Silent Honor (17 page)

Takeo nodded at him thoughtfully, and repeated himself again, “Just be careful.”

But on New Year's Eve, politics were far from everyone's mind. She had borrowed a black taffeta dress that Reiko hadn't worn in years, and she covered it with a little velvet jacket of Sally's. She looked beautiful, with her single strand of pearls, her exquisite face and huge eyes, and her long shining black hair that hung to her waist. And Sally had forced her to learn to walk in a pair of her mother's high heels. According to Hiroko, they were much, much harder to wear than geta.

Peter's eyes grew wide when he came to pick her up, and this time she didn't bow. She simply stood there, looking very shy, and very lovely. It was as though she had suddenly grown up, and everything that had been concealed from him was unveiled now.

“You look fantastic,” he said, and he meant it. He had never seen anyone as beautiful, and this time he felt shy with her, as Takeo poured them each a tiny cup of sake.

“No more after this,” he said cautiously, but he and Reiko toasted the New Year with them. It reminded Hiroko of important family occasions in Kyoto with her father. And it made her feel homesick again. She hadn't heard from them since he had gotten word to her through the consulate that he wanted her to stay in California.
“Kartvpai!”
Takeo toasted them, and Reiko smiled at them. They looked so young and so hopeful. And they did remind her of her first days with Takeo, when she was one of his students, and falling in love with him. It was irresistible, watching them. And Hiroko's cheeks glowed pink from the sake.

“Where will you be tonight?” Takeo asked conversationally as they chatted for a few minutes.

“Not far from here, the psych assistant has a house a couple of blocks off campus. We're going to have dinner there, and do a little dancing.” He smiled at Hiroko. It still shocked him to realize that he was going out with a freshman. She was far less sophisticated than most of the girls he'd gone out with for the last five years, but
in
many ways, she was far wiser. “What about you two?” Peter asked. Reiko was wearing the red silk dress Tak had bought her for Christmas, and it was very pretty.

“Well just be down the street for dinner,” Reiko explained. Sally was going to friends across the street. Ken was going to Peggy's house, and Tami was staying home with a sitter. As they left, Peter promised that they wouldn't be home too late. But Tak didn't give them a curfew.

Hiroko giggled as they went out, and Peter smiled at her, admiring her again. It was impossible not to, she looked dazzling, and he knew his friends would be very impressed with her. It was their first official date and they were both excited. “You look very grown-up,” he teased, and she laughed again as they ran to his car. It was chilly.

“Thank you, Peter,” she said deliberately, eliminating the
san
after his name. She had listened carefully to all her cousin's warnings. No kimonos, no bowing, no foreign terms, no speaking Japanese in public. She had to make an effort now not to be different. He felt it was important for her well-being and her safety.

It was her first date with any man, and she almost trembled with excitement as they drove along the edge of the campus. The house where they went was small, but there was a record on, and there was lots of noise. The house was filled with graduate students and young teachers. And no one seemed to notice when they arrived, although when she took her coat off and moved inside, Peter noticed a few people stare, but no one made any comments. There was a young nisei couple there too. Peter knew them vaguely, and knew that she taught biology, and he was in the language department. But Peter never got close enough to them in the crowded room
to
introduce them to Hiroko.

There was plenty of food, red and white wine, and cheap champagne, and some of the guests had brought their own bottles of gin and scotch and vodka. Several of the guests were pretty drunk, but most of them were talking or laughing, or dancing in a back bedroom that had been cleared and filled with balloons and streamers for just that purpose. And in the distance, from where they stood, they could hear Frank Sinatra crooning.

Peter introduced her to everyone he knew, and helped her to fill her plate with roast beef and a little turkey. And eventually they set their plates down and danced in the back room to a record of Tommy Dor-sey's band with Frank Sinatra singing. Peter held her close to him as they danced, and it was almost midnight. He could feel her warmth next to him, and she felt so delicate in his arms, he was almost afraid to hurt her. There were no words for what he felt for her. It was as though they were there alone, in a deserted world, with no one else around them.

It was the best New Year's Eve he'd had, just dancing with her, and holding her, and when someone shouted that it was midnight, he kissed her. Afterward, she looked up, terribly embarrassed that he had kissed her in public. But she saw that others were doing it too, and Peter whispered to her with a smile that it was the custom.

“Oh.” She nodded seriously, and he kissed her again, as they danced slowly around the floor, and ushered in 1942, with dreams of hope and freedom.

“I love you, Hiroko-san,” he whispered so only she could hear, and she looked up at him with eyes full of wonder and nodded. She didn't dare say the words to him with so many people around them.

They were still dancing, held close in each other's arms, when the air-raid siren went off, and there was a collective groan. No one wanted it to spoil their evening, and there was a momentary urge to ignore it, but their host insisted that they had to go down to the cellar. Someone turned all the lights off, as the din grew, and people hurried down the stairs carrying bottles of champagne, and wine, and Peter noticed that many of them were drunk. And once they all got to the cellar it was very crowded. It had been built for a small family, and it was jam-packed now with at least fifty people. The young nisei couple were gone, and several of the others Peter knew had left, but it was a jovial group, until people started to get hot and uncomfortable and a couple of the girls complained that they couldn't breathe, and everything was so dusty. It was really miserable in the cellar, but the sirens raged on, and they knew they had to stay there even though there were blackout shades on the windows upstairs. The Tanakas had put them in too; everyone had in the three weeks since Pearl Harbor.

“Christ, you'd think they'd leave us alone on New Year's Eve, damn Japs,” someone said in the far corner. It was dark and all they had were flashlights. In one corner a couple kissed, but as Peter stood with his arm around Hiroko, the cellar seemed anything but romantic. All they wanted to do was go upstairs and go home, and so did the others. Half an hour later they were still there, and fed up with it. But the sirens continued for an hour. Finally, at one-thirty, they all went back upstairs, looking dusty and tired, their festive mood destroyed, and one of the men looked at Hiroko and lurched toward her.

“It's goddamn little Japs like you that spoil it for the rest of us, you know,” he said to her angrily. “I'll be in the army next week, thanks to you. And by the way, thanks a lot for Pearl Harbor.” He looked as though he was going to swing at her, and Peter pushed her swiftly behind him.

“That's enough, Madison.” He was drunk, but it didn't excuse what he was saying, and behind Peter, Hiroko was white and shaking.

“Oh, go shove it, Jenkins,” the drunk responded. “You're such a Jap lover you can't see straight. When are you going to get smart, and stop kissing ass on Tanaka? The FBFII get you one of these days, you know. Maybe they'll even grab your girlfriend,” he said, and then stormed off, as Peter glared at him, not wanting to start a brawl on New Year's Eve, or upset Hiroko any more than she had been. He could see that she was fighting back tears, and he took her with him to get her coat. The joy of the evening had been shattered.

“I'm sorry,” he said as he helped her into it. “He's drunk, he doesn't know what he's saying.” But it was upsetting to both of them. They thanked their host, and hurried to the car, as the others watched them. No one had said a word to Madison, and Peter wondered if what he had voiced was silently echoed by the others. Did they all think him a fool? Was everyone willing to turn on the Japanese they knew? But with the exception of Hiroko, none of these people were real Japanese. Takeo was as American as any citizen after twenty years in the States, and Reiko and the children had been born there. What were they talking about? And even Hiroko was hardly responsible for Pearl Harbor. Why take it out on her? What were they thinking? But tempers were running high these days; it was exactly what Takeo had seen coming.

And as Peter drove her home, she began to cry and apologize for ruining his evening. “You should have taken someone else, Peter-san,” she said, slipping into her old ways without thinking. “An American girl. It was not wise to take me.”

“Maybe not,” he said, his jaw firm. “But I'm not in love with an American girl.” He glanced over at her, and pulled the car over so he could talk to her. He pulled her close to him, and held her as she trembled. “I'm in love with you, Hiroko. And you must be strong now. This could happen again. Takeo thinks it'll take a while for things to calm down, especially with all this ‘enemy alien’ nonsense going on, where they're collecting cameras from students, and the army telling us every five minutes that we're about to be attacked.” With all the air raids they had had in the past three and a half weeks, there had not been a single attack or a genuine sighting. But the papers were full of mystery ships that were supposedly just offshore, and the phantom planes that some people saw and others didn't, and spies being arrested daily. “You can't listen to peopie like that jerk at the party. You know who you are. Listen to your heart, Hiroko, and mine, not to people who call you names, or try to hold you responsible for something you had nothing to do with.”

“But Japan is my country. I am responsible for their actions.”

“That's quite a burden to put on yourself,” he said, suddenly looking tired. It had been a long night in the cellar, and they were both still dusty. “You're responsible for you, and no one else. You can't control what Japan does.” It pained her to feel ashamed of the actions of her own country. Just as it would have pained him, or her cousins, if America had done something disgraceful.

“I am sorry to you,” she said awkwardly, and his heart went out to her again. She looked so dignified, and so gentle. “I am sorry to you that my country has done something so terrible. It is very ugly,” she said, filled with shame, as he leaned down and kissed her.

“It
is
ugly, but it's not your fault. And you're not ugly. You're beautiful. Just be patient, Hiroko. It will get better.”

But when they got home, they found that they weren't the only ones who'd had a difficult evening. The parents of Sally's best friend had asked her not to come back again. They were well aware of her crush on their son, and they thought it unsuitable, and their oldest son had just joined the navy. Sally was in her room, drowning in tears when they found her. She had taken off her dress, and she was wearing her mother's bathrobe and when they urged her to come down, she told them all what had happened over cookies Reiko had made. Sally was sobbing as she told them.

“They were so mean to me. They said I couldn't come back to the house again. I've known Kathy all my life, she's like my sister. And she didn't say anything, she just looked embarrassed, and when I left she cried. Her brother wasn't even there tonight, they wouldn't let him see me. Their mother said I was an ‘alien,’ that the government says so. I'm not an ‘alien,’ Mom.” She cried even harder as she said the word. “I'm just a kid…. I'm American. I was born here.”

Ken came in from his evening then and heard what she'd said. His girlfriend was sansei, which meant that even her parents had been born in the States, but she'd had trouble at school right before Christmas vacation. And he'd gotten in several fights because of her. People were definitely going crazy.

“How can people be so dumb?” Ken said, looking at his sister angrily. They had known the Jordans all their lives. How could they do that to her? And she was right, she was just a kid. Why punish her for something she had nothing to do with?

Peter told them what had happened to Hiroko then, and they all agreed that they hoped the New Year would be better than the last one. But they also agreed that they had to be more careful. Public emotions were running high, and people were being whipped into a frenzy.

“What I don't like,” Peter said honestly, “is this ‘enemy alien’ stuff. Just because people look Japanese doesn't make them foreign. All of a sudden, it's like no one can tell the difference.”

“Maybe they don't want to,” Reiko said sadly. Things had been rough at the hospital for her too. Several people had made ugly comments about her or refused to work alongside her, some of those people she'd known for years. It was very painful.

Sally calmed down eventually, and Peter sat with the others for a long time, and then, finally, he left them. Hiroko walked him to the door, and he kissed her, and told her he was sorry it had been such a rotten evening.

“It wasn't rotten, Peter-san,” she said, forgetting herself again, but at least here it didn't matter. “It was very good. I was with you. That is all that is important,” she said softly.

“That's all that's important to me too,” Peter said, and kissed her one last time, and then he left. After Hiroko said good night to Tak and Reiko, they both worried more than ever about her seeing Peter in this atmosphere. But like an express train, surging ahead in the dark of night, it was too late to stop them.

The next day Sally moped around the house, and Ken tried to get her to come out with him and Peggy, but she wouldn't. She missed Kathy, even more than she missed her brother. They had been best friends forever and now she was forbidden even to call her.

Tak and Reiko went to the store and did some errands, and Peter took Hiroko and Tami for a drive, and they noticed with fascination the endless lines of boys lining up to join the navy in Palo Alto. Some looked hungover, some were still drunk, but most looked like they knew what they were doing. People had been signing up in droves for the past three weeks. And among the throng were a number of nisei.