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Sean could almost believe Jaime had fallen asleep. His breathing was even, but his hand still had Sean’s in a vice grip where he’d pulled it up to his chest. After a few minutes, Jaime sucked in a harsh breath and his chest tensed under Sean’s hand.

“Jaime?” Sean whispered against his neck, but Jaime shook his head.

“I’m fine,” Jaime whispered back. “Go to sleep.”

Sean wanted to point out that he couldn’t be fine. He wanted to do more than pretend he didn’t hear the small sniff in front of him, but instead he pressed himself closer against Jaime’s back and held him tighter.

“I love you,” Sean whispered in the dark.

Jaime didn’t answer, but he brought their joined hands to his lips to kiss the palm of Sean’s hand. It didn’t feel like enough, but if all he could do was hold Jaime until it was over, he’d do it.

S
EAN
PUSHED
around the food on his plate more than he ate breakfast. He’d texted Travis back that, yes, he would be back in classes on Monday because the company didn’t stop for him, but he hadn’t mentioned Lupe was coming over. He’d wanted to. If it was inevitable, he wanted to know everything Lupe had to say in advance, but he didn’t have to ask to know that Jaime wouldn’t want to involve Travis anymore.

“You don’t have to stay,” Jaime said from across the table. “If you’re worried about seeing her, you don’t have to be here.”

“I’m worried,” Sean admitted. “But I’m not leaving as long as you want me here. I can handle it.”

Jaime didn’t look convinced, but he nodded anyway.

When Lupe knocked on the door a few minutes later, Sean took a deep breath and hung back with Aleksandra while Jaime answered the door. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but it wasn’t for Lupe to launch herself into Jaime’s arms.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, and I’m sorry I couldn’t see you in Arizona. I tried, but they all made it impossible, and it seemed like I might have more luck if I came back here. I tried to get Michael to text you that I wanted to talk to you, but he told Travis, who decided that was too vague of a message to give you,” Lupe said before she even released him.

“That’s all the message was?” Jaime glanced back at Sean as he pulled back from the hug.

“It’s all I wanted to say through other people,” Lupe said. “I guess you know he came over here and he didn’t like my answers to his questions.”

“Sort of,” Jaime said as he led the way farther into the apartment. Lupe hesitated as Jaime sat next to Sean, but then she seemed to steel herself before she took the chair across from them. Sean stopped midway to resting his hand on Jaime’s back, and forced himself not to glare at her for making him feel like he had to hold back at all.

Lupe said something in Spanish, but Jaime shook his head and interrupted.

“Don’t do that. Don’t speak Spanish so he can’t understand you. I told you he was going to be here. You’re not going to be rude to him.”

“Fine,” Lupe said in English this time. “Look, I love you, and I know you’re a good person. I know all that stupid stuff my mom said about you being dangerous was wrong. I know you’d never be some kind of awful child molester. If Enrique had given me any hint that he was going to say any of that shit, I would never have told him anything.”

“Thanks,” Jaime said. Sean didn’t think it deserved thanks. Not thinking someone was a child molester for no reason wasn’t actually an amazing compliment. He clenched his hand to keep from pointing this out, only because he’d promised to let Jaime talk to her without starting any arguments.

“If you don’t want to get help, I won’t keep pushing you. I can love you like I love Michael, and I can forgive you just like I can forgive any other sin. It’s a little harder because you’re more than just my friend, and you can’t confess and ask forgiveness if you don’t intend to even try to stop, but I can do it.”

Sean held his tongue as he waited for Jaime to tell her off.

“Okay,” Jaime said instead.

“What?” Sean couldn’t help blurting out.

“Sean.” Jaime said it like a warning, but that just made it more impossible to hold his tongue.

“That’s not okay. You’re not doing anything wrong. There’s nothing to forgive you for in the first place. That’s bullshit,” Sean said.

“I’m trying to be tolerant of your beliefs,” Lupe snapped before Jaime answered him. “You could try to be tolerant of mine.”

“Why should I tolerate the idea that something is wrong with who I am? It’s not like I’m lying or hurting anyone. I’d be lying if I tried to be something else. It’s offensive to say something is wrong with me.”

“Sean, please.” Jaime rested his hand on Sean’s arm.

“Do you agree with her?” Sean asked. Jaime hesitated and looked between him and Lupe before looking down at the floor instead of either of them.

Sean felt his chest tighten as the urge to kick Lupe out of the apartment grew. Instead, he tried to pretend she wasn’t sitting there and watching as he reached for Jaime’s cheek and coaxed Jaime to look at him.

“Just tell me the truth. Be honest. I’m not going anywhere,” Sean said.

“Maybe. I don’t know,” Jaime said.

Sean nodded even though the words broke his heart. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have in front of Lupe, and he had a feeling a single conversation wasn’t going be enough, anyway.

“It’s not true. There’s nothing wrong with you or us, but I’ll just have to work on showing you that.”

Jaime nodded, but Sean was sure it was to acknowledge his words instead of a sign of agreement. Sean followed Jaime’s gaze back to Lupe, who was looking at her phone instead of them.

“I have to go,” Lupe said when she looked up again. Her eyes flicked to Sean, but she only focused on Jaime. “I borrowed my friend’s car and she needs it back, but I’ll e-mail you and we can have lunch on campus sometime next week, okay?”

Sean watched as they said good-bye and hugged again at the door. After the door closed behind her, Aleksandra broke the silence.

“Just so you know, I agree with Sean. Actually, I agree with Travis,” she said. “That was not good for you. All that bullshit is worse than Enrique. If she makes it look like she’s being nice, it’s going to make you believe that stuff.”

“She’s trying,” Jaime said.

“No, she’s messing with your head and acting like she’s showing growth by tolerating what she thinks is wrong with you,” Sean said. “That’s fucked up.”

Sean stood and walked to him. He took both of Jaime’s hands in his and leaned into him to touch their foreheads together.

“You’re amazing, and you’re strong. You take care of everyone around you even when they don’t deserve it. There’s nothing wrong with you. If you want to believe in sin, then it would be a lie to try to be something you aren’t.”

“You don’t think I should see her either, do you?” Jaime asked instead of agreeing with him.

“I don’t.”

“She’s the only family I have now. I can’t lose that.”

Sean didn’t argue, even though he wanted to point out that Aleksandra was worth more than Lupe. Instead he nodded and asked, “Do you want me to drop it for now?”

“You’re not just going to drop it altogether, are you?” Jaime asked.

“You just admitted you might agree there’s something wrong with being gay. I think at some point we should talk about that,” Sean said.

“I’m sorry,” Jaime mumbled, his gaze dropping from Sean’s face to the floor.

“I’m not mad. I’m worried.”

Jaime groaned, and Sean thought he was going to pull away, but he buried his face in Sean’s neck as he shook his head.

“I think I could handle it better if you were mad.”

“Maybe,” Sean admitted. “But I’m not actually trying to make you feel bad here.”

“I’m not seeing a shrink,” Jaime said. “Don’t get any ideas about dragging me to one.”

“Right now I’m just thinking that you’ve made me want to hide you from Alana twice in two days. I’m not telling you why, because you’re not going to like that one either.” Sean pulled Jaime toward the bedroom and tried to ignore the voice in his head telling him he’d never actually succeeded in getting Travis to talk to anyone after his surgery. This was different, and Travis had ended up fine. If he concentrated on how Alana was going to mock him forever if she ever knew he’d ended up comparing Jaime to Travis in his head, he could deal with the rest of it later.

For the moment, Sean settled for pushing Jaime onto the bed and lying down on top of him. Jaime’s hands settled on his hips as Sean rested his head on Jaime’s shoulder.

“Can you at least tell me she can’t convince you to try to be straight?” Sean asked.

“I’ve tried that already—before anyone knew I wasn’t. Long before I even met you. I already know that won’t work. I’m not trying again.” Jaime’s hand drifted up his back, his fingers grazing along Sean’s spine before stopping at the base of his neck and tugging lightly on his hair.

“Okay. So I have plenty of time to figure out how to make you okay with that.”

“I am okay with it,” Jaime said.

“You’re okay with it, but you also think it’s kind of wrong? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It’s complicated, but I’m fine with it.” Jaime rolled them over so he was lying on top of Sean. He trailed his lips down Sean’s neck, biting down just enough that Sean groaned and couldn’t help pushing up against him.

“I know what you’re doing. I know you’re distracting me so you don’t have to talk about this,” Sean said.

“You said we didn’t have to talk about it right now.” Jaime pushed his hand under Sean’s shirt as he talked. “It’s been three weeks. I’d be doing this if you wanted to talk about anything on the fucking planet.”

“Which is why it’s going to work,” Sean said against Jaime’s lips before giving into a kiss that let him forget everything else.

T
RAVIS
WAS
in his room when Sean came home Sunday evening, but he was cooking when Sean came out of the shower. He set a plate on the counter for Sean without asking and let him take a few bites before he spoke.

“Michael told me you saw Lupe. I figured you would. If you would have told me, I would have told you what she was going to say so you were prepared.”

Sean pushed around his food instead of answering, and Travis gave him time to think about it.

“Jaime didn’t really want me to,” Sean admitted after buying himself time with a few more bites of food. “You’re not really his friend, and all this stuff with his family is kind of private. You can get that, right? You’re the same way. You didn’t even want Alana to visit you for a week after your surgery. I know it’s not the same thing, but it feels like the same idea.”

“I think I remember you telling me that wasn’t healthy,” Travis said.

“It wasn’t. But he’s got me, and he’s got Aleksandra, and we both agree with you about Lupe as it is. I get why you got involved. I asked you to find out if she was back, and that made Michael call you about it, but Jaime wants you to stay out of it.” Sean expected Travis to argue, but he nodded instead, so Sean took his chance with something he was even less sure would go over well. “And I told him he could come over here without worrying about dealing with you. He’s not happy with you. You knew that was going to happen, and I want him to come over this week, so if he wants to ignore you, you’ll just have to get over it. He’s not going to fight with you, but you can’t expect him to keep trying to win you over.”

“That’s fine, but I’m still saying something if he’s an ass to anyone besides me,” Travis said.

“He wouldn’t do that. He just wants you to mind your own business—which I personally gave up on a long time ago, but he hasn’t realized you’re incapable.”

“I’m capable. Just not with you, because you can’t function without help.”

“I can function just fine.”

“You still don’t know how to do laundry.”

“I know how to hire a laundry service.”

Chapter 21

“I
S
THIS
supposed to be some kind of peace offering?” Jaime asked when Travis cooked enough dinner for both of them and then disappeared into his room with Alana without a word. It had only been a few days since he’d seen Jaime, but it felt longer. There was only so much he could figure out through texts and phone calls when Jaime insisted he was fine and Lupe was fine and everything in general was fine.

“Probably not.”

“Is he worried you’ll try to cook and burn down his kitchen? Because I wouldn’t let you do that. Alana told me how many times you’ve burned popcorn.” Jaime smirked at him and nudged Sean’s calf with his foot before he went back to eating.

“He knows I’d just order food.”

Jaime continued to eat for a few minutes in silence, but Sean had to hold back a smile as Jaime pushed his food around between bites and ran his hand over his head the same way he did when he couldn’t decide what he wanted to do for one of his school projects. As impossible as it was to figure him out from a distance, it was getting easy to figure Jaime’s thoughts out in person. Eventually, he sighed and kicked Sean in the shin.

“Fine. You’re not going to volunteer it. Are you going to explain this to me if I just ask? Do you just want me to admit I care what he thinks? You already know that. He’s your best friend. Of course I care what he thinks. I’m just pissed he thinks that extends to interfering with my life. So if it’s not a peace offering, and it’s not because he’s just trying to keep you from cooking, what is it? Why did he make dinner for me? Is he trying to just fuck with my head?”