Silver Clouds (21 page)

A knock on the door startled Tessa. ‘Come in,' she called from the lounge room.

The door opened and her sister-in-law entered. Surprised, Tessa shot to her feet. ‘Marni, hi! What a nice surprise. Would you like a cup of tea?'

‘Hello, Tessa. No, I won't stop, I just wanted to thank you for all the information you sent home with Ryan.' Marni twisted her hands and Tessa felt she had to relieve the tension somehow.

‘Come in and sit down. I'll put the kettle on anyway.' She walked out, not giving the other woman a chance to answer.

‘I looked at some of those websites,' her sister-in-law called through the doorway.

‘That's great. Were they helpful?'

The silence stretched so long that Tessa stuck her head back into the lounge and saw the poor girl with tears on her cheeks. ‘Oh, crap.'

She held Marni while she cried.

‘I didn't know anyone else could feel the same way,' Marni hiccupped. ‘It was such a relief to find out I wasn't crazy – I thought I was, you know. Mad with envy, mad with desire and failure all at the same time. I don't know why I never thought to use the internet and look it up. It just never occurred to me.'

‘Well, I guess I'm so used to using it for work and everything, to me it was the obvious place to start,' Tessa said gently. ‘The online world isn't a huge thing out here and I understand that. I'm pleased I was able to help in a little way.'

‘I've talked to a couple of girls on those forums who have been in the same situation. It's been good to hear about their experiences. It's almost like a whole new world has opened up.'

‘Has Ryan read any of the forums?'

‘Yeah, and I think it's done him some good too. It's like we both understand each other's feelings a bit more. Finally.'

‘That's great news, Marni. Really it is.'

There was a lull for a while, while Marni wiped her eyes, then Tessa said: ‘Now, how about that cup of tea?'

Marni laughed weakly. ‘That was always Spider's cure for tears or emotion of any sort, so I guess we'd better.'

Cups of tea made, they went and sat out on the verandah. ‘To Aunty Spider,' Tessa said, raising her mug.

‘To Aunty Spider,' Marni echoed.

‘Isn't it funny that this house is still hearing the innermost thoughts of others, even though she's not here? I wonder what these walls would tell us if they could,' Tessa mused as she sipped her drink.

‘Too many things and probably things we wouldn't want to know.'

‘Yeah, you're probably right.' Tessa smiled, thinking that Marni's words were almost identical to Paul's a few nights back. Her hand strayed to pat the dog, who'd slipped beneath her chair the moment she'd sat down. ‘But I've just got a feeling that there's something here, some story about Aunty Spider that we all need to know.'

Marni raised her eyebrows. ‘If she wanted us to know, she would have told us. Don't you remember how straight down the line she was?'

Tessa felt a surge of jealousy rise up as she realised for seven whole years, while Tessa had been studying, working and refusing to return to Danjar Plains, Marni had had Aunty Spider to herself. Well, Marni hadn't been here that long, but whoever had wanted Spider, could have had her.
It's your own fault. You never wanted to come home
, the soft rational voice said. Not after the accident. Until now. Not for Christmas, not for anything. Imagine how that would have felt for everyone else.

The demon voice never spoke. It just
felt
. Irrationally.

Anger.

Envy.

Rage.

Loss.

Tessa almost didn't hear Marni talking. ‘I remember a CWA Household Hints book gave me the idea to soak old tea bags in metho and use them as firelighters. I was so happy with myself, thinking Spider would be pleased with my thrifty ways. That was the sort of thing she was into – you know, boiling the kettle and pouring the hot water into a Thermos, so she didn't have to boil it again for the rest of the day.'

Marni grinned. ‘But she just looked at me with a bit of a smile and said: “Oh, fiddlesticks, girl. This is how you light a fire.” Then she got paper, leaves and some kindling and showed me how I should light a fire. She wasn't having a bar of the tea bags and metho!'

In spite of her jealousy, Tessa laughed. She could hear the conversation and imagine the self-consciousness Marni would have felt.

But in the end her envy got the better of her. She didn't want to talk about Aunty Spider with her sister-in-law anymore. Without looking at Marni, she got up. ‘Well, I'd better get on and keep cleaning this house out. I've hardly done a thing since I got back from Harrison's.'

Marni looked surprised, then wary as she put down her cup. ‘Of course. I'm sorry I've held you up.'

‘No no, not at all. But the quicker I get this done, the sooner I'll be out of here,' Tessa said, her expression deadpan.

Marni tried to smile as she made her way down the steps towards the car. ‘See you later.'

‘Bye,' Tessa answered. Then she stomped inside, furious with Marni for causing new feelings to surface. She certainly hadn't felt like that when Brendan had mentioned he'd popped in to visit her aunty.

But Tessa was even angrier with herself for letting something so trivial upset her. She was sure her rudeness had just destroyed whatever good she'd done for her relationship with Marni by helping out with the IVF information.

‘I'm so bloody illogical at the moment,' she muttered. ‘What is my problem?'

The soft rational voice spoke again:
Aren't the living more important?

‘Oh shut up.' Tessa threw the mug she was holding. It smashed against the kitchen wall.

Chapter 21

Tessa flicked over another page of a newspaper dated 1944, but there was nothing except stories of World War Two woe and sadness. With a sigh she tossed the paper on the pile to go into the rubbish. Just what was she looking for? She had no idea.

It had been two weeks since Brendan had left and, true to his word, he'd called a couple of times. The conversations had flowed easily and Tessa found herself missing him more after each call. She'd put the desk incident down to being so tired.

Cally had rung too. Her new clothes had arrived in the post and she was beyond excited. ‘Take a photo!' Tessa had encouraged her. ‘Email it to Mum and Dad and I'll see it when I go up there.'

The photo had duly arrived and now Tessa had it pinned on the fridge door. Making a small difference to Cally's world left her feeling satisfied.

She'd wanted to ask how Harrison was but, having already made up her mind he was off limits, she wouldn't let herself.

‘What do you think, Dozer?' she asked, getting up.

There was no response. Tessa watched him for a moment. He was breathing, so she knew he was alive. He just hadn't heard her, poor deaf old sod.

She flitted from one room to the next, knowing she would have to tackle the last one pretty soon. Aunty Spider's bedroom. She'd run out of ways to procrastinate. This would be the most emotional clear-out of all for her. Once she had finished it, the house would be done and there would be no reason for her to stay. But there was also nowhere for her to go, and she wasn't sure she was quite ready to leave. The developing relationship with Brendan felt good to her and she didn't want it to stop yet. Even if he had disappeared for a month.

Rather than think about anything else, she went back to the newspapers. She started on one dated 15 September 2006. This was a farm paper, not a city one. Its headline read: ‘Government to spend $19 million on camel cull'. Tessa knew that camels on the northern part of Danjar Plains had caused her dad more fencing problems than anything else, so that policy seemed like a good one.

‘Bounty for foxes announced'. That too seemed like an excellent idea.

She turned the pages and her eyes were drawn to a small article that had been ringed in red. ‘Horse thefts across the Nullarbor cost station owners'.

She read on:

Twenty-seven stock horses were reported stolen last week, 17 from Jimantra Station on the trans-rail line. Another ten horses were reported stolen from Nickel Downs, 350 kilometres north-west of Norseman.

The theft of the horses, which were worth nearly $20,000, has delayed shearing for the stations affected. Some of the terrain is only accessible by horse and will now have to be mustered on foot with dogs.

Anyone knowing the whereabouts of the horses or with information please contact Dave Burrows at the Stock Squad or Crime Stoppers.

Phone numbers were listed. Tessa tore out the page and placed it on the couch next to her, a small buzz of excitement building. She grabbed the next paper and whipped through it, looking for any marked articles. There was nothing in that one or the next three. She began to think her idea of Aunty Spider leaving newsworthy breadcrumbs was totally off-base.

‘Argh!' She threw her head back against the back of the couch and thumped her hands down. It frightened the dog, who whined then slowly got up to come and sit next to her.

‘Sorry, Dozer. It's just so bloody frustrating. I'm looking for a needle in a haystack! It would have been better if she'd left a pile of diaries with the answer in each and every one of them.' Then she stopped. Diaries. Of course! She'd seen one already, so there must be more.

She had already searched through the cupboards in the hall and in the small makeshift office in the corner of the lounge, but found nothing. Then she tried the shed outside, but other than a cobweb and dust collection and some rusty old gardening tools, there was nothing of interest there, either.

There wasn't an attic, so that left Spider's bedroom.

As Tessa pushed the door open and stood on the threshold, she shivered. Everything was just the same. There were photos of William on the wall and on the side table. The bed was neatly made, just the way Spider had left it the day she died. A floral blanket was folded at the end.

Tessa hadn't noticed last time she'd raced in, but Spider's slippers were tucked under the bed.

‘I feel like I'm invading your space,' she muttered, before moving to the bedside table. There was a half-read novel with a bookmark, and a photo that Tessa hadn't seen before. She picked it up: it was a photo of herself, at her graduation. She looked relaxed, but for the torment in her eyes. She had no idea that Aunty Spider had this in her room but, then again, why would she?

Not wanting to look at it anymore, Tessa quickly put it down and pulled open the first drawer. She carefully checked its contents before moving to the second drawer. Then on she went, to the third, and the fourth. From the bedside table she moved to the dressing table, the wardrobe and then the bookshelves. But they were all bereft of what she was looking for; nothing looked like a diary at all.

After a time she glanced at her watch: she'd been searching Spider's room for almost an hour and there was nowhere else to look.

Then she had an idea.

‘Mum! Mum, are you here?' Tessa burst into Peggy's kitchen.

‘In the office, petal.'

Tessa jogged down the passage towards her mother's voice. ‘Mum!'

‘What's wrong?' Peggy turned and shot out of her chair as she saw Tessa's red face.

‘Nothing. It's all fine. I just walked from Aunty Spider's.'

‘Good Lord, child! In this heat? You must have gone mad.'

‘Maybe.' She grinned. ‘I found a diary of Aunty Spider's when I was cleaning out. It was for last year. I haven't been able to find any more. Do you know if there are any here? I thought she might have given them to Dad.'

‘Yeah, there are some – I think we've got about twenty years' worth. There's not much in them, though. They record the history of Danjar Plains. There's nothing personal.'

‘Oh.' For a moment, Tessa was disappointed. ‘Can I have a look at them anyway?'

‘Sure. I've got them archived in the cellar.'

‘Lovely. I'll be down there if you're looking for me.'

Tessa held herself together as she stepped into the darkness. There were forty-three steps she remembered from when she was a kid. Made from stone and wood, she ran down them to below the surface of the earth and into a world of cool, if rather musty, air.

When she reached the bottom, she felt for the light switch. Her fingers found it and she flicked it on. As her eyes adjusted she automatically looked for the bullet hole where, years ago, her dad had shot a massive king brown snake that had managed to get into the cellar. A bit of investigation showed it had come in through the vent, which went up into the garage. It hadn't been sealed properly, giving the snake just enough room to squeeze through. Ryan had seen it trying to slither up the stairs. Tessa could laugh, now, at the circus that followed, but at the time she had climbed onto the kitchen table and stayed there, screaming. Ryan and her mum had rushed around trying to keep an eye on the frantic and deadly serpent while her Dad went to get the gun. Ever since, she had felt a certain amount of apprehension regarding the cellar and she couldn't quite believe she had willingly gone down there.

It wasn't a big room – about five metres by four. In one corner stood wide shelves lined with old newspapers and covered with jars of preserved fruit and vegies that her mother had bottled. There were oranges laid out on newspaper and eggs in cartons stacked on top of one another.

In the other corner was a cupboard full of folders and papers to do with the farm. And Aunty Spider's diaries.

Tessa opened the door of the cupboard. There they were, stacked into shelves. What secrets did they hold? Tessa felt apprehension as she took the first book in her hands and opened it, almost reverently.

It was the earliest one, written in a woman's hand, the firmer, steadier script of a younger Spider.