Silver Linings (3 page)

“Ten years,” Katie murmured. “Can you believe that it's been ten years since we were all together?” All at once she sat up straighter and her eyes went wide. “The time capsule. We buried one, remember? As part of the reunion we'll be digging it up, right?”

“Not until our twentieth class reunion.”

“Oh right.”

“If the next ten years pass as quickly as these ten, we'll be opening that capsule before we know it.”

The ferry could be seen approaching in the distance. It wouldn't be long now before they boarded. Thankfully, the car had cooled off.

“Before we graduated, did you ever think about what our lives would be like in ten years?”

Coco mulled over the question. “Not really.” By graduation day she'd been sick at heart, confused, and angry. The first two emotions had faded away over the years, but not the anger. Never the anger. It had become a part of her, an extra appendage like a third arm or leg.

The ferry docked and a long line of cars disembarked, rolling single file into the street with the waterfront traffic. Coco started the car and put it in gear, following the truck in front of her onto the ferry.

Katie didn't say anything for a long moment and then whispered, “I'm glad you made me come this weekend.”

“I'm glad you came, too.”

“It's going to be a great weekend for us both, meeting up with old friends and learning about one another's lives, although I doubt anyone will remember much about me.”

“They'll remember,” Coco promised.

“I doubt it,” Katie countered, “but it doesn't matter. There's only one person I want to see.”

There was only one person Coco wanted to see, too.

As much as she was dreading this reunion, Katie had accepted the fact that Coco wasn't going to let her back out, especially at the last minute. After so many sleepless nights Katie would finally have the opportunity to explain to James what had happened. This reunion could very well be her one and only chance, and like Coco said, if she gave up now she would always regret that she'd let this opportunity pass her by.

Without a single word of communication, her high school sweetheart had let it be known that he wanted nothing more to do with her. She'd tried by all the normal routes to connect with him, but he'd ignored each one, shunning her efforts. Katie hated the thought of leaving matters between them as they were. She didn't expect anything to change, but she just had to have a chance to explain herself.

Coco drove onto the ferry and parked close to the vehicle in front of her. Cars lined up in designated rows, one after another, in the belly of the boat.

“Do you want to get a soda or something topside?” Coco asked.

Katie shook her head. “I don't think so.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. You go ahead and I'll sit here for a few minutes and sort through my thoughts.”

“Promise you won't even think of backing out.”

“Promise.”

Coco got out and headed upstairs. Katie stretched in her seat; the cool air was fresh and clean, and she breathed it in. It really was a lovely afternoon. The reunion committee couldn't have asked for better weather for this get-together. It was as if they knew exactly which dates to book.

This weekend had the potential to be life-changing, as uncomfortable and awkward as it was. She could hardly believe that the last time she'd seen James was the summer after their graduation.

In all her life no one had ever loved Katie as much as James Harper had. He'd been willing to sacrifice everything for her. As much as she had loved him in return, Katie couldn't allow that. If he'd given up college for her, it would have forever tainted their relationship. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back and forced herself to think positive thoughts.

Because she wanted it so badly, she pictured seeing James at the reunion and his reaction once he saw her. She couldn't help wondering if he'd changed. She had. Not physically so much—the years had matured her, shaped her, and she assumed they had him as well. She wondered if he knew she'd gone into social work, helping young teens. He'd been the one to suggest she'd be good in that line of work. Was it possible that he remembered saying that to her all those years ago? She hoped he did.

The car door opened, momentarily startling Katie. Coco was back, holding two cans of soda. She handed one to Katie. “I brought you one anyway.”

“Thanks.” The can felt cool in her hand.

Her friend joined her and they both opened the soda cans. The cracking sound seemed to echo in the confines of the car.

“Worried about the reunion?” Coco said before she took the first swallow of her drink.

“A little.” A lot, actually, but admitting that didn't come easily. “You?”

Coco shifted in her seat. “Not at all.”

Katie snorted her drink. “You never could get away with a lie. Your body language gives you away, hon.”

“Okay, I'm a little nervous, but no more than you or anyone else.”

“Yeah, right.”

Coco grinned. “I haven't kept in touch with a lot of people.”

“Me neither.” Between working two jobs, attending night classes, and finally obtaining her degree, there'd been little time for socializing. Other than Coco and one or two others, Katie hadn't made a lot of friends from their graduating class. She'd started Cedar Cove High School in October of her senior year. If it wasn't for swim team she probably wouldn't have connected with Coco, either. Their friendship had been key for her. If not for Coco, any connection Katie had with her classmates might have completely dissolved. Thankfully, almost from the first day Katie arrived at the school, shy, withdrawn, and feeling out of place, Coco had taken her under her wing.

They sat side by side for several moments without speaking, each caught up in her own thoughts.

“Can I ask you something?” Katie asked softly.

Coco shrugged. “Anything.” Then she hesitated. “Let me revise that. Except if I don't know the answer, find it embarrassing, or just plain don't feel it's any of your business.”

“Tell me how you really feel,” Katie said, not bothering to disguise her amusement.

“Okay, fine, what's your question?”

Katie set the soda can aside. “Have you ever had a hard time forgiving someone?”

Right away Coco bristled, and Katie realized it was a loaded question and one she should never have asked her friend.

“What makes you ask?” Coco wanted to know.

Katie exhaled hard enough for her shoulders to lift as she expelled her breath. “I'm trying to look at this meeting with James the way a wronged party would.”

“Have
you
ever had to forgive someone?” Coco demanded.

“Of course.” She couldn't have made it this far in life without learning to let go of hurts from the past, especially the pain her parents had brought into her life. To the father who'd been a drunk and who'd abandoned her and her mother when Katie was a toddler. She'd had to move past the anger she carried about a mother who had then sought release from the pain of that rejection in drugs and alcohol as well.

“Was it easy?”

Katie wasn't sure how this all had gotten turned around and she was the one answering the questions. “No. It was hard, but I knew it was necessary.”

“Why?”

“Why did I forgive or why was it necessary?” Her friend had grown quiet and intense. Coco's fingers clung to the soda can as if trying to strangle it.

“Both.”

“I haven't seen or heard from my father in over twenty-five years. He didn't ask for forgiveness, nor did he seek me out. As a kid, especially when I got into my teens, I wanted to see him just so I could cuss him out. It never happened, though, and I suppose it was just as well.”

“Did you hate him?”

Katie considered the question. “Hate him? No, not really. I figured in the end he probably got what he deserved. Life is like that, you know?”

“Like what?”

“It's the old ‘what goes around comes around' philosophy. At least that's the way I like to think it works. My father treated people badly and he ended up alone.”

“That gives me hope,” Coco murmured.

Katie reacted quickly. “Hope?” she blurted out.

“I mean without hope. Those kinds of people usually end up without hope, right?”

“Right.” Katie was fairly certain she hadn't misunderstood her friend. She studied Coco with fresh eyes. Although Coco never talked about what happened with Ryan, Katie was well aware her friend longed for some kind of payback. But then, how could she not? If the situation were reversed, Katie was fairly certain she'd feel the same way.

“You forgave your father, though,” Coco asked.

Katie glanced down at her hands. She didn't want to mislead her friend, so she told the truth. “It took time. It didn't happen overnight.”

“But how?”

Katie leaned her head back again. “It was around Christmas one year. At the time I must have been about twenty, maybe twenty-one. I was getting out of class. The night was cold and dark, and snow was threatening. As I walked to the bus stop I saw a man spread-eagle on the lawn, passed out with an empty liquor bottle at his side. Someone had called campus security and a couple of officers were trying to rouse him. My bus arrived and I wasn't able to follow what happened after I left. While I was on the bus I had the weirdest sensation that the drunk man could easily have been my father. I didn't see his face clearly or recognize anything about him that would remind me of my dad. Right away I felt sad and this overwhelming sense of pity came over me. I pitied him. His was a life wasted.”

“So you went from hate to pity?” Coco took another long swallow of her soda.

“I don't think I ever truly hated him. I was angry and hurt and as little as I was when he left, I felt responsible somehow. That doesn't make sense, but in my line of work I see it all the time. Kids, no matter how young, blame themselves for what happens to their families. Even though this makes about as much sense as a kid thinking that not finishing his homework is the cause of global warming.”

Coco's look grew intense and thoughtful. She went quiet for several seconds. “Some things can't be forgiven though.”

“Not easily, that's for sure. The thing I've learned—and trust me, I'm no expert—is that forgiveness isn't a gift we give the offender. It's something we do for ourselves.”

“That's easy enough to say…”

“I know.” In the distance the Bremerton ferry dock came into view. In order to distract herself from the inevitable, Katie looked away. All this talk about forgiveness had brought to the surface her hopes, and in equal measure her fears. Just because she'd learned how to forgive, that didn't mean that James had the will or the desire to lay the past to rest when it came to her.

“Do you feel it's in you to forgive?” she asked, hoping to turn the questions around on Coco.

“What makes you ask that?”

“You know why…”

“Well, I guess all of us have fallen short now and then…”

“Amen,” Katie said with a halfhearted chuckle. “And just as easily we might have inadvertently hurt someone without even knowing what we've done.”

“That's not true,” Coco darted back. “We know.”

Although she disagreed, Katie wasn't going to argue.

This reunion would certainly prove to be interesting. Coco was outgoing and friendly, whereas Katie was much quieter, intense, and shy. Their differences were one reason why they were such good friends. They balanced each other.

Katie remembered the first day of school and how dreadful it'd been to start yet another high school, especially in her senior year. She'd been moved to the third foster home in twelve months. It wasn't that she was a problem case or difficult to place—she'd never been in trouble in her other foster homes. Each move had been plain old bad luck. One set of foster parents had gotten a job transfer to another state. Then, with the second family, the wife had been diagnosed with cancer. Two major moves within a short amount of time. Her next family, the Flemmingses, were wonderful, as far as foster parents went.

“It looks like we're almost to Bremerton,” Coco said, as if eager to change the subject.

The ferry docked near the Bremerton shipyard, which could be seen in the distance. Several mothballed battleships and carriers lined the waterfront, along with a number of nuclear-powered submarines. The shipyard and navy base were a large part of the local economy, both in Bremerton and Cedar Cove.

Ralph Flemmings, her foster father, had worked as a nuclear engineer at the shipyard until his recent retirement. Soon afterward the Flemmingses had sold their home in Cedar Cove, purchased a motor home, and traveled around the country. Every few weeks Katie got a postcard from a different part of the country. Ralph and Sue had taken to their new lives like a helium balloon to the sky, drifting in whatever direction the air took them. They were good people, and Katie would be forever grateful for their generosity toward her, especially that last year of high school.