Silverlighters (13 page)

16

I planned to get Jonathon alone at lunch the next day, but to my surprise, Morgan was sitting at the next table, positioned so that he could glare at Jonathon.

The others watched from their usual table on the other side of the cafeteria.

Madison was watching me closely, as though trying to gauge my reaction.

So I sucked in a deep breath and sat down, taking a page out of their book as I tried not to let them see how it affected me.

Beck acted weird all lunch, and kept sneaking looks at Morgan. And when I got up to go to the bathroom, Beck leapt to her feet, looking slightly panicked.

I sighed. I knew that wasn’t going to be the day I got my answers.

By Monday I was over it. I was determined to get Jonathon on my own, and had tried dropping subtle hints to let Beck know.

But she didn’t get it. Or didn’t want to get it – I think she was afraid to be alone with her thoughts. She still blamed herself.

“Beck, seriously,” I said as we walked to the cafeteria. “It was
not
your fault. You weren’t driving that car.”

“I had no control over the driver,” Beck said. “None of us did. But if I hadn’t just frozen like that – then Chris wouldn’t have–” she broke off, her eyes welling with tears.

“And if the driver hadn’t been drinking…” I trailed off. There was no point in going over all the
what ifs
again.

“Do you think they’ll ever find him?” she asked.

I shrugged. “I hope so. But it – it won’t change anything,” I said carefully.

“It might. For his parents. Imagine knowing that the person who killed your son is still out there. Still free.”

“They should bring back the death penalty,” a fierce voice behind us said.

It was Melissa, her eyes hard little balls of rage. She’d been closest to Chris, so I understood where she was coming from. But I didn’t really agree with her either. I wasn’t sure anyone had the right to decide who got to live and who got to die.

Though, having said that, if I ever got the chance to confront my mother’s killer, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to restrain myself. Or if I would be able to resist the urge to rip him apart, limb by bloody limb, before I knew what I was doing. That was if my dad didn’t do it first.

“Where’ve you been?” Beck said.

Melissa shrugged, her eyes flat and dull. “Around.”

“You going to sit with us?” Beck asked tentatively as we reached our table.

“Nothing better to do,” Melissa said.

“So what gives?” Beck nudged me a few minutes later when she spotted Jonathon coming our way.

I shrugged helplessly. I knew she was trying to act normal – trying not to notice Morgan.

“You really like him, don’t you?” Beck pressed, glancing nervously at the next table.

I nodded. “I do,” I whispered.

“Have you – you know – kissed or anything?”

“No.”

“Who are you talking about?” Melissa asked.

“Me, I hope,” Jonathon said, and Melissa raised a brow at me as Jonathon turned his chair so that he was facing me. He took both my hands in his.

His hands were warm, and I blushed. I still wasn’t used to this sort of attention.

When Jonathon was with me, it was like he forgot the rest of the world existed.

I was always too aware of what was going on around us to fully relax.

It stirred all sorts of feelings in me as he reached forward, his hand running affectionately down the side of my face.

It was like he couldn’t stop touching me. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Even after he took his hand away, I could feel the trail he’d left.

And for one brief moment, as Jonathon looked into my eyes, I managed to forget about everyone else.

I wanted to do it right then – just lean over and kiss him. I didn’t care who was watching.

By then I was starting to think I had misheard what he said.

I shivered. I was kidding myself. I could still remember the heat of his breath, and the urgency in his voice.

You need to keep away from me, Ellie. From all of us.

But why would he say that? It was obvious he didn’t plan on keeping away from me the minute I’d seen him sitting at our table.

Melissa’s loud voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

“What – you mean they’re actually human?” she said incredulously.

She only got worse after that.

She turned on Morgan, a wild look in her eye.

Morgan didn’t even notice.

Melissa kicked a chair so it slid out toward him, her strawberry curls swinging wildly with the angry movement, and Morgan finally took his eyes off Jonathon.

“Why don’t you just pull up a chair?” Melissa growled. “I mean – if you’re going to just sit there and stare at us anyway.”

“Melissa,” Beck hissed.

“What?” she snapped. “They’re always there – just staring. Like they’re studying us. It’s creepy.”

Morgan took her at her word, his expression never changing as he pulled his chair closer to the table, sitting directly opposite me and Jonathon.

On the other side of the cafeteria the others were watching Melissa’s angry display.

“What – you and your little friends have a fight?” Melissa snapped at Morgan.

I choked back a laugh. The whole school was wondering the same thing, but Melissa was the only one who’d actually said anything.

I was the only one who knew the real reason – that Morgan was making sure Jonathon kept his mouth shut.

That he didn’t trust Madison to be near me.

She was all over the place. Most of the time she was just as strange as them. But sometimes, something seemed to creep over her, making her erratic and unpredictable. And nasty.

“Come on,” Melissa yelled, turning toward Madison, Lanita and Andrew. “Let’s all have us a little party.”

Madison stood, her eyes shining, but Morgan shook his head.

Then Andrew and Lanita stood, their backs stiff and straight. They walked out of the room, Madison wedged firmly between them, a pout on her lips as she looked back at our table.

Beck was watching Melissa uncertainly. She opened her mouth, but before she could get a word out, Melissa rounded on her.

She was completely out of control.

“What – I did you a favor. You’re always going on about him,” she jerked her head at Morgan. “I mean – I can see why – he is totally hot. If you’re just after a bit of fun. But seriously, the guy’s got absolutely no social skills.”

Beck stood up, her face turning bright red.

I jumped to my feet, about to intervene, but in the end it was Morgan that got through to her.

“I know you’re angry about what happened to Chris,” he said, his calm tone obviously infuriating her. “But–” he held up a hand, raising his voice when Melissa opened her mouth, “taking it out on your friends isn’t helping anyone.”

I think all of our mouths dropped open at this. Beck actually fell back in her seat.

Melissa’s mouth trembled. She took one look at Beck’s face, then fled.

“Nice one,” Jonathon said under his breath as Beck took off after her.

I have no idea if he meant it or was being sarcastic.

I couldn’t help but see the irony in my situation as I watched them leave, realizing I would only get in the way if I followed.

Finally Beck was out of sight – and now Morgan was there instead. And Beck, who had flushed with pleasure when Morgan actually sat at our table, wasn’t there to enjoy it. And there I was hoping Morgan would provide a good distraction.

We became a lot more popular as Morgan continued to sit with us. Especially with the girls.

The same thing happened when Jonathon first sat with us – mostly girls who thought they could give him something I couldn’t, flashing their long, tanned legs, and leaning over the table as they found reasons to chat with me or Beck, while they fluttered their lashes at a baffled looking Jonathon.

But they soon learned they were wasting their breath. Jonathon was always polite, but he made it clear he wasn’t interested. Which totally made me feel good about myself, except for the fact he didn’t really seem interested in me that way either.

The most we had ever done was hold hands, and I was starting to wonder if he actually liked me that way. Or if he was just trying to distract me.

But the fact Jonathon only paid attention to me made my popularity go up. Go figure.

Everyone wanted to know more about
them
and they thought I had the answers. Only I didn’t.

Sometimes, I was just as clueless socially as
they
were. I just felt so out of place, so disconnected. Like an imposter even.

I thought it came from all the moves, the secrets. Pretending to be someone I wasn’t. It totally sucked having to be so careful all the time, but it had become second nature by then. I never really felt like I belonged.

I got a huge shock when I finally got the answers I so desperately wanted.

When I found out I really didn’t belong there, in more ways than one.

By Friday the tension had only grown worse, and I was getting seriously peeved off with the whole situation. I still hadn’t managed to get Jonathon on his own, and the constant barrage of random girls acting like my long-lost best friend whenever they saw me was grating on my nerves.

The atmosphere at the table at lunch was especially tense, doing nothing to help my mood.

Everyone was acting differently – especially Beck. She couldn’t take her eyes off Morgan, who couldn’t take his eyes off Jonathon.

I tried engaging Melissa in conversation, but she just muttered one syllable replies. She sat sullenly at the table, only there because her mother threatened to stop her from seeing Mick if she didn’t get her act together.

I was completely over it by then. “So, Morgan,” I said, feeling snarky and irritable. “Tell us about yourself.”

Talk about attention getter.

Melissa immediately looked up, and Beck suddenly looked more animated as she leaned forward to hear his reply.

“Not much to tell,” Morgan shrugged.

“Not according to them,” I growled, glaring at the two junior girls making a bee-line for our table. Their eyes widened, and they veered away.

“You could start with what you’re doing here – in Berrywood,” I said. “Is it true you got sent as punishment?”

Beck snorted, a hand flying to her mouth as she choked on her drink.

“You could say that,” Morgan said evasively.

“Really?” Beck leaned even closer.

Morgan shifted his chair back, and didn’t say another word.

I had no idea what to do – every time I tried to get Jonathon on his own, I felt him pull away from me.

But he had the answers I needed. It was driving me insane not knowing.

It didn’t help that I wasn’t sleeping well. That every time I closed my eyes, I saw Chris’s face.

I just wouldn’t let it alone. I had all sorts of suspicions. But none of them made sense. I tried different tactics, asking Jonathon leading questions, hoping to catch him unaware.

Random things I just threw at him whenever they popped into my head.

“When’s your birthday?” I asked.

“I already had it.”

“When were you born?”

“Seventeen years ago.”

I was getting nowhere fast.

Then one morning I saw him at the end of the corridor and something snapped. I didn’t realize he was with someone.

“I’ll catch you later,” I said to Beck. I had lost all patience for subtle.