey, Crystal. You look absolutely beautiful,” he tells me as we embrace. He smells so damn good.

“You scrub up all right yourself,” I say, even though we are both casually dressed. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go,” I announce, eager to spend the day with him.

As we drive along side by side, I feel Liam’s eyes on me, staring. I gaze over at him, feeling hopeful and excited. When we arrive at the beach, I spot Hannah’s car. What is she doing here?

As we climb out and stroll up the sand, Hannah walks towards us. “Hey! I was just minding Liam’s masterpiece so that no one stole it. You two enjoy your gorgeous day together,” she says, hugging me tightly. “You deserve this, and so much more,” she whispers in my ear.

Liam grabs my hand. His touch is soft, and I feel so safe walking with him, hand in hand. He guides me to his amazing picnic lunch.

Spread out along the beach on a large blue picnic blanket is an array of fruits, nuts, deli meats, cheeses, chocolates, and a bouquet of purple roses.

“Wow, this is breathtaking,” I squeal, totally blown away with his creation. He pours a glass of champagne and hands it to me, then pours one for himself.